Me, Myself, and I: How to have a relationship with me

Sharlene H McClendon

Me, Myself, and I: How to have a relationship with me (MMI) was born out of the beauty of a relationship that is loving, honoring, and cherishing oneself. As a therapist, I constantly see individuals who struggle in relationships with others because a relationship with themselves was never developed. I believe God’s greatest gift is relationships, yet we struggle to manage, engage, or develop relationships that support ourselves and others. Through developing MMI, I followed what I believe is the foundation God shared in Matthew 22:39 “And the second is like, unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. Love is something special we give away, but not until we first give it to ourselves. MMI helps build a healthy relationship with you first by utilizing the 6-keys of safety, trust, stability, acceptance, patience, and love, so a healthy relationship is built with others. I hope and pray that a relationship is built to support your uniqueness, beauty, and specialness. *The information in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is it not to be used in lieu of mental health services.* read less

Health & FitnessHealth & Fitness

Start Here

Why are attachments important to relationships?

Why are attachments important to relationships?

Attachments serve as the navigation system for developing safety, trust, stability, patience, acceptance, and love for oneself. However, when an attachment is skewed or violated, it can create a faulty attachment that affects how you see and show up for yourself and others. If such attachments are not addressed, they can change the direction of your present and future. It is essential to recognize the signs of a faulty attachment and address it to avoid negative impacts on your self-image and relationships. By doing so, you can gain tools to develop healthy attachments, which are the foundation for building healthy relationships, especially with self.

Episodes

Why are attachments important to relationships?

Why are attachments important to relationships?

Attachments serve as the navigation system for developing safety, trust, stability, patience, acceptance, and love for oneself. However, when an attachment is skewed or violated, it can create a faulty attachment that affects how you see and show up for yourself and others. If such attachments are not addressed, they can change the direction of your present and future. It is essential to recognize the signs of a faulty attachment and address it to avoid negative impacts on your self-image and relationships. By doing so, you can gain tools to develop healthy attachments, which are the foundation for building healthy relationships, especially with self.

Relationships 101

Relationships 101

A relationship with yourself is vital to your health and well-being by building and nurturing your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Your relationship with you gives you insight into how your values and belief system set the stage and are connected to belonging, safety, and trust in your authentic self. The authentic you that owns and honors your voice, visions, thoughts, emotions, and self-worth.

Why are relationships hard?

Why are relationships hard?

Experiencing hurtful and uncomfortable situations can cause a skewed look at relationship building. Yes, relationships can and at times be challenging to manage, grow, and develop, however, with the proper tools they can be beautiful and amazing. Gaining an understanding of why relationships are hard can be the first line of defense to moving from hard to loving relationships. Keep in mind the first relationship to move from hard to loving is the one with yourself. Your relationship with yourself will be the guide to advancing all your relationships.

Are you operating in a co-dependent relationship?

Are you operating in a co-dependent relationship?

Are you allowing others to supply you with information surrounding who you should be? Co-dependency leads to a discount of self and feelings, resulting in doubt of your importance and value. Creating a message that others’ beliefs are your blueprint for your thoughts, behavior, and feelings. If you are struggling to find your voice and identity due to only seeing the values in others, and not yourself, you might be experiencing co-dependency. Healthy relationships are created based on the value of self that you develop and not just the value others provide.

Are you resistant to rest?

Are you resistant to rest?

Rest is fundamental to the whole of who you are, but the negative messages from family, friends, or society can cause you to forfeit loving yourself through rest. Are you loving yourself daily by being still, open, and engaging with yourself through rest? Do you give yourself permission to rest without negative messages of you being lazy or unmotivated? I challenge you to assess what it means to you to rest. How often do you rest, and what message(s) do you tell yourself when you rest?

Real emotions can produce false emotions

Real emotions can produce false emotions

Emotions give you content and information to navigate how you show up, engage, and release you into the world. When not properly addressed or managed, emotions can become a runaway training destroying everything and everyone in its path. As beautiful as emotions can be, they can also be damaging. Utilizing healthy tools and coping skills, along with developing a relationship with yourself, you get to determine and manage the emotions and put them in their proper place.

Help, I am lonely!

Help, I am lonely!

Loneliness is an epidemic that is affecting many today and is tied to the quality of your life. Understand loneliness isn’t just connected to the lack of relationship with others but connected to a lack of knowing yourself. This is why it is important to build a relationship with you that will allow you to get to know the authentic you. In knowing you, you can find a village that will support, see, and accept all of you.

I don’t do relationships

I don’t do relationships

Relationships are the heart of who we are, but due to trauma, pain, and disappointments, they can feel overwhelming to manage. Learning to see, accept, and discover yourself is the first step in developing a relationship with yourself. Give yourself the gift and permission to say yes to the original you and to the relationships that honor the original you.

