The Liquored Up Low Down: A Bizarre News Podcast

Perhaps there really was an Israeli Mossad Commander whose name translates to "Made A Fart" and he got into military operations because high school was so terribly, terribly hard for him. Coming to a bar near you! careful. My dog bites because my dog is an alligator. your auto insurance cover you for poor sexual decisions? Man. The voice of the people with very little to say. know there's a driving school out there somewhere that will teach you how to safely have sex in a moving vehicle. you have to rob ATMs, you're probably not a very successful rapper. Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

In this week's episode, learn about one practically perfect safety product for infants and toddlers, flawless with the exception of one small design flaw: working on the cover art for Mutant Rage Hamsters 2: This Time It's Personal. Whatever happened to Mutant Rage Hamsters 1? Let's just skip it and get to the good stuff. this corner: small weakling human with baseball cap on backwards with a body tempered by Fritos and charcoal grilled hot dogs. And in this corner: a 1700 pound grizzly bear who's pretty pissed that his natural environment is rapidly disappearing.Let's get ready to rumble!*interesting fact: my impression of an individual who thinks he can beat a grizzly bear in hand to hand combat sounds remarkably like Bill Cosby. you really want to live in a place that needs to pay you to live there? wonder if the brochures at the Bank of Zambia include any copies of the dick pics they send to ransomware gangs: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Cats are being locked down in a town in Germany because they like to eat endangered birds. At last, we have located the species responsible for environmental problems. Good thing we know where the fault lies!  Child abductors beware, you may be exposed to salty language during the commission of your crimes. Plant Plucking Poor Proposition new compelling Bigfoot photos! He's posting selfies on Twitter and his duck face is Amazing! Woman Uses Diabolical "Fake Snake" Escape Plan a Catfish in Virtual Reality Arianna Grande make out with Osama Bin Laden?

In case you didn't know, killing people can be bad for you. The process of body disposal can be quite exerting, so be sure to check with your doctor and ensure you're healthy enough to bury someone before you murder. In other news, you'll be able to rest easy knowing your Parmesan cheese is legit. No more sleepless nights! And listen as we enjoy the freedom of being able to say the c word multiple times because it's the news and that automatically makes it okay.Our Linktree: drink: Margaritas.The Easily Winded Murderer: Tracking: Determines the word Bald is Sexual Harassments But No Judgement on C%nt: Sue for Grandchildren: Gets Arrested for Bucket List: Article Removed for Plagiarism: Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

First we talk about two Real Estate Agents who have some sexy times during an alleged Open House. Then we move on to a woman who drove down stairs because her GPS told her to. Florida does not like Farts or Butt stuff on the Vanity plates. We talk about Miska the cat who was a victim of government over-reach. Canada is the first to prosecute crimes . . . on the moon.Our Linktree: Drink:Scotch!News Stories from This Episode:Open House Sexy Times: and Alcohol: Vanity Plates that were rejected: the Wind but for Cats: and Crimes on the Moon: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

We're drinking Martini's again, which succeeded in making Tom REALLY drunk. We first talk about a man who drinks his own pee. We then talk about the world's most terrifying teacher. An Art Collector buys a very expensive receipt from invisible art shows from the 50's. We did not know that "Fictosexuals" are really a thing. We close out the show with TWID: "Fractal Wood Burning" and its various dangers.Our Linktree: Drink:Gin Martinis!News Stories from This Episode:Drinking Your Own Pee is Good for You: World's Most Terrifying Teacher: Collector Buys Receipt for Invisible Art: Fictosexual Software Development: Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

We first talk about Pit Toilets and how your phone will just be replaced . . . they just give you a new one, right? A Romance Novelist who wrote an essay on how to kill your husband is going on trial for (allegedly) killing her husband. Bryan tells a story about Customer Service at Blockbuster while he was in college.  We then talk about an Anus that is not very smart about fake names. This Week in Duh is about dumb Americans not being able to read Nutrition Facts.Our Linktree: Drink: c. Orange Juice, Plus More For The Rims3 oz. fluid St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur2 oz. fluid Cointreau2 oz. fluid VodkaNews Stories from This Episode:The Great Pit Toilet Rescue Novelist Who Wrote "How to Murder Your Husband" Goes on Trial for Murdering Her Husband Blockbuster Part 2: Sad Hard Tale of Jerry Anus: Week in Duh Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

