Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions. read less

Season 3 Episode 13: What Domestic Violence Perpetrators Steal From Survivors
Dec 20 2022
Season 3 Episode 13: What Domestic Violence Perpetrators Steal From Survivors
When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose" at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators.In this episode: Stories of recent successes of the Safe & Together Model from around the globe The importance of Perpetrator Pattern mapping to accurate documentation of harm including what has been taken awayDavid & Ruth also talk about how survivors describe  perpetrators stopping them from being the parent and the person they could've  been.  They offer up practical tips for practitioners about how to explore these losses including how to go beyond the question "are you afraid at home?" They also offer  validations for survivors' experiences of loss and limits. Other related episodesSeason 3 Episode 12 Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect With Survivors’ Mental Health And Substance Misuse IssuesSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of ResistanceSeason 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma KatzNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 3 Episode 12  Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect with Survivors’ Mental Health and Substance Misuse Issues
Nov 20 2022
Season 3 Episode 12 Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect with Survivors’ Mental Health and Substance Misuse Issues
Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta.All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators.  In this episode of Partner With A Survivor, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the Safe & Together Model’s intersections offers a more powerful and accurate way to discuss the relationship between mental health, substance misuse and domestic violence. Point by point they explore how perpetrators' behaviors intersect with adult and child survivors’ mental health and substance misuse. They examine how perpetrators CauseExacerbateInterfere WithFabricate Weaponize these issues. They highlight the importance of contexualizing the survivors’ issues back to the perpetrators’ pattern and  envisioning how perpetrators’ might be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Other Related EpisodesSeason 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators’ Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against SurvivorsSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not The Same As Domestic Violence-Informed: A Conversation About The Intersection Of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & AddictionSeason 2, Episode 5: How Professionals Can Avoid Being Manipulated By PerpetratorsEpisode 30: 4 Ways The Concept Of Trauma Bonding Works Against SurvivorsEpisode 18: Survivors Aren’t Broken! An Intimate Discussion About Support And Partnership In Relationships
Season 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to The Perpetrator: An essential tool for interrupting victim blaming
Nov 11 2022
Season 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to The Perpetrator: An essential tool for interrupting victim blaming
Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?”  or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.”  These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors  and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors. In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, Ruth & David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of 'Pivoting to the Perpetrator'  which offers specific steps to interrupt victim blaming, and to shift the focus on to where it belongs– the perpetrator’s behaviors. The practice helps professionals better assess whether interventions with perpetrators are helping or hindering survivor safetyBetter recontextualize how survivor “denial” or “non-compliance” is shaped by the perpetrator’s behaviors and the failures of systems’ interventionsBe successful with their most challenging cases through better collaborations with survivors and more effective interventions with perpetrators In this episode, Ruth and David lay out what Pivoting is, why it is important & how to do the three part practice in your work. They discuss the application of  Pivoting and how it is an essential skill for domestic violence-informed practice. Other Related Episodes Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of ResistanceSeason 2 Episode 22: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety And Victim-BlamingSeason 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps To Partnering With SurvivorsEpisode 2: Victim Blaming
Season 3 Episode 9: Coercive Control in Children's and Mother's Lives: An interview with author and academic Dr. Emma Katz
Sep 22 2022
Season 3 Episode 9: Coercive Control in Children's and Mother's Lives: An interview with author and academic Dr. Emma Katz
