Modern dating is fantastic if people knew how to use it properly. But alas, 98% of the population prefers to follow the road traveled to get to Point B from A. So finding someone who uses it in a unique way is often hard to find. And before you get upset that I am putting people into a bubble of generic, scroll through profiles, count the words: “sarcasm, travel, family, friends, and iPhone” Everyone is a fucking professional rock climber, with 1 million frequent flier miles, with stock in lulu lemon and sunsets. Tell me something I don’t know already, and I get interested. Tell me your day wasn’t “Good, thanks” or that more than “nothing much” is up and you have my attention. So while yes I do think bringing a flower to a date is quite nice, I do not believe we have to go back in time to get he most out of the world in front of us. But we do need to embrace things out of our comfort zone to allow these apps to work and integrate the benefits of traditional methods for a beautiful hybrid. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/mycomicreleifisonvacation/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

If you are looking for the guy who is mysterious, I may not be your choice, not because I am not good at keeping the intrigue going, keeping you on your toes, or being a “man”, but because I choose communication over fighting down the road over notions of “who I am with you” and “who I am with myself”. I can dress nice, I can grow a beard, I can also shave and look like a total bum, and wear plaid. I am great with my hands, but also text faster than a jack rabbit, doing what jack rabbits do quickly. Perception really. Your wants at the time of reading this and my perception of what I want. I feel as though to fit in sometimes you have to know the best restaurants in this city of culture and diversity. You have to be able to suggest the best wine, not to mention afford it. You have to write that you like sarcasm and travel in your dating profile, even if majority when really broken down in percentage of time their travel to staring down at the phone ratio would paint a different picture. I am extremely well traveled. I don't have a want to travel just to travel, I have a want to experience together. What I’m trying to make a point of is yes it’s those little simple everyday human things that I wish people valued more It’s the smallest things that create real intimacy and the smallest things that create and lead to big things https://www.lostintxtlation.com/a-metro-lumberjack-with-wifi/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

What would I describe love as? Or perhaps better put what would I describe the feeling I yearn for from another in my life? I suppose my ears could tell you through the voice of a beautiful song. The way the tone resonates through my heart and body. The tremble the sound carries to my ear drums that shake my body and cause my hairs to stand on end. The sound filling your whole body, unable to make out the words, but just register the feeling it causes you. When we meet a person, even if it is the FIRST time, or we see a picture of them, or hear their voice on the phone, or understand one of their opinions, I believe, even though I can only speak for myself, we picture them in every situation that defines a family, a life together, coming home to them, how they will be with possible children, waking up next to them, having to sleep next to them every night and not having your OWN bed. I believe this almost primordial instinct is natural and we should not be afraid because of stigmas against it to think about it or even discuss it, but not to lay it out step by step, or think that we are pushing too far into the future with these thoughts, but just consider it part of that first impression, and just take it day by day. It will become more obvious as time goes on, and time is really the only thing that can really shine this brightly. So think it but understand we all have more than just a few thoughts in our head at once, and while these may sound huge, they are just a beginning of a transformation of the mind to looking at the other person as a possible part of your life. I believe instincts are very important to be followed and usually followed right away. I suppose not being afraid and thinking of a relationship as something you jump head into to see if it works because god knows how long we have to just BE, so why not find out if you are someone I want to even kiss in the first place, instead of putting the kiss before hand in order to know you. Then either take the small emotional hit if it doesn’t work out and be friends or not, or perhaps something more will appear. I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you. ⁠https://www.lostintxtlation.com/she-is-better-than-the-girl-of-my-dreams-she-is-2/⁠ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

The evening started alone. Sitting at the table wanting to look busier than I was but being comfortable doing nothing all while being uncomfortable thinking I was perceived doing nothing by those around me. Holding my phone up to cast the cold, glow on my face, to let the world know I was not waiting alone, then being annoyed enough by the glow to put it down and just sit in silence, something I don’t often get a chance to do. Sure I will sit and not speak, but at a table, outside of work, outside of my comfort zone, surrounded by the voices of others. It felt like a droning silence and it was nice. I don’t know if it was the lack of being rushed at the restaurant. The food. The lighting. The company. Or the stories I was telling but I had a sense of complete calm that night. In a flurry of both snow, which flurried outside the window and complete thoughts. I talked as myself, calmly, put together, zen. My passion for what I do came out. My voice calmed. I was in my head speaking my heart no fears in the world. Just enjoying the company of the person across from me. We sat, we continued talking and sharing. The snow continued falling. The food eventually coming, the bill no longer on the forefront, but a worthwhile expense toward the experience we just shared. And the last call, as we ended the night as it began... But before that, before even walking out those restaurant doors, into the blustery snowy spring night... I liked the mutual understanding of our choices versus the judgements. I liked the outcome to not matter. I liked the good food. And I liked sitting with this person, menus down, for a good half hour before ordering. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/a-snowy-spring-night/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

