Send us a Text Message.Welcome back to How To Cope With The Dope, where we confront the complexities of loving an addict head-on. In this episode, we're shining a light on a powerful emotion that often accompanies the journey of both the addict and their loved ones: fear. From the gripping fear of relapse to the paralyzing fear of the unknown, we'll navigate through the turbulent waters of addiction, gaining insight along the way.  Join me and explore how fear is often steering our life when we love an addict. Discover some strategies to help keep fear at bay and, yes, even conquer fear. Listen and be  guided  through the shadows of fear on the path to healing.Fear Setting Exercise:List your What If.....(this would be the thing you are putting off or is causing you angst)Make 3 columns with Define in the first column, Prevent in the second and Repair in the third.  Define the things that could go wrong.List what you could do to Prevent each bullet in the Define column.  List what you could do to remedy things if the worst things actually happened in the  Repair column.On a second page List what may be benefits of success or even partial success.On a 3rd page list the cost of inaction.  Look out 6 months, a year, 5 years etc. and visualize what your life may look like if you don't do anything.

Send us a Text Message.Join me as I chat with Linda, a beacon of resilience and strength, as she shares her extraordinary journey of navigating several decades with a spouse battling alcoholism. In this poignant episode, Linda candidly reveals the trials, triumphs, and the arduous path towards self-discovery and healing.  Through her trials she discovers her own path of recovery and begins to unearth more about herself.  Over time she realizes the big choice she is faced with.  Linda shares what she continues to do each day on this journey of self awareness.  Books Mentioned:From Survival to Recovery   by Al-Anon family groupsUnder the Influence by James Milam Ph.D.and Katherine Ketcham

Send us a Text Message.Slogans and Acronyms have been used in programs for many years.  They are simple and effective tools that help us when we are in a challenging situation or ruminating on a problem.  These often quirky sayings are sometimes the quick shot in the arm we need to regain our balance and stay on track in our own recovery.  I hope that you will take the time to make a list of your top sayings and slogans...you may find yourself turning to them more often than think! **I also inadvertently used an alliteration instead of a acronym in my number 5 acronym spot...sorry.Al-anon Slogans:How Important Is It                                      Listen and LearnEasy Does It                                                      Together We can Make ItKeep an Open Mind                                      Keep It SimpleThink                                                                      First Things FirstProgress Not Perfection                             Let It Begin With MeKeep Coming Back                                         Just For TodayBut For the Grace of God                            Let Go and Let GodOne Day at A Time                                          Live and Let LiveAcronyms:HOPE: | Happy Our Program ExistsHALT: | Hungry, Angry, Lonely, TiredDETACH: | Don't. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.FEAR: | False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.THINK: | is it...? Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.STEPS: | Solutions. To. Every. ProblemNUTS: | Not. Using. The. StepsQTIP: | Quit. Taking. It. Personally​LOVE: | Let. Others. Voluntarily. EvolveHOW:​ | Honest. Open. Willing.

Send us a Text Message.Step 5 of the 12 steps of AA and Al-Anon is all about having trust-in God, in yourself and in someone else.

Send us a Text Message.This episode discusses the very talked about concept of detachment; what it is, what it is not and  some strategies to help you begin detaching with love.  check out previous episode 4 on boundaries.

Send us a Text Message.Listen to this interesting interview with Billy; a self professed "double-winner".  I met Billy in the Al-Anon program and when I heard his story I was blown away.  As a former addict; Billy has an insightful perspective.  I am amazed at his backstory and all the trials and tribulations he went through.  The best part is he came through and is thriving and happy.  As a mother, I am filled with so much hope and inspiration when I listen to Billy.  Enjoy his story from both sides of the AA and Al-Anon program.  Books Mentioned:Courage to Change- by Al-Anon family groupsKeep It Simple    -Hazelden Meditations3 Words That Will Change Your Life by Mike NovotnyConversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch12 Laws of the Universe by Manhardeep SinghThe Soldiers Truth by Ernie PyleThe Joshua Books by Joseph Girzone, first one is called Joshua A Parable for TodayBilly also mentioned that he enjoys Biographies-Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton and Bruce Springsteen

Send us a Text Message.In this episode we look at our bodies reaction to stress and how to quickly and efficiently diffuse it.  This quick tip episode can be used anytime and anywhere.

