Rich Harwood, President and Founder of The Harwood Institute, joins me on this episode.   Over the past 35+ years, Rich has used his philosophy and practice of how community leaders can solve shared problems and deepen people’s civic belief worldwide to tackle some of the most deeply divisive issues.   As Rich explains, we need a better way to communicate through change, where we get out of the cul-de-sac of toxicity and step into our shared narratives of being builders, creators, and producers.   Rich's philosophy is grounded in what he views as an important prerequisite for change: finding a way to see more than what you want to see or are willing to see.   Watch the PBS Newshour feature that showcased Rich's work in North Carolina: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-a-north-carolina-community-is-confronting-divisions-talking-through-its-differences   Learn more about the Harwood Institute at https://theharwoodinstitute.org/

This episode exposes a cunning and sometimes dangerous communication tactic we employ when we face disagreement or opposition.   The “stick to sports” clapback that has pervaded our discourse on deeply challenging and controversial topics is an attempt to limit another human being, relying on strict and uncompromising assumptions and presumptions about who they are and the value they bring to a particular issue.   To communicate well with others beyond the ways you were taught in school, you must know yourself and your motivations far better than you were led to believe.   If you're interested in working with me as a speaking coach, go to https://michaelashford.com/speaking-coaching. If you're interested in bringing me in to facilitate a communications workshop for your company, check out https://michaelashford.com/workshops.

Aden Nepom helps people build better habits around communication and collaboration to experience more joy in their work through her work with her company, Art of Change.   The feeling of joy as a conversational outcome is an interesting one, and Aden defines that joy as wholeness, excitement, and a sense of goodness in oneself.   As Aden describes, change requires experiencing it, and grief is a natural part of letting go of past expectations. Assumptions, fear, and joy often intersect in communication, and assuming positive intent and effective communication can drive positive change in the workplace.   Aden encourages self-awareness, asking for what you need and want, and avoiding polarizing communication, as relational conversations and collaboration are key to fostering joy and satisfaction in work and in our personal relationships.   Check out Aden's work at https://www.artofchange.com/ and connect with her on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/adennepom/.

If you want to bring about real, lasting, sustainable change in others, your efforts will be greatly helped if you become a more curious person.   As I explain in this episode, curiosity about others leads to greater understanding and less reliance on forcing others to change.   To give yourself a boost of curiosity, there are two questions you can begin asking yourself to set up more positive conversational outcomes.

Tim Wenzel is back on the show to discuss his book, "The Kindness Games," which he co-authored with Lee Oughton.   Tim was my guest in episode 104, where he shared how the original idea of The Kindness Games came about. Now that the book is out, Tim shares what went into writing it, the lessons learned, the stories highlighted, and his hope for the message.   Perhaps most importantly, Tim wants us to know that kindness has a power all unto its own, with the ability to break down systems of control.   Order "The Kindness Games" at https://www.amazon.com/Kindness-Games-Changed-Mindset-Community/dp/194578332X/ref=sr_1_2.    Connect with Tim's work at https://thekindnessgames.com/.

Is an unawareness of sunk costs sabotaging your communication efforts?   We often hold on to decisions, beliefs, and strategies simply because we’ve already poured time, money, or energy into them, even when we know they are no longer serving us well or are no longer aligned with who we are.   Understanding the role that sunk costs play in our decision-making — and how to work with them, not against them — is critical to clearer, more effective communication.    Whether in your personal life or professional interactions, this episode will give you fresh insights on how to cut through the noise and make more rational, impactful decisions, including three questions you should ask yourself.

Our society spends an awful lot of time and energy trying to categorize and label people.   From your political affiliation to your religion to your generation to your level of schooling, each "box" comes with it expectations of who and what you are, and as a result, a prediction of how successful you'll be in your chosen pursuits.   My guest in this episode is Vikram Mansharamani, author of the book, "The Making of a Generalist." Vikram has spent his life shunning the traditional ways of success and instead carved out a path for himself that leans into uncertainty and discomfort.   In this conversation, Vikram and I discuss what he calls "the migrant mindset," and how it has guided his decision-making throughout his life.   Vikram also explains why understanding as many points of view as possible is so important to him — a belief solidified by a respect for the fact that "every perspective is biased, incomplete, and therefore limited."   Learn more about Vikram at https://mansharamani.com/ and connect with him on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/vikrammansharamani.

How can you make your disagreements more meaningful?   Too often, when conflict arises, there's an understanding that a disagreement is present, but rarely do we take the time to truly understand why the disagreement is there in the first place.   This happens everywhere — at work, within family dynamics, with friends and significant others, in the political and social sphere. If you look closely, so many of the arguments being had are surface-level battles about the fact that a disagreement is present and not about the actual point of contention in question.   In this episode, I explain how one simple phrase — "The story I'm telling myself is..." — can make all the difference when trying to overcome conflict and disagreement.   Listen to episode 81 with Mónica Guzmán at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-81-monica-guzman-the-perspective-changing-power-of-asking-what-am-i-missing   Listen to episode 131 with Robin Reames at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-131-robin-reames-the-lost-understanding-of-rhetoric-and-the-power-behind-words

This conversation is perhaps the most profound exploration I've ever done on the power of asking questions to understand the meaning behind words.   Robin Reames is an Associate Professor of English at the University of Illinois Chicago and the author of the book, "The Ancient Art of Thinking for Yourself: The Power of Rhetoric in Polarized Times."   As Robin points out in this conversation, over the past century, we've lost sight of rhetoric's power to provoke us to think more deeply about the areas in which we disagree.   Examining the power behind the words we choose to state our beliefs and opinions gives us a chance to communicate better and more clearly with each other. By getting to the roots of how and why we disagree, we can have helpful and constructive problem-solving dialogue.   You can learn more about Robin's work at https://engl.uic.edu/profiles/reames-robin/.

Welcome to Rethinking Communication!   Over the past four years, I've uncovered some aspects of communication that have largely gone untaught in our traditional educational settings.   So, I'm pivoting this podcast to focus on how we can bridge these gaps in our collective communication skill set.   In this first episode under the new banner, I introduce you to six things school didn't teach you about communication that I'll strive to explore and understand better as this show progresses.   They are: How to acknowledge emotions rather than letting them take overHow to ask curious questionsHow to navigate conflictHow to build support and drive changeHow listening is as important as speakingHow to challenge your assumptions   If you'd like to contact me, you can email me at michael@rethinkingcommunication.com or go to michaelashford.com.

My guest in this episode is Patrick Williams, a public speaker, writer, artist, independent scholar, and educator. Patrick is the founder and CEO of Satori Innovation and the Creative Director of The Satori Institute, an arts, education, and research non-profit.   For more than four decades, Patrick has developed what he calls the Philosophy of Creativity, which is an approach to education and creative thinking to gain back what Patrick believes was "colonized" as children: creativity.   In this discussion, Patrick details the difference between specialized creativity and general creativity, and how it is approaching issues, problems, and challenges with a general creativity that unlocks new and exciting ways of connecting with ourselves and each other.   Check out Patrick's work at https://patrickwilliamsstaycreative.com/.

This is an interview I did with David Bryan on his Curiosity Invited podcast. In this conversation, David and I get into the deeper reasons why I started this exploration of change, common ground, and curiosity.   To order a copy of my book, go to https://michaelashford.com/caniaskaquestion to get signed copy or order it on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Can-Ask-Question-Following-communication/dp/1312245492/ref=sr_1_1.

In episode 99 of this show, Manu Meel offered up my favorite definition of empathy when he said it was the act of "making someone feel like they belong in that space with you."   Then, in episode 110, I explored the topic of listening and how to do it better with several guests, and we uncovered that asking questions was critical to true, real listening.   My guest in this episode takes both of those ideas — empathy and listening — and puts them into practice in one of the coolest ways I've seen.   Orly Israel began setting up Listening Tables in early 2022 as a way to hone his own listening skills while giving complete strangers the opportunity to sit down and be fully heard.   What he has learned from the conversations he's had since his first Listening Table is a wealth of lessons about how we can communicate well with each other, guided by respect and by setting aside the need to respond.   Check out Orly's work at https://thelisteningtable.com/ and follow him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/orlyslisteningtable/   Listen to episode 99 with Manu Meel at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-99-manu-meel-battling-political-apathy-through-building-conversational-bridges   Listen to episode 110, The Misunderstanding of Active Listening, at https://michaelashford.com/episodes/ep-110-the-misunderstanding-of-active-listening

What do you think you might learn about communication if you held thousands of conversations with strangers over the course of a decade?   Well, you don't have to wonder. My guest in this episode can tell you.   Back in 2015, while working as a sales rep tasked with cold-calling people who didn't want to talk to him, Rob Lawless started a side project to see if he could have conversations with complete strangers.   Rob set a goal: to have an hour-long chat with 10,000 people about whatever topic was most important to them that day.   This episode features Rob's 6,140th conversation on his way to 10,000, and it's with me.   We discuss many things, but perhaps most importantly, we dive into the lessons Rob has learned about communication and nuance along the way.   Check out Rob's work at https://www.robs10kfriends.com/ and at https://www.roblawless.com/, and follow Rob's journey on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/robs10kfriends/.

