5 Steps to stop this cycle You have to become an observer of your thoughts and feelings. What thoughts are you thinking, how do they make you feel?You have to grow your capacity to feel the intense emotions without taking action. This looks like naming the feeling in your body, where does it sit, how does it feel, while acknowledging how uncomfortable it is to sit with these feelings.You have to grow your capacity to feel the urgency to react and know that you are already safe and you can process these emotions before you react. This looks like practicing thoughts of “I am safe right now, my anxious attachment is triggered but I am safe, I feel the urgency and I do not have to do anything yet”You have to learn how to feel urgency and decide to pauseYou have to learn to give yourself compassion and love in this exact moment. This looks like acknowledging your anxious attachment has been triggered, validating your feelings because they are real for you right now in this moment and still deciding to pause and feel them. Creating safety with yourself. Letting yourself know that you are capable of feeling these overwhelming emotions and creating trust with yourself.

Do I still have goals and dreams I am working to achieve yes. Have a achieved them all-no, and to be honest I never will because I am a Life Long learner and doer, I will be forever making goals and accomplishing them, or changing paths- and I have come to love my rhythm. So I hope this podcast is a reminder to you that internal successes and celebrations ALSO Count. No one gets to decide what “Made it” - looks like, or sounds like except for you! You get to create your life. You get to define what MADE it looks like and sounds like. That is the best thing about thought work and life coaching- the worldly definitions, standards, expectations can all be DROPPED if you want them and you give yourself the space to CREATE the definitions YOU want, the standards you crave and the expectations you desire.This life is yours, you get to drop these timelines- these definitions of success and create your own. So what does it look like to you? What can you celebrate today? I urge you to practice celebrating yourself because I guarantee you don’t do it enough- and your brain train needs new rails to ride! Success train here we go! So go celebrate you!

Our brain likes things that are familiar, that “Feel” safe- things that it already knows. So no matter what your goal, or dream is- if it is something “new” or “different” your brain is going to have a hard time adapting to it and it is NORMAL. Do not take this resistance as a signal to stop or that this is not for you- take this brain resistance as part of the process of doing and learning new things. Even things that aren’t necessarily good for us- but are familiar our brian will prefer- which shows you that not all fear is logical- not all fear is in our best interest. Fear of a bear is important, fear that rises from within late at night as you walk- these could be helpful fear that “keep you safe”But fear of failure, fear of being seen, and fear of rejection, fear that really comes from a place of insecurity and doubt- these fears are not fears that should stop you or hold you back. These fears need to be questioned and challenged.These fears are just brain wirings that need to be rewired, these fears are where are brain needs to grow in its capacity to feel hard and uncomfortable feelings and most importantly our brain needs to learn that even though we feel this way WE are still going to show up, and go after our dreams and our goals.Remember that it is a decision, we get to decide what we do when we feel this fear. Do we listen to it and decide to buffer through it and not show up. Do we ignore it and decide to make it mean that these dreams/goals are not for us. Or do we decide that we want these goals, dreams AND we comfort our body and these fears come up. These fears are going to come up because these insecure thoughts and doubts are going to come up.Just because these fears are here does not mean that your insecurities or doubts are FACT. aka true… it just means your brain already processed those thoughts and now you have these feelings.It is learning to challenge and question these doubts and insecurities instead of believing them. It is deciding to believe in yourself on purpose over and over again. It is believing that starting over again and again still gets you closer to success than giving up. It is knowing that this process, this journey is not going to be easy and without fear. It is truly knowing that giving into fear will keep you stuck. Giving into fear will keep you from all the things that you want in life. Giving into your insecurities will keep you small and safe, but at the cost of your dreams, your desires.So we get to decide if the cost is worth the prize/consolation. Is showing up when you are fearful over and over again worth getting your dream or accomplishing that goal? If you KNEW without a doubt that your dream was on the other side of this fear would you give into the fear and believe your doubts or would you walk with the fear and question your doubts?