How emotions can create your value

How emotions can create your value

Your emotions and value can be seen as two sides to the same coin, but they are not. Emotions are a navigation system that drives the value that is attached to your belief system. Whether through expressions or suppression, emotions can create a positive or negative narrative of who you are. Leaving you disconnected and lost to the most important person, you.

The Idea of Love vs. Actual Love

The Idea of Love vs. Actual Love

The idea of love and love is sometimes seen as the same thing, but they are not. Love isn’t perfect, yet it is an action that holds a sacred space that allows you to be seen, supported, and wanted just as yourself. The idea of love creates a falsehood that is connected to only your emotions and feelings, which creates fairy tales. Does the space that you hold for you allow you to want, support, and see the whole of you? Or does space causes you to see yourself through an idea that holds you to unrealistic expectations, perfection, shame, and guilt?

Why do I self-sabotage my relationship with myself?

Why do I self-sabotage my relationship with myself?

Conscious or unconscious, the belief we have about ourselves is rooted in our life experiences, our relationships, and what was modeled for us. Self-sabotage is no different. Consciously or unconsciously, we make decisions that are driven by our emotions which are triggered by our thoughts and attached to what we believe about ourselves. As you move forward with building a relationship with yourself, give yourself the gift of grace, kindness, and acceptance which produces self-love and self-worthiness.

Don’t believe everything you feel

Don’t believe everything you feel

Emotions and feelings are strong and bold and provide us with much-needed information about who we are, what we want, and how to move. However, if not properly identified or managed, they can become like runaway trains out of control. No matter how much you try and control them, they will pick up excessive speed causing great damage. During this podcast and blog, I will be addressing what are emotions and feelings and the importance of them building a healthy relationship with Me, Myself, and I. Let 2023 be the year that you build a healthy relationship with yourself and connect with other relationships that can honor the whole of you.

People Pleasing

People Pleasing

Building a healthy relationship with oneself is a direct barrier to people pleasing. People pleasing is a belief that others’ needs and wants are more important than one’s own needs resulting in a disconnection from self. As we move into the holiday season, remember that you are just as important as others you may encounter during the holiday season. Remember to be good to yourself and know that only one of you exists.

How can a trauma bond affect your relationship with yourself?

How can a trauma bond affect your relationship with yourself?

Trauma bonds are relationships that are built through unhealthy hormonal attachments that produce pain and hurt that create a false definition of safety, love, and trust connected to repeated abuse. Whether with family members, friends, or strangers, trauma bonds separate you from the original you. Being that trauma is trapped in the body based on an out-of-body experience, a connection to oneself can become lost creating a false sense of safety, love, and trust in self.

5 ways trauma affects your relationship with yourself

5 ways trauma affects your relationship with yourself

Trauma is an emotional response to distressing events that alters the original you. When experienced through one incident or multiple incidents, trauma creates a disconnection from the original you and becomes trapped in your body. Leaving you struggling to build a healthy relationship with yourself. Whether it is a lack of safety or trust, trauma can affect many parts of you causing healthy development to become impaired.

Anxiety does not mean you are not equipped!

Anxiety does not mean you are not equipped!

Anxiety does not mean you are not equipped, but that you need additional information. Anxiety is born when our brain does not have enough information to accurately predict the outcome of a situation in the present or future. Without accurate information, fear is introduced resulting in the brain being alert that a behavior must be implemented to maintain safety. For this reason, the outcome of building a relationship with ourselves is skewed and affected due to having limited or lacking identified information surrounding who we are

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially the one you have with yourself. If you have not established or defined trust for yourself, how do you measure it in your relationships? When trust is not demonstrated in healthy relationships or identified on your own, it can become skewed. MMI gives insight into what trust and a lack of trust produces. Remember, your definition of trust is your measuring stick for all relationships.

Identifying safety and unsafety in relationships is an important part of sustaining, maintaining, and participating in relationships. The same is true for you. Understanding how you view yourself through a lens of safety and unsafety can open door to how you move forward with seeing and building a relationship with yourself.

What are some challenges to developing a relationship with yourself?

What are some challenges to developing a relationship with yourself?

Relationships can be beautiful, loving, exciting, and challenging at the same time. Often, when challenged, we struggle to build and maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves. During episode #2, we will be discussing what are some of the challenges to building a healthy relationship with yourself. Those challenges can be value, biases, trauma/pain, comparison, grief, and resentment.

Why is it important to have a relationship with yourself?

Why is it important to have a relationship with yourself?

Having a relationship with yourself is the cornerstone of all your relationships. However, identifying and establishing a healthy relationship with you does not always happen, leading to isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and uncertainty. The episode “Why is the importance to have a relationship with yourself? will assist you in identifying your strength as you implement the keys to building safety, trust, stability, acceptance, patience, and love. Together, the 6-keys offer you the freedom to see your originality.