One of the things I had to learn in life that has been instrumental in building me as a human being has been the ability to tell people when something bothers me at the time of it bothering me. We all have some baggage. We all have bad experiences. But we also don’t know these things when we are new to one another. Exploration is part of getting to know someone... ...please feel free to step on all my mines. Just know I have learned over time, to let you know at the time of explosion, what just happened, why it happened, what it makes me feel like, and how I would prefer we approach it in the future. And if you have a suggestion of your own as well, please feel free to chime in and I will do the same for you! Afterall, even though with all the left and right swipes of people we can bring in and out of our lives, we are both getting to know one another for the first time uniquely. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/mindful-explanations/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Disclaimer: If you are someone who believes it is not healthy to talk about past relationships for what you learned and grew from, you might wanna start with my podcast: “Embracing the Past, Verbalizing the Present” first. Otherwise, carry on.   The last relationship I had that was truly connected mind body and sex, was during the pandemic. I have to say I really enjoyed the time we took to get to know one another. We would spend hours on facetime and the phone talking or just in each other's presence. It was like I was in her home and her in mine. I understand this was an extenuating circumstance, but it showed me something else… By the time we met, the sex and physical touch was beyond amazing; it was purposeful. Converting a lot of my old writing into podcasts I’ve read things like “the obligatory sexts prior to meeting” and I realized I completely forgot about that way of interaction. I don’t even consider them. I think of them as the equivalent of sending a nonconsensual dick pic. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten older or maybe I truly am trying to replicate that feeling of comfort when I met my ex after months of FaceTimes and sharing due to a lockdown. Either way I feel a little lost. I feel a little unsure, both how to do it, if I want to do it, and wondering if without those “sexual quips” the other person will think I am not interested in them beyond friends. I feel a little lost on where to engage more in a sexually playful manner in order to spark a spark versus getting to know the mind of the other person to make the spark electric. There is no mental connection to help guide these natural feelings if we don’t take the time to form it. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/from-facetime-to-face-to-face-redefining-intimacy-in-modern-dating/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

My mother always told me to “wait, be patient, love would come to you”. If and when I hear this today, I can’t help but think this is the furthest idea from the truth. Either it is my innate need to rebel against my mother’s advice or it is my sense of self being defined enough to know that the “Love will find you” is not the love I want. I do not strive for the staple white picket fence, mortgage, two kids, and flat screen TV 2 inches bigger than my neighbors. My white picket fence is not a place or a thing, it is a feeling, a way of being. My “hallmark family” is defined by how we live our lives and treat the world around us, not building up a literal and metaphysical wall to create a new world, isolated from the paved street filled with other’s also hiding in their own homes, feet from one another. My ideal love is able to live in the world in front of me, to be present for the ups and downs, and to feel everyday as intensely as the last. I have written many things about two people’s timeline’s and how that can affect your ability to love and that once you do love that love alone, is not enough. I think for the rare few, maybe love will find them, but for the rest of us, it take's work, not crunch your next deadline at your job work, but remembering their birthday work and making moments in time, by giving up some of your time, work. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/love-will-find-you-but-stop-hiding/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Ya know, I get the “I would be afraid I will end up on your podcast” a lot, especially since I share it openly on my dating profiles. So, while not really a question allow me to answer the statement the best I can. Honestly, someone who is in my life as a partner should kind of hope they actually do end up on my podcast. Not as a prop or bad experience but as some of these snippets of my life (remember snippets, not the whole picture), have been inspired by the most influential and healthy relationships I have had. These people have helped to inspire, refine, and expand my own creativity in the form of Lost in Txtlation. As I find blurring the lines between work and life important, for me, ultimately, I want my person to be involved in all aspects of my life, this podcast included. Stronger together is not weaker alone is one of my favorite entries for a reason. So while, I agree, on the surface one may wonder, am I going to end up here for others amusement, perhaps the real question is, am I connecting with Tristan in a way that allows us to inspire each other to bring out the best versions of ourselves, for ourselves, together. Including being a part of, even if indirectly, this Podcast, a creative outlet for my brain and one I would 100% want to share with you and discuss with you if we dated. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/ama/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