Go sign up www.shadowsideleadershipsummit.com

I teach my clients how their thoughts create their feelings and I teach them how to take back their power and control. Do you find that you take everything personally? With relationships? Friendships? Siblings? That text from a partner, from a friend, that conversation with that other human ? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other women, comparing yourself to other mothers? Comparing your looks? Your body? Your life? Your parenting?Do you find yourself working tirelessly trying to get it all done- do ALL the things and then have nothing left for you, your family or your hobbies?Do you take other people’s behavior, your child’s success or failures and make it mean something about you as a person? Do you take it personally and make it mean you aren’t good enough? You aren’t doing enoughThen this podcast is for you, better yet come work with me so that I can help you stop taking it all personally and stop allowing outside circumstances affect your Self Worth. Let me teach you how to live in this world and still feel good enough. You can find me on IG at Takingbackherbrain or email me at amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com On today's Episode I am going to be talking about one of the Core Components of Emotional Freedom. Developing a Secure Self Worth: I define a Secure Self Worth as: internally knowing that you are inherently worthy regardless of what happens outside of you or what your brain tells you. A Secure Self Worth does not let situations, people or anything outside of you determine whether You are good enough. I teach my clients how to develop a SECURE SELF WORTH so that nothing outside of them can take away their feeling of being good enough. I use the word SECURE self worth because if you are anything like I used to be, your self worth and your feeling of good enough fluctuated through different events, different interactions with other humans. So I teach my clients how to always maintain their self worth and the feeling of good enough. I teach my clients how to Untying their self worth from all the things outside of them, I teach them how to develop self confidence, and develop unconditional self love and self acceptance. So they can handle any emotion, manage their overwhelm and stress, while maintaining their self worth.I know there is a LOT and I mean A LOT that is out of our control as humans navigating this world. We are consistently interacting with other humans that don’t operate using our preferred manual. BUT there is definitely one thing that no one can take away from us and that is our thoughts and our feelings. Once you learn your power, the power you have over your emotions, and once you learn that emotions are just sensations in your body, you learn that you are really capable of processing and handling any emotion AND you don’t have to make things mean anything about your worthiness your life will be forever changed. SO the first component I teach is how to develop a Secure Self Worth. A secure Self Worth is the understanding that no one can give you ‘good enoughness’ title- it can’t be earned, bought, sold or given to you from other people or situations. You just are worthy. It is the understanding that You decide that you are worthy, you believe that you are of value, and that you ARE ENOUGH.That is it- Your job, your success, your accomplishments- DO NOT give you worthiness, they do not give you the title of GOOD ENOUGH.

Hello Everyone thank you for joining me today on Episode 28 Taking Back Her Brain with Love: The Art of Emotional Freedom. I am Life Coach Amber Lynn, I teach women the Art of Emotional Freedom through taking back their brain from social constructs, from their harsh inner voice, from anything that is holding them back from living the life they want. Through The Art of Emotional Freedom my clients learn how to develop self belief, self confidence, genuine self love and genuine self acceptance. They learn how to stop seeking outside validation, outside approval and how to stop seeking worthiness outside of themselves. They learn to stop giving away their power. They learn how to obtain emotional freedom, and to stop being controlled by their emotions. My clients learn how to talk back to their brain, to transform their belief in themselves and propel them forward.First, what is emotional freedom? I define emotional freedom as the ability to have, process and feel any emotion, while not taking on the emotional responsibility of others around us.We all have a human brain that has a story about who we are, what we are capable of doing, and our limitations. Our brain is designed to "protect" us from social rejection, social humiliation, and death, So our brain has decided for us what is "safe" and what is not safe for us to encounter. Our brain has decided in advance that feeling any uncomfortable feeling is not safe. This means that oftentimes our brain tells us untrue thoughts, that keep us "safe", unseen, unheard as a survival technique. Just because your brain gives you thoughts about yourself, does not mean they are true.The most powerful thing we can learn is that We can intentionally, consciously rewire our brain to think new thoughts, to create new beliefs about who we are, what we are capable of doing and determine new capacities instead of limitations.Most of us have brains that are wired to show us everything negative about ourselves, as a result of these thoughts on automatic repeat in our head, we have low self esteem, low self confidence and a really harsh inner critic that is constantly telling us all the ways we are never measuring up. So what? Well our thoughts create our emotions, our emotions drive the actions we take and the actions we take produce the results we have in our life. Low self confidence? Low self esteem? Always trying to prove your worth? ARE ALL CREATED by your thoughts.So the thoughts we constantly think about ourselves- create emotions towards ourselves- driving us to buffer out of our feelings, because our feelings consist of "should-ing" ourselves, shaming ourselves, or just literally leaving us feeling shitty about ourselves. ULTIMATELY leaving us NEVER feeling good enough.If we want to start feeling good enough, if we want self confidence, if we want to feel secure and adequate then we have to practice thoughts on purpose to believe new thoughts about ourselves.