In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children.  In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss: How she was inspired to write the book by identifying how the literature was ignoring the experience of children in homes impacted by coercive controlThe “magic” question that unlocked the stories of adult and child survivors How children and their mothers are impacted by perpetrators’ coercive control How an emphasis on physical violence can blind professionals to key aspects of the experience of children The similarities between the experiences of adult and child survivorsHow children’s agency is minimized and adult survivors are blamed through the use  of the term “parentification” How mental health approaches are deficient in their identification of protective efforts How the use of the term “historic abuse” rarely useful How adult and child survivors heal from coercive control To buy Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022) Use the discount code ASFLYQ6 to get 30% offTo buy Amazon Kindle of Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022)Emma Katz's popular, free to download 2020 article 'When Coercive Control Continues to Harm the Children Post-Separation' Emma Katz on TwitterEmma Katz on ResearchGateEmma Katz on Instagram Emma Katz on FacebookEmma Katz on LinkedIn Emma Katz on YoutubeEmma Katz's previous podcastsSHERASHERA on TwitterListen to these related Partnered with a Survivor episodes Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma KatzSeason 2 Episode 8: “I Spiraled Down To A Dark Place:” An Interview With A Young Survivor Of Officer-Involved Domestic Violence And His MumSeason 1 Episode 1: Coercive Control And Consent
Season 3 Episode 8: Understanding Reproductive Coercion: An Interview with Dr. Heather McCauley
Aug 18 2022
Season 3 Episode 8: Understanding Reproductive Coercion: An Interview with Dr. Heather McCauley
In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STI & health issues.   Reproductive coercion is a common part of perpetrator's patterns of coercive control, violence & abuse.  Condom manipulation & pregnancy coercion are two common ways perpetrators entrap  victims in relationships.  Survivors who share children with a perpetrator are often unable to extricate themselves because of societal support, religious beliefs,  gender biases & institutional support for the 'authority' of the perpetrator over their victims.  Family court, criminal courts & our systems of care often blame women for having children with perpetrators. Pregnancy is assumed to be in the control of the survivor, even when domestic violence is known issue. Women in this situations can face tremendous judgement including being thought of  as stupid, promiscuous , failing to understand the impact of domestic violence or choosing to continue a relationship with a perpetrator. These attitudes  further entrap survivors,  victimizing them & placing them child survivors in danger.  In this interview, David, Ruth & Dr. McCauley talk about topics like:How important it is to identify common acts of resistance to reproductive coercion so we accurately assess survivors protective and safety strategies. How resistance to reproductive coercion often elicits violence - as does any form of resistance to a perpetrator of intimate partner violence. How a lack of professional awareness of the patterns & strategies of reproductive coercion is a danger to survivors & their safety & wellbeing.  How reproductive coercion is much like the war time strategy of rape to enforce compliance, to frighten & to control. The  need for men to be part of the discussion around consent, family planning & reproductive health & the need for further engagement & accountability for perpetrators.  With some governments moving to remove reproductive rights, bodily self determination, access to abortion & birth control, it is vital to have a discussion of what reproductive coercion is, how it most often manifests as behaviors & what the impact is for survivors. Diving down into how reproductive coercion is supported by our societal attitudes, laws & institutional practices is key addressing the systemic nature of reproductive coercion.  The podcast also includes positive statements on the dignity & autonomy of women &  speaks about the prevalence of attitudes which support & normalize reproductive coercion.For more information on Dr. McCauleyhttps://vaw.msu.edu/people/mccauley-heather-sc-d/Further listening on this topicSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors’ Acts of Resistance
Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors' Acts of Resistance
Jun 5 2022
Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors' Acts of Resistance
Too often conversations about domestic violence define survivors as passive trauma survivors with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real they only tell part of the story.  On a daily basis, survivors engage in  small and large acts of resistance to coercive control & domestic violence.   Based in their knowledge of the perpetrator,  their assessment of the system and available supports, survivors engage in targeted strategic actions that are important to their own safety and  the safety and well being of their children. Not just passive recipients of abuse,  survivors actively use a variety of behaviors to carve out physical and emotional "safe zones" a term coined by Dr. Evan Stark, author of Coercive Control.  These acts of resistance can include:Lying the the perpetratorDefending their children from abuseFighting back physicallyStanding up for what they and their children need They can include ways to defy the perpetrators' rules or places in the survivor's mind where she fantasies about freedom or retreats into her mind when he is abusing her .  In this episode Ruth and David discuss:how these acts of resistance are often decontextualized from the perpetrators' pattern survivors acts of resistance, particularly survivors from Black, Indigenous and other marginalized communities, often criminalized the importance of professionals recognizing these acts of resistance as part of the process of partnering with survivors and avoiding failure to protect practice David & Ruth also showcase the audio from a video produced by Orana House, a refuge in Western Australia, called "Warrior Women" that showcases survivors' acts of resistance. Watch the video.
