Y’all, this episode is jam packed. We’ve got not one but TWO questions from listeners that get us diving straight into you-turns, compassion practices, times out and times in, and so, so much more. Both questions start similarly: “why does my partner push me until I…” but once we scratch the surface, it’s not too long before we discover the real question: “When I feel pushed, why do I end up acting in ways that don’t feel good to me?”

That’s what boundaries are all about, folks. Keep listening for some practical tools that will help you develop the brain space to accept that your partner is not always going to behave in the way you want them to, and that’s just not something you’re going to be able to control. But when you learn to pause and treat yourself with compassion instead of harshness, you’ll start to find the space to make choices that allow you to live up to the version of yourself that you want to be.

Today’s episode as well as this entire bonus series is based on and inspired by Jules’ new book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered, available on December 1st at all major booksellers. Pre-order your copy now!

Quotes:

“Boundaries are not about what the other person is doing. They're about what you do.”

“Containing boundaries help us to behave in ways that are in sync with our integrity.”

“Compassion [is knowing] that most of us did not get taught anything about how to pause in real time between what we feel and what we do.”

“Taking care of you is taking care of us.”

Plus this quote, which we mention in the episode, attributed to Viktor Frankl:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This episode is brought to you by our amazing sponsor The Academy of Therapy Wisdom. Jules is one of their many amazing educators. And because you listen to us, the Therapy Wisdom team is offering a secret code to give you free access to one of Jules' 1 hour Wise Conversations use the ‘WDMP’ discount code at check out.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.