Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love

Michele Lisenbury Christensen

Our pleasure can be the fuel for abundant, sustainable work, service, and play throughout our long lives.

Our sexuality can be a wholesome pillar of our daily experience.

Our marriages can be fueled by desire rather than duty.

Monogamy can be the hottest place on earth.


It’s a confusing time to be a heterosexual, monogamous couple.  The love and passion you desire may be more an inner urge than something you really see people around you living.  But there are a growing community of devoted couples creating monogamy as a conscious spiritual crucible.  There are couples using their marriages to fuel their leadership and service and activism.  Welcome to Sex. Love. Power. where we convene the conversations that unlock new possibilities in your life and relationship.  I’m your host Michele Lisenbury Christensen. Over the past 26 years, I’ve helped thousands of couples create the love and sex they desire.  Kurt and I, in 23 years of marriage and adventures together before that, have suffered, avoided, dared, and triumphed in countless ways.  Now, I’m here to help you get more peace, more connection, and more passion in your days and nights, so you’ve got the energy and attention left over to be the change you wish to see in the wider world. Everything you want in love and sex and beyond starts with YOU, and it starts right now. Let’s tend your flame.

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11 Surprising Libido Killers
Jun 15 2023
11 Surprising Libido Killers
So many women come to me wanting to turn up their libidos and experience more and better orgasms. I start by asking them 11 questions that, on the surface, don’t seem directly related to erotic desire. But the answers that women give me tell me a ton about their relationships with themselves,  their turn-on, their bodies, their sensations, and with their capacity to contain embodied experiences, both desired experiences and not desired experiences.In this episode, I'm going to ask you those same 11 questions that tell me whether or not you are in a robust, joyful relationship with your own desires, receptivity, and pleasure. You’ll hear about:Why I ask each of these questions and the common answers I hear from clientsWhy and how these libido killers affect women specificallyHow to cultivate a desire in ways that have nothing to do with your partnerSimple practices you can add to your day to experience more turn-on throughout your lifeAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Our capacity for pleasant sensations is always conscribed by our capacity for unpleasant, unwanted sensations, the things we fear, the things we're angry about, the things that we have grief about.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How you wake up matters [10:20]A note about dressing sexy [16:05]Why you need to put on your own oxygen mask first [25:36]What your inner pleasure goddess wants for you [31:15]I hope that these 11 questions help you see where you can build your capacity to delight in sensation. My wish is that you pick just one area to begin to shift today with the intention of deepening your relationship with yourself, your body, your felt sensations, your yes, your no, and your desire. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Gaslighting "Lite" in Otherwise Good Marriages
May 12 2023
Gaslighting "Lite" in Otherwise Good Marriages
The term “gaslighting” has become a buzzword in recent years and, because of its widespread use, the meaning of this term has become a bit murky. In a nutshell, gaslighting is when you are experiencing something and endeavoring to talk to the other person about it, but they flip it around on you so that you wind up questioning yourself, your own character, motivations, and even grip on reality. Today, I want to talk about what I call “gaslighting lite” or the ways that understanding the gaslight effect can help you navigate when gaslighting behaviors show up in your otherwise healthy relationship.In this episode, you’ll learn:Common areas in which many, many people gaslight our partners or other people in our livesWhy gaslighting shows up in otherwise healthy relationships How you may be unconsciously participating in this patternHow you can extricate yourself from this painful cycle, whichever side of it you are on and turn past gaslighting lite into relationship goldAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Subconscious parts of us react in a knee-jerk fashion that might be out of character for us, might almost be like a different person's behavior, and that subconscious part does that in order to protect the blind spot.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How I’ve participated in “gaslighting lite” and how I intervened [13:48]The way you or your partner is acting like a 15-year-old [16:28]What can happen when you start calling out these behaviors [17:52]I hope that this episode gives you a starting place to begin to unravel this gaslighting lite cycle and illuminate ​​the blind spots that will turn into areas of new life for you and your partner.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:We Can Do Hard Things Podcast: Are You Being Gaslighted?The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin SternThe Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide by Dr. Robin SternWhat is DARVO?  by Dr. Jennifer J. Freyd If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Psychological Patriarchy
Apr 13 2023
Psychological Patriarchy
