The reality of having a teenager in the household has hit us hard, and to be honest with you, I feel like I am practicing restraint by not automatically being an ass back. I thought my daughter was gonna cause me more problems because she’s a girl, but I have to say, my teenage boy is much more irritating that I anticipated.  You see the surges of testosterone in his behavior, and I realize it’s hard to maneuver something new, but man, I often remind him to check himself.  Cute during certain moments, a raging maniac others, and then always horney.  O, M, God.   Here today to help us is the amazing Colleen Murphy! She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator as well as Parent Coach, and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at the Live Oak Family Resource center,  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.

We are doing it!  Today on the podcast, we are discussing difficult moms. One of the ways in which I've been able to find purpose in, and add some reason to, my difficult relationship with my mom has been by talking with others with less than idyllic mom relationships. The mother-child relationship is a difficult one to begin with, don’t you think?  And sometimes, it can be even more messed up!?!  And I like speaking with my friend, Dr. Esther An, because well, we are both mostly past the angry phase and we see the relationship for what it is, as women, as daughters, and as moms. Let’s breathe together. Dr. Esther An was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, and she still considers herself a Midwest person at heart.  She moved out to California in 2006 and has been enjoying the sun and fun ever since.  She is a Pediatric Critical care doctor here in Northern California and she is married with one child and two quirky cats.

Hello friends! For this episode I'm going to share the first two chapters of my upcoming book Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career.  It's really been a long ass journey, but I'm still standing! And I'm super excited that this book is close! And if you're enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate the podcast, however you get your podcasts! I had been working as a doctor for almost 15 years when I had a full blown midlife crisis. I was supposed to have reached the promise land of success, and yet I found myself so unhappy, angry, and becoming someone that I was not. And then I threw it all away to become a podcaster. It was during this time that I thought about the reoccurring pattern in my life. I was enmeshed. At my corporate medicine job, I smiled, never complained about the increasingly impossible workload, didn’t cause any problems, and was becoming the kind of doctor I never wanted to be.  But my enmeshment didn’t start at work, I also had been enmeshed with my family of origin. Enmeshment happens when parents are unable to see their children as separate entities, when being “too close” can lead to a form of trauma. So much of my energy as a child was spent on making my dysfunctional parents feel better, being the only friend to my mentally struggling mother. I became a doctor for their approval! And for too long, I did not have a strong sense of who I was.  And well, like Humpty Dumpty on the wall, I fell hard but I decided to look at all the pieces.

Today, we talk about generational trauma with Ken Robins! Dr. Bruce Lipton, the author of The Biology of Belief, notes that we are programmed to live a certain way by those who take care of us. In turn, this affects how we live, a lifestyle we may not have knowingly chosen for ourselves. Glennon Doyle, in her book Untamed, calls it an unnecessary burden that is passed on. Some people call this family karma or family patterns. Others call it generational trauma. Because of the issues of the parents, siblings, or generational forefathers, there’s a certain energetic pattern that develops within the family at large as pain continues to get passed on. It’s remarkable how this traumatic bundle is unknowingly passed down for lifetimes. It could have started with one person, but others subsequently continue to follow the pattern and forget its origin. We are still connected to past generations and generations of people we never knew through dysfunction. Really kind of crazy if you think about it. Not only are we physically related to our distant and immediate family members, but we can still be living with their learned patterns and pain.  What sucked in their lives could be what sucks in our lives.  Ken Robins was born on 9/11/1944 during a bombing raid in London and grew up in extreme poverty and violence and has been seeking the safety and healing of healthy relationships ever since. He is fascinated by the potential for suffering to become a blessing and specializes in the healing of trauma and the promotion of ”safe attachment” in intimate partnerships. Ken was a group, couples and individual process leader at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur for 30 years and continues his private practice in Carmel Valley California.

