It finally hit me.  This, too, was a test from the Stoic gods.  Okay, I reasoned with myself.  Time to take a breath and chill out.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

“Was that you in the pool yesterday morning?” she asked me.  “I could see someone in the pool on my camera, and it looked like you.”  Yes, I told her.  I was in the pool.  “You can’t be in the pool until eight o’clock,” she said, sternly.  “That’s the rule.”   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

While she’d presented the general’s offer as a suggestion, it was anything but.  Put another way, the major’s message was, Get Your Asses To The Front Of The Plane.  Now.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

I noticed there were a handful of other dads in the crowd, some nursing over-priced beers like I was.  We were all wearing a look that said, let’s just get this damn thing over with.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

Mulch makes me hate living in a house.  Maybe I should live on a boat.  Or in an apartment.  I think I’d like an apartment.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

“Of course,” he continued, “if you got somebody else ready to do the work, then go right ahead.  Won’t hurt my feelings.”  This wasn’t some negotiating ploy on Fred’s part.  He was totally serious.  He’d be just fine if someone else did the work.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

I am well familiar with the razor blade business model.  Gillette charges you ten bucks for the Mach 3 Turbo, then three times that for a pack of blades.  And they do so in perpetuity.  It’s pretty genius, actually.  But toilet seats?   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

“What the hell is this?” asks my brother-in-law as he fishes another bottle from the back of the refrigerator.  “No idea where that came from.”  Famous words from an epic day after Christmas. But I’m getting ahead of myself.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

A pall of awkwardness descends upon the neighborhood as people take sides.  Cat people on one side, dog people on the other.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

Anyone willing to put it all out there for public ridicule used to creep me out. I mean, do they want people to think they’re freaks?   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

Have you been to Puerto Rico?  Or anywhere in Central America? I have.  And I can tell you, dogs there would happily spend their days lapping malt liquor from a toilet, given the opportunity.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

Ask Maverick which he loves more, the jacket or the motorcycle. He’ll say the jacket.  If he’s being honest.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

I like to think I have good manners and a modicum of class.  But the whole point of good manners is to put people at ease. I didn’t put Andres at ease.  In fact, I think I may have insulted him.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

I hope that at some point after the Lions-Seahawks game Kemp took a moment to reflect upon his magnificent achievement.  And to appreciate how, in a single moment, he had captured the kind of glory that so often eludes George Costanza and the rest of us.   To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

By the time he gets to my door, a beer puddle has formed around my feet.  The whole car smells like a dive bar. “Step out of the vehicle,” the cop says.    To check out other episodes and stories from the Pete's Garage blog at www.danbozung.com

My brain struggled to process the comment.  I’d been awake since two o’clock in the morning, so anything would have been a struggle. But a pierced tongue?  I mean . . .   Based on the popular blog by Dan Bozung (danbozung.com/blog).

The gauntlet had thus been thrown down.  Jeff was going to somehow dupe our Naval Academy company officer into saying “David Hasselhoff.”   Based on the popular blog by Dan Bozung (danbozung.com/blog).

Park the mower, and grab a beer!  Timeless observations on toilet seats, high school idiocy, and mulch, based on the popular blog by Dan Bozung (danbozung.com/blog).