Season 3 Episode 5 Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: Managing Your Own Fears About the Safety of the Family
May 15 2022
Season 3 Episode 5 Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: Managing Your Own Fears About the Safety of the Family
In this final installment of the  minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance  best practice around  the question of practitioners  own fears about the safety of the family.  Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes these fears are directly related to the facts of the perpetrator's pattern. In other instances they are artifacts of prior cases, overwhelm from crushing workloads, or lack of training working with perpetrators.  In this minisode, Ruth and David explore the factors that can influence professionals' fears and some support strategies. These factors include: Fears that  that the professionals' actions might make the situation worseBeing influenced by other cases where the adult or child survivors were seriously abused or murderedBeing overwhelmed with a heavy caseload, making it more difficult to focus on the specifics of a case Feeling like the survivor is not acting as they "should"Being hampered by a lack of skill and confidence working with perpetrators  Strategies to help can include: Assessing perpetrators patterns-while it is no guarantee, getting history of patterns is one of the best ways to predict future behaviorsPartner with the survivor who is the best source of information about the perpetrator’s pattern and give offer information on what on current protection effortsGet supervision from your supervisor or from peers. Bring the case to a Safe & Together Intersections Meeting or another collaborative meeting to discuss itUse the Safe & Together Institute Ally Guide to increase family and friend support for the survivorUse the Safe & Together Institute Choose To Change toolkit to increase positive support for the perpetrator Agencies should work to create an environment where workers feel comfortable talking about their worries about their caseTo listen to other minisode of worker safety and health:Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of AbuseSeason 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Are Survivors ThemselvesSeason 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim-BlamingSeason 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetratorSeason 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series
Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of Abuse
Feb 6 2022
Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of Abuse
In this fifth installment of the  minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse histories can be a real asset for an agency that addresses domestic violence in the families they serve. Research shows that a variety of professionals include health and child welfare have significant prevalence rates for histories of domestic violence, sexual violence and child abuse and neglect. McLindon, Humphreys and Hegarty found  in one study of female personnel at medical facility in Australia that  at  "....45.2% (212) of participants reported violence by a partner and/or family member during their lifetime, with 12.8% (60) reporting both. "    A Spanish study found that a " total of 1,039 health professionals participated in the study. Of these, 26% had suffered some type of abuse. Among the men, this prevalence was 2.7%, while among the women, it was 33.8%."  A 2003 United States study found that 1/2 of child protection workers had histories of intimate partner violence. David & Ruth discuss the significance of this data including:the research suggesting that workers with histories of abuse may be more sensitive to the issue, including working harder to keep children with survivors  But can also lead to victim blaming, collusion with perpetrators, lack of engagement with perpetrators, fears and stressKeeping with their solution focused approach, David & Ruth discuss what agencies can do including: Build policies and training to reflect the assumption  that staff includes survivors of domestic violenceReview HR and Employee Assistance Programs to see if this is an identified issueDevelop communications and supervision strategies that start with new workers around their own histories and how to take care of themselvesName indicators or areas of concern Fears and resistance around engaging perpetrators as part of job Victim blaming Symptoms of stress like self medicatingRigid views on issues of domestic violenceAggressive and abusive behaviors toward colleagues or clientLook to use lived experience experts on your staff as a resourceCreate an employee lived experience advisory group that allows survivors to provide input as both survivors and professionals into agency policy and practiceCreate a confidential peer support network—lived experience experts who are trained to help other survivors on staff, supporting each other to bring their "A" game to workTrain supervisors to keep focus on professional behavior while supporting workers to get the help they need. ReferencesMieko Yoshihama, Linda G Mills. When is the personal professional in public child welfare practice?: The influence of intimate partner and child abuse histories on workers in domestic violence cases. Child Abuse & Neglect, Volume 27, Issue 3, 2003, Pages 319-336.McLindon, E., Humphreys, C., & Hegarty, K. (2018). “It happens to clinicians too”: An Australian prevalence study of intimate partner and family violence against health professionals. BMC Women’s Health, 18(1), 113. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12905-018-0588-yCarmona-Torres JM, Recio-Andrade B, Rodríguez-Borrego MA. Intimate partner violence among health professionals: distribution by autonomouscommunities in Spain. Rev Esc Enferm USP. 2017;51:e03256. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.1590/S1980-220X2016049803256To listen to other minisodes in this series" rel="nofollow">
Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization of Mental Health and Addiction Against Survivors
Jan 17 2022
Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization of Mental Health and Addiction Against Survivors
Have you ever seen survivors’ mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator?  Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor’s treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner?  In this podcast, David Mandel, Executive Director and Founder of the Safe & Together Institute and Ruth Stearns Mandel explore these questions. They also talk about  how  a perpetrator pattern-based approach can help protect survivors against these behaviors. The show is broken down into three major themes: What is weaponization of mental health and addiction?Why is  systems are vulnerable to these manipulations How we can fix (or perpetrator proof) our systemsDavid & Ruth talk about how perpetrator's fabricated allegations can gain currency through sheer repetition.  David breaks down emotional abuse into different types of abuse depending on who the perpetrator's audience is.  They also discuss how perpetrators benefit from:the tendency to pathologize/psychologize survivorsa lack of focus on strengthshow mental health and addiction issues are automatically assumed to reflect on parenting capacity gender bias about mental health, addiction and parenting lack of universal coercive control assessment in mental health and addiction They explore  strategies for improving clinical practice including assessing how current coercive control is impacting access to treatment.   They discuss how important it is to recontextualize survivors' issues back  perpetrator's patterns of behavior. David & Ruth examine the implications of documentation and reporting to family court and child protection. If you like this episode you might also like: Season 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family courtSeason 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processesSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-informed is not the same as domestic violence-informed: A conversation about the intersection of domestic violence perpetration, mental health & addictionEpisode 30: 4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against SurvivorsNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 3 Episode 1: "This is a collective male problem:" An interview with international journalist Grant Wyeth
Jan 10 2022
Season 3 Episode 1: "This is a collective male problem:" An interview with international journalist Grant Wyeth
(Apologies the sound quality of this episode is slightly less than we'd like.) In their opening episode of Season 3, Partnered with a Survivor co-hosts , David Mandel & Ruth Stearns Mandel, interview international journalist Grant Wyeth. Grant Wyeth is a researcher at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne, and a columnist for the Diplomat. He has written extensively about men's violence against women. In this interview, Grant offers an international perspective on: The backlash against the advancements of women  Male supremacist groups and their influence on politics how Richard Gardener's  "ideology" of parental alienation was intended to influence the family court's position domestic violencehow Gardener's influence has caused more harm than  Leonard Warwick's violence against Australian judges, the family court and others who helped his ex-partnerhow journalists  can do a better job covering male violence against womenTo learn more about Grant and his journalismNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 24: From Police Inspector to “Moral Rebel”: An interview with Graham Goulden
Dec 24 2021
Season 2 Episode 24: From Police Inspector to “Moral Rebel”: An interview with Graham Goulden
Ask Graham Goulden about the Bystander Approach to violence prevention, he’ll  talk to you about being a “moral rebel.” “Moral rebels” intervene to stop violence when others standby. “Moral rebels” act when others walk away.  Graham, a  former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, training and crime prevention, is a passionate advocate of the bystander approach.  Graham focuses on teaching concrete behavioral strategies to safely intervene in the attitudes which promote abuse & sexual violence well before violence occurs. He speaks about concrete ways we can train our brain to intervene & hold our friends & loved ones accountable and become effective active bystanders.In this episode, Ruth & David talk with Graham about his active bystander work within law enforcement where attitudes of organizational self protection and misapplied notions of loyalty often harm those reporting dangerous & criminal behaviors by co workers.  David & Ruth discuss with Graham:His involvement with a recent Scottish National Police’s “Don’t Be That Guy”  campaign focused on men’s sexually assaultive attitudes & behaviors. Concrete actions can bystanders take to safely intervene when they see men behaving in abusive waysChanging law enforcement attitudes around perpetration of intimate partner & sexual violenceLearn more about Graham Goulden’s Cultivating Minds UK Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Are Survivors Themselves