Moral injury exists in the practice of medicine, and it's not discussed.  It was originally coined by a psychiatrist to describe the wounds that form when a person's sense of what is right is betrayed by leaders of high status. Whether or not we think about it, we all hold a moral compass and sometimes we see this being jeopardized by what we partake in, witness, or fail to prevent. This is especially true in the practice of medicine, as people's health and lives are at stake. Some doctors call it burnout, and some may really be burned out, but unfortunately in medical practice, it's not just the doctor's problem. As healthcare has become corporatized, and the majority of doctors work for corporate, there is a bigger problem at large. When Dr. Wendy Dean noticed that the rate of suicide in doctors were higher than active military members, she surveyed docs to see how they were doing.  And she found that many were not unhappy due to burnout and working too hard, but because the healthcare system made it so difficult for them to care for their patients.  If you know a doctor or nurse, if you are a doctor or nurse, if you know a doctor who committed suicide, if you are a little or a lot unhappy, please consider listening to this episode. You may realize that you are not alone.  And, unfortunately, it's a topic that doctors cannot openly talk about at work. They're still calling it Burnout.  Dr. Tara Sood is a seasoned physician holding dual board certifications in Emergency Medicine and Lifestyle Medicine, boasting 18 years of experience in high-volume Emergency Departments. Complementing her clinical work, Dr. Sood extends her passion for healing to international humanitarian aid. With 7 years of hands-on experience in disaster relief and refugee care, she serves as a technical consultant for the International Medical Corps (IMC), leveraging her skills to enhance healthcare access for vulnerable communities worldwide. Outside of her medical practice, she finds joy in fostering dogs from a local rescue organization. Specializing in rehabilitating psychologically withdrawn dogs who have endured abuse and neglect, she provides them with care and attention, helping them heal and rebuild trust in humans.

Hello!  Welcome to the first episode of Lost or Found podcast for 2024!  It's been a minute and I hope that you all know that I've really missed talking, learning, and laughing on air. I had a lot to focus on, including working on my upcoming book, Untangling, as I still continue to work on it. I hope it will become something that many people can relate to, as I bring up untangling from what has brought me a lot of pain. As Martha Beck has said, "you can tell it's enlightenment because enlightenment always tastes of freedom. Not comfort. Not ease. Freedom." What a powerful statement! And on today's episode, I am happy to introduce Tai Kuncio to the show. Tai Kuncio is a chronic pain coach, who specializes in Pain Reprocessing Therapy - a ground-breaking new way to treat (not just manage) chronic pain and symptoms.   1.2 billion people on the planet suffer from chronic pain.  They go from doctor to doctor looking for answers, trying every treatment they can find without much success and are often left demoralized, depressed, and without hope.  Thanks to recent breakthroughs in neuroscience, researchers have gained a deeper understanding of chronic pain and how to treat it.  By working on where pain originates - in the brain - patients can significantly reduce or eliminate their symptoms and get their life back. You can find Tai at retrainyourchronicpain.com.

Alex Soto is back on the show to talk about his incredible work as a fitness and functional trainer, as well as the profound body work that he does for his clients. While many would be turned off by the idea of fitness training, as we are more prone to injury as we get older, it's important to actually feel strong in our bodies while also appropriately addressing the painful and weaker areas.  It's preventative and perhaps curative. Last week, Alex was on the show talking about his history with pain, as well as the emotional and physical pain that he sees in his clients.  On this week's episode, Alex begins to tell us what we can do.  Perhaps the most intuitive trainer I've ever met, I can't help but really know that he gets pain.  And well, I think there's so much that one can do to help you, if they get it.   Check this episode out if you have pain, or you've thought about the possibility of a physically, and perhaps emotionally stronger YOU! You can find Alex on instagram @alex2636 or you can email him at Ealexsoto85@gmail.com. Also, We will be taking a short break for about 6 weeks.  We’ll be back in the middle of September.  I’ll miss you, but I need some time to chill.  And don’t forget to check out some older episodes that interest you.  And don't forget to rate this podcast.  On Apple podcast, you have to scroll to the bottom of the page of episodes- to see the 5 stars. For Spotify, the rating is usually at the top. Have a wonderful rest of your summer.  And be kind to yourself.  Because, if not for YOU, where would you be?  And I thank you.  I also wanted to thank Katherine Hallissy Ayala, my beloved Webdesigner, you can find her at CodeByKatherine.com, and Will Mitchell, my beloved Sound producer, who makes everything sound easy and definitely Ups my game- you can find him at hands-on-sound.net.

Alex Soto is on the show to talk about his journey into understanding the pain that people carry in their bodies.  He is a physical trainer and functional trainer, and does excellent body work, such that his clients, once they find him, stay with him, and continue to work with him as they find themselves getting stronger in their bodies.  His mission is to decrease acute and chronic physical pain. I find him super interesting because you can tell he has an intuitiveness when he works with his clients, and I think that intuitiveness oftentimes comes from one's understanding pain, to be able to understand someone else’s pain so well.  And today is about his journey into understanding. You can find Alex on instagram @alex2636 and you can email him at Ealexsoto85@gmail.com.