First, we delve into the cottage industry of being a jerk at Funerals by speaking for the dead and telling the living things they may not know about the deceased. Next we tally up items from the most recent cleanup of Jersey Beaches and count up items from what could be the world's biggest party. Take cover because John Hinckley Jr. is on tour! Let's all go to Cementland and it's creepy aftermath. We talk about a man who has 9 wives . . . wait . . . 8 wives. Tom saves "This Week in Duh" by talking about the obvious fact that if Aliens attacked our lives would be changed forever. Our Linktree: Drink:The Monte Carlo:2 oz Rye Whiskey1 oz Benedictine2 Dashes of BittersNews Stories from This Episode:Coffin Confessions: Beach Party: cover because John Hinckley Jr. is on tour! with 9 wives: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

We start with a hoarder who does a surprisingly good job of burying his mom and his sister. Did you know that most people would be OK with a sex robot as a third partner? There are racists in Canada, and they are not polite. One woman loses her Appendix because she didn't fart around her boyfriend for 2 years. And we close out with a woman who was body checked into pressing the "right" button to win $10 million.Our Linktree: Drink:The Ford: 2 oz Gin1 oz Dry Vermouth1/3 oz Benedictine2 Dashes Orange BittersNews Stories from This Episode:The OCD Hoarders: Robots and Threesomes: Dumbest Racist Ever: OK to Fart in Front of Your Boyfirend: Wins $10 Million after getting Body Checked into the "Right" Button: Contact Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Bryan tries to help Tom with his "barking dogs" problem. Did you know that McDonalds locations are part of a 5th Dimensional Plane of existence? Laundering money through Earth, Wind and Fire covers. A racist gets her comeuppance. "Here, you take care of my kids for me while I sleep." A construction worker drops poop from a crane and we ask "why?" for quite some time. Tom saves the day again with a "This Week in Huh?".Our Linktree: Drink:The Hearn (by The Dead Rabbit)News Stories from This Episode:Solve your dog barking problem: Money through Earth, Wind, and Fire Racist gets her comeuppance: You take care of my kids for me on this plane: fired after dropping his poop from a crane: Week in . . . Huh? Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

We start with The Fajita Thief and talk about what's the Gentlemanly thing to do with $1.2M dollars of Fajitas. Bryan's met Super Mario: the man who jumps cruise ship to cruise ship. Ambassador Kid Rock (thankfully) refrains from telling DJT what do do about North Korea. We talk about a Japanese Man who is paid to be a silent companion for people but ponder what a toll this must take on him. Turns out the CEO of Goldman Sachs steals peoples hearts just as he steals their money as a DJ. And finally Bryan admits to his laziness in the form of not replacing the Kleenex box as we discuss the last story before This Week in Duh. We finally have an obvious enough story in This Week in Duh that Tom and Bryan are finally both on the same page!Our Linktree: Drink:Bryan's Easter Candy:3 oz Vodka1 oz Vanilla Liquer1oz KahluaNews Stories from This Episode:The Great Fajita Thief: Super Mario: Cruise Ship Edition: Kid Rock: Japanese Man Paid to Take on Other People's Burdens: Plays Lollapalooza: Dirty Dishes Divorce: This Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Did you know that snakes can go dormant for years and then bite a mother fucker? Tom brings you your food porn with a pretentious Italian Chef. We throw you some red meat: a Florida Man story about meth and dumbness. Hidden Valley Ranch gets into the jewelry business. They can print balls now! Towards the end of the episode we admit we will sell out and we beg for sponsors. Still waiting, Diageo. This week in Duh: If you bash the company you work for on Youtube, you will get fired!Our Linktree: Drink:Beer with a Scotch ChaserNews Stories from This Episode:Snakes in a Wine Bottle: Pretentious Chef: Man Gets his Meth Checked by Police: One True Ranch to Rule Them All: Balls: Bread is not Bread: Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

