Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

“I wanted to call my book, Go F**** Yourself, but I didn’t think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today. Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast:The devil tempts people to masturbate. These sexual black magic demons enter your life and influence you to masturbate, which is a sin. Not true.Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real diagnosis. Not true.Masturbating will bring you to an early grave. Also not true.Dr. Sprankle discusses these myths in detail and shares a lot more on the subject of masturbation, jackoff clubs, safe anus insertion practices, and enjoying masturbation moments without shame or guilt.

“If suffering is at the very core of the trans experience, what do we have to look forward to?” questions Rae McDaniel, a non-binary, therapist, coach, and transgender diversity and inclusion educator. “I think the world is better when we all get to be our authentic self, free from shame and guilt.”McDaniel is the author of a book, “Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim your Joy and Step into your Most Authentic Self,”a first-of-its-kind practical guide to achieving gender freedom with joy, curiosity and pleasure for transgender and non-binary individuals, gender explorers and those who love them.Born a girl, McDaniel found this identity was too limiting, but they didn’t identify as a man either. “I identify very much in the middle. Everyone has their own way of defining their gender, and everyone deserves to find their authentic self with joy, not suffering,” they announce in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. “It’s not about gender transition; it is about gender freedom,” McDaniel discusses. The book is relevant for trans, non-binary and cisgender individuals who want to understand what gender freedom is, and live the life that truly is authentic to them.To hear McDaniel’s story and what you can do to live with gender freedom, listen to this podcast.

Christine DeLozier, a food expert, research scientist and licensed acupuncturist, combined all of her talents to produce a book entitled, “Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health.” You can have great sex if you eat certain foods and reduce consumption of other foods, her research shows. During my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, DeLozier talks about how great sex is much more than being with the right person and being in the right mood. Throw in the right foods and watch your sexual pleasure skyrocket, she finds. Sex is better when we have good blood flow, which generates strong and rapid nerve conduction to our genitals, her research reveals. Our goal is to awaken our sexual health pathways by achieving the trifecta, DeLozier calls it. Improved blood flow, hormonal balance and nerve condition are the great sex trifecta, she has learned. Spinach operates on all three of these. It is one of the best foods for great sex, she tells her clients. To learn what you can eat to pump up your sex drive, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

“When I was in my first year of medical school, I finally came out to my homophobic dad and it did not go well,” announces Ron Holt, DO, a board certified psychiatrist, author and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. “I never want anyone to go through my traumatic experience,” and that is why Dr. Holt is such a relentless champion for the LGBTQ+ community. He has presented talks nationally for more than 15 years on the consequences of bullying, suicide risk reduction, access to quality health care for the LGBTQ+ population, and how to provide a safe and welcoming clinical and mental health environment for his community. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Holt shares his personal story of growing up as a closeted gay man and the mental health issues resulting from no support, how rural and religious communities often do not provide an accepting environment for the LGBTQ+ population, how this population can find quality health care, and opening doors to help the LGBTQ+ community. I call Dr. Holt “Mr. Resource” because he knows how to find resources for every person and every issue. Listen in. You will find our conversation fascinating, educational, informational and emotional.

Professor Eric Schrimshaw has conducted extensive research on a variety of topics related to the LGBTQ+ population, including HIV prevention and treatment, the use of pornography by gay and bisexual men, men involved in sex work online, and most recently, on behaviorally bisexual men, a topic we discussed in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. In this particular study, the research team focused on men who identify themselves socially as heterosexual, but they reported in the study that they are having sex with men and women, including their wives and girlfriends who do not know they are having sex with men. These behaviorally bisexual closeted men have made a conscious decision not to disclose. Listen to my podcast to learn more about behaviorally bisexual men and how their secret can affect them.

Alex de la Cruz started his career in advertising and moved into product design, specializing in drinkware and dinnerware for some of the largest retailers in the country. After 15 years, he felt stagnate and needed a change. His creativity, innovation and own traumatic personal journey led to the beginnings of Bator Balm, a men’s edging lubricant that enhances the bating experience and has strengthened a sense of community among bators. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Alex tells his story of masturbation shame, how he overcame it, how Bator Balm has become a household name among bators, and why he organizes the annual Sausage Fest in Las Vegas.

