The Poet (delayed)

Scott Edgar

I dabbled in poetry in high school and into my early 20's but then stopped writing for almost 20 years. A few years ago, a number of personal issues came to a head and I had no real choice but to face them and start working through them. As part of that working through them, I began writing poetry again and it has become a very powerful and effective tool for me in rediscovering and reconnecting with myself, which is at the heart of my recovery. In The Poet (delayed), I'll share some of my poetry and discuss it with different guests. But the real point of the podcast is to use my poetry to start conversations about trauma, healing and personal growth. read less
EducationEducation

Episodes

Episode 25: Terrible Potential (redux)
Aug 6 2023
Episode 25: Terrible Potential (redux)
TERRIBLE POTENTIAL I see it now For years I only sensed it Or saw the dissipating dust tails of its approach But it filled me with terror And there was no cover or protection So I ran As fast as my child stride could take me Not even knowing what it was – Only that it was coming But that made the fear so much more In my little mind So I ran harder Until I forgot why I was running – Only knowing that I couldn’t stop But I see it now Its shape is fluid and undefined And its terrible potential fills my mind I want to keep running – retreating But it won’t stop and It’s closing the gap and It’s more terrible than I ever thought But its real – I see it now And I know There’s no escape, there never was. But I want to keep running anyway Until it overtakes me I won’t see it coming; it will just happen and be done But my insufficient legs refuse to carry me anymore So I prostrate myself as an offering I know you’re coming, I whisper, And I offer myself willingly This is not defeat, I reassure myself Then lower my eyes And brace for its fury But my mind keeps moving – defiantly It knows truths that my body forgot And reminds me: You were born with claws And they’re with you still – And I remember and feel them They are deep, but I feel them and they are there So, I raise my body from the dirt and My eyes to the distance It is closer now – the gap disappearing But not my fear. My fear is growing (broadcast loudly by my beating heart) But I no longer want to run Nor offer myself willingly Instead, I watch it come and I wait – in fear, true But I wait to receive it And I steady myself. I have claws and I feel them And I will meet it face to face I have terrible potential too I feel it now. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) and Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Holding my book at The King's English Bookshop https://files.fireside.fm/file/fireside-uploads/images/b/b1c4f464-ff8b-4fd1-8632-8c458a232c1a/olfoSxre.jpeg
Episode 20: They Were Beacons Once
Mar 6 2023
Episode 20: They Were Beacons Once
THEY WERE BEACONS ONCE They are out there. You know them by their void, Their masks of nothingness. But they are something and voracious – Consuming, in large amounts, Everything Completely Their prey rage in vain Then submit in silence; No distress signals sent – Even sound is consumed (and light) In their dark bellies. But they were beacons once And they shined. Addiction can be so consuming that it turns shining people into metaphorical black holes. It has the power, with drugs and alcohol, at least, to destroy people so completely that we eventually "know them by their void,/their masks of nothingness (https://youtu.be/cFiJOgB56vk)." Thoreau wrote: “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” This profound statement has its application in the struggle with addiction. In order to effectively take one’s life back, it is important to understand what addiction is and what it’s primary causes are so that we can strike at its root rather than just hacking at its branches. Hungarian-Canadian physician, Gabor Maté defined addiction as follows (https://youtu.be/BVg2bfqblGI): "Any behavior that a person finds relief in and therefore craves in the short-term, but suffers negative consequences in the long-term and doesn't give up despite the negative consequences." Importantly, Dr. Maté also explains that addiction is not a moral failure or an indication of weakness. “Addiction is not the primary problem. It’s an attempt to solve a problem.” In this episode of The Poet (delayed), I'm joined by Las Vegas based therapist, Brad Singletary (https://bradsingletary.com) as we read my poem, "They Were Beacons Once," and have a discussion about addiction, its cause and recovery. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) and Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Holding my book at The King's English Bookshop https://files.fireside.fm/file/fireside-uploads/images/b/b1c4f464-ff8b-4fd1-8632-8c458a232c1a/olfoSxre.jpeg Special Guest: Brad Singletary, LCSW.
Episode 19: Dark Canopy
Feb 27 2023
Episode 19: Dark Canopy
It’s safe to assume that we all suffer from bouts of depression at times. As Neil Diamond sang: Song sung blue Everybody knows one Song sung blue Every garden grows one. Me and you are subject to The blues now and then "Song Sung Blue," Neil Diamond And, while more often than not, most of us have been able to take Neil’s advice to “take the blues and make a song [and] sing them out again,” whether metaphorically or literally, some of us have suffered or are suffering through depression so deep and encompassing that song is unable to penetrate and the desire to even sing a song is, at best, like a drop of water on a hot skillet, and, at worst, a stomach turning, repulsive thought, and that is a scary and dangerous place to be. In those times, it’s especially vital that we are able to notice the signs in ourselves and others and then reach out for help or reach out to help, respectively. Because, in those times, we can lose the ability to lift ourselves up. We lose the ability to put a smile on our face. We lose the ability to have an attitude of gratitude. And so, we need to be lifted up, and we need to lift up. In the words of Townes Van Zandt: If I needed you Would you come to me? Would you come to me? And ease my pain? If you needed me I would come to you I would swim the seas For to ease you pain If I Needed You, Townes Van Zandt In this episode, Jackie Pack and I discuss depression, situational and clinical (major depressive disorder) including what differentiates them. We discuss ways that we can help ourselves and each other as we pass through those days, weeks, months or years when we feel hopelessness covering us. "He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother" by Neil Diamond (https://youtu.be/usZtSl8mX08) "If I Needed You" by Townes Van Zandt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jZMGZ0fG3E) Dark Canopy Hopelessness covers me: Like a forest canopy On a moonless night It covers me. I see no way or path To deliver myself. And the darkness: It fills my eyes. And they are unable to see The torchlight Of rescuers who may approach. All is black and dead. Every gleam is only a phantom. And the only variations in light Are darker shadows Waiting to finish me off For good. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) and Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Holding my book at The King's English Bookshop https://files.fireside.fm/file/fireside-uploads/images/b/b1c4f464-ff8b-4fd1-8632-8c458a232c1a/olfoSxre.jpeg Special Guest: Jackie Pack, LCSW, CSAT-S, CMAT.
Episode 18: I'm a Poet
Feb 20 2023
Episode 18: I'm a Poet
I've come to believe that those works of literature and poetry that have stood the test of time have more to offer those seeking a meaningful life than all the self help books in the world. They have the ability to bypass the protective walls that so many of us build around our gentle, scared and vulnerable hearts - those walls that stand firm and umoveable in the face of seeming frontal assaults by the well meaning self help books (which, tellingly, often reference those works to make their point). This is so, it seems, because they speak to us through stories and myths that set themselves in our hearts and minds - ready for recall when we are ready to learn, much like Christ's reason for teaching in parables: He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. Also, I believe that the reason these great works of literature and poetry persist is because they were inspired by and deal with the human condition - the basics of which remain constant as evidenced by the fact that the adventures of Odysseus still permeate our culture, whether in print, on stage or on film ("O, Brother Where are Thou?" - classic) more than 2,500 years after Homer handed them down. "The Odyssey" and "The Illiad" persist because the same passions that ran through the veins of Homer run through ours and, more importantly, he, like the great writers throughout history, had the gift to genuinely infuse that passion into his stories and characters. ("East of Eden" in my hands or probably in most hands, for instance, wouldn't have even found a publisher, but in Steinbeck's hands, we were given as powerful a story/lesson as I've ever read.) So, we feel their pain with defeat and their joy with victory. We relate when they stumble and fall from grace, and as a result, we don't feel so alone in our brokenness. The same can be said for the enduring stories, poems and mythologies of all cultures: they endure because they resonate with our humanity and they remind us what it means to be human. And then, when we are ready, we can find in them comfort or learning or both as has so many people before us. In episode 18 of The Poet (delayed), read my poem, "I'm a Poet" and I am joined by Salt Lake City based author, poet, editor and my new friend, Jennifer Adams. I read my poem, "I'm a Poet," and Jen and I discuss the power of literature and poetry as well as her newest of book, "All's Right With the World," inspired by Robert Browning's poem, Pippa's Song, which will be released March 7, 2023. It can be pre-purchased at The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/book/9780062962485) and Barnes and Noble (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/alls-right-with-the-world-jennifer-adams/1141622696;jsessionid=30D4A4FFB656EF3237C0CC83D1AA35BC.prodny_store02-atgap02?ean=9780062962485) I'M A POET I'm a wordsmith. Wielding my Montblanc hammer On my Moleskine anvil. I shape words and forge them together. Quenching them in my inky oil to temper them. To make them hard for breaking souls. I'm a word weaver. Weaving on my parchment loom, I guide the weft threads of metaphors Through taut warp threads of nouns and verbs. Resulting in a strong, velvety weave For binding up broken souls. I'm a painter. My palette is full of words for mixing: Some fresh and liquid, some dry and hard. At times I work them smooth and technical (Vermeer in verse). Other times raw and passionate (Van Gogh in verse) Each painting with an Abrahamic number of interpretations. I'm a wordsmith I'm a weaver I'm a painter I'm a poet. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. If you're interested, my first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps is available for purchase at Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) and The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) Special Guest: Jennifer Adams.
