Today I'm talking with Kevin Barhydt about overcoming abandonment, abuse, and addiction. Kevin is a YouTube Creator and the author of Dear Stephen Michael's Mother. Listen in as Kevin gets super honest around the compounding traumas that led him to his current path of service. Trauma that including being abandoned by his mother at birth, experiencing sexual abuse starting at age nine, battling addiction by age 11, and living a suicidal lifestyle. Kevin reached a point of dealing drugs and opting for prostitution to pursue his next fix. He's sharing all of this along with the unconventional reason he made massive life changes that brought him to where he is today! What to Listen For: Being abandoned by his mother at birth Being placed in foster care for his first couple of months Getting formally adopted by a loving family How knowing he was adopted impacted his relationships and self-worth "The connection that starts to be made sometimes for not all of us, but many of us is people who love me will leave me. People who love me will relinquish me." Experiencing abuse from his 4H leader at age nine How this affected how he perceived himself and what he's here for How his trauma began to manifest in other areas of his life His dad's heart attack when he was 11, and needing attention the most "When I was probably in need most of 'What's going on with Kevin?' attention, all the attention had to go to dad, and rightly so. Even my attention went to him. But while my attention went to him, I was screaming inside. And then, of course, I was screaming at him because he couldn't help me." His first experience with getting drunk at 11 years old Stealing pills from his father to get high and avoid feeling Ending up on the streets and turning to prostitution as a result of addiction Dropping out of high school in 10th grade His brain functioning so poorly he couldn't spell his last name Going back to school and starting to take care of his physical body Realizing through therapy that he'd been abused Understanding that the things that happened to him aren't his identity "The trauma had compounded so many times by then that unraveling that, or even addressing that was in fits and starts. It was really hard and painful, but that's where the healing began." How addiction made him feel he didn't have worth or value His master plan to stop using drugs and alcohol for one year, and the unconventional why behind this decision Going through withdrawal when he stopped using How coming out of the fog of drugs and alcohol affected his mental state "All of a sudden, without the drugs and alcohol, the lights came on, the window opened a little bit, and I saw the prostitution. I saw the degradation, and I saw what I'd become very clearly. And without the scrim of the addiction, I just wanted to die." Feeling like he should never have existed at his bottom Getting to know himself on the other side of addiction Understanding that he is a mystery that needed unraveling, but that he couldn't do it alone Talking with his sponsor about not feeling a spiritual connection His personal prayer that he prayed every day Realizing that his prayer was being answered through the people in his life His little hopes along his journey Slipping in some of his routines after 12 years sober and finding himself lost and confused four years later "I remember sitting in that apartment in Park Slope, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. My beautiful wife and two kids sleeping in the other room. It's three in the morning. I'm in the kitchen, looking out this beautiful on this beautiful street, and I've got a straight razor in my hand. And I'm trying to say, Kevin, just do it. Just go. And I hadn't had a drop to drink." How getting fired from his corporate job turned out to be the best thing that could have happened Calling his sponsor and going to a meeting