You may have heard the term “patriarchy” used to describe a social and political construct, but, as my mentor, Terry Real, explains, it is also a psychological notion. The way that patriarchy defines rigid gender roles becomes subconsciously embedded in the way we think and behave, which has deep implications for both partners inside a relationship. How can we recognize when psychological patriarchy is at play and what can we do to counteract it? In this episode, I’ll discuss:How our sense of ourselves as humans has been artificially bifurcated into masculine and feminine traitsWhy masculine traits are overvalued and feminine traits are undervalued. The painful consequences of psychological patriarchy.How Legacy Love takes couples through five levels of recovery from this deadening way of looking at ourselves and at one another.And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We can't build deeper, sweeter relationships than we've had, than our parents have had, than all the ones we've seen around us without dismantling some of the structures that have been invisible to us, that have stopped us from having true partnership, true equality, true intimacy.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Terry Real’s three rings of psychological patriarchy [1:52]Why I tackle psychological patriarchy with couples coaching clients [11:21]The highest level of Legacy Love I’ve discovered [22:36]I hope that you give yourself grace as you begin to untangle all the deep and complicated beliefs about gender and relationships that are holding you back. It is my wish that you continue to heal from psychological patriarchy and grow in love together. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
100-Year Marriage
Mar 25 2023
100-Year Marriage
Kurt and I have been married for almost 23 years and we're planning on another 50 to 75 together. We think, in terms of taking care of our bodies, minds and spirits and given the way technology is going, we could each live to be well over a hundred which gives us an amazingly long time to grow in love together and to contribute in so many other parts of our lives. Today's episode is about how we think about what I call, for shorthand “The 100-Year Marriage” and how you could think about it too. In this episode, we’ll cover:Why you should think about the long-term plan for your relationshipThe areas of your life you should consider as you look at the next 50 or 75 yearsQuestions you can ask yourself and each other to help define your vision for long lives togetherResources that have helped expand my thinking about longevity and legacyAnd more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“You get to have any marriage, you're up for creating.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How to plan for retirement... or not. (11:30)The books that changed my outlook on life (13:40)How you are living as if your relationship doesn’t matter (27:46)I hope that your love can be a fountain that nourishes everything around it, an oasis that creates aliveness spreading out and out and out from you as a couple.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:My Plan for Living to 156Cash Flow (game) by Robert KiyosakiThe 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton & Andrew J. ScottFour Thousand Weeks by Oliver BurkemanOutlive by Peter AttiaLifespan by David A. Sinclair & Matthew D. LaPlanteBuilt to Move by Kelly Starret If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Hotter Sex in Older Bodies
Mar 2 2023
Hotter Sex in Older Bodies
At 50 or 60 years old, you don’t have the same career, health, finances, or family life that you did when you were 30. Why should your sex life be the same as it was 20 years ago?  As we age, our bodies go through natural changes that can affect our sexual experiences and desires. This leads people to believe that they are no longer able to have the sexual experiences they used to. I’m here to tell you that fulfilling and pleasurable sex is possible at any age.In this episode, we’ll talk about:The mindset blocks that you need to break through to have delicious sexual experiences as you ageSocietal expectations around sex and why they don’t serve youWays to enhance your sexual experiences when things aren’t working the way they used toAnd more.  “If we can get out of the goal orientation, then we don't feel as acutely that "loss" of the way that we were used to performing in our thirties and forties. That opens up the doorway to the kind of sex that's possible now.”-Michele Lisenbury Christensen.Hot Moments in This Episode:The message about sex I wish we could get rid of (2:19)Why I don’t care about “performance” in bed (6:17)My thoughts on using medical supplements (8:30)I hope this episode inspires you to live into your sexuality exactly as you are now without judgment or anxiety. And I wish you many, many more years of yummy pleasure and connection.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
10 Best Dates for Deeper Love
Feb 16 2023
10 Best Dates for Deeper Love
Kurt and I just enjoyed celebrating our 25th Valentine's Day together, but, truthfully, we try to live like every day is V-Day. We know that love is a habit and a skill set that requires effort and practice 365 days a year. If you want a love that gets better over time, you need to intentionally date your partner all year long, not just on holidays or anniversaries. In today’s episode, I’ll give you a year’s worth of date ideas that will bring you closer and deeper in love.We’ll talk about:The ten kinds of dates I recommend adding to your repertoire Examples of each date at different budget pointsHow each type of date can benefit your relationshipAnd more.  Hot Moments in This Episode:The date that will create more spark and sizzle (2:50)The kind of date that’s about pleasure and relaxation (4:44)The date where you can get stuff done and still be together (6:38)I hope those 10 ideas spark years worth of phenomenal dates for you and your partner and that this practice of dating helps you build the skills that deepen your intimacy. You can download the 10 Kinds of Dates printable to get a quick reminder of each kind of date and brainstorm your own ideas.Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.You can find me on Instagram at @michelelisenbury. Let's connect! If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Legacy Love
Jan 26 2023
Legacy Love
