Love on the Air - Podcast of The Whole Parent

Anger is not easy for any of us. I have a problem with rage. When a partner gets mad, that’s usually okay. It’s hard, but it’s no longer scary. When a partner yells, however, all kinds of self-defense mechanisms kick in and begin to cloud my rational response into something more childlike. Anger in any form is part of the ebb and flow of life. In a relationship, if you’re not allowing yourself to get angry and express that frustration, you’re going to be pushing it under the carpet. At some point, the anger is going to come out. By learning to deal with anger in rational and connective ways with your partner, you can go a long way toward future-proofing your relationship from the major blowups. That’s the goal, anyway.   Read this article on The Whole Parent.

Most of us are not very good at self-care. We often put other’s needs before ours. Especially if we are single parents, we’ve got a full load at work and a full load at home. Where is the time for ourselves? How do we make time for self-care? Taking Charge of Our Own Calendar One of my life-skills has been learning how to run my schedule using Google Calendar. I put all the appointments on my calendar. I remember a “hello date” several years ago, where I asked, “If you’ll give me your email address I’ll send you a calendar invite for our coffee this Saturday.” She found it odd, quirky, and somewhat endearing. I found it essential to put our dates on the map of my time so that I could make energy and time available. I put things on my calendar so I can show up ready to go. I can glance at my week, see the high points and make decisions about how I’m going to schedule or use my open time. When I know what’s coming on Thursday evening, I can plan an early night on Wednesday to give me plenty of energy for the event. If I run my day at full-tilt and am slightly surprised that I have an evening event, I’m going to be tired, I’m going to be less-than-100%, I’m going to be disappointed in my planning and management. I was speaking to a friend recently about their self-care planning. Here’s what I heard then say, “I’ve just got too much going on. Too many people need me right now.” Here’s the underlying message, “My self-care is not as important as my care of others.” And where this gets problematic is when things get overwhelming. When our schedules get overbooked with obligations to our kids, our friends, our partners, we will feel anxiety and exhaustion as we head into the weekday, the day where we have NO BREAKS. “What if,” I proposed to my friend, “You take a moment at the beginning of each day, and add in a ME CYCLE? What if the first calendar event was YOU, every single day?” I could see the consternation on my friend’s face. I could hear the “not possible” response forming on their lips. “Just consider it,” I said. “I know, even this feels overwhelming, and like adding one more event to your calendar.” They nodded. “And I’m not speaking to you as a coach, but as a friend who cares about you.” I could see the pain in their expression. Read the entire article on The Whole Parent.

Let's look into the challenges of dating as a single parent. To start, we've both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what's OK and what we simply won't ever do again. As we navigate "dating" again, we quickly realize the rules are very different as single parents. Our experience gives us some distinct advantages in terms of recognizing what we don't want. And perhaps our unfinished healing might keep us from starting the dating process again.   Read this article on The Whole Parent: What a Single Dad Wants

I know we often want to believe that another person is going to make it all better. A lover would make us happier. A quest for love can become a casual sport or a spiritual journey. Let’s imagine that finding a lifetime partnership is our ultimate goal. Let’s look forward to years and years with our lover. Let’s plan on staying together. Showing Up For Yourself First, before you find your beloved, you’ve got to become the beloved of your own life. According to Eva Blake on my recent podcast, you’re relationship with yourself, even sexually, changes your relationship to the world. How are you with self-love? Do you know what you like? Do you give it to yourself from time to time, even when you’re in a relationship? What are the things that make you happy? Can you do them for yourself?   Read this article on The Whole Parent: Showing Up In *Your* Love Life

It is probably not a far-fetched idea that we all have hidden pain inside our hearts and minds. Often, part of any relationship-building experience is learning that OUR emotional pain is ours alone. And the harder lesson: the emotional pain of our partners is most definitely NOT OURS.   “Stay in your lane” means learning to support your partner when they are in pain, but not to take that pain on as yours to solve. We cannot solve the emotional pain of our partners. What we can do is stand strong beside them, assure them that we are listening and empathetic, and then be quiet and let them tell us what they need. Often, what they need may not involve you or your input.   Read this article on The Whole Parent: Own Your Pain