Learning to accept all of you. Learning to recognize that your brain patterns (depression, anxious attachment are not your personality, they are a brain response)

Rule # 1 for having a managed mindSo I had two rules tied for number one, and I still can’t figure out which comes first, so they are tiedAll Circumstances are neutral AND You have to Feel Your FeelingsRule # 2 Our thoughts create our emotionsRule # 3 Our Feelings Drive our actionsRule #4 Our thoughts create our resultsRule #5 Other people’s opinions/ thoughts of us don’t matterRule #6 Knowing you can feel any emotionRule # 7 Life is 50/50 Accepting the feelings you feelRule #8 Holding Space for other people to be who they areRule # 9 Holding Space for Someone’s Reactions to youRule #10 Acknowledging and Accepting Other people don’t cause your feelingsRule #11 Knowing your nervous response: Fight, Flight, Freeze and how it shows up in your daily reactions, and how it feels in your bodyRule #12 Knowing your brain is not a reliable sourceRule #13 Talking back to your brainRule #14 Our brain just wants to only have one thing be true but what if contradicting things could also be trueRule #15 Making a decision and having your own back no matter how it turns outRule # 16 Knowing that any thought you want to think is available to you nowRule #17 Knowing that any feeling you want to create is available to you right nowRule #18 Most everything can be develop with a change/ shift in MindsetRule #19 Any belief you want to have about yourself is available to you right nowRule #20 You are inherently worthy regardless of anything you doSo rule number 1 all circumstances are neutral:Circumstances are anything that happens outside of you. Something someone says. An event that happened. A situation that took place.You see, when we can metacognitively understand that all circumstances are neutral- which simply means think about our thoughts- and accept that all circumstances are neutral we take our power and control back. Things are no longer out of our control, things are no longer “happeing to us”. We are no longer victims in our own life. We learned that we get to decide what we want to make any circumstance mean to us. When we decide to objectively look at a circumstance and decide what we want it to mean, and not just take things our brain automatically offers, we gain power. You see when we experience circumstances that don’t feel good our brain typically offers us similar negative self talk like:see you were never good enough, they don’t like you, they don’t care about you, you aren’t smart enough, you aren’t pretty enough, see they never thought you were capable, see you are inadequate.But when we see a circumstance as neutral we get to ask ourselves Why are we choosing that thought, why are we choosing to believe this thought that our brain just likes to throw at us hoping we believe it, what if that wasn’t the real story? What if the thoughts it throws at us are not actually facts. Or truth.If every circumstance is neutral- We learn how to manage our mind around it- we learn that we get to choose what we decide to believe.You have to Feel Your Feelings do

Episode 25Not making our feelings mean somethingHello There and Thank you for joining me today on Episode 25! Today we are going to be talking about the importance of feeling our emotions AND not making them mean something that just isn’t true. Oftentimes our brain has programmed us that if we feel fear, failure, or hesitation it is a “sign” that we are making the wrong decision.This could be anything, it could be about ending a relationship, changing careers, telling someone no, doing anything that is out of our typical behavior or off our current path. It could be about making investments in yourself.This could be anything that you choose to do and after you feel a feeling. For me it was my decision to change careers from being a Teacher to being a Life Coach. I had so much fear around am I making the right decision, will I make enough money, and if I have fear it must be because I am making the wrong decision. But guess what that just isn’t true.We often take feelings as a “sign” - a sign if we are doing something right or wrong, if we made the right choice or not- We put all this weight on feelings and give them so much power. Instead of taking feelings to mean that we just had a thought. Feelings are a sign that we had a thought.Our brain oftentimes gives us thoughts that 1) are not true 2) that are not helpful 3) that are just automatic.So we have to start to learn to pay attention to when we are giving our feelings more power and less review, we need to review our feelings and see what thought caused these feelings. Instead of just believing our feelings to be true.What if you feel fear, because you are doing something new- does that fear always mean that you are doing something wrong or that you made the wrong choice? No fear is just a sensation in your body letting you know you had a thought.What if the ultimate goal was to learn to feel fear, instead of taking action out of fear and away from something new? What if the ultimate goal was to go toward something new AND feel the fear at the same time.What if fear was just a sensation in our body and it didn’t mean anything has actually gone wrong. What if it was our job to learn to feel our feelings of fear and manage our thoughts about our fear AND go toward our goals.What if fear of failure was okay. What if you could have the fear of failure AND still take scary steps towards becoming successful. What if the only path to success was cemented with failure and it was our job to learn to feel the sensations of failure without making it mean we weren’t good enough or we weren’t doing it right?what if fear wasn’t a signal that something has gone wrong, but just a signal that you had a thought that needs some investigation.What if feeling fear during uncertainty was okay AND you didn’t need to make uncertainty mean that you are making the wrong decision.What if all this fear - is just your brain's way of keeping you safe from uncomfortable emotions that come with letting go, moving forward or moving on? What if you learned to feel fear and let it be a normal human emotion that you sometimes feel.Our feelings are created by our thoughts. So go and check your thoughts. Ask yourself, is this thought even true? What if this thought wasn’t true?Managing our mind and our life comes with learning how to feel any feeling as sensations in our body and not making it mean anything about our value, our worth or our potential. Feelings are just sensations in our body, they are just a signal that we had a thought.It’s your job to go look over that thought with curiosity and ask how is this thought serving me? Is it keeping me quote “safe” is it keeping my brain safe by keeping me in old patterns?