Sex, romance, death and divorce are just four of the subjects the Old Gay Guys explore during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Bill Lyons, 79; Jessay Martin, 70; Robert Reeves, 80; and Mick Peterson, 67; like to call themselves the “Old Gay Guys,” but that doesn’t even come close to describing who they are and the impact they have made on literally millions of lives! The four friends modeled for Men’s Health, and “we dropped our pants” when we were asked,” they all laugh about their first “exposure” to celebrity status. They were introduced through Grindr and then began TikTok messages in late 2021. Today, they log some 10.5 million followers on TikTok and close to one million on Instagram. Their audience is mostly women under the age of 35. Asked why they think their biggest fans are the younger generation, they responded, “young people look up to us; they understand our struggles and what we’ve been through and how it affects their own future.”In this podcast, the Old Gay Guys tell their story, freely discuss their sex lives, help dispel the myths of aging, and talk about their recently released book, “The Old Gays’ Guide to the Good Life.”

Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. “COVID changed our lives quickly and abruptly,” she begins. “Suddenly we were forced to spend time alone, or alone with our partner. “We were talking about our relationship more and what we wanted; we had to verbalize our thoughts, feelings and desires more often.”Deysach owns a sex toy shop, and she saw a huge surge in sex toy purchases during the pandemic, she reports. People were exploring and accessing new avenues of pleasure, she found. “This can’t help but build self-confidence.”How can couples keep open communication going? Dr. Kort asked her. “Practice. We are taught not to talk about sex, so start small, and be specific about what you like,” Deysach says. “Most people who are worth having sex with should want to communicate and want feedback,” she notes. In the podcast, Deysach also shares her advice for helping people feel more comfortable in the bedroom. To hear her tips and more about Deysach’s background and why she opened a sex toy store, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

Conventional wisdom tells us it takes two people with an equal commitment to save a marriage. Winifred Reilly does not share that way of thinking, and she can prove it. Living in a 10-year static marriage, she applied her therapeutic skills to her own relationship journey. More than 35 years later, her marriage is stronger than ever, she continues to use these techniques very successfully in her therapy practice, and she has written a book, “It Takes One to Tango,” which demonstrates how to rescue a marriage with almost no help from your spouse. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist for the past 40 years, talks about helping couples build strong, loving relationships – no matter how frustrated they are, or how long they’ve been stuck. One partner can lead the necessary steps to achieve far-reaching positive and sustainable change, even when the other partner does not join the effort. Once you let go of the “two to tango” paradigm, you are in a much more powerful position to affect change. Stop trying to change your partner and focus on what you can change about you that will make a difference in your relationship. To gain an in-depth understanding of “it takes one to tango,” listen to this podcast.

In my first Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast for Season 4, I opened it quite explosively with featured guest, Boyslut Zachary Zane, as he likes to be called.At the young age of 32, Zachary is quite accomplished. He is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, author and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture and the LGBTQIA community. Recently, he wrote a book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and we talked about it – very openly, candidly and explicitly.Bisexuality has had very little visibility over the years, Zachary notes. “I felt so alone and so isolated; I didn’t think bisexuality was real.” When Zachary started learning he was not alone and there was a huge, unnoticed community of bisexuals, “it was a voice not represented, and that is why I wrote the book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto,” which describes his journey and how he was able to overcome his sexual shame. “If talking about sex is uncomfortable, good! It’s time to start unpacking these feelings and talk about the subject … graphically and explicitly,” he announces.“Get loud and obnoxious about your bisexuality! We are real, we exist, and we are not alone! Shout it out! Sex can be so much more fun if we can reduce sexual shame!”To learn more about Zachary Zane and his bisexual journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.