We start with a harrowing Bus Ride heading down to Robben Island. Fans of money and Cadbury Eggs will like the story about a man who gobbled down a rare Cadbury egg but didn't get the prize money. We then get into our first story about someone putting something up their ass and requiring Medical help (and it probably won't be the last). Our fourth story is a follow up story about contraband Bologna. Chicken SVU: India settles a crime about 63 dead chickens. Our last official story is about a hand=held robot that will make you feel better when your bf/gf breaks up with you. Our "This Week in Duh" covers dumb-asses who don't know what Poutine is and jump tp some very bad conclusions.Our Linktree: Drink:The Classic Margarita:2 oz Tequila1 oz Triple Sec1 oz Lime JuiceNews Stories from This Episode:Robben Island Hell: Cadbury Egg Tragedy: WW2 Munitions Up Someone's Ass Tragedy: Funny About Contraband Bologna (Oh really?): Chickens Killed by Loud Wedding: the consoling robot: Week in (Poutine) Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

This week we try to find a job for Tom. A man thought a picture of a hipster was a stolen image of him, but it wasn't (the irony!). There is a job opening in Montana as a Bear Whisperer. A dog food company is paying people to sniff their own dog's poop. We discuss whether one can call dibs on baby names (spoiler alert: no, one can't). A St. Louis man tried to photocopy his butt in a crowded lobby because he thought it would be a good joke for his girlfriend. Our last official article is about the yearly top 10 list of confiscated items by the TSA. And finally, this week in duh includes a brewery that is making Molotov Cocktails in the Ukraine.Our Linktree: Drink:The Classic Margarita:2 oz Tequila1 oz Triple Sec1 oz Lime JuiceNews Stories from This Episode:The Hipster Effect: Bear Whisperer: Poop Sniffing: Can't Call Dibs on Baby Names: St. Louis Butt Copier Guy: Top 10: Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Did you know that using the wrong incantation as a Priest can make people go to Hell? "I am here for the interview . . . . cool tip jar." Our 3rd story is about attaching the wrong thing to your job application. Fatal attraction out there in Wyoming, PA. What would you change your name to, if you had the chance? Marie Unicorn Sparkles maybe? We also talk about another cool Valentine's Day gift. And finally, we educate you on the fact that drinking booze does not cure COVID.Our Linktree: Drink:2 oz Gin1oz Creme de MentheNews Stories from This Episode:The Polyglot Pastor: the Tip Jar: Period Tracker Application: Will Not be Ignored: Unicorn Sparkles: Zoo Cockroaches for Valentine's Day: Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Looking for a great Valentine's Day gift? Try the latest perfume . . . Frîtes . . . By Idaho. Did you know that Tesla's don't drive themselves? In the year 2022, someone uses the word "Sorcerer" in a Press Conference non-ironically. Husband upgrades to Business Class without his wife and Social Media is not a fan. A 5-year old kid attempts to drive to California to buy a Lamborghini.  Security Guard becomes an artist on his first day at work. And with "This Week in Duh" Tom learns why snow melts faster on the south side of your house.Our Linktree: Drink:The Gimlet:2 1/2 oz Gin1/2 oz Lime Juice1/2 oz Simple SyrupNews Stories from This Episode:Frîtes . . . By Idaho Autopilot is not Autopilot: Sorcerer and the Nail He's the Asshole 5-year-old Goes to Great Lengths for a Lamborghini Ballpoint Pen Artist Security Guard Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

