How To Do It All

This week I want to talk to you about 'The Spotlight Effect', which is the tendency for people to overestimate how much attention other people are paying to them in social situations than they actually are.  We all have moments in life where we feel like everyone seems to be watching and judging us. We therefore feel that we're always somehow in the spotlight, even though we're not really the centre of attention as we may think.  In reality, most other people are usually too focused on themselves to notice what we're doing and our insecurities and anxieties are completely unfounded. Understanding ‘The Spotlight Effect’ therefore should help us feel more at ease, as it's a reminder that we're all human and we all have these insecurities and anxieties.  Here are some examples: - Imagine you're at a party and you spill some drink on your top. You immediately feel embarrassed and think that everyone is staring at you and judging you. However, in reality, most people probably won't even notice, or if they did, they usually quickly forget about it. - Imagine you're out walking or running, but you suddenly trip and fall in front of people. You immediately feel mortified and assume that everyone is laughing at you. However, in reality, most people probably actually feel some sympathy for you and quickly move on with their day. - Imagine that you're giving a speech or presentation and you stumble over your words. You may start to feel self-conscious and worry that people think less of you. But, in reality, they are actually likely to be more focused on what you are talking about, rather than any mistakes you may make. But while, in most cases, people do not notice or quickly forget embarrassing moments, we are also social beings, so we naturally observe things around us. Ignoring feelings of embarrassment hinders personal growth, as learning from experiences helps us build resilience, so you must strike a balance. So, remember that you're not under a spotlight all the time and you're just living your life like everyone else every day. And next time you feel like everybody's eyes are on you, remember that most people are probably too caught up in their own thoughts to even notice you, so don't be too hard on yourself!

This week I want to talk to you about how we always seem to value something more if we pay more for it. Have you ever noticed like me that you always tend to value something more when you pay more for it? This psychological phenomenon is called 'The Endowment Effect' and is another unconscious bias that causes people to value something more, simply because they pay more money for it.  Many studies have shown that when people pay a higher price for a product or service, they place a higher value on it unconsciously. This is because paying for something gives people a sense of ownership and investment, so they believe the item is more valuable to them than it may actually be. You have to remember that value is not always the same as price, so please bear this in mind when you make any purchasing decisions, so you can try to understand the true worth of something to you, rather than what you actually are paying for it. Here are some examples: - Someone who works hard and saves up for months to buy an expensive item will usually value it much more than a similar item that they may receive as a gift. - Someone who pays extra for expedited shipping on an order will usually perceive the product as being more valuable to them than if they had opted for standard shipping. - Someone who spends a significant amount of money on a meal at a restaurant may savour and appreciate each bite more than if they had eaten a cheaper meal. But the concept of value of anything is always subjective and can be influenced by other factors beyond just the price. For example, something that holds sentimental value, has a special meaning attached to it,  or items that are rare or unique, may be valued more, despite their actual cost. So, this week, remember that value is always subjective and it's therefore important to remember that true value is mostly based on personal preference or utility and you must consider everything that contributes to your appreciation of something, not just the price tag!

This week, I want to talk to you about how giving things a little bit more effort personally always makes a really big difference to other people and how going above and beyond their expectations always has a significant impact on your future relationship with people. There have been so many times in life when I have seen such incredible results from people going that extra mile without thinking that they’re doing anything special. Small gestures may seem really insignificant at the time, but they can truly make a real difference to other people in the long run.  Putting in that little extra effort always helps make a really big difference in any situation. It can be so simple, such as just doing an extra task to help someone unconsciously, or going out of your way personally to make someone feel appreciated consciously.  Whether it's with your family or friends, in your work, or even just with yourself, going above and beyond always has a major impact. You always really have to remember the power of going the extra mile and how doing that little bit extra always has a positive impact on your relationships. Here are some examples: - In a personal relationship, surprising someone with a thoughtful gesture, like acknowledging a special date, or writing a heartfelt letter, can really strengthen your bond with someone and make them feel loved or appreciated. - At work, instead of just doing what you have to do to complete something, try to take the additional time personally without being asked to do something extra to help someone else and thereby show your dedication to what you do. - In your relationship with yourself, going the extra mile means taking care of yourself, by consistently practicing self-care routines like exercise, healthy eating, or other living habits that improve your physical and mental well-being. But it's also important to consider some potential drawbacks, as putting in extra time and effort may also lead to burnout. Or constantly trying to outdo yourself with grand gestures may create unrealistic expectations and lead to an unhealthy focus on perfectionism.  It's very important to strike a balance. So, this week, try to go the extra mile and add a little bit extra to everything that you do. Whether it's going out of your way to help someone, putting in more effort at work, or just taking care of yourself a little bit more, these extra steps lead to big rewards in the long run. Trust me, you won't regret it!