Relationships may come and go. The relationship you have with yourself and your spirit (higher power, god, holy mother) is the only partnership that will never fail you. You can break up with yourself (it’s some form of depression or suicidal ideation) but for the most part, we have an inner voice that encourages us to move forward, to reach for the stars, and to NEVER GIVE UP. At this moment, this morning, this sacred space I’m holding in my life, I am alone. I am swimming alone in the early hours of the morning. I am swimming under a full moon. I am playing tennis with many different people. And I am cultivating my inner monolog, from one of desperation and lack to one of curious emergence. “What’s coming? Where do I want to go? What am I dreaming of, seeking, longing for?”   Read the complete article here: Curious Reemergence

If We Knew What Love Looked Like Healthy love, for each of us, is a series of trials and errors. We weren’t shown what healthy love looks like so we give it a go and screw it up a number of times before we begin to pick up some clues. But even our clues can be misguided and point us in unhealthy directions. What do we know about healthy love today if we look for the information?   Read the article here: The Four Laws of Love

Love is a mutual quest. If it’s a one-sided romantic campaign, there’s going to be a shipwreck ahead as the rocks and stormy seas bring couples to the moment of truth. How Do We Cultivate Love? To learn about love you’ve got to go out and get it. You cannot wait for love to find you. (It won’t.) You’ve got to define for yourself what love looks like, what it feels like, what it smells like, what it says when it wakes up in the morning. Love is an ongoing adventure between two people. If you think you’ve got the roadmap for what is ahead, think again.   Read this episode online at The Whole Parent: Hold the Center

There are a lot of aspects of our lives that are not under our control. One of the simple (not simple to practice) realities is this: you are your thoughts. As you dwell on anger or resentment, so is your experience of life. If you can turn your face towards the sun, the affirmations and gratitudes in your life also become your life as well. Happier.  How To Stop the Flood of Thoughts It's not easy to train the monkey mind to obey your wishes. Much of our lives we spend chasing the whimsical imaginings of the monkey mind. "I want this. I need this. This person sucks. My life is hard because of these things." Here is the deal: Stop the crazy thinking and you stop the ruminations on bad, negative, and resentful feelings. And guess what? If you're not ruminating on the bad stuff, you open up your mind to the good stuff. That's one of the reasons affirmations are so powerful. You ruminate on the good stuff in your life. The things you are happy and hopeful about. So, how do you learn to calm the monkey chatter in your mind?   Read the full post on The Whole Parent: In This Moment You Choose

How is it that I am in such a rush to find the next and last girlfriend/lover? I say to them, “I’m in no hurry,” but I’m kind of lying. I’m not clear what the pressure is. Lust? Passion? Loneliness? But I am sure that rushing never helps. So I’m driving headlong towards the finish line of this story, The Off Parent. While I won’t end being the *off* parent, something about this blog/book/story line has divorce and dating written all over it. If I really wasn’t dating, and rather I was building my next marriage, and thus not divorced… Well, let’s just say I’m both eager for the story to end, and a little saddened by the closing chapters, because it means there will be no more story.   Read this article on The Off Parent: Seeking the ONE

In looking for that mix of love and sex it’s important to know what kinds of things turn us on and what kinds of things turn us off. Over time we learn these things about ourselves, and with a partner, we begin to learn them about the JOIN in our lovemaking. That’s where the LOVE is. It’s in having sex with the same person, knowing their ticklish spots, and their erotic zones so you can play their bodies like a nicely tuned guitar. That was my approach, anyway. Read the full episode here: Sex Without Desire

Today, I’m feeling my inner joy in a way that I feel it from the bottom tip of my spine to the top of my head. In terms of chakras and energy, I’m fully empowered and alive. Let’s pull apart the elements of happiness and see what moments of self-awareness have brought me to this moment. And this moment. And this one here.   Read THE NOW on The Whole Parent.

It’s a vicious cycle. SEEK > ATTRACT > PURSUE > DATE > KISS > [HAPPY EVER AFTER] (THE GOAL) but mine keeps looking more like this SEEK > ATTRACT > PURSUE > DATE > KISS > [BREAK UP] (THE FAILURE) But, there’s hope. Here’s the idea. If we’re failing, we’re at least learning. We’re still in the arena. We’re still working on ourselves and our relationship skills. If we find ourselves, once again, at the ending, a magical thing happens. If you’re like me, the ending of a relationship, no matter how great it seemed as it emerged, the ending is a new beginning. The world, the blue sky, my open heart, now has no limits. Read the full post here: Cracking Open the Heart of Happiness