On the way to work and wanted to share some road thoughts!

Learning to hold space for our kids. Learning that kids are allowed to feel their feelings, learning that their feelings are okay. Teaching our kids how to feel their emotions.When we learn to hold space for ourselves as parents, we soon learn how to hold space for our children to have emotions and feelings.The more our children learn to feel their emotions, the more their brain learns that these negative emotions are not a threat, the more that the brain learns they are not a threat the less impulsive they become, and same for parents and the more they learn to feel their feelings.

In today's podcast we are learning what it means to hold space for other people. Lately a common theme I see with my clients is this sense of needing to make other people feel better. So often we take on the responsibility to make other people feel a certain way… Sometimes this comes from a place of love (we just want them to not feel the way they feel)Sometimes this comes from a place of control (it makes us feel so uncomfortable when they feel this way so we need to make it stop)Sometimes this comes from a place of selfishness ( we want to feel better about something so we need them to feel better)So I want to teach you all a few things People are allowed to feel their feelingsPeople are allowed all the time they want not just need but want to take to process their feelingsPeople are allowed to not always be happy, joyous, content, etc it's actually normal and apart of the human experiencePeople are allowed to have their thoughts about your actions even if you didn’t do whatever the thing is on purpose, it is their thoughts that create their feelings, and they are allowed those, it is not your job to control or change their thoughtsOf course you can apologize when you “hurt” someone’s feelings or cause negative emotions, but you have to be doing it for yourself- not for them to change how they are feeling because you are not in control of themI also want to take about what I learned from my Teacher’s Brooke Castillo and Kara Loewentheil- they taught me the concept of the Manual When we have a miscommunication with someone- we hurt their feelings or they quote hurt ours we have an internal manual that states what the other person should doThey should forgive me right away or they should change how they feel immediatelyThey should “know where we are coming from”Whenever we are “shoulding” someone else we need to take a look at our thoughtsWhy is it so important that they change the way they feel right away? What are we making their feelings mean about us? What are we making it all mean? What we have to learn to do is hold space for other people, their thoughts, their feelings and their opinions:What this looks like is creating space outside of us. Picture yourself with a belt on with water bottle holders, and inside each of those water bottles is the space for someone else.