Our accidental theme this week is Dogs and Meats. Our first story includes an "expert" on dogs' olfactory senses and their ability to sniff out zombies. Our second story is about meat-based vending machines in Germany and Singapore (thanks, COVID!). Then, we continue with a story about contraband bologna brought into the US from Mexico. Tom discloses another art story. This time it's about a very pretentious artist who believes highly in the magic of . . . gold. We then detour and talk about what profession Tom will take up during the apocalypse. We meet a "Mother of the Year" who told her kids to stay in the basement and "Just eat candy," while she vacationed in Florida.  Our last story involves a showdown over steak at The Golden Corral. This week in Duh includes crime and Florida.Our Linktree: Drink:The Gimlet:2 1/2 oz Gin1/2 oz Lime Juice1/2 oz Simple SyrupNews Stories from This Episode:Dogs and Zombies: Meat Vending Machines: Pounds of Bologna Seized at the US-Mexico Border: Pretentious Gold Cube Artist: Eat Candy" Mother of the YearShowdown at the Golden Corral: Week in "Duh": Too much crime reported in Florida means Facebook Page gets shut down: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

It turns out all those horror movies about haunted dolls are real. Buying a baby from a stranger is not really the way to go, especially at a Wal Mart. Did you know that some churches have Batman suits? Garden Torches are not good for clearing snow, but are great for burning down your house! Who's tougher, the Irish, or the Russians? We find out this episode.  We discuss the phenomenon of people dying by Selfie. And we close out by talking about why Pandas are fat. Enjoy!Our Linktree: Drink:SCOTCH!News Stories from This Episode:Get yourself a haunted Doll: Tries to Buy a Baby: Goes to Church: Uses Garden Torch to Clear Snow v Russia: a Selfieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Week in Duh: Why Pandas are Fat: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

This week we discuss the fate of Margo, the Divorced Sex Doll and what she's missing from Yuri, her very flamboyant ex. A dog that can ride the train is framed for pooping there for Political reasons, apparently. Did you know that just saying you are getting out of jail is an escape plan? An Oklahoma Kid saves two lives in one day and Bryan gets jealous because he's only saved one life. Los Angeles, PD: as in "Pokémon Department".  A man gets away with calling out sick from work while Bryan and Tom try to recreate his accent. And finally This Week in Duh finds us  talking about why masks are sexy.Our Linktree: Drink:The Manhattan:2 oz Rye Bourbon Whiskey1 oz Sweet Vermouth1 Dash Angostura Bitters1 Maraschino Cherry (Garnish)News Stories from This Episode:Poly Man Who Divorced his Sex Doll: is Framed for Pooping: Pretends to be Getting Out of Prison and Escapes: Saves Two Lives in One Day: Angeles Pokémon Department: Socks = No Work: This Week in Duh:Face Masks Make People More Attractive: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at:

This episode is packed with the most serious of topics: everything from science to dystopia to farts. We start with an in-depth discussion of fart jar science and connoisseurship. We then learn that the Earth is getting a Black Box (like in planes!) and we quote Carl Sagan. Do we really need a lickable TV? Bryan's not buying one anytime soon. There is more speculation about biological life on Venus and we quote Carl Sagan again. Tom gets very excited about Hamsters being able to drink. The Pope says "Have Kids not Pets" and Bryan has a lot to say about that. And we close out with dumb people's obsession with celebrity.Our Linktree: Drink:Tom:1 Splash LimoncelloLots of GinBryan:Line a Martini Glass with Dry VermouthLots of GinNews Stories from This Episode:The Big Fart Jar Con: Black Box for the Earth: Lickable TV: Dahl: on Venus? Kids in the Hall Alien Probe Skit: are Booze Hounds: Says You Should Have Kids, Not Pets: yes, Bryan realizes that he mispronounced "Dostoevsky".This Week in Duh: Info:Hate-mail, questions or topic ideas for the show, hit us up on twitter at @LiquoredUpLD or email us at liquoreduplowdown@gmail.com. Bryan can be reached on twitter @RussianLitGuy.  Tom can be reached on twitter @Intelligiant2.Find more of Bryan at: Tom as Donnie Kruger at: