Scream Queens

Scream Queens

Two Irish weirdos masquerading as smoking hot bombshells come together to drink wine and discuss the things that go bump in the night in this digital low-key Satanic ritual. We're talking cults, serial-killers, demons (not ours! well, maybe), our cats (Ouija & Kubrick, who just might be demons), and all things spooky. Because 2020 wasn't scary enough

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Episodes

I Don't Know What the Devil is Making You Do Right Now, But I Hate It.
Nov 16 2021
I Don't Know What the Devil is Making You Do Right Now, But I Hate It.
Does humming the song protect you from copyright infringement laws? We hope so, because we celebrate being the 63rd highest ranking podcast in Ecuador by attempting to hum "Ecuador" by Sash!, which turns out to be pretty much impossible.Further celebrations are called for because in an incredibly rare occurrence this week we talk about what we said we were go to talk about - three cheers for basic planning and follow through!This week we discuss the 2021 film The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, released earlier this year. Note that they've stopped including the numeration in the title and that's because aside from The Warrens, tonally this film doesn't seem to belong in this universe at all and clearly they've just tagged it on as a way to cash in on the audience of an established franchise. Based on the real life trial of Arne Cheyenne Johnson (not Jackson), who famously was the first person in US history to use demonic possession as a defense against the charge of murdering his landlord - and who could blame him, amirite ladies? Apparently it was done in England twice before this though, which really makes you wonder.So join us as we take you through the film, all its ridiculousness,  Lorraine's questionable fashion choices, and all Patrick Wilson's handsomeness, in preparation for next week's investigation into the real life case. Waterbeds - one of the few things not to be afraid of. UNTIL NOW.www.instagram.com/screamqueenspodcasting#WheresMyGazeboPatrick?
Let's Face It, Your Mother Was No Sharon Stone
Oct 30 2021
Let's Face It, Your Mother Was No Sharon Stone
Just when you thought it was safe to go back on Spotify! Well surprise Bitch, bet you'd thought you had seen the last of us. Well, that's because we told you it was, but actually did we though? Not officially.We've risen from the dead with Season 2, on our one year Anniversary to be exact (Billy & Stu would approve). It's been a long *checks episode list* six months and we've missed you terribly. You probably didn't notice we were gone, unless you're one of our listeners in Virginia where we're surprisingly popular for some reason, or the Russian bot that's scanning for mentions of their supreme leader. If you're a newbie to the podcast, check out our "Trailer" for Season 2, which is just a "Best of Season 1"  because apparently we don't know what a trailer is. This Season we've decided to blend our love of fictional (mostly) horror with the true life horrors humanity continues to do to each other with episodes comprised of film rewatches alternated with the true crimes they were inspired by/inspired.But if you know what you're in for and for some reason have decided to press on anyway, join us we go back to where it all began, to our namesake (kinda) as we discuss the unsung hero of the Scream franchise: the oft-forgotten and critically under-viewed Scream 4 (2011) which, fun fact, Conor went to see instead of attending a funeral. In anticipation of its long-awaited sequel, we have rewatched, extensively analysed, and discussed the journey of the franchise from a mildly meta iconic horror film, to an overwhelming self-referential metacommentary on the grotesquely overrun remake/reboot Hollywood craze, and SCATHING satire of social media and millennial culture.  We Stan. We can't help but wonder if there are certain "rules" to surviving Season 2 of a podcast, so if any of you know them, please slip into our DMs: www.instagram.com/screamqueenspodcasting
Forty Whacks With A Wet Noodle
Mar 12 2021
Forty Whacks With A Wet Noodle
Lizzie Borden took an axe,and gave her mother forty whacks,and when he saw what she had done,she gave her father forty-one.So basically none of that is true whatsoever, but you know what they say: never let the truth get in the way of a good-old terrifying children's song about a violent parenticide! In this episode we tell the story of the homely and quite honestly FREELOADING Borden sisters, who may or may not have brutally murdered their DISGUSTINGLY RICH father and STEPmother. It's with good reason too because these two bitches just weren't bothered getting a) married, b) their own place, or c) A GODDAMN JOB. Did one of them do it alone? Were they in on it together? Did Sister Borden leave town, or did she just tell everyone she did as an alibi? And what are the chances that their moustache-twiddling, cloak-wearing, cane-stomping uncle would be in town that very weekend? It's all highly suspect - which is what makes this episode so fun!We also discuss society's obsession with the wicked stepmother trope and you can probably guess why, which segues into discussions on sex and porn, somehow without mentioning any involving step-family narratives. I mean it was RIGHT THERE.Special appearance by another bumbling police force, though in fairness this time they were just severely hindered by the limitations of science at the time, and their misogynistic opinions of women. Special disappearance by the "sea turtle having sex noise" we threaten to edit into the clip at 18:34 because we definitely did not do that. Just look it up on YouTube. Also featuring the introduction of our Simpsons Quote Jar, where we have to put money into a cup every time that we unauthorizedly use their property without their permission. This will lead to our homelessness, so I don't see this lasting beyond this episode.What the fuck is a wet noodle?