This week, I want to talk to you about how pets always bring such joy and love into your home and can really wheedle their way into your heart to become a member of your family, so that you really then miss them when they are gone. Pets always have such a unique way of bringing joy, love and companionship into so many people’s lives. You don’t have to be a previous pet lover to realise that it's no secret how pets quickly become very cherished members of a family and hold a very special place in hearts and homes.  If no longer there, whether due to old age, illness, or other circumstances, the loss of a pet leaves behind a void that sometimes feels hard to fill. For some, this loss can be a deeply emotional experience, as they have been by their side through the highs and lows of their lives for many years.  Their initial absence can leave people feeling lonely, sad, or even lost without having their constant presence and unconditional love anymore. While the pain of losing a pet is always very real and valid, it's so important to also remember the joys and memories they brought into your life.  Whether it was purring cuddles, wagging tails, or other playful behaviour, happy memories are so important to hold onto, to keep their spirit alive in hearts. In times of grief, it's so important to also have the support of friends, family, or other pet lovers who can understand the bond shared with pets. Here are some examples: - A person who lived with their elderly cat for years may be devastated by the loss of a feline companion, but they can find comfort in looking at old photos and videos, or telling stories about the funny and heartwarming moments they or others shared with their furry friend over the years. - A family who says goodbye to an elderly dog due to illness, faces emptiness in their home without their companion, especially if coming home without being greeted excitedly, or looking at places where they would be, but can find solace in speaking with others who have experienced similar loss. - A child who has grown up with a pet bird as their best friend struggles to understand why their feathered companion is no longer with them, but their parents can help them create a collage or scrapbook of happy memories they shared together, to help them to cope with their grief. I know that some people argue that emotional attachment to a pet doesn’t compare to the loss of a human, or that excessive grieving over a pet may prevent people from finding closure. However, it’s important to realise that losing a pet can be incredibly difficult and even heartbreaking for someone.  So, this week, remember how pets always bring joy and love into a home, so their loss is emotionally challenging, but happy memories help in coping with grief. While the sorrow of losing a pet never fully goes away, over time, pain lessens and happy memories shine brighter. Remember, you are not alone!

WE ARE ALL HYPOCRITES...  This week I want to talk to you about the fact that we are all hypocrites in some way, by the things that we say or do. I know that it may sound very harsh, but it’s really the truth I’m afraid! If you really think about it, you soon start to realise just how many times you have found yourself saying one thing to other people, but doing something else yourself, or advising or telling someone else that they need to do something, but then not following your own advice yourself. Don’t worry, we’re all hypocrites like this occasionally, whether we realise it or not. It’s not deliberate, it’s just human nature to be inconsistent or contradictory sometimes. It’s not something we can avoid. However, the most important thing is to always try to recognise it and try not to be. Although we are all ultimately flawed or imperfect this way, being aware of our own hypocrisy is always the first step towards being more genuine and authentic in future words or actions. This is not easy to do, but it's so necessary for our integrity and personal growth in life. Here are some examples: • You constantly tell your friends to be healthy and exercise, but you indulge in junk food and rarely work out yourself. • You advocate for equality and social justice outwardly, yet behind closed doors, you make negative comments or jokes about certain groups of people.
 • You promote positivity and kindness, but you still listen to gossip about others and are sometimes negative about other people when you think they won't hear you. I know that some people may find what I say this week to be wrong or my examples to be too simplistic and not fully capture the complexity of hypocrisy in individuals, by oversimplifying things. But please at least think about what I am saying here. So, this week, the next time you find yourself potentially being hypocritical by saying something to someone else, but then not following your own words, take a moment to reflect on why that is and then work towards not doing it. Let's try to be better versions of ourselves!"