Let’s not kid ourselves, if we’re interested in having a relationship with someone, we are going to have to take the time to be with them. If we don’t have the time, we’re either going to make more time (prioritize) or we’re not going to make time. It’s the biggest indicator of relationship success or failure. And it even shows up in the earliest interactions as we’re starting to date. “Why can’t we make time to get together?” read the full post on The Whole Parent: Time Is the Currency

If you’ve ever tried to meditate or work on quieting your mind, you’ll know exactly what is meant by “monkey mind.” It’s the reactive, animal, untamed, stream of thoughts that course through our active consciousness all the time. Many people try to ignore or subdue the monkey mind with alcohol or hyper-fitness. Most attempts to shut down or suppress the swirling thoughts are actually counterproductive. We try to ignore a bad thought and it gets stronger rather than weaker. We try to redirect an addition (in my case, to sugar) with hard-core discipline and self-control. And again, the monkey mind overwhelms us, yet again. Let’s take a different approach. Rather than drugging the monkey mind with alcohol or extreme exercise, rather than trying to sublimate desire for something we want to avoid, let’s move towards the pain, the struggle, the monkey mind. Let’s embrace the monkey’s paw, and get on with our lives in harmony with the furry little beast. Read the full post here: Monkey Mind on the Whole Parent

There’s a lot to be said about the benefits of journaling. For me, writing crystallizes the thoughts in my head. I generate structures, ideas, frameworks, for holding many different aspects of my life. Poems. Songs. Short-short stories. This blog. I write. It’s what I do. And it helps me process all that is going on around me, even in the moment, when I’m not writing it all down. Read the entire post here: Capturing Love   Check out all the episodes of Love on the Air.

Let’s say there’s a partner you’ve had your eyes on for some years. There appears to be mutual interest. Coffee dates are accepted with grace and laughter. The “dates’ go well. And then… nothing. You take this as a sign and move along. Still thinking about this person, but willing to take their scheduling issues as a sign. And then they’re back in your life, for your own reasons, and you’re single and you offer another coffee date. The ask is accepted with the same enthusiasm and glee as before, and there’s a promise to “get on my calendar and find the time.” READ THE EPISODE HERE: Slow Road

Have you ever met someone and felt the immediate electrical shock of sexual chemistry? It is sort of the panacea most of us are seeking when we approach our next lover/relationship/partner. Maybe not everyone is into sex, but… Well, I’ll leave it at that. When the sexual chemistry is on, I know immediately that I am in trouble. I need to take sexual intelligence into consideration and not just sexual chemistry. You can read this entire podcast here on The Whole Parent. Thanks, John McElhenney

In my conversation with Krysta Rosina, I am delighted to learn about her sex-positive approach to life and living. From an ecstatic tantric experience several years ago, she redirected her life's work. In this conversation, we explore her first massive tantric event. Wow. I was a little envious. And we quickly moved on to stories of love, intimacy, and looking for the one.  "I was really focused on finding the perfect partner," she says about herself, pre-awakening. "I chased desire, but those relationships didn't last very long. I knew there was something more." She has put the last several years into that journey of discovery. And in this conversation, we will talk about her work as a sex-positive practitioner. What does that even mean? And what is sex-positive? Why are these younger women getting so jazzed up about breaking down the stigma surrounding sex in our modern culture?  The conversation ran long, and I talked too much, but it was energizing and delightful. We end in a quick check-in and meditation. A momentary namasté for all of us, along our own journeys to discover our true inner bliss. You can find Krysta's work on her website: krystatantric A goddess for sure. Stay loving. Be more loving to each other. And most importantly, be extra loving to yourself. We're all healing in these tough times. Keep going. Bliss is within your body and within your reach.  Namasté, John McElhenney – life coach austin texas Facebook  | Instagram | Pinterest |  @wholeparent

When we are mood challenged, we’ve got to assemble our care team with care and focus. You need professionals on your team. A talky doctor, a meds doctor, and others, who can guide and support you through the challenging journey ahead. If you know you’re moody, maybe begin to observe what things take you higher and what things bum you out. Do more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff. To my friends and lovers who have suggested my antidepressants are unhealthy or masking my real feelings… Um, yes, I love you, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. Let’s establish some healthy boundaries right upfront. The Al-Anon program will give you a great system for staying focused on your own issues and not the issues of another person. I alone am responsible for how I navigate each day of my life. My care team comes into play when I have questions or need a fresh perspective on what I’m struggling with. Make sure you’ve got people around you that you can contact when you need them.   Read the full article here: Finding Balance