Okay, so I'm going to do something different this week.  Today's episode is all me.  I feel like it's a pivotal moment in my life, considering I still carry that super shy person inside of me.  I'm excited, a little scared, and well, Why not?? I’ve been mentioning in the last few episodes the imaginary letter that I wrote on behalf of my mother- by me, for me, to me.  And it originally started off as a monologue way-back-when on episode 50, as I delved deeper to include it in my upcoming book.   On last week’s interview, I became especially interested in something that Dr. Chris Fahrenbach said.  We were discussing Jennette McCurdy’s book, I’m Glad My Mother Died, and we were talking about how enmeshment- when parents are overly reliant on their children for support- can lead to emotional trauma. I asked her towards the end of the interview, how do we HEAL from enmeshment?  And she brought up differentiation - to essentially separate yourself from the destructive environmental influences. In order for us to live our own lives and fulfill our own destinies, we must differentiate ourselves from destructive family and societal influences.  Differentiating from negative influences and identities from our past allows us to become who we truly are, rather than following a prescribed identity from either our family or our society.   So friends,this letter has become a part of my process of differentiation from my pain. With this letter, I can understand my pain, and I can understand my mother's pain. I don't have to hate her, nor do I have to like her. I can see things clearly. I choose my own future. I present to you a chapter from my book. My Imagined Letter. By Me, For Me, To Me

Today we discuss Enmeshment based on Jennette McCurdy’s bestselling book I’m Glad My Mom Died.  What can happen when perhaps...you’re too close. When you think of childhood emotional trauma, one might think of neglect, but the opposite, being “too” close can lead to enmeshment trauma.  A child can become the “parentified child”, where the child takes on caring for the parent’s emotional needs, such that their parents’ lives center around theirs, they are their parent’s best friend, their parent’s self worth is hinged on their child’s success, and they are guilted when they want less contact. And enmeshment trauma can manifest as being afraid of conflict, difficulty in relationships, low self-esteem while deeply relying on approval of parents, and lack of self identity such that they do everything to keep others happy and “please” them.  Does this sound like anyone you know?  Unfortunately, I wonder if this is more common than not. And who better to discuss this with, than our favorite clinical psychologist Dr. Chris Fahrenbach.  She’s been on the show in the past, and I just LOVE her.   And if you’re loving the podcast, don’t forget to give us a great rating, write us a review however you listen to podcasts, and send a favorite episode to your friends.

It's true that plant based lifestyles reduce the risk of heart disease, metabolic syndrome, diabetes, certain risks of cancer (specifically colon, breast, and prostate cancers), depression, and in older adults, decreased risk of frailty, along with better mental and physical function. Plant-based or plant-forward eating patterns focus on foods primarily from plants. This includes not only fruits and vegetables, but also nuts, seeds, oils, whole grains, legumes, and beans. It doesn't mean that you are vegetarian or vegan and never eat meat or dairy. Rather, you are proportionately choosing more of your foods from plant sources. Join us today as Crystal Robb is on the show to talk about plant based nutrition!  I think in order to make healthful changes into our lives, getting to the bottom of why this change benefits us leads to a habit that really becomes consistent.  And we’re not talking being a vegetarian, we’re talking about adding more vegetables and fruits to our diet.  It’s known that food is highly inflammatory, and why make the fires in our bodies worse? Join us as we talk about how to get started, and get inspiration for plant-based eating throughout the day! Crystal Robb has been actively working in the wellness community for over 10 years. She is a nutritionist, specializing in plant-based nutrition, culinary and sustainable agriculture. Crystal is also a registered yoga teacher, and professional surf instructor.  Crystal offers wellness consulting and coaching to inspire you to live your best life.  You can find her at crystalrobb.com