They said it is your turn to be an example of what is possible.So in order for me to become an example of what is possible “I had to trust myself, trust the process, and decide to have my own back NO Matter how my decision turned out. Within a week of being home from Mastermind, I had decided to request a shared contract for the year 2022-2023, where I will have the opportunity to continue teaching 50% of the time and then I will have the other 50% of the time to create the solid foundation of my business.I decided to go ALL in on me, on MY DREAMS, and on my clients. I decided that it was time to be an example of what is possible. Am I scared, sure! Am I 100% sure I am making the "right" choice, NOPE but I am 100% sure that I am making the "right" choice for me, at this time in my life. I am 100% sure that I will have my own back no matter what, and I will do whatever it takes to get to where I am headed.During this process I realized that Accomplishing Goals is a mindset. It is not the action that we take, it is a shift in mindset and beliefAccomplishing goals is learning to create thoughts on purpose. Owning your own life. Keeping promises to yourself. Creating your plan. Your schedule and following it no matter what. Accomplishing goals mindset means planning ahead of time what I am going to do when I don’t want to do the thing that will help me accomplish my goal. It’s learning to feel uncomfortable emotions, its learning to follow through with promises that I make to myself. It’s learning to say no to things that are no longer serving me. Accomplishing Goals and Going towards your dream. Building something from your brain, is a mindset of belief: My Life Coach Stacy Bohoem has thing thing called three stages of belief. And they are all thoughts: thoughts about where you are now, thoughts about where you want to be and thoughts about how where you want to be is inevitable. belief that you can do it, belief that it is possible, and then the confidence that it is inevitable. .Taking action towards your goals, even especially uncomfortable actions, takes a shift in mindset. It takes learning to trust yourself, learning to own your life with authority, and taking consistent action towards your goals regardless of what you’d rather be doing instead.It's learning how to use your higher brain, it's choosing consciously to plan ahead and follow your plan, to meet your goals.It’s learning how to stop the buffering and numbing out of uncomfortable emotions.It’s learning how to stop indulging in false pleasures that keep you numb and in the same place, even when you’d rather be closer to your dreams and taking actions towards them.It’s learning how to hear what your brain is saying, it’s negative chatter without listening to it and caving into his primitive requests to buffer, over indulge in any activity that takes you away from making progress towards your goal.So if you have dreams, if you have goals you have been putting off, here is your sign to go be an example of WHAT IS POSSIBLE, even when it's a little scary, even when you don't know THE “how”, but you know it is what you really want!If you want to learn how to be able to show up like this for yourself, to set goals and go after them. If you want to learn how accomplishing goals is a mindset then you need to set up a consultation and start my 8 week program, where it is tailored to your desired result, where I teach you step by step how to create a goal mindset learning to challenge your doubts and create self belief.. You can also email me: at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com and say add me to your email list, I want a consult.

It is their love for me, their belief in me, that helps me talk back to my brain when it whispers all my self doubt. It is their support for me that allows me to have the determination to keep pushing through my brain's insecure chatter.Before thought work, finding self coaching, and hiring my own Life Coach. I knew my sisters "supported me" BUT I thought they were "judging" me way more than supporting me. I always had these thoughts about how they “didn’t approve of me/ my choices” “That I wasn’t good enough” ( which is a common thought error my brain continues to whisper to me, but now I call my brain out!).I was so worried about how my sisters, my parents, my family saw me and what they thought about my choices. My brain always generously gave me thoughts like “They are better than you are.” “They are perfect” “They make better choices than you do “ …. Basically they were everything I wasn’t.Now I know, I was projecting my insecure thoughts and self criticism back onto me, but saying "they were doing it" when really it was my insecure. critical thoughts I had about myself.Thanks to life coaching, and awareness of my own brain, its thought patterns, and the errors it wants to feed me. I finally have the relationships that I have always wanted with my sisters, because I can now manage my mind, own my thoughts and own my feelings. Thought work has brought me emotionally, and mentally closer to my sisters, and for that I will forever be grateful.I now have the capacity: mentally and emotionally to hold space for my sisters to have their thoughts and feelings, and not make it mean anything about me. While also holding space for myself for when my brain wants to feed me unhelpful thoughts, I can talk back to my brain and really get to the bottom of it without all the mental drama, without arguing and fighting, without hurt feelings that lasted months and sometimes years. I have learned how to manage my mind Own my thoughts and my feelings, and I have learned how to let other people do the same.Thought work has given me the opportunity to be closer to the most important people in my life, without all the anxiety, overwhelm and drama. Yes it still happens, but it happens less often and with less intensity.It allowed me to see that what I thought other people were "thinking about me" or how they were "judging me" was really how I was judging myself. It has allowed me to take ownership for my thoughts and my feelings, and allowed me to be more open and honest in my relationships with family and friends. Giving me space to really see how much they really love and believe in me. Giving me space to see that my brain was what was holding me back and creating so much self doubt, in the disguise of "other people's thoughts and opinions of me".If you want to learn how to be able to show up like this for yourself, and learn how to manage your mind around family members. Then you need to set up a consultation and start my 8 week program, where it is tailored to your desired result, where I teach you step by step how to create emotionally healthy relationships with less anxiety and overwhelm. You can also email me: at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com and say add me to your email list, I want a consult. Hey and don’t forget to join my free facebook group!