Send us a Text Message.It can be an emotional rollercoaster when we love someone with addiction.  In this episode we  learn about the emotional scale and how to climb it when we are lingering at the bottom (ie-fear, despair, powerlessness).  We touch on other things that impact our emotional state and how moods and personality traits can develop.  This informative episode may inspire you to pay closer attention to your feelings and chart a course to reach for higher feelings.The emotional scale:  Joy / Knowledge / Empowerment / Freedom / Love / Appreciation  Passion   Enthusiasm / Eagerness / Happiness   Positive Expectation / Belief  Optimism   Hopefulness   Contentment   Boredom  Pessimism   Frustration/Irritation/Impatience   Overwhelment   Disappointment   Doubt   Worry   Blame   Discouragement   Anger   Revenge  Hatred / Rage   Jealousy  Insecurity / Guilt / Unworthiness   Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness What we focus our attention on grows!Philippians 4:8 NIV Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Send us a Text Message.Step 4 of the AA and Al-Anon program is all about taking a personal inventory.  This episode is an overview of the step and how to work it.  We learn how this step is about healing resentments, outgrowing our fears and creating a new map with our Higher Power.  Books Mentioned:Blueprint For Progress Al-Anon's 4th Step Iventory- by Al-Anon Family GroupsAlcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)List of Columns to work Resentment and Fear Inventory1. Name the person, place or institution you have a grudge/resentment towards.2.  What Happened3. My Part/it effects my ..(self esteem, pride,finances, emotional security, ambitions, personal relationships, sexual relationships)4.  Name the fear around how it effects you.5.  Why am I afraid6.  Has self reliance failed me(how I managed the problem..yelling, gossip, manipulation, deception etc.)7.How would God have me be-The prayer you will create.  How would God have me be, what would he have me believe or do.

Send us a Text Message.Have you been angry or bitter about how your beloved  addict  has treated you?  Is the injustice of a situation replaying like a stuck record in your mind?  In this episode we discuss how to spot resentments and how they affect us.  We will talk about some ways to release resentments and keep them from stealing our joy.

Send us a Text Message.Maggie shares her journey through her daughters addiction and how she was unwittingly giving for years to a situation she was unaware of.  In the al-anon program Maggie learned positive coping skills and a new way to navigate her relationship with her daughter.  Today Maggie is happy and thriving and her daughter is in recovery;  take a listen and feel the hope!Books Mentioned:The Power of Vulnerability-  Brene BrownOpening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses-Al-anon Family GroupsYou Tube:Front Porch Friends- Karen WheatonAl-anon literature:Detachment Brochure Download link belowhttps://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf

Send us a Text Message.Dr. Daniel Amen is the author of the bestseller Change Your Brain Change Your Life.  His groundbreaking study of the human mind has helped many people.  One of the therapies he uses with his clients is ANT therapy.  In this episode we discuss ANT Therapy and how we can exterminate negative thoughts.  Dr. Amen is a physician, adult and child psychiatrist and the founder of the Amen clinics; with over 10 locations across the US. If negative thoughts are pervasive in your life, you won't want to miss this episode.https://drmanyahelman.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ANT-Therapy-and-CBT-worksheets.pdf