What if we all have something special within all of us, ready to be awakened, to be pulled out into our existence? Perhaps that is a fundamental truth that we continue to deny. You are already very special. But how do we start to really remember? Father Raniero is a Catholic monk from the New Camaldolese Hermitage in Big Sur and he is here to talk about our awakening and enlightenment.  He was one of my original interviewees when I first started, when we began the podcast talking about forgiveness on  Episode 2. And today, he returns to talk about Our Awakening, what he calls Our God within us, and all around us.  And we use the term God loosely, it could be our faith, whichever religion you practice, the universe, your light.  Your truest form. This conversation was very important and timely for me, because sometimes I also forget my light is there, dampening it. Father Raniero reminds us to never forget, to live with, and be guided by what is in all of us.  He begins by giving us a little homily, and check out the amazing conversation as we go at it.  And I really mean it, he is so insightful, speaks with joy always, and truly loving.  It was a conversation that I needed to hear at that very moment in time. On a side note, this is something that I've been noticing with truly spiritual people- it's like they remember and know the child-like Joy in life, and we can feel it. It's like, JUST CHILL. Like the Dalai Lama always seems like he's laughing or joyful. And if you like this interview - check out the other monks that I interviewed in the past: Cyprian Consiglio was in The Breadth of the Divine on ep 27 and Michael Fish was on the podcast in The Journey thru Life on episode 88. These monks are legit soul reaching, insightful, aiming for love at times what seems like a whole other level. Be inspired to live your best life! And don't forget to give us a great rating, send your fave episodes to your friends, and tell people about us! It helps so much, as this is a project of Love, as you advocate for your health and well being more.

Today, we're going to talk about our suffering.  We talk about suffering, because suffering has a lot of meaning for us. Yet a lot of times, we view our suffering as something to be ashamed of or to run away from.  Why does it seem like our initial response is to put our tears in a bottle? Could there be a purpose to our suffering? Does suffering just prove that we are real? How do we turn our pain into something that can help us? And who better to talk about our suffering with, than a practicing psychologist - especially Dr. Andre Decary!  And I’m so glad to welcome back one of my most fave psychologists, because he’s totally a safe place in which to discuss something that’s painful and scary...as we continue to make sense of it. And for sure, Andre Decary has certainly led a very interesting life- he was a monk in the Hindu tradition, survived a near death experience, specialized in trauma, and is in private psychotherapy practice in Berkeley, CA.  He states that he was wounded and had managed his wounds well until a breakdown in the Himalayas, which brought him to the field of psychology.  It was the beginning of his introspection into himself, as he now helps others.

Have you ever been told that you’re “too sensitive” or that you “shouldn’t think so much,” particularly by people who strike you as too insensitive or who you believe should think a little more? You may be a highly sensitive person, or HSP. Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby? We base our discussion on Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person, who first coined the term in the 1990s, when she began researching high sensitivity.  There are many others who share similar characteristics and it's thought that 15-20% of the population are HSPs.  Highly sensitive people notice more stimuli in their environment, even lower threshold ones, and are more sensitive to pain, hunger, lights, and noise; have increased responsiveness to both positive and negative influences; and get easily overwhelmed.  And let’s be honest, this sensitivity is viewed differently in different cultures, and this trait is often misunderstood. While highly sensitive people are sometimes negatively described as being “too sensitive," it is a personality trait that brings both strengths and challenges. And these are just some of the traits.  Colleen Murphy, who was previously on the podcast talking about Parenting on episode 97, is here today to discuss the Highly Sensitive person.  She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator as well as Parent coach, and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at Live Oak Family Resource Center.  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.  And check out Dr. Elaine Aron’s website hsperson.com!

I’m excited to speak with Dr. Lishanna Emmert! She had been on the show previously, in episode 65, when she spoke about acupuncture.  The truth is, I’m interested in all modalities of healing.  I think the combination of holistic medicine and western medicine can offer such a broad array of options for one’s healing. There is really so much that we can learn from each other.  Today Dr. Emmert talks about anger, rage, and resentment. As in Chinese medicine, human emotions are reflective of energies in nature, and it is thought that one sees a lot of rage during the springtime. I’m also a mom and a wife.  I can understand rage. The season of the spring is considered wood energy, which was previously at rest and storing, concentrating its energy, as it now bursts forward with rebirth, and new buds. Perhaps we are not separate from nature. What does this surge in energy activate for you? Anger has power. You can find Dr. Emmert at solis.care.