Nov 27 2021
Season 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Are Survivors Themselves
In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace.   In a just over  20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: David's history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization How workers going through the Safe & Together Model training are seeing their own experience reflected in the materialHow agencies are using the Safe & Together Model to identify employees whose performance is suffering due to abuse and provide them with greater support In the middle part of the minisode, David and Ruth discuss perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace including: Behaviors that cause survivors to miss time at work like taking the car or stopping her from leaving or making her worried the children will be unsafe if she leave Unwanted, often repeated calls to the workplace, showing up at work Stalking and surveillance behaviors which may make it fearful for someone to be out in the communityAccusations of affairs if she meeting alone with male clientsWhen the professional works for agencies like child protection or the courts,  threats of calling the police or child protection may carry with it extra shame and fear of losing employment  . As result, survivors  may  may present as  with performance issues including missed days, lateness, being distracted or unable to focus at work; irritability with coworkers, and feelings of being overwhelmed. In the final portion of the minisode, David & Ruth outline some strategies for agencies including:  Ensuring that any employee safety policy explicitly recognizes the connection between coercive control and employee performance, and how perpetrators target workers at worker as a powerful form of control.  Agencies needing to clearly articulates how it will support and respond to an employee who is experiencing domestic violence including how performance concerns will be handled sensitively and in context.Particularly important in agencies where a threat of a report creates fears for one's jobs and shame, any workplace policy needs to be clear about how survivors confidentiality amongst her peers will be safeguarded, e.g. specialized process for handling informationWhen the perpetrator is a fellow employee, the consequences for abusive behavior must be clear. The agency policy must work to be responsive to the needs of survivors, e.g. reassignment to a different area or rotation of schedule to respond to threats of stalking that may impeding performance or safety;Communication of this policy must shared proactively on a regular basis so that survivors have the information they need to protect themselves from threats against their job Train supervisors, managers, and HR around handling these items consistently with policy, including training to always consider domestic violence victimization as one of the possible reasons for poor performanceInstitute a flex policy that supports workers in their ability to attend court for protection order hearings, criminal cases ,and family matters when domestic violence is involved. About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim Blaming
Nov 27 2021
Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim Blaming
In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming.   In a just over  15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: How a lack of knowledge of how fathers' choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper  work with violent fathers How these gaps can be worse for fathers from communities where racism has led to the further vilification of men, as being dangerous, irresponsible, or irrelevantHow this lack of knowledge, skills and confidence can lead to workers feeling unsafe about engaging fathers who have been violent, which leaves the worker to focus on survivors' choices as means to keep children safeVictim blaming results when the survivor doesn't act in accordance with agency wishesIn the second half of the minisode, David and Ruth outline some steps agencies can take including:  Training  workers to have the skills and confidence to assess the influence of all father’s choices on the family functioning- not just seeing the mum as the responsible for the functioning of the home. Training workers in the skills and confidence to engage fathers , even ones with histories of violencePrioritize whole- of- family work including incorporation in to reflective supervisionRequire regular conversations about worker emotional and physical  safety in domestic violence cases as a regular, proactive part  of supervisionCreate a culture where workers know that expressing safety worries is normal, and  that they will be supported around strategies for safety, not judged for disclosing fearsEnsure that domestic violence case are  explicitly mentioned in any worker safety policy About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute’s white paper on worker safetyNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being:  When workers are targeted by the perpetrator
Nov 7 2021
Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetrator
In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators.   In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways   workers are targeted including:Manipulation,  intimidation  and bullying Threats  of or actual lawsuits and  complaints lodged with managers, professional boards,  or courts  Implied or real threats against family members Stalking (online or in real life)Ruth  & David also discuss how  misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers.  David  & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety and support strategies that agencies can put in place to respond to the behaviors of perpetrators.  These include: Explicitly widen out the concept of worker safety to include intimidation, manipulation, not just explicit threats or acts of  violenceMake this wider definition of worker safety a regular part, preventative (not reactive)  supervision in casesEnsure that staff that handle client  complaint  or review boards are educated around coercive control and pattern based assessmentsPerformance reviews and human resources procedures  need to be consider the impact of threats and intimidation  on a worker's performance      About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute’s white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violenceNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series
Oct 31 2021
Season 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series
In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth  will introduce the theme of  worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems.  Since the inception of the Model, it has been central to  know the perpetrators pattern, not only as it related to  domestic violence-informed work with the family,  but also as it related to the safety & efficacy of the worker. A worker, who is engaging a family where there is domestic violence, needs to know if perpetrator has a known pattern of violence or intimidation toward others outside the family. This is a basic domestic violence informed practice related to worker safety.  Since then our understanding of the organizational importance of addressing worker safety and well being has only grown.  Worker safety may impact attrition and retentionworker mental and emotional healthworker performance  the safety and well-being of workers who are survivors themselves.As the Safe & Together Institute's work and our collaborations with Professor Cathy Humphreys has shown, when worker safety concerns go unaddressed child protection workers may be more blaming of survivors and hold perpetrators less accountable as parents out fear for their own safety;  This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a  series for human resources managers and organizational leadership.  Setting policies and procedures to addresses worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence informed agency.   Topics in the series will include:·      When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clients·      The connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice. ·      When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)·      When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with families ·      Managing your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family. We hope you join us for the other episodes. Read the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violence Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Season 2 Episode 19:  Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family court
Oct 31 2021
Season 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family court
Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over.  Survivors know differently.  Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship.  In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth and David discuss:  ·      How post separation coercive control distinguishes through a heavy focus on “remote control’ abuse, abuse from a distance, using proxies to maintain and extend control; targeting and use of children; efforts to control the survivors’ parenting, and the use and targeting of finances. ·      How post separation coercive control often involves new avenues and targets for manipulation, often centered around family court and child protection systems.  ·      How the risk assessment frameworks used by many professionals fails to capture harm to children and the omnipresent influence of coercive control in the post separation period-regardless of whether there have been recent acts of violence or not.·      How one of the main factors used by courts for assessing the fitness of a parent-their willingness and ability to co parent-can be used to increase accountability for perpetrators as parents: when post separation coercive controlling patterns of behaviors are taken into consideration and mapped as parenting choices & are considered an impediment to healthy & safe co parenting.Toward the end of the episode, Ruth passionately describes how systems take survivors’ disclosures and “hurt us with them”, and how this can be more harmful than the abuse itself.  David asks professionals to reflect on the ways that survivors are vulnerable to post separation coercive control by virtue of our collective lack of awareness & appropriate responses to this form of abuse.  Listen to related episodes of Partnered with A SurvivorSeason 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processesSeason 2 Episode 12: How coercive control harms child safety & wellbeing: An interview with researcher Dr. Emma KatzNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real