Whenever I say that I help couples create Legacy Love, the people I’m talking to light up because they're the kind of people who have a vision for their whole life. They want to leave a legacy in this lifetime and creating a love worth kind of handing down, something that goes far beyond just the couple to bless others, appeals to them. But, as great as that sounds, a lot of people ask me, what do you really mean by Legacy Love and what does that entail?In this episode, we’ll talk about:The eight components of  Legacy Love that I’ve identified (so far!)Why you should care about Legacy LoveHow you can heal and grow within your relationshipWays that you can build towards something magnificent in your partnershipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Love is not just a feeling. It's a skill set. It's a capacity is something that we need to grow on, work on, expand upon every day, a little bit at a time.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Making your relationship your personal school (2:20)How you can cultivate the divine masculine and feminine (4:52)Part of what makes relationships fragile (8:40)How a draining relationship is like a broken foot (13:40)My wish for you is that you cultivate a Legacy Love that will energize and sustain you through the years. I hope that your love will continue to grow and that the light within and between you will illuminate the world around you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Relationship Visioning for the New Year and Beyond
Dec 22 2022
Relationship Visioning for the New Year and Beyond
In this episode, I'll walk you through a couple of the ways that I've been helping clients for more than 20 years to review their old year and vision their new year. Visioning together is one of the foundations of Legacy Love; creating a relationship that's not just good, not just great, but builds your impact in the world, the legacy you want to leave behind, for not just you and your beloved, but your family, your community and the greater world.In this episode, we’ll talk about:How to use your relationship desires as catalysts for your own deeper growth.How to become more growth oriented in your marriage without overwhelming or hurting your partnerChoosing your goals and relationship aspirations and breaking them down into the very next step.Practical tips and exercises you can use on an hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual basis to move towards your visionAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“What I know for sure, is that making review and visioning a lifestyle, a decade after decade commitment, will transform the trajectory of your life and of your relationship.”“So often, our greatest transformations do come on the margin, just by changing one thing, if it's well chosen, we can dramatically change the trajectory of our lives and our relationships.”-Michele Linsebury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why I recommend starting your visioning process with your bucket list (7:33)Creating a treasure map to your best future self. (10:07)Thinking of your household as a business  (14:38)Why I plan annual adventures with my husband (16:20)RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Couples’ Guide to an Amazing New YearReviewing Your Year in Love and Sex podcast episodeIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Strategies for Great Sex
Oct 27 2022
Strategies for Great Sex
How far are you willing to go to create the passionate marriage you want? Are you ready to try anything? If you’re like many of my clients, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to create a connected, turned-on relationship. And I believe you can do it. Unfortunately, there’s no silver bullet that will resolve your conflicts and create closeness. You may have already tried many different strategies but still don’t see the desired results. In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about some of the solutions you can try in your quest to have the kind of love and sex in your marriage that you want.In this episode, you’ll hear about:Different types of strategies you might try when you want more from your marriageThe resources and tools my clients or I have used in each of the categoriesCommon issues that arise with each of these strategiesWhat to do when you feel like you’ve tried everythingAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We have to believe in something that we've never seen in order to bring it about and we have to push through the conventional wisdom of our time in order to create it”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:“Fix us” solutions, vs “fix me” solutions (8:40)Why you feel more responsible for the relationship (11:00)Ways you may be distracting yourself from your deeper desires (14:45)The revolution that you can join right now (20:00) Wherever you are on this ultimate journey of depth and devotion, and whatever your next step is, I wish you all the best. I want for you the love, sex, pleasure and intimacy with yourself, your partner and the divine that you want.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: (if applicable)Toys in BabelandLelo.comLaura CornDavid DeidaJohn WinelandJohn Gottman, The Gottman InstituteTerry RealMarshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent CommunicationIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Resentment
Oct 13 2022
Resentment