What we think is happening versus what is actually happening. What we think we should do and what we actually need to do.We think we this is what is happening:Experience a circumstanceAttachment System TriggeredTake ActionWhat is actually happening:Experience a circumstanceWe have a thoughta. I'm not good enough/ they don't love me/ they are going to leave meAttachment System TriggeredWe have an uncomfortable emotionThen we take action to FEEL BETTERBUT WHAT WE NEED TO DO Experience a circumstanceWe have a thoughta. I'm not good enough/ they don't love me/ they are going to leave meAttachment System TriggeredWe have an uncomfortable emotionSTOP . PAUSE . Show yourself compassionOf course this is what is happening, our brain is giving us a lot of negative thoughts creating lots of negative emotions,Now pause... feel your emotion... label it ... label how does it feel, what vibrations do you feel in your body... NOW feel it, allow yourself to just sit with the fear/ rejection/ overwhelmThese are just negative emotions, nothing has really gone wrong our brain is just feeding us a lot of negative thoughts creating a lot of uncomfortable emotions.

This thought error leads us to indulging in false pleasures, taking action to feel better, to get out of the feeling which is only temporary. We stop going towards our dreams or our goals because it doesn’t always feel good, so if it doesn’t always feel good I am doing something wrong, which leads to us not taking the action that needs to be taken to reach our goal. When this feel good myth appears in our family dynamics, our work environment, our friendships or relationships, and we feel entitled to always feeling good and then we feel an uncomfortable emotion of: shame, rejection, judgment, failure then we think something has gone wrong, something isn't’ working or the relationship isn’t working, and we may start avoiding the people, blaming them, reacting to them. Instead of asking ourselves why are these feelings a problem? Instead of realizing that life is 50/50. 50% comfortable emotions and 50% uncomfortable emotions, and really seeing what is happening, we become reactive and impulsive, because our brain so badly wants to get out of these uncomfortable feelings. We stop showing up the way we want toWe blame others for how we are feelingWe avoid our feelings so we don’t learn to feel all of the feelingsWe don’t get to live the entire human experienceWe don’t self reflectThose of us with anxious attachment have a hard time processing when things quote go wrong or don’t feel secure. Our nervous response system really triggers and our amygdala gets activated and our prefrontal cortex goes offline, and it's so important that we notice this about ourselves. So that we can jump in, especially when things pop up in relationships that we perceive as problematic. Learning to know that it’s okay not to always feel “excited and immense happiness inside a relationship” and feeling sadness or uncomfortable feeling is part of the process. This thought error is also seen when we are are trying to reach a new goal, or develop a new habit or routine, then something makes us feel not happy, not motivated,we didn’t follow the plan or our schedule, we got off track so this must mean “I don’t really want it” “I am not supposed to do it, maybe it's just not for me”We give up when we feel an uncomfortable emotion of: shame, rejection, judgment, failure, then we think something has gone wrong, or the goal/ routine isn’t working. Instead of asking ourselves why are these feelings a problem? Why is it a problem that our brain is not motivated? Instead of learning that feeling unmotivated isn’t a problem and its only our brain's way of conserving energy, and increasing pleasure. Why is it a problem that we don’t want to do something new? What if us not wanting to do it was part of the process but didn’t mean that we didn’t have to do the thing that is new, hard and challenging and makes us feel all the feelings that we never want to feel? Instead realizing that life is 50/50. 50% comfortable emotions and 50% uncomfortable emotions. We learn how to show up the way we want toWe stop blaming others, or blaming our circumstancesWe understand how learning to feel all of our feelings actually gets us closer to our goal AND is part of the processWe learn not to resist reality, we learn not to buffer and numb which then allows us to feel the uncomfortable emotions BUT also allows us to feel the depth of comfortable emotions allowing us to live the entire human experienceWe become self reflect and push ourselves to feel these emotions AND take action anyways because we planned ahead of time that we were going to.Thoughts that my be helpful:We can feel UNCOMFORTABLE emotions AND STILL take the action we decided to take.

