Can gaslighters get “better”? Can they stop doing gaslighting behaviors? Today, Sarah brought on a special guest, and you will get to hear the heart and actions of a person that was both a victim of gaslighting AND the gaslighter for many years – and is now not only FREE of the hold of that behavior, but is also helping many, many people heal.

All three offerings of Sarah’s 12-week course are NOW OPEN! While we are waiting for the app to be approved, things are still a little glitchy, but spaces are already being filled, so if you’re interested in taking your understanding of gaslighting to the next level, go check it out here today!

Sarah needs you! So, if you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to submit your story or question for the pod, please contact here today!

Word of the day: Amends – as in, the making of – Merriam – Webster defines making amends as “to do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” When you make amends, you go further than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You acknowledge your errors, then take action to make up for what has happened in the past. Now, this can get a little confusing when it comes to gaslighting, because someone who is NOT trying to truly make amends may say the right things, and step into the “Mr/Mrs. Perfect” role… some may even acknowledge their “mistakes”, but they lack the things that make for true amends.

The pod guest today is Dr. Jake Porter. Check out his social media links and website! Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube.

Story Time: Sarah and Jake talk about everything from attachments, to how gaslighting shows up in the intensives work he does, how he gaslit his congregation when he was a pastor early on in both his addiction and recovery, and how he made amends for the gaslighting he did.

Deconstruction Zone: Today’s DZ is a little different. Sarah deconstructs how amends for gaslighting behaviors was made.

• While Jake didn’t do it perfectly, he gave a very good example of what a real amends looks, sounds, and, most importantly, FEELS like.
• For Jake, amends HAD to start with recovery. Part of that recovery process is doing a “Moral Inventory”. He acknowledged the things he had done and made either direct or LIVING amends, as needed for the other person’s/people’s best interests and healing.

Set Your Alarm: Sarah points out two crucial things to be mindful of when you are trying to assess whether or not you think your gaslighter can “change”:

1. Look to see if your person is actually working on their stuff and living out their amends verses faking it, by keeping track of their “progress”, and measuring whether there is consistency over time – not just for a month or even a few months… this should not be a season of life, this should be a lifestyle.
2. A true amends includes empathy and remorse.

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