Episode 17: She is Steady and She Waits
Jan 23 2023
Episode 17: She is Steady and She Waits
On April 11, 1984, my family moved to Bountiful, Utah from Ramstein Air Base in Germany. My mom had just passed away a few days earlier. One of the first orders of business when we got to Bountiful, was to enroll me and my siblings in school. I was enrolled at Hannah Holbrook Elementary School for the last couple of months of 4th grade, and was assigned to Ms. Boulton’s class. I don’t remember much from those couple of months nor do I really remember meeting anyone at the time other than a few friends who lived close to my house, John Mayer, for instance – but not that John Mayer. But in my class was a girl named Allison Coombs (now Spencer). We didn’t spend time together or hang out per se. In fact, I don’t have any memories of her. But last June, she friended me on Facebook and I knew her name and I knew her face immediately. She’s told me since that she doesn’t have any memories of me either – I was just the boy who came and went. In the months since, she has commented on a few of my posts and has been very kind and encouraging to me about my poetry and my podcast. And I’ve learned a few things about her as we’ve reconnected a friendship neither of us remembered having. Among the things I’ve learned is that in November 2021, Allison was diagnosed with Stage 2 Unfavorable Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. (By the way, “unfavorable”? Who comes up with these terms, soccer match announcers? - “That was unlucky!”) But as terrifying as that was, she rose up to battle and, with the help of family, friends and competent medical providers, she waged battle as a head shorn warrior and the cancer is now in remission. And now, nearly 39 years after we became (apparently) forgettable classmates, Allison joined me on The Poet (delayed) to discuss the topic of “truth” and ways in which her experience with cancer has shaped the lens through which she sees the world. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. If you're interested, my first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is available at: Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) The Kings English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) Special Guest: Allison Spencer.
Episode 15: Terrible Potential
Nov 12 2022
Episode 15: Terrible Potential
TERRIBLE POTENTIAL I see it now For years I only sensed it Or saw the dissipating dust tails of its approach But it filled me with terror And there was no cover or protection So I ran As fast as my child stride could take me Not even knowing what it was – Only that it was coming But that made the fear so much more In my little mind So I ran harder Until I forgot why I was running – Only knowing that I couldn’t stop But I see it now Its shape is fluid and undefined And its terrible potential fills my mind I want to keep running – retreating But it won’t stop and It’s closing the gap and It’s more terrible than I ever thought But its real – I see it now And I know There’s no escape, there never was. But I want to keep running anyway Until it overtakes me I won’t see it coming; it will just happen and be done But my insufficient legs refuse to carry me anymore So I prostrate myself as an offering I know you’re coming, I whisper, And I offer myself willingly This is not defeat, I reassure myself Then lower my eyes And brace for its fury But my mind keeps moving – defiantly It knows truths that my body forgot And reminds me: You were born with claws And they’re with you still – And I remember and feel them They are deep, but I feel them and they are there So, I raise my body from the dirt and My eyes to the distance It is closer now – the gap disappearing But not my fear. My fear is growing (broadcast loudly by my beating heart) But I no longer want to run Nor offer myself willingly Instead, I watch it come and I wait – in fear, true But I wait to receive it And I steady myself. I have claws and I feel them And I will meet it face to face I have terrible potential too I feel it now. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. If you're interested, my poetry that I read on this podcast was recently published in my book My Mother Sleeps which is available at Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) and The King's English Bookshop (https://www.kingsenglish.com/search/author/%22Edgar%2C%20Scott%20R.%22) Special Guest: Justino Foster.
Episode 13: Inconsequential
Oct 13 2022
Episode 13: Inconsequential
Inconsequential At what point is my absence Inconsequential? When they’re too young to know the need? (But that time is gone) Certainly not now In the midst of life’s straits With foamy waves pounding And hidden reefs lurking Beneath an angry, fluid surface. No; Not now. Now they need a captain (is that presumptuous?) Who has already navigated a similar course – though more Hazelwood than Magellan. (well, all Hazelwood and no Magellan) Perhaps that time will be When they’ve helmed their own ship. Is my absence inconsequential then? Can I cross the bar then? Of course they’ll think of me and perhaps Want to see my face and Hear my voice (or have me hear their voice and see their face) But would my absence harm them? in those later years? That is the question. But here’s the better question: Would my absence now be better than running them aground, again and again and taking on salty water to no seeming end? I’ve given it a go. But the ship lists endlessly and The course seems fucked. Would the idea of me Be better than the reality? That is the real question. No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. John Donne, Meditation XVII (from Devotions Upon Emergent Occassions, 1623) I'd love to hear any thoughts about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com. If you're interested, I recently published two books of poetry which are available on Amazon.com: My Mother Sleeps & On Becoming a Black Hole (http://www.amazon.com/Scott-R.-Edgar/e/B0B2ZR7W41%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Special Guest: Jason Langston.