Can a heterosexual woman unexpectedly fall in love with another woman? Can a gay man eroticize about a heterosexual woman? It is in our human capacity to respond to our sexuality even though society is not quite accepting of sexual fluidity. What exactly is sexual fluidity? According to Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, sexual fluidity is the capacity for flexible erotic responses. For the past 25 years, Dr. Diamond has studied the development and expression of gender and sexuality. She is best known for her research on sexual fluidity, and wrote a book entitled “Sexual Fluidity,” which received the Distinguished Book Award from the American Psychological Association’s Society forthe Study of LGBTQ issues. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Diamond talks about arousal and desire, and emotions and love, which are some of the components of eroticism, but the true mystery of sexual fluidity – why it happens, who experiences it and why – remains a mystery in many ways. In this podcast, Dr. Diamond discusses the extensive research she has conducted on sexual fluidity, and she shares her findings. Is there a gender difference? Are women more sexuality fluid than men? Aren’t we “born that way” and we cannot change? Through the years, we have learned to see ourselves through such a small lens, Dr. Diamond reports. Let’s take a wider look and see what we can learn!

Nic Reveles, somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, has dedicated the past several years of his life to helping gay, bisexual and queer-identified men recover from the trauma imposed on their bodies by culture, church and family in a centuries’ old attempt to control sexuality and sexual expression. “Coach Nic” developed Body Prayer to reclaim the Sacred for our Erotic Bodies. In his new profession – he was a reknown musician for more than two decades and then shifted careers to the Catholic priesthood before choosing sexological bodywork – he helps men learn to enjoy their bodies more, deepen their sacred body experience, and open up to the possibility of the erotic body. “You marry the ritual of the sacred with the erotic, the body and spirit, and it can be “really delicious,” he professes. Too many people feel shackled and don’t even know how to ask the questions about their sexual erotic being, he finds. It can be as simple as touching a hand, but touching for many brings feelings of shame and guilt. Nic helps clients understand how touch works, explore touching in ways never tried before, and learn to love the sacred experience. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Coach Nic talks about how men can feel safe and comfortable about their sexual erotic being.

Pornography is not an addiction; it is a way to escape from other issues in your life. In a recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joshua Grubbs, PhD, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the clinical psychology PhD program at Bowling Green State University, talks about addictions and how to gain a better understanding of them. He notes that research is exploding when it comes to understanding sex addiction … and whether it truly is an addiction. “The more we know about it, the more we need to know,” he finds. Not every problem we face is an addiction, he reports. Your problem is real, but it may not be an addiction, he has learned through extensive research. To find out more about the research of this internationally recognized expert on behavioral addictions, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.

“Someone asked me to choke him for a fee, and that is how it all started,” reports Master Arch, a fetish worker, ProDom, fetish creator, death escort and financial fetishist. Master Arch has been on the scene a long time and has a great deal to share about the Findom fetish. Financial domination (also known as Findom) is now more widely accepted; it no longer is a passing fad, Master Arch points out during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It goes beyond fetish in the world of BDSM, and it is ethical, moral and therapeutic, Master Arch notes. “We discuss the terms of the relationship beforehand and have a meeting of the minds to ensure all transactions and actions are consensual. The client is ready to relinquish financial control to me and become my slave.” Like other BDSM activities, financial domination requires boundaries and communication, he adds.During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Master Arch also discusses his work as a death escort – helping people who are looking for one last erotic experience – and how people can benefit from talking about fetishes. To learn more about how Master Arch has helped countless people through his work – which he does “very ethically,” he asserts, listen to this podcast.

Narcissists engage in behaviors that will keep the world around them more comfortable, and they will trap you into believing their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You do not have to be a victim in their life of manipulation. You won’t change a narcissist, but you can change how you handle yourself and cope more effectively with these situations. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Matt Phifer, a therapist and expert in toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma and emotional abuse, talks about understanding narcissism and codependency, and how to detoxify from toxic relationships. Healing is 100 percent on you, he emphasizes. We all need to be responsible for our own mental and physical health. The healthier we become, the less impact the narcissist will have on us. When we are immersed in the manipulative trap of a narcissist, it makes it even harder to find a way out. Start the healing journey today. The narcissist is not going anywhere and always will be looking for another victim. To learn how to understand narcissism so we can break free from being victimized and begin our healing journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast

Women never gave up their claim; it was stripped from them, finds Kate Balestrieri, PhD, licensed psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist. Women can build resilience and lead the life they want – sexually and holistically. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Balestrieri talks about the challenges women face when it comes to sexuality, identity and vulnerability, and how they can reclaim their sexuality on their own terms.  Women often are treated in unwanted ways and society tolerates it, she professes. This is a challenge women constantly face. “Push back and punch down,” she advises women. Why are men allowed to demonstrate “weaponized incompetence,” she calls it, and expect women to be and do it all. “We end up being over functional to compensate for men’s weaponized incompetence that they use against us, but they still expect us to perform in bed,” she says. In this podcast, she also talks about the Madonna whore complex, sex after trauma, slutting (“Go slut, go!” she announces), and the constant cat and mouse game women must play. It’s time for women to have a positive, liberated and shame-free life.

Heather McPherson is living her dream career. A multi-passionate entrepreneur, she has incorporated all of her loves into her business and is having the time of her life! A licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor, a licensed professional counselor supervisor, an AASECT and SHA certified sex therapist, the CEO and Founder of SHA (Sexual Health Alliance), the CEO of Respark Therapy and Associates, and a podcast host of Practice Outside the Lines, Heather is doing it all! In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she talks about her career path, how it all started and what she is doing today to help other sex therapists get the training they need and deserve. That is why she started the Sexual Health Alliance, which offers online certification trainings. The field is exploding, she finds, as a whole evolution in sexual mental health is emerging.

Marriage and couples therapist Lynda Spann, PhD, knows firsthand the struggles two women may face in an intimate and romantic relationship. She also knows how to love in a way that frees her to be her true self, and, today, she works with all couples – different sex and same sex – to improve their relationship. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Spann talks about how different sex couples can learn from same sex couples how to have a healthy, loving relationship. Women traditionally are trained to take the role of nurturer, and when two women in a relationship are focused on that, “they can create an amazing relationship,” she finds. Women are people pleasers, they are peacemakers, they are accepting and supportive. Intimacy comes naturally. Same sex relationships not only are legitimate, but they also are worth emulating. So, how can a couple move into a place where they can be their own unique secure self and still be together as a couple and maintain a supportive, loving connection?

Your child comes home from school angry and upset. He throws a temper tantrum for seemingly no reason at all. You respond with the same anger and send him to his room in frustration. His bad behavior is not tolerable, so you punish him for his outburst.You and your daughter spend a fun day at the beach. When it is time to go home, she protests and starts screaming at you. She is not ready to leave and is not going to leave. The louder she yells, the angrier you get. By the time you are able to drag her to the car, you are emotionally exhausted and tell her this is the last time you are ever taking her to the beach.As a parent, is there a way to manage emotional outbursts successfully in our kids? Do our kids understand their emotions? They probably don’t even know the words to describe feelings such as nervousness, anxiety, fear or worry.  During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mina Blatt, a therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, provides some strategies and advice for parents to help their kids understand and manage their emotions effectively.Grounding, breathing techniques and time outs are three of several ideas Mina explores during the podcast. She also talks about how parents can manage their own emotions better when their kids have uncontrollable outbursts. Remember, we are role models for our kids. They are always watching and learning from their parents’ behaviors, Mina points out. To hear the entire Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast and pick up a few valuable tips on helping your kids manage their emotions

Couples often are so focused on lasting long enough in bed that they end up experiencing performance anxiety and the shame and worry that accompanies those feelings. The result: a bad bedroom outcome. But this can change! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort talked with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who offers some advice for lasting longer in the bedroom and having better intimacy. Anxiety is the number one reason therapists see individuals dealing with sexual dysfunction, and many express their worries about premature ejaculation. The bedroom experience should be stress-free, romantic, empowering, safe and full of explosive happiness. Sometimes, couples need some additional tools to make that happen.