hat if, instead of shaming ourselves for not following our diet plan, for missing that exercise appointment, for not painting with our children or for not doing that 'pinterest' thing we wanted to do with our kids, we got curious and asked ourselves why. We didn't follow our plan? Why didn't we follow our schedule? How could we show up for ourselves with love and compassion when we are NOT perfect, but we still want to meet our goals, or be that person we want to become? We have to learn to get curious instead of criticizing. Criticizing does not get us closer to our goals. Curiosity allows us to show ourselves compassion while truly trying to understand what happened in our brain.I used to shame myself non stop, and saying things like "I'm just not a consistent person" "I'm not someone who could follow a plan" "If I really wanted it, I would have done it" "I must not really want it" "If really wanted it I would feel motivated and I would feel good about it all the time and it wouldn't be so hard"All of which were lies my brain was telling me to keep me in my comfort zone. To keep me stuck, keep me in my negative thoughts and create more negative emotions, which would not drive me to take the action required to meet my goals.So I had to learn to get curious, instead of criticizing myself. I had to learn to look at my thoughts and the emotions they were creating. I had to learn to feel the urge to NOT do the thing and DO the thing anyways. I had to learn that the URGE to NOT do the THING was normal and it didn’t mean that I couldn’t or didn’t want to meet my goal, it was my brain's way of conserving energy and INDULGING in pleasure. I had to teach my brain that we are not becoming someone who feels our URGES but does not indulge in them."Brain this is who we are becoming! We got this"​​​​​​​ We can feel the urge to not do this and do it anyway.” “ We can feel the urge to not want to do the thing and not make it mean anything negative about us or about us reaching our goal.If you have goals that you want to learn how to reach, if you have goals that you need help developing beliefs around then my eight week 1:1 coaching program is for you!We work on our thoughts and our beliefs around our goals and around who we 'believe' we are, and how sometimes those beliefs are actually holding us back.If you have goals that you want to learn how to reach, but you have anxiety around failure and not doing it "perfectly" and you need help developing beliefs around the truth that you can cope with failure AND accomplish your goals, then my eight week 1:1 coaching program is for you!We work on our thoughts and our beliefs around failure, around being perfect and doing it perfectly. We work on what it actually means to make progress, and what progress actually feels like. We uncover the "feel good myth" about our goals and how those beliefs actually hold us back.If you are ready to make a change in your mindset and accomplish the goals you want in life: Register for my 8 week program AND sign up for a consultation. Let's get started!

When our focus is being perfect, we no longer leave room for risk even “calculated risks” so we stop ourselves from reaching our potential. We may not even attempt to set goals, or we start goals but never see them through because they didn’t go quote as planned.Not only does it hold us back from setting, and reaching our goals, it also stops us from being able to have a genuine loving relationship with ourselves and others.We don’t allow ourselves to be human, we beat ourselves up for “not being productive” for feeling “unmotivated”, “lonely”, “weak”, “unhappy”, “depressed”, “anxious” the list goes on and on. When we don’t allow ourselves room to feel emotions while criticizing ourselves we start resisting our emotions, when we start resisting our emotions we begin the long cycle of buffering, and numbing out of our feelings. Then we become so detached from our body, that we no longer are able to connect to how we are feeling, because we spent so much of our life trying not to feel. The thing about feelings though is one way or another they demand to be felt, either in small increments as they arrive or a volcano of emotion after time of being suppressed, not one easier to feel than the other, however one is easier to manage.Why do we need to feel our feelings? IF we spend so much time numbing the uncomfortable emotions, we don’t realize it but we slowly begin to make it harder to feel the good and exciting emotions. We end up dialing down all of our emotions.What if we get to decide that we don’t have to be perfect, what if we get to decide that we would rather live a full life and go after our dreams and goals. What if we weren’t scared of who we really were, because who we really are is amazing and is worthy just as we are. What would you try to do or goal would you attempt if you thought “It might be possible, AND you didn’t have to do it perfectly?”What relationships would you learn to say no to?What friendships would you allow yourself to set boundaries?How would you show up for yourself and others if you didn’t feel the need to control everyone’s feelings? What pressure would be taken off of your shoulders? Because remember, YOU do NOT control other people’s thoughts and feelings, I know this is hard for perfectionists and quote “people pleasers” YOU CAN NOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, or BEHAVIORS.What would you do differently if you allowed other people to be responsible for their own thoughts and feelings and you allowed yourself to ONLY be responsible for your thoughts and feelings?I know that if I never found thought work, if I never found coaching my inner self would still be knocking to come out, and I would still be doing everything to keep her quiet and in the closet. No pun intended. I know now that I am worthy, and who I am is beautiful, and I have so much to offer this world that I wouldn’t be able to give if I was who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I would be a totally different person that I am not too, because who I was back then, was a person created from fear, self criticism and constant comparison. So I hope this podcast helps you to learn to love yourself, exactly as you are, or who you are meant to be. May you learn to observe your thoughts, and feel your feelings, and be in awareness of why you do what you do. If you want to dig deeper and learn how to do this work, this deep work of undoing the learning of being a perfectionist or a people pleaser than my 8 week 1:1 coaching program is for you. I tailor the program to your needs, so that you can get the result that you want. So go over to IG, add me Taking Back Her Brain and dm me your email address, or go to the link in my Instagram bio and set up a consultation call. I can’t wait to work with you and do this deep work in learning to love you and show the world exactly who you were meant to be.

