Good Girls Get Divorced

Two years ago I entered a new stage of my life - I knew my marriage was over but wasn't ready to leave. Listen on for ways I prepared myself and my life for divorce and what I would have done differently.

I don't like to put too much attention on my kids in this podcast; my experience with divorce is much different from theirs. They have their own relationship with their dad and it's important to not project my own history onto theirs. However, the fact that I have kids and am now a single mother is an integral part of the story, that can't be ignored completely. The kids have gone through a massive, existential change in their lives over the past year and the impact on them has to be acknowledged. I wanted to take the time today to talk about how we as a family have adapted to divorce, the change in routine, new schedules, new realities: and the emotions therein. Above all, the key thing to emphasize from this episode is communication. Keep your kids informed, include them in decisions. Use your judgement to make sure they know what they need to know.

Linda Kay Klein is a storyteller for social good best known for her work on purity culture. She provides deconstruction & purity culture recovery coaching for both individuals and groups and is and the founder & president of Break Free Together, a nonprofit storytelling organization dedicated to helping people release shame and claim their whole selves. This work was born out of Linda’s 16 years of research for her award-winning book, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free.  Pure helped me break free and it was an honor to be able to speak with Linda. Enjoy the episode!

This episode might be a little raw. I recorded it late at night without my normal podcasty getup. But it's honest. When I was thinking about getting a divorce I was worried that I would end up alone. And in some ways, I have. In this episode I talk about my big fear of dying alone... And what I'll do in the meantime. Thanks for listening. Please rate, review and subscribe to get the word out. Love you, dear Good Girls.

Emily takes a road trip with her girlies.

Alex was raised and married in a fundamentalist Christian cult. She wasn’t allowed to cut her hair, wear pants, or engage in culture outside of church. She and her spouse bravely made the decision to leave the church 8 years ago. Post deconstruction she found a new career (twice!), rediscovered joy and recovered from divorce.  Her story is inspirational to me for so many reasons. Thanks for listening.

“If I was still drinking, I’d still be married… or I’d be dead” A vulnerable episode in which Emily describes her alcoholism, getting sober and self care.

Meet Wendy. If there’s one thing Wendy knows how to do, it’s recover. She’s had 3 near death experiences in addition to a divorce. Wendy is so much more than what has happened to her. She’s thriving now and her story is one that will absolutely help others do the same.

Erica Smith is an award winning sexuality educator and consultant with over 20 years of experience. Throughout her career, she has provided comprehensive sex education and advocacy to young women and LGBTQ+ youth in Philadelphia’s juvenile justice system, worked in abortion care, and supported HIV+ and transgender adolescents and their families. In 2019, she developed the Purity Culture Dropout™️ Program to help people learn all of the sex education that they missed growing up in purity culture- sex ed that is accurate, queer inclusive, trauma informed, compassionate, and comprehensive. She has since worked with hundreds of people to help them learn about healthy sexuality after high control religion. Erica lives in Philadelphia with her partner and house full of rescue animals.

Liz Bucar is a leading expert in religious ethics, a professor of religion at Northeastern University, and a prizewinning author. Her writing, teaching, and public lectures cover a wide range of topics—from sexual reassignment surgery to the politics of religious clothing--but generally focus on how a deeper understanding religious difference can change our sense of what is right and good. Liz answered several burning questions I had- including- how do you lead people through identifying what their sexual ethics are? How do I figure out my sexual ethics after deconstructing from religion. Why the obsession with Purity as a sexual value? And… how do I teach my kids?  Liz was incredibly knowledgeable and I’m so grateful she came on to educate us. Find more information and preorder her newest book here: https://www.lizbucar.com

Some of my most FAQ (frequently asked questions) are answered here today - How did you know it was time to leave? And how did you move past the betrayal to be open to love again? I don't have the answers for your life and situation, but I'll share what worked for me. *Hint* get you a therapist baby girl!   Thanks for listening. Please rate the show (only if you love it!) and subscribe to have the notification pushed to you when new shows come out (once a week on Thursday mornings as of now!). Follow on instagram @goodgirlsgetdivorced or online at www.goodgirlspod.com Forever grateful for your support and kindness.

Kaylin and I met in high school. Over the years we've stayed in touch as casual high school friends do... social media. I saw that she had gotten married and when I posted about Good Girls Get Divorced, she replied to me with the kindest, most encouraging message sharing a bit about her divorce. She was kind enough to share with me the story of her marriage, divorce and the absolutely impressive amount of self awareness and care work she's done for herself over the last few years. Thank you, Kaylin for sharing your story in such a vulnerable and empowering way.

Join us as we explore how I lost a bit of my sparkle both in church and in marriage. We talk about some verses that set the stage for the construction of a Good Christian and a Good Wife and how that was harmful to my marriage. I talk about several books in this episode, linked below.  https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/unbound-book https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/672342/the-comfort-book-by-matt-haig/ https://lindakayklein.com/pure/ https://melodybeattie.com/books/codependent-no-stop-controlling-others-start-caring/   I also describe my learning process to get back to myself. Asking questions like “what is the best case scenario here” and “what would be most nourishing to me?”   Thanks for joining. Please rate, review, subscribe and share.

My guest today wishes to remain anonymous and goes by the name Snorkle. She was homeschooled and raised with purity culture as a central theme in her life. In return for her purity, she was promised a great marriage. She did everything she was told, married the first boy who "courted" her, and was divorced at 22. Listen on to hear her tell her dramatic story. Although the scars make us stronger, they are also very real, and dangerous. Find Snorkle’s podcast, the DEEP C Dive here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-d-e-e-p-c-dive-deconstruction-for-exvangelical/id1688966292

Let’s talk purity and the promises made to women in the church. We were promised magical, beautiful sex lives in return for staying emotionally, mentally and physically pure. Unfortunately these promises are about as empty as a televangelist promising great riches in exchange for your donation of $10.99 a month.

One of the biggest tools for personal growth I've used over the last decade has been something lovingly dubbed Goals Group. Listen on to see how Goals Group has helped not just me but also a close group of besties change our lives. Sign up here: https://www.goodgirlspod.com/program

Corrine tells her story of getting married at age 19, navigating her way through the church of England as a youth pastor, and lessons she learned from her marriage. Corrine is Carol's daughter (episode 2) and we are able to hear a bit about her background of how she perceived her parent's marriage and it's impact on her. Hint - Carol raised her girls to be independent and incredibly strong.

Tina grew up in a conservative Jewish family. Her biggest act of rebellion in her teen years was marrying her husband who her father disapproved of. Tina tells her story of breaking free of both her childhood ties and her marriage ties as she learned and grew.

Welcome back to Good Girls Get Divorced - a podcast featuring women who were never "supposed" to get divorced, but had to anyway. In today's episode, Beth shares her story of getting divorced, twice. The first time ended well: difficult, of course, but remaining friends, on good terms. Marriage was not a sullied term. The second time, as the years crept by and the warning signs seeped in, at what point do you recognize that it's not how it's supposed to be? That, "This is not love"? Through abandonment, emotional abuse, a concussion: Beth persevered, until it was clear that things had to change. Today she shares her story of personal growth and empowerment.   Please rate, review and subscribe if you like what you hear. Talk to you soon.

Good Girls Get Divorced This week I heard a TedX talk by a well meaning guy who's been married for 20+ years. He talks about how "marriage isn't 50/50, its 100/100", how we shouldn't threaten divorce and how commitment is underrated. I talk about how none of these things are the actual problem. Divorce saved my life, and yet it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Good Girls Get Divorced, and divorce isn't a dirty word.