"NEVER DRIVE FASTER THAN YOUR GAURDIAN ANGEL CAN FLY"
Feb 28 2021
"NEVER DRIVE FASTER THAN YOUR GAURDIAN ANGEL CAN FLY"
Sophie has been doing a lot of "dr...awings" lately, and we're all very concerned. Don't be fooled, this not an intervention for a listener named Sophie! She genuinely is just drawing and for some reason she's going to draw us, but she hasn't yet so maybe she won't, but she really should. This is a special episode because for the first time ever, Dannii thinks this story is a FAKE, which literally never happens because no matter what she says she has definitely handed her wallet over to a "wallet inspector."In this episode we discuss A (possible) HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (maybe). This is the story of Carmen and Al Snedeker who moved their family (including their niece for some reason?) from New York City to Connecticut (gross!) because their son was terminally ill (also gross!) to their new house which seemed perfect until immediately after moving in discover that their basement comes with a fully intact embalming operation (so gross!). In a completely unsurprisingly turn of events, moving into a former funeral home leads to some spectacularly outrageous "haunting" events. But first, we get a nice healthy dose of parental denial of things such as whispering wallpaper, being constantly swarmed by an army of black crows, and overt demonic possession. We also play a dangerous game of "If I Quit, Who Would You Replace Me With?" which means this may be the last ever episode of Scream Queens, at least in its current form, because one of us might be dead. Which by the way would be an even better podcast called "Dannii & Conor (Deceased)"Special appearance by a story about a girl we know who accidentally turned into a ghost from a low budget horror movie while attempting to change a bedsheet.P.S. Turns out we're both right. Trisket is meat, Triscuits are biscuits. But Brisket is also meat, but Briscuits are not biscuits. I dare you to count how many words in this synopsis begin with the letter "N" and tell Conor he's wrong.
Samara Never Had to Deal With This Shit
Feb 20 2021
Samara Never Had to Deal With This Shit
We're back to the cursed format we're always terrified of doing, particularly one with basically no research either beyond finding a pre-written article - this time not from Good Housekeeping, at least. To be honest we've enough self-researched episodes out there that we can get away with it, unlike that time we did it in our second ever episode.And speaking of cursed formats, we're discussing Cursed Movies - not just of "The Ring" die-when-you-watch-it nature, but also movies that have had HORRIBLE things happen to the people involved in making them, sometimes in goosebump-inducingly coincidental ways - often involving planes for some reason! If the devil does indeed exist, he spends a lot of time hanging around film sets. Though to be honest, if the movie I was watching opened with an 8-minute documentary I wouldn't be waiting seven days to die. Don't worry, we do lament the fact that we totally missed out on an opportunity to have a Valentines themed episode, and as usual about 20 off-topic stories that dramatically increases the runtime of this episode which should have been a short one right up to the 2 hour mark, including our Myers-Briggs Personalities basically because Conor outright refuses to believe that Dannii is an introvert. (Turns out afterwards she is though).Treacle Further.Featuring:Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (2018)Snuff: An American Cannibale (1976)Poltergeist (1982)The Blair Witch Project (1999)The Omen (1976)The Crow (1994)The Exorcist (1973)Rosemary's Baby (1968)ATUK (----)Dannii Did the Itchy! (2021)
There's Lots of Guys to Meat on Grindr
Feb 12 2021
There's Lots of Guys to Meat on Grindr
HEYllo whatsupyouguys? Do you remember that episode of the IT Crowd with the cannibal who places a personal ad to find someone to eat? Well, turns out that before Graham Linehan was a transphobic arsehole, he was also not very original.In this episode we explore the case of Armie Ham-eh, I mean Armin Meiwes, a son of a police office who could somehow afford to build a house modelled on a giant Rubix cube who's mother was apparently responsible for turning him into a homosexual cannibal, because you know, it's ALWAYS the mother's fault. He's also a noted Sagittarius, which explains so much.However, our Armie (not THAT Armie) knows his worth and only wants to eat men who actually want him to eat them (you go, girl!) As it turns out an alarming amount of gay men are willing to literally die for the cock, and even have demands about how they want to be served - because gay! So in truly fabulous style, our Armie rolls out the yankee candles, flowers, and literally potato fucking dauphinoise. Honestly! Those gays! Always going the extra mile. Shame he put them in his literal sex dungeon of literal cages and meat hooks. Bringing whole new meaning to a Grindr Meet/Hook-Up.Unsuprisingly, Dannii endorses eating people, and Conor gets annoyed that he is now too old to even get a reply from a literal fucking cannibal on Grindr, if his personal ad was anything to go by. Conor & Danni also explore the luxuries of the Irish prison system, the potential benefits eating dolphins, and how reinstating the death penalty may be what brings us all together again after COVID has been eliminated. We also take on cyber bullies! FUCK YOU CYBER BULLIES.Pay no attention to the cum stains on the mirror.