If you feel like you are wasting your time and energy being upset about the same things month after month, year after year, the good news is that there’s a way out. You can break the cycle of hurt and resentment that keeps you from living the life you want. Sound good? Today's episode will equip you to free yourself from any grudge, irritation, frustration, resistance or anger that you may be carrying and take your power back.In this episode, you’ll hear about:What I've learned about digging into the stuck places in relationshipsThe surprising place where I learned the most powerful tool in my arsenal for discovering what's keeping us stuck.My step-by-step guide to the “resentment remodeling process”How I use the tool in my own life, using a real example (we’re getting real personal!)And more.  RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:The Resentment Remodeling Process Worksheet“Most people want to be fair about their own role in their problems. We want to take responsibility. We want to feel agency and we want to be able to move past what's in the past. The bottom line is though, we never really learned how.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenE.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:What it means to get one of your “buttons” caught [6:04]How to sandblast aspects of your personality [8:40]Defining yourself as the protagonist of the story [19:24]I hope that this tool brings you great peace and helps you return to your power. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Intentional Family Planning
Sep 15 2022
Intentional Family Planning
In my coaching practice and in my life, I hear so many questions about family planning; how to decide, when to start, and how many kids to have. The list goes on. There are strong societal expectations around becoming parents that can keep us from realizing what we really want and what’s best for us and our relationships. In this episode, I decided to round up my thoughts on some of the common questions I get around children and their effect on relationship that you may be consideringIn this episode, we’ll discuss:Understanding and navigating differences in your and your partner’s desire to have kidsDeciding if you’re ready to be a parent and what your timeline isHow to consider your relationship and lifestyle when starting or growing your familyWhat I did to prepare for our first babyTaking care of the relationship once you have childrenAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“It's okay that we grow up alongside our children. I think it's part of the human design that as we're raising a child, we are simultaneously re-parenting the part of ourselves that is the same age as that child.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:“What if our relationship is difficult already?” (8:50)Why I chose to wait to have kids(11:40)One of the most baffling things about parenting (14:20)The important lesson I learned when my son was born (19:50) My hope for you is that you and your partner find intentionality, joy and meaning in your decisions around family, no matter what that may look like. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Bringing Baby Home workshopAnd Baby Makes Three by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz GottmanIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Relationship Stuff That Might Be ADD
Sep 1 2022
Relationship Stuff That Might Be ADD
While I’m not a clinical psychology professional, I often work with couples who have discovered that their brains are wired in completely different ways. This realization often arises when one partner (or both) consistently behaves in a way that creates friction between them, totally baffling the other. As humans, our brains are wonderfully diverse and have unique strengths, but it’s hard to understand what’s going on in your partner’s head when their experience is so different from your own. Today, I’ll share my perspective on recognizing the differences between you and your partner and how those insights can help us see the same patterns in a very different context.As you listen to this episode, you’ll hear about:How being diagnosed with ADD affected me and my relationshipSome of the unique challenges and strengths of partners with ADDTools and strategies I have used to become a better partner to my “neurotypical” husbandHow I have seen neurodiversity (including Autism Spectrum Disorder, introversion, and intensities) play out within relationshipsThe importance of taking responsibility for the impact you have on the people around youAnd more. Note: I use the term “ADD” in this episode to refer to what is now categorized in the DSM as “ADHD predominantly inattentive type” because it is the term used when I was diagnosed. E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“If we can take it out of the context of "What’s wrong with you?" and really understand difference, we go a long way to having a much more mutually satisfying relationship. And this kind of insight saves marriages.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:My tendency to “go hard or go home” (4:49)Why boring tasks are excruciating for your partner with ADD (10:49)How ADD tendencies affect us in bed (12:45)Neurodiversity that you may notice in your relationship (13:42) I celebrate you and your partner exactly as you are. May you find new ways to fit ever better together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Quiet by Susan CainIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Sex In An Instant
Aug 18 2022
Sex In An Instant
If it feels like you're in a dry spell- your desires don’t match up, you’re not that interested, or it’s hard to transition from your everyday life to a really fulfilling sexual encounter, this episode is for you. Today I want to talk with you about what I think of as "nano sex." It's those little microscopic, erotic connections that create a lubricant in your day-to-day experience together to help us get to full-blown erotic encounters and get more pleasure out of our daily connection. As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:What “nano eroticism” is and how it has benefitted me and my clientsHow creating small, ongoing erotic connections can increase your desire to have sexConcrete strategies I teach my private clients to help them create more turn onHow to combine this practice with other habits for a great relationshipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“I don't think sex goes away when we get older. Sex goes away when we get busy. Sex goes away when we live with each other for a long time and learn all of each other's foibles. Sex goes away when our insecurities get projected onto a partner.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Ways to see yourself as an erotic being (6:15)When you think someone else is sexier than your partner (8:16)What is the “eyes habit”? (9:39)Using humor to turn yourself and your partner on (11:28)I hope you'll decide to cultivate this practice with your partner throughout your days together and will reap the benefits of pleasure and connection. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 5 Winning Relationship Strategies EpisodeIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Bringing Up a Charged Topic