If you were to track how many times per day someone tried to convince you to change in some way, chances are you'd fill up pages worth of tally marks.   We often get sucked into thinking that the way to change people's minds to get them to do what we want them to do is to present them with enough evidence, data, and proof that our way is the "right" way.   But deep down, you know that's not how it works, don't you?   If you're not sure, allow my guest, Michael McQueen, to lay it out for you.   Michael is the author of the book "Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds," and in this conversation, Michael outlines why so often, our approach to change fails to take into account two of the most important factors in human belief and behavior: identity and dignity.   Check out Michael's work at https://michaelmcqueen.net/ and connect with Michael on Linkedin at https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelmcqueen1/.

This episode is taken from my recent appearance on Kwame Christian's "Negotiate Anything" podcast. In this discussion, Kwame and I take a deep dive into my book, "Can I Ask A Question?" and explore how the book came to be and the lessons about communication and change that I learned along the way.   To order a signed copy of my book, go to https://michaelashford.com/caniaskaquestion   To order Can I Ask A Question? from Amazon, go to https://www.amazon.com/Can-Ask-Question-Following-communication/dp/1312245492/ref=sr_1_5

My guest in this episode is Steve Leskovek, a retired nurse who has created a resource to teach teens and young adults valuable life skills that Steve realized were not being taught in schools.   The word resource might be underselling it a bit — Steve created an entire curriculum, complete with video tutorials and study guides for everything from financial literacy to basic home care to employment and workplace skills. Thus, he called it the Life Skills Curriculum.   As you’ll hear, Steve still has the heart of a nurse and an overwhelming drive to reduce strife and suffering for others, which is how Life Skills Curriculum came to be. Steve’s work is born out of the same place as our desire to keep loved ones safe.   Steve and I discuss in depth a few critical themes central to this show that also flow through much of his course material — communication and understanding how and why people change, and just how often progress in those areas starts from within.   Check out Steve's work at https://www.thelifeskillscurriculum.com/.    Connect with me on my website at https://michaelashford.com.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed over the past decade or so the emergence — or at least the increased use of — the word neurodivergent.   And if you’re anything like me, you heard the term and made some assumptions about what it meant, what and who it described, and why it started showing up in more places and in more conversations…perhaps without really understanding or knowing much of the backstory or origins.   My guest in this episode is Meghan Bonde, a neurodiversity specialist and a former educator, and even she acknowledges the recent increase in usage of the phrase neurodivergent, despite the fact that it’s been around longer than perhaps you and certainly I realized.   But Meghan brings a perspective beyond just the usage of the word, as well as some terms and descriptions that might be new to you, as they were to me.   As you’ll hear Meghan explain, neurodivergent individuals have a different way of perceiving the world, and she emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences from a strength-based perspective, rather than how she believes they’ve been treated for so long — as dividing labels.   Check out Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted at https://www.sengifted.org/ or Meghan's work at https://www.teamneurodivergent.com/.   Connect with Meghan at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meghan-bonde-connect/.

One of the ways us humans feel the most vulnerable and least empowered is when others have authority and control over us.   Take away a person’s sense of autonomy and I’ll show you a person who is unsure of themselves, angry, and without peace.   When you voluntarily give away power and control over your thoughts and actions, psychologist Amy Morin says this chips away at your mental strength and your ability to be emotionally healthy.   As she wrote in her first book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” “giving other people the power to control how you think, feel, and behave makes it impossible to be mentally strong.”   In this conversation, Amy and I discuss what happens when you reclaim control over your thoughts and feelings, how it allows you to separate your opinions from facts, and how her experiences with grief and loss led her to write her original list of 13 things mentally strong people don’t do that turned into so much more than she could have anticipated.   Check out Amy's work at https://amymorinlcsw.com/   Subscribe to my newsletter, The Follow-Up, at https://michaelashford.com/newsletter

The phrase "Everyone has an opinion about everything these days," is often thrown out like it’s a bad thing.   But, you’re a human being. Of course you have opinions.   The bigger issue, in my humble, ahem, opinion, is that you are exposed to more peoples’ opinions and feedback and ideas than ever before.   You’re bombarded seemingly from all directions constantly.   The feedback loop all too often feels like a feedback fire hose.    And just like a firehose, there’s a missing element from all of this feedback: care for what or who is on the receiving end.   My guest in this episode is Jason Rosoff, the CEO and Co-Founder of an organization called Radical Candor, which he started with Kim Scott, who wrote the book, Radical Candor.   Jason and I discuss what Radical Candor is, but at its core, it’s about delivering important feedback while demonstrating care, especially when you don’t know the other person.   Jason describes some very real fears we all have — our fear of being known and our fear of having the things we care about dissected by others — and he outlines just how important delivering feedback with care can be to helping others not immediately get consumed by their emotions and feelings.   Learn more about Jason's work at https://www.radicalcandor.com/ and connect with Jason on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/jason-r-rosoff/   Learn more about my work at https://michaelashford.com