Remember when emotions are high, our intelligence is low. What that means is when emotions are high our primitive brain has been activated and our higher brain has LITERALLY been taken off line. So if we choose to immediately respond our response will not be using our higher brain and we may not show up the way we want to for ourselves or our partner. So I always believe in asking for processing time, and honoring someone else when they ask for processing time.When we have and allow processing time we are giving both parties the time to CHOOSE how they want to respond and how they really want to show up for each other and for their higher self. When we practice feeling uncomfortable emotions while we hear what someone has to say about us or an experience they had with us, we are teaching our brain that its okay, and that we are going to be there for it no matter what, that we are not going to make judgemental statements back to ourselves, we are not going to go on the negative train ride, we are going to allow negative emotions without making it mean anything about us. Someone can have thoughts and feelings about us and we do not have to make it mean something morally wrong. We can take the pressure off.

Full PDF of PodcastNow onto the confirmation basis- those internal beliefs that we have deep down that are normally triggered by circumstances that challenge our value or worthYou are going to be alone foreverWe both know you won’t be alone forever, if you put in the work to heal, to date again, and be open to the opportunity to find love and be open to the opportunity of someone loving you, you will find it.You will be single for the rest of your lifeAgain, you will only be single for the rest of your life if you keep fighting the reality that your relationship is over and that your ex has moved on, when we reject or resist our reality it keeps us from moving forward to the life that we deserve. So I will practice the thought: I am open to the reality that my ex has moved on, I accept the reality that I am single, I am open to the reality that I will find someone who is open to love me and whom I am open to loveIn the beginning I try to make this personal narratives as open/ kinda neutral - so that I make sure it is something that I truly do believe is possible, because a thought is not helpful if we can’t believe it.Love is hard for you Love is not hard for you, letting go and moving on is hard for you, accepting reality is hard on you, love is actually really easy for you. You love love and you love being in love. I am open to accepting my reality and not resisting my path that I deserve.You can’t ever find a partner who stays. So, what if you haven’t found a partner that stays? Would you want to be with the wrong partner? Just because you have not found a partner that stays or that you have not had a relationship not end doesn’t mean anything about you or about your future relationships. I am open to finding a partner on purpose, I am open to finding and developing healthy relationships in hopes that it will be a lasting relationship.You are not enough for a partner. So what if you have not been ‘enough’ or been the ‘right’ partner for your past partners? This doesn’t mean that you won't be enough or won’t be right for a future partner. Remember your value is not tied to your relationship status. Your value is in your soul and you have unconditional love and value. You are enough for yourself and when the partner that is meant for you arrives you will be enough for them.We are rewiring our brains, we are taking them back from the break up, we are no longer going to resist reality. We are going to feel each feeling that comes with accepting the reality, the sadness, the rejection, the disappointment, the fear, and we are not going to make it mean anything about us or who we are. We are going to remind our brain that this is when it is hard, this is when negative emotions are hard to feel, and that they are heavy, but it won’t last forever and nothing has gone wrong with us. We can feel all of these emotions and know they are just sensations in our bodies, they can’t harm us, only if we try to resist them does it harm us as it continues to take us away from the present moment.So we are going to feel our feelings with love and understanding. We are going to take back our brain with compassion, by accepting reality for what it is and being open to what the future holds all the while remembering that nothing has gone wrong, you are loveable, you are worthy, you are of great value, and you are open to the opportunity of having the relationship that you desire.