Aug 4 2022
Bringing Up a Charged Topic
Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring you closer.As you listen to this episode, you’ll hear about:What NOT to do in an emotionally-charged conversationThe steps you can use every time to have conversations that help you feel closerHow to remember the point of these conversations when you're in the middle of it Reducing the amount of residual pain that comes from messy conversationsWhy and how to take ownership of your feelings in a conversationAnd more. “That's a big part of what relationships can do for us. They give us a safe place to work out old feelings”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why you shouldn’t “air your grievances” (3:57)How a laminated checklist helped my relationship (9:41)Why you might set a time limit on your conversations (11:08)The “cheap booby prize” you may be taking instead of satifaction (15:02) I hope that today's podcast can help you have conversations in a more productive way and feel like your pains are actually doorways to more closeness, deeper intimacy and more joy together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Related episodes of Sex.Love.Power:Defensiveness episodePoorly Timed Conversations episodeThe 5 Winning Relationship Strategies episodeThe 5 Losing Relationship Strategies episodeTerry Real’s books:The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love WorkI Don't Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male DepressionHow Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and WomenUs: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving RelationshipThe Settling Down Together ChecklistIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Self-Regulation Toolkit for Painful Times
Jul 14 2022
Self-Regulation Toolkit for Painful Times
These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling. If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.   And particularly if you ever:Rreact strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or bothFeel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your dayFreeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interactThis intro to what's REALLY going on, and what you can do about it, can be life-changing.  It's self-care, it's relationship elevating, it's survival skills. It's good.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn about:The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we’re always moving in and out.Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren’t always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what’s sometimes REALLY going on instead.How, sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it.And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."If you can find strategies to get back into your body via the senses, that will get you grounded and calm. THAT'S WHAT GROUNDING IS."- Dr. Jessica PullinsHot Moments in This Episode:Recognizing when its a state vs when it’s a trait (11:24)When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (13:33)Common triggers of freeze states (16:03)Learning to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (27:27)I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s experiences in a refreshing new light.  I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.6. RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Self Regulation Toolkit DownloadIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Time Alone Together Ambivalence
Jun 30 2022
Time Alone Together Ambivalence
Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more closeness and heat between you.As you listen to this episode, we’ll talk about:Why time alone together matters for your relationship in the long-termThe reasons you don’t spend time together, even if you know you shouldHow to keep alone time from turning into a conflictThe habits that are keeping you from truly connecting and new ones you can formAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We need to have more fun together. In order to help us resolve some of these conflicts. It's not the other way around, where we have to resolve these conflicts before we can have fun together.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The six reasons time together can be uncomfortable [5:44]What to do if you don’t have anything to talk about together [8:51]Why you are disappointed with the time you spend with your partner [13:23]Why you might want to start with being alone with yourself first [17:05]I hope that you are inspired to experiment with these ideas just a little bit, and then build from there so that you can give and receive more joy or pleasure and more care.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Dominance and Submission
May 26 2022
Dominance and Submission
