#OpeningDay is Thursday, March 28 but that couldn't stop #MLB from starting the season in the middle of the night in Korea as their ill-fated quest for global domination featured bomb threats and equipment failures. Trading Dylan Cease to the #Padres was the final nail in the coffin for the previous #WhtieSox rebuild, but it was the right thing for everyone involved. History will repeat itself 123 years later as Garrett Crochet makes his first start as the Opening Day "opener." Michael Kopech's demotion to the bullpen might be the best thing for his career. Infamous #Cubs legend (allegedly), Sammy Sosa returned to Chicago for the first time in 17 years to remind us what a legendary phony he is to earn our Asshole of the Week dishonor. The short-term, high-average annual value deal is a win-win #SFGiants and Blake Snell and another loss for agent Scott Boras. Can Bob Melvin steer the #Giants back to championship form built on pitching and defense? Colt Keith and Parker Meadows could be fighting each other for AL Rookie of the Year as the #Tigers system continues to develop impactful young talent. Lance Lynn and Angel Hernandez make fools of themselves as Shit We Couln'd t Make Up makes a triumphant return. BREAKING: Shohei Ohtani's name gets dragged into a federal investigation into an illegal gambling ring, but his inconsistent story might drag the #Dodgers star deeper into an emerging scandal.