Send us a Text Message.Today we will be talking about step 3 of the 12 steps of AA and Alanon "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of  God as we understood Him."  We will discuss what it means to turn our will and lives over and some help on how to do this.  I will give some action steps you may try to aid in working this step.Books  mentioned:Paths to Recovery  Al-Anons steps, Traditions and concepts by Al-Anon family groupsAlcoholics Anonymous (known as the big book of AA) by Bill Wilson and Henry ParkhurstAction Steps:*take note for 3-7 days each time you are jumping into fix, rescue, correct or save another person.*Take a PAUSE before you take action relative to the person you are trying to help.*Give your will over to your higher power-Create a prayer/meditation journal, God Box or list of your prayers.*Create your own prayer for the 3rd step. Or use the one below :) The 3rd Step Prayer:God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties , that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of  Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!Some additional questions from Paths to Recovery:*How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?*Am I willing to turn my problems over?What could help me to be willing ?*Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?*What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?*How can I stop myself from taking my will back?*What can I do when a loved one makes decisions I don't like?*What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?*How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?*How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the addict/alcoholic?

Send us a Text Message.Codependency is a term that became popular with the AA and Alanon program back in the 1950's and 1960's.  In this episode I will talk about what codependency is and what empathy is as they may seem similar but there is a big difference.  I will share some hallmarks of codependency and some ways to build healthier relationships and effective self-care strategies.Books mentioned:Codependent No More by Melanie BeattieAttachment Styles Article:https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships

Send us a Text Message.In this interview episode Nick shares how his life transformed when he regained his values and self respect.  Little hinges often swing big doors and Nick tells how taking a pause has had wonderful results in his life.   He shares stories, books and things he does in everyday life to thrive.Books mentioned:Love Must be Tough by Dr. James DobsonOpening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses  by al-anon family groupsFacing Co-Dependency by Pia MelodyOne Day at A Time  by al-anon family groupsCourage to Change by al-anon family groupsHope for Today  byal-anon family groups

Send us a Text Message.Today we will be diving into step 2 of the 12 steps.  Often the first steps can be the most difficult to accept and come to terms with.  We will break down this step and look at some questions that may help you digest this step.  Paths to Recovery -Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts is the book that I refrenced.Questions to reflect on:*What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?*What would it take for my concept of my Higher Power to change?*Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power?and if so, How?*What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?*Do I sense spiritual guidance in life?How?*What does let go and let God mean to me?*What does faith mean to me?*With whom and in what circumstances and I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?*What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?*What does sanity mean to me?*How has the addict situation affected my sanity?*Have I allowed the addict situation to become my Higher Power?How?*How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the addicts behavior?*When have I done the same thing over and over and expected different experiences?

Send us a Text Message.In this episode I will discuss boundaries, why we need them and why we may struggle creating them.  You may finish this episode feeling inspired to reflect on your boundaries and maybe even coming up with some new ones moving forward.  Questions to think about:*Who do I struggle to set boundaries with ?*What am I afraid will happen if I set boundaries with this person?*How would I feel if I established healthy boundaries with this person?*How do I think the other person will react to these boundaries?*An affirmation that gives me courage.

Send us a Text Message.Jumping into the proverbial boxing ring with someone under the influence is an act of futility.  Listen to this quick tip episode and see what a better alternative may be.If you are a victim of  domestic violence please get help.*the  National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233

Send us a Text Message.Today is my first interview episode with Jackie, a friend I met in the Alanon program.  Jackie shares how her husbands alcoholism became a path to self awareness and growth.    Jackie also shares some daily habits, books and resources that have helped her to flourish and grow throughout her journey.The Books Mentioned Today:The 3 daily readers are Alanon books by Alanon Family Group Head Inc.One Day At a TimeCourage to ChangeHope For TodayUnder the Influence  by James Milam Ph.D. and Katherine Ketcham

Send us a Text Message.Today we are going to take a look at step one of the 12 steps of AA and Alanon; yes, they are the same for both programs.  Using insight from the "Paths to Recovery" book and personal experience I will discuss step one in detail.  We explore some thought provoking questions which will help get us thinking about our habits and behaviors. Perhaps you will be able to relate to some of my experiences.  I have linked some questions for you to work through on your own.  I truly hope that you will have a few a-ha moments.