Do you feel like you're always in charge, like you're always handling all the heavy lifting in your shared life? Or do you ever feel your partner can be so controlling or perfectionistic that you tend to hang back? Both of these situations are issues of what I call polarity - the interaction between dominance and submission (and, no, I’m not just talking about in bed). If you want to go from frustration and jockeying for position, or avoiding conflict, over to playful, effective interactions sizzling with energy, this is the episode for you. As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:How the dynamics of dominance and submission play out in everyday lifeWhat can go wrong when you’re missing polarityThe three keys to creating an arc of polarity in your relationshipHow to get more of the energy you want from yourself and your partnerHow you can tell if you’re in the dominant or submissive roleAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We tend to reject so many of the sensations of aliveness that arise because we put them in that box that we label ‘bad sensations.’ So tear the label off that box and follow the sensations that are arising now.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The three mistakes nice guys make [4:16]How your marriage is like a pair of magnets [6:00]How to speak in a penetrating way [8:29]When your partner’s standard for you is too oppressive [10:39]I hope that whether you are choosing to lead or to follow, you use these keys to polarity to create delicious connections and deeper love.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Defensiveness
May 10 2022
Defensiveness
I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.As you listen to this episode, we’ll cover:Reasons you get defensive- whether it’s stemming from you or from your partnerWhat to do when your partner or someone else seems defensive. What to do when you feel unfairly attacked or accusedHow to calm down when either of you has gotten defensiveAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“It's a tremendous challenge and opportunity to be fresh in today's conversation, rather than to call up that whole library of painful experiences that everybody, even in a good relationship, has over years and years together, because you're both human.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why you should celebrate when defensiveness comes up [5:37]One of the best tools for dismantling defensiveness when bringing up an issue [15:25]Signs that your partner may be becoming defensive [17:35]What happens when you “throw in the kitchen sink” [26:40]I wish for every couple listening today is to be able to talk about the most tender things, the most raw things, the deepest reactions you have to one another because those contain the gold of both your personal evolutions and the most intimate relationship that you can possibly have with each other.Resources mentioned in this episode:Arbinger Institute booksSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze ResponseSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part 2: Fight or FlightIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Elements of Power in Relationship [Rebroadcast]
Apr 21 2022
Elements of Power in Relationship [Rebroadcast]
This week, I'm bringing back the most popular episode of the podcast for your listening pleasure.The 12 Elements of Power framework is more relevant now than ever for for us as feminists who don't want to think about power in an essentialist sense, don't want to think that there are particular qualities that we don't have access to because that hasn't been our lived experience. What we know is that we have within us, for instance, both the capacity to be self-reliant, and the capacity to be connected. Those are two of the elements of power. And all of the elements come in pairs like this that we'll talk through today. In this episode, we’ll talk about :How Driving and Receiving are two sides of the same coin… We can only do so much “making it happen” without a commensurate capacity to “let it in.”Why “masculine” traits and “feminine” traits are a fallacy, even though there’s plenty of evidence for them, and what’s more true than that kind of gender essentialismThe twelve precise capacities every human possesses and needs to master to be fully powerful in love and elsewhere in life Hot Moments in this episode:What “psychological patriarchy” is and how it affects us [7:19]How the 12 Elements of Power can be like bodybuilding [11:18]The element of power that looks the least like power, but may be the most powerful [15:06]Taking the elements of power into the realm of intimacy [17:15]I hope you find this episode is just what you need to hear as you navigate your relationship in these intense times. I hope you are able to remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And I hope you let the light within you illuminate the world around you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict
Apr 7 2022
The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict
This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy’s concept of the “three circles” because I believe that this concept is at the heart of intimacy. And it's also at the root of most conflict, especially between two people.As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:Brad Reedy’s “three circles model” and how it ties in with what I am learning about myselfHow we get walled off from one another or tangled up in each other's selves How we can use the three circles model to better know ourselves and our partnerWhere to start to create more of a sense of self and healthier intimacy with other peopleHow this can apply to many of your relationships- whether it’s your spouse, children, or friends And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“The inner work of being an adult is to find those pieces of ourselves that we've disowned, that we thought weren't lovable, that we thought that no one could both see and care about us and to bring those backup.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What it means to keep people out of your circle (6:34)The two jobs you each have in your relationship circle (8:46)What I do when my husband’s bad mood causes me anxiety (13:31)The messages we learn from childhood about our true selves (16:09)RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:The Audacity to be You by Brad ReedyIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.