Men are socialized to not talk about and express their emotions from a very young age, profoundly affecting their mental health and well-being and impacting their relationships. Dr. Peter Kellett, invites us to think about the impact of this “mask of masculinity” in this episode.

Are we teaching young boys and men to wear the mask of masculinity? The trauma that results from masking their authentic selves can make it hard for many men to express their feelings and as a result many men struggle to put words to their feelings, a condition called Alexithymia.  However, anger, aggression and lust are often viewed as being more acceptable than being vulnerable so Dr. Kellett says that men often turn to expressing these emotions when experiencing emotional distress, such as depression.  While we must take personal responsibility for our own emotions in relationship, many men turn to doing things rather than exploring their feelings or talking about them with their partners.  Dr. Kellett gives insight into why men want to “fix” things rather than simply listen, and how they may have a fear of rejection or being shamed when they share emotion.

The internalized messages of what it means to be a man that have beeninformed by misogyny and patriarchy for generations are not only harmful for women, but also inconsistent with mature masculinity and men’s well-being  Rather than being able to express or embody vulnerability, some men turn to protest masculinities which may include verbal sparring with other men, affairs, pornography addiction, and even substance abuse.  Men may also use humour to mask pain or their fear of expressing emotion because laughing and making light of things is viewed as being more socially acceptable than being vulnerable.

As society continues to engage in conversations to about the socialization of men we talk about the power of authenticity, the benefits of integrating both the sacred masculine and divine feminine in our lives, and the role that engaging in metta masculine practice can play in removing the inauthentic mask of masculinity in the modern world.

Stay tuned for a future episode where Dr. Kellett and I discuss male archetypes and how they show up in the lives of men today.

About the Guest:

Dr. Peter Kellett’s vision for Metta Man Coaching, and its community, was born out of thousands of conversations he has had with men who share similar struggles and feelings, and the recognition that many men are reluctant to talk about these topics or don't have a safe space to be vulnerable and work through these issues in their own lives.

Peter is a men's coach, men's health and well-being expert, registered nurse, researcher, Reiki practitioner, lightworker, and empath who has spent much of his career studying and teaching about men's health and well-being, while concurrently navigating depression, anxiety, divorce, relationships, career changes, leadership, co-parenting, blending families, and overcoming feelings of never being enough.

Peter hopes that Metta Man will provide a forum to discuss a range of issues that men face in their lives and that sharing his expertise and insights through this community and coaching will help other men navigate their own challenges more easily.

Peter brings a lot of life experience to this work. While he is currently living in Alberta, Canada, he has lived in three countries (U.K., Canada, and the U.S.) and has worked as a nurse in multiple settings, as a leader in health care, and as a university professor and researcher. Most recently he has been developing his skills and practice as a transformational somatic men's coach and as a Reiki energy practitioner. He is married to his wonderful wife Tanya, and is a parent to three young men and a young woman (two from his first marriage and two step-sons from his second). He