COMPLIMENT, DON'T CRITICISE..  This week I want to talk to you about why you should always try to compliment and not criticise someone, or come across like you are complaining about something they may have done. It's so easy to quickly fall into the trap of unconsciously criticising other people around us, if or when we see something that we think could be improved or done differently by them. However, it's also so easy and important for us to always remember the power of someone hearing a compliment over a criticism. When we compliment someone, they know we are taking time to outwardly acknowledge and appreciate them, which naturally boosts their confidence and self-esteem. Doing this will also unconsciously motivate them to continue doing their best, both for themselves and for us, as it is a good feeling that they want to experience again. But, on the other hand, anything that sounds to them like personal criticism, whether genuine or perceived, always leads to them feeling demotivated. It may also lead to them having feelings of anger towards you subconsciously, whether children or adults. Adults are usually better at hiding their feelings, but if you watch them carefully, you can sometimes see suppressed anger coming out as passive-aggressive behaviour. Here are some examples of complimenting and not criticising: • Instead of criticising someone for a mistake they may have made, try to compliment them for their positive qualities and say how much you really respect and appreciate them. • Instead of criticising someone for getting something wrong when they have done something, try to compliment them on their hard work and the fact that they made such an effort when doing it.
 • Instead of criticising someone for forgetting to do something, try to compliment them on all the other positive things that they usually do that help you However, there must be a healthy balance between compliments and criticism to help people. There's also value in constructive criticism, as criticism, if given respectfully and constructively, provides helpful feedback that lets people grow and improve. Without this, people may sometimes not see areas for improvement, or reach their potential. And constantly giving compliments without constructive criticism may even backfire and actually lead to complacency and demotivation. So, this week, make a real effort to compliment more and criticise less and the next time that you feel the urge to criticise someone, try to instead find something positive to compliment them about. Remember, a kind word always goes a long way!"

THE FIRST TIME IS ALWAYS HARD…  This week, I want to talk to you about how the first time you try anything new is always very hard and it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed or nervous in this situation and you must remember that it is therefore also alright to make mistakes along the way. Trying anything new for the first time is always daunting, but it’s normal. Growth always comes from pushing through and beyond your comfort zone and learning from mistakes. Whether you’re starting or learning something new, remember that everyone experiences this emotion at some point in their lives. Everyone also experiences new things differently and does things in their own time, so it's important to always respect people’s individual differences and support each person’s unique journey to development and growth. Each mistake is actually a learning opportunity that ultimately helps you or others grow and improve. Here are some examples: • Learning to ride a bike for the first time can be very intimidating or nerve-wracking, but with practice and determination, you usually eventually get the hang of it by learning from your mistakes and you can then enjoy the freedom that comes with it. • If you are travelling to a new country where you don't speak the language or understand the culture, it can be very tough at first. However, by immersing yourself in things and also being open to new adventures, you will overcome any initial discomfort and can create lasting memories. • Developing a new skill, such as painting or playing a musical instrument, is challenging at first as you must learn new techniques and skills. But with patience, dedication and determination, you can develop your talents and create something special, beautiful and inspire those around you. But not everyone finds trying something new challenging. Some people have a natural aptitude for certain things, making it easier. Furthermore, the idea that growth only comes from pushing beyond comfort zones may not apply to everyone, as some find fulfilment in staying within comfort zones and honing existing skills. So, this week, if embarking on a new journey, be patient and kind to yourself. Give yourself grace to stumble and fall, but also courage to get back up and try again. The first time trying anything new is hard, but with determination and perseverance, you will overcome any challenge!

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE...  This week I want to talk to you about why it’s never too late to do the right thing, but I also want to to remind you that there is always the wrong time to do the wrong thing! Let me remind you today that it’s never too late to do the right thing. No matter the mistakes that you may have made previously, there’s always the chance to make things right. However, it’s also important to remember that there’s always a wrong time to do the wrong thing. And saying it’s never too late to do the right thing, applies not only to others, but also to yourself, like taking care of your body by exercising more, or your mind by learning something new. However, there are always practical limitations and you must be cautious not to do the wrong thing. It’s very important to also consider the complexities of each person’s situation before making such blanket statements like these. It’s also important to approach each situation with empathy, with understanding and recognition of each person’s unique challenges or circumstances, as everybody and every situation is different. Here are some examples: • It’s never too late to apologise to someone you may have wronged in the past. Whether it’s been a day, a week, or even many years since the incident occurred, by taking responsibility for your actions and showing genuine remorse, you can help mend broken relationships and bring closure. • It’s never too late to pursue dreams. No matter how old you are or what stage of life you’re in now, it’s still important to follow your heart and work towards your goals. Whether a new career, learning something new, or travelling somewhere, there’s always time to make dreams real. • It’s never too late to take care of your health, or too late to learn something new. Whether it’s a new exercise routine, eating healthier, or a new hobby, there is always room for personal growth. Embracing things like this broadens horizons and enriches your life in meaningful ways. But whilst it’s true that it’s never too late to do the right thing, there are situations where consequences of past actions cannot be undone, where someone has caused irreparable harm to another person and simply apologising is not enough and may even make things worse, even if well-intentioned. So, this week, remember that it’s never too late to do the right thing, or to change course for the future, for both yourself or others around you, so always think about any steps you can take. Remember, it’s never too late to choose the right path!

