If you're struggling and need help with your relationships, where should you turn? Libby shares her advice on how to find good help. Meta analyses of studies that show that therapeutic alliance matters more than therapeutic modality for positive outcomes in therapy: https://psycnet.apa.org/PsycARTICLES/journal/pst/55/4 APA article explaining: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

What is compersion? Can you cultivate compersion in yourself and in your relationships? Libby invites Marie Thouin, PhD to discuss her research and book on this important and sometimes misunderstood topic in polyamory. Marie's book! https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781538183939/What-Is-Compersion-Understanding-Positive-Empathy-in-Consensually-Non-Monogamous-Relationships Marie's Compersion Resources: https://www.whatiscompersion.com/ Marie's Coaching Website: https://www.loveinsight-dating.com/ Marie's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love_insight_dating/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by Genevieve King of Chill Polyamory to discuss individualism, community care, and ways you can shift your mindset to ecological thinking within polyamorous (or not!) relationship structures. Genevieve's Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chillpolyamory Genevieve on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PUizxdp_vj2A5fUdBgzgw Genevieve's website: https://www.chillpolyamory.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby invites Courtney Brame of Something Positive for Positive People to discuss herpes, stigma, and sexual health. Something Positive for Positive People: https://www.spfpp.org/ SPFPP Podcast: https://www.spfpp.org/podcast Herpes Stigma Virtual Conference in May: https://www.spfpp.org/offerings/p/conferences Courtney's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneybrame_/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby discusses the distinction between offers and requests in relating and how important it can be to make sure you're saying what you actually mean. Kai Cheng Thom's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaichengthom/?hl=en Spectrum of Consent: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kvYW4eSVKRuwUt5Mc-DnCyNVzvA036f8/view?usp=sharing Marcia Baczynski on Desire Smuggling: https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/desire-smuggler/ 27 Alternatives to "Is this Okay?": https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/27-alternatives-to-asking-is-this-okay/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Aubri Lancaster about asexuality and aromanticism. Aubri's website: https://acesexeducation.com/ Aubri's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acesexeducation/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares her thoughts about debate about whether hierarchy is bad or wrong in polyamory. Additional reading: Lola Phoenix - the Hierarchy Polyamorous People Don't Talk Enough About: https://www.nonmonogamyhelp.com/the-hierarchy-polyamorous-people-dont-talk-enough-about/ Ready for Polyamory - Is there a Problem with Hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy Poly.Land - Sneakiarchy: https://poly.land/2018/11/01/sneakiarchy-secret-hierarchy-dishonest-egalitarianism/ Joreth Retracts Descriptive vs Prescriptive Hierarchy: https://joreth.dreamwidth.org/408917.html Podcast episodes referenced in the episode: Veto Happens: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/veto-happens Where is this Going?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-going --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Most folks practicing nonmonogamy accept that no one person can meet all their needs. And yet, sometimes it can be challenging when a new partner starts meeting needs that haven't been met by an established relationship. In this episode Libby explores the trickiness when new relationships fulfill desires that established ones don't some ideas to help you navigate this situation well. There’s Nothing to Fear: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/theres-nothing-to-fear9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/9-relationships-of-a-modern-marriageWhere is this going? https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-goingThis may be a bitter pill https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/this-may-be-a-bitter-pill --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

This week Libby shares a re-release from December 2019 about the science of compassion, and why it's key to loving relationships, including the one with yourself. The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination Kristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Part two of Libby's conversation with Dr. Joli Hamilton where they discuss how navigating differences can open a relationship and the people in it into transformation. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

What happens when exploring different relationship styles reveals uncomfortable differences between you and a partner? In this episode, Libby talks with Dr. Joli Hamilton about polyamory as a sacred process of individuation and grief. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Long-requested, Libby discusses solo polyamory with Crystal Byrd Farmer, author, organizer, diversity consultant.. and solo polyamorist. SHOW LINKS: Crystal's website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com/ Crystal's book: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token Solo polyamory: https://solopoly.net/2014/12/05/what-is-solo-polyamory-my-take/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this part 2, Libby and Alyssa talk through some of the challenges that can show up in nonmonogamy for people who are neurodiverse --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Alyssa discuss being neurodiverse and how polyamory and being neurodiverse can complement each other beautifully. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Triangles show up in relationships all over the place. In this episode Libby discusses triangulation, what it is, common ways it can show up in polyamory, and whether triangulation can harm or help. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks through when she personally does NOT opt for boundaries, and why boundaries are often the last move she will make in navigating relationship difficulties. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Jules answer a listener who asks, "If boundaries are between you and you, then what is a boundary violation?" Jules also goes over her 6 steps to setting an external boundary. Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by author and therapist Juliane Taylor Shore to talk about internal boundaries and how crucial they are (even though they are often not talked about or overlooked when people talk about boundaries.) Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

A lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message