Hello folks, can you believe, we are on episode 100!!!  It's been fun having meaningful and open conversations as I try to understand and grow, while trying to understand and grow some more.  I hope that these conversations have become meaningful in your life, and help you to think about things. Today I have Dr. Dave Clarke back on the show, and we’ll be discussing Dr. Gabor Maté's bestseller book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Maté has come to recognize the prevailing understanding of “normal” as false, neglecting the roles that trauma and stress, and the pressures of modern-day living, exert on our bodies and our minds at the expense of good health. Maté brings his perspective to the great untangling of common myths about what makes us sick, connects the dots between the sicknesses of individuals and the declining soundness of society. As he writes, "Much that passes for normal in our society is neither healthy nor natural." But what’s fun about these discussions is our interpretation of the book- I enjoy this the most.   I don’t know where the conversation will go, ever, but we go someplace safe together and share our thoughts.  I really also enjoy talking with Dr. Dave Clarke, a retired ICU and Internal Medicine doc.  He's hella smart, he's a man who still reads books (!?!!), and discusses with an open heart. And if I may also add - he's been very popular with female listeners. Check him out in his past episodes, Ep. 85: 8 Dates & Ep. 70: When Things Fall Apart. I also wanted to thank you for listening to the show.  I am super grateful.  And thank you to my sound producer Will Mitchell from Hands on Sound in the background, as well as Katherine Hallissy Ayala, my website designer and my technically savvy person and friend.

There are times when we find family, elsewhere.  And that’s okay. I think it’s healthy.   Experts in the field have defined chosen families as “nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognized or not, deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love.” Basically, these are the people who understand you, lift you up, celebrate you, help you, and love you, even without biological ties. I think the truth is, we all need each other.  Sometimes it may not be possible in your family of origin.  And I wonder if it’s a survival of the fittest thing to try find that meaningful connection elsewhere.  It’s easier when you have someone whom you can depend on, love, and who will also root for you.   I’m discussing today’s topic with my good friend Oriana Gliessman, who has become my Chosen Family.  I love her despite not having a biological tie with her, and I love that she’s never afraid to get real.

I’m excited about today’s interview because I’m speaking with a psychologist about the enigma of marriages. God love our partners - but marriage is work and patience, sometimes also requiring a lot of deep breathing. I was introduced to our guest through a friend, who is also a client of his.  Andre Decary has certainly led a very interesting life- he was a monk in the Hindu tradition, survived a near death experience, specialized in trauma, and is in private psychotherapy practice in Berkeley, CA.  He states that he was wounded and had managed his wounds well until a breakdown in the Himalayas, which brought him to the field of psychology.  It was the beginning of his introspection into himself, which led him to devote his time to helping others. Join us as we talk about marriages! And don't forget!  If you are loving the podcast, don't forget to rate us or leave a review, and send your friend a favorite episode!  Your support matters!

The truth is everyone feels like they struggle as a parent.  Let's be real, it's hard. And when we talk about it, we realize that we are not alone.   I've heard about Colleen Murphy and the amazingness that she is through several parents locally in Santa Cruz, and I figured that it was time that I sit down and chat with her! Good parenting feels good and by learning to do it right, we can set the foundation.  We can't control another human being because we can't control their thoughts, and thoughts fuel behavior. But behaviors are communication.  Sometimes we label certain behaviors as bad, but it's not the essence of their soul, it's just communication.  We can learn to rethink it, and think about what's fueling our children's behaviors, and the alien beings that they are, hahahaha.   Colleen Murphy is a parent coach, helping parents with support, finding new ideas and a different approach from the one they’re using or maybe parenting differently from the way they were parented.  She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at Live Oak Family Resource Center. The request from families for more one-on-one help led her to create her own parent coaching service.  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.

Today’s interview in my opinion, is a serious WOW. If you know a man with cancer or illness, you're going to want to share this interview with them. Trevor Maxwell is on the show, and he wrote Open Heart, Warrior Spirit: A Man’s Guide to Living with Cancer.  He is also the founder of Man Up to Cancer, inspiring men to connect and avoid isolation throughout their cancer journeys. He has also been living with stage IV colon cancer since March of 2018. Man Up to Cancer is a leading support community for men impacted by cancer, as they offer peer-to-peer support, an annual retreat, chemo backpack program, learning opportunities, connection, and there are more than 30 local chapters geared toward improving the quality of life for their members. Trevor states that when faced with cancer, women tend to “reach out,” and men tend to “check out.” While all of us know someone with cancer, what I didn’t realize is how many men are impacted by isolation when facing cancer.  This leads men down a path toward mental health problems, strained relationships, and poor medical outcomes. Check out his podcast Man Up to Cancer and you can find him at manuptocancer.com.