This week I want to talk to you about why you should always try to live in the moment instead of constantly planning for the future, or dwelling on the past. Living in the moment never means ignoring future responsibilities. It simply means being consciously present in whatever you are doing and fully immersing yourself in the experience of what you are doing at the time, without worrying about what comes next or what has already passed. By always trying to live in the moment, you  really appreciate the beauty of the present, whether it's a simple moment of peace and quiet, a shared laugh with a friend or loved one, or watching a beautiful sunrise or breathtaking sunset.  Living in the present moment allows you to be more mindful and focus on the present, so that you truly  appreciate all the little things that life has to offer you. Here are some examples: - When eating, try to truly savour each bite and taste different flavours. Instead of rushing, be present in the moment and appreciate the meal. Deliberately try to put down your fork or spoon between mouthfuls and enjoy the experience, whilst remembering you are also nourishing your body.  - Instead of constantly being distracted or thinking about other things when spending time with friends or family, try and truly be fully be present in the moment. Listen actively to what they are saying to you, engage in meaningful conversations and really enjoy the time together. ​ - Spend time in nature and try to immerse yourself in sights, sounds and smells. Try to purposely notice the beauty of trees, the chirping of birds and the fresh air. Try not to let your mind wander, but focus on the present moment and appreciate the simple pleasures of nature. But, whilst living in the moment is a wonderful experience, it’s also important to not forget to still plan for your future. By constantly focusing on the present, you can innocently neglect responsibilities or goals that require long-term preparation, so always strike a balance between your present and future.  So, this week, take a step back from your worries and distractions and live in the moment. Embrace the now, savour every experience and find joy in the present. Life is just too short, remember, the only time we truly have is the present. So make the most of it!

This week I want to talk to you about why it's always important to try to celebrate a celebration, whenever you can, because these moments are what makes your life truly special. It's so very important to always try to consciously celebrate a celebration whenever you can. Whether it's a birthday, anniversary, or any other special or significant event in your life, these moments should always be cherished and enjoyed in your life.  Celebrations usually bring people together joyously and then help them to create lasting memories. They also give us a reason to pause and appreciate all the good things that we have in life. No matter how big or small the occasion, taking time to acknowledge and celebrate it will always bring happiness to both yourself and those around you. Celebrating is also a chance to show appreciation, love and gratitude to the people and moments that make your life worth living. Here are some examples. - A birthday party thrown by family or friends shows appreciation and love for the birthday person and makes them feel special on their special day. - A family gathering together to celebrate a holiday, where loved ones share a meal and create lasting memories. ​ - A retirement celebration for someone who is moving on to the next chapter of their life after years of dedication and hard work where they have been. But celebrations should create meaningful and positive experiences, not make people conform to societal expectations. For some, celebrations are overwhelming, or stressful. Respect those who prefer more low-key or private ways of marking special occasions. Forcing someone to celebrate when they would prefer not, detracts from the event.  So, this week, remember the next time something you can celebrate comes around, don't let it pass without making some time to mark it. Whether a small gathering, a special meal, or a heartfelt toast, take the time to mark the occasion and make it memorable - here's to celebrating celebrations!

This week I want to talk about how your health is your wealth, as people say, because you always feel so much better if you are healthy and also then ensure yourself a more prosperous life, because if you prioritise your health, you are really investing in your future.  It's always so easy to neglect your health, isn’t it? But let me remind you of the importance of taking care of yourself. Your body is also always your most valuable asset, so you must therefore treat it with the care and respect it deserves.  You must always remember to listen to your body, carve out time for self-care and seek help if needed. Whether it’s eating properly, staying active, or just getting enough sleep, there are also always simple steps you can take to improve your overall health.  And good health is not only your physical health, but also your mental and social well-being, so also acknowledge and promote your holistic well-being. By making health a priority, you are also not only investing in yourself, but setting yourself up for a bright and prosperous future.  Here are some examples: - Imagine waking up every day after a good night’s sleep feeling rested, energised and ready to take on the world because you have also been taking care of your body through regular exercise and a healthy diet. You will always feel wealthy because your health is in top shape. - Picture yourself feeling mentally sharp, focused and emotionally balanced because you have been practicing self-care, mindfulness, or seeking professional help whenever needed. Your mental health is thriving, so you feel like the richest person in the world because of it. - Try to always be surrounded by supportive friends and loved ones who are always there to lift you up and be there for you in times of need. You then feel rich in relationships because you feel or know that your social well-being is flourishing.  But not everyone has equal access to resources for good health, such as nutritious food, good healthcare, or environmental influences. Genetics or socio-economic status also plays a role in a person's health outcomes. Additionally, prioritising their health can sometimes be an unrealistic expectation that places undue pressure on people.  So, this week, remember to take time to care for yourself and reap the rewards of good health by adopting a holistic approach to health that considers all aspects of well-being. Remember, health is always a measure of your wealth, so go on, try to have more of it!

This week I want to talk to you about how there's no point in you just having a theory, as you always have to first test it to out over and over again to make sure that it works and then do it until you are sure it works properly. A strong theory guides you only, as it has to work in tandem with experimentation for true progress. The only way to test a theory is to put it to the test over and over again, until you’re confident that it’s not just a fluke and always works in practice. Just having a theory or idea is never enough; you must always test it repeatedly to ensure its validity. Testing theories is crucial in many areas, not only in science, research, or product development, but even in other seemingly disparate things, such as cooking, education, or psychology.  Remember, your theory is only ever your starting point. The real magic only happens when you put your ideas to the test. This process of experimentation and testing is always crucial, as it is only through this process that we will uncover new discoveries, advancements and ways of doing things.  Here are some examples: - When cooking, there’s no point in you just following a recipe. You actually have to cook the dish and taste it first to make sure it’s delicious enough before serving it to other people and then always see if you can improve it the next time you make it. - With education, there's no point in you just having a teaching strategy. You have first to implement it in the classroom and assess pupils' understanding to see if it's effective in helping them to learn and then continually be prepared to tweak it for individual pupils, as everyone learns differently. - In personal psychology, there's no point in just having a hypothesis. You have to first conduct your own experiments and gather your own facts to always support or refute your hypothesis, leading to your better understanding of any behaviour by yourself or anyone else. However, whilst testing a theory is always essential to validate credibility and ensure practicality, without a clear theory to test, you may be aimlessly conducting experiments without a clear goal. Theoretical frameworks help shape questions, ultimately leading to more focused and purposeful outcomes, but also provide context for understanding results. So, this week, remember how theory and experimentation go hand in hand. Don’t just settle for having a theory, take practical steps to first test it practically to confirm validity.  Then take time to analyse results, to refine your thinking based on evidence. This is how true progress is made!

This week I want to talk to you about how, as you navigate the ups and downs of life, you must always remember that, if life isn’t going as planned, it's alright to change direction, or embrace new beginnings and not be afraid to start again in a new direction. Sometimes, life doesn’t go as you had unconsciously initially planned it to, so you can often then find yourself in a place that’s very different from the one where you had hoped to be by now, so you are then somewhat unsure of what your next steps should be. Starting again is really an opportunity for growth and a fresh start. It doesn’t mean that you are giving up, or admitting defeat. It just means that you are now taking more control of life and making positive choices that align with your true desires or aspirations. Whether it's a relationship that didn't work out, a job that didn't go well, or a goal you didn’t achieve, it's never too late to hit the reset button. Remember, every setback you face is actually an opportunity for growth and every ending is a chance for a new beginning. Starting again also means you consciously learn from past mistakes and use them as stepping stones towards a better future. This can be daunting and overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and new beginnings, as long as you embrace the unknown with courage, confidence and resilience to succeed. • An example of starting over could be someone who decides to end a toxic relationship and begin a new but scary journey of self-rediscovery and healing. • Another example could be a person who leaves an unsatisfying job to pursue their passion and start a new career path that brings them more joy and fulfilment. • A different example is someone who sets themselves a goal to run a ‘marathon’ of some sort, but who faces setbacks along the way. Instead of giving up, they just pick themselves up, dust themselves down and start over with a different plan and determination to achieve a new goal. But remember, it’s not always easy or practical to simply walk away from a toxic relationship, quit a job to pursue a passion, or to change your plans. In reality, there are often financial, emotional, logistical barriers, or family responsibilities that prevent people from making drastic changes in their life. So, this week, take a deep breath and embrace any fresh start with an open heart and a positive mindset. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome obstacles in your way. You always have the power to create the life you want, so don't be afraid to start again!

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