I saw an image that depicted what society thinks to be love between a woman and a man. The heart is located in the mans crotch and the woman's heart is in the chest, but next to it, it has the “reality”: The mans heart in his chest and the woman's in her head. For me love has always started in my mouth. I talk about my life, my experiences, my stories, and my thoughts of the day to see how it hits the significant others mind. To see how she processes my spew. From there my heart begins to go to my eyes and brain. My brain watches her to see how she handles social situations, herself, if she is independent, co-dependent, emotionally connected, likes, dislikes. If we pickup on the same things around us. The ability to say “Did you just see…” and her to turn to me going, “OMG HIS HAIR WAS ON FIRE!” Social media is causing a new level of social disconnection and intricacy to dating. It is causing us to look into the past of someone else’s experiences forgetting the most important idea; the idea of making our own memories. Expecting to get what we see as if we are shopping for a doll or buying tickets to a movie we just saw the preview for. Going home after a date and looking at the past life of the person you just spent real time with instead of thinking of the night you just had, instead replaying the preview for the movie again. We are choosing to live off a post or status update of the one we are with rather than picking up the phone and hearing the persons voice, letting that warm our hearts and meeting up to make our own social media pasts. The worst part is we don’t know when it is happening. It is this sub-division of a relationship that we have no knowledge of until it is brought up. Our profiles exist even while we sleep, so 24/7 the other person can be spending time with “you” without you even knowing, unable to respond, react, or give the subsequent emotional context via expressions or inflections. The definition of Lost in Txtlation. We are accessible to those we love at every moment of every day, and I don’t think that is such a good thing. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. We are suffocating our significant others without even knowing it. Instead of scrolling through the past photos of someone on social media after a good date, living through a curated version of that person that may no longer be applicable to the person you met, rewinding our own imagination of the evening, and letting songs like Maria from West Side Story write themselves in our head til we next meet. Instead of scrolling through the past photos of someone on social media after a good date, living through a curated version of that person that may no longer be applicable to the person you met, rewinding our own imagination of the evening, and letting songs like Maria from West Side Story write themselves in our head til we next meet. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/socks-and-underwear/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

What do online dating and analog dating (in person) have in common? I mean we could break it down like my previous Podcast Online dating is simple, you are the one making it difficult by the two simple truths of what we all look for in a potential date:1. Is the other person attractive to us? 2. Do we share similar likes/dislikes? So let’s break it down even further and consider Analog dating. I meet you in person, establish a connection, maybe even grab a drink with you or walk in the park right then and there. At the end of the “date” if it went well, we are going to exchange numbers and guess what, it once again ends up ONLINE. No matter how you look at it, we are in an era of Online. Unless we plan to send snail mail to set up plans, everything we do is online. We are exchanging numbers, instagrams, facebooks, or … snapchat.. Ughh.  So here we are, Analog dating but then converting to “online dating” without even realizing it. And all the above Online Dating societal blockages repeat. We are subject to blocking one another, ghosting, breadcrumbing, or whatever trend in online dating is, well, trending. We text too much perhaps, we get comfortable in the virtual “is typing” bubbles, and the “second date limbo” occurs, another Podcast of mine 😛 ... https://www.lostintxtlation.com/online-dating-is-no-more-organic-than-analog-dating --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

I find myself learning more and more about my securities and defenses. I often consider myself someone without walls, which is true to a point, but then I see an act, albeit a very sincere one, being played out in front of me at times. My own mouth the main actor. I could tell you I think sharing a lot right away is refreshing, a breath of fresh air, and the way I expect to see things; but there is a chance I get rejected from that idea or judged. While that judgement would be an accurate way for me to assess a relationship, in a deal breaker sense, I have created these “explanations” or “stories” that one would tell their boss on a sick day, instead of just saying “I don’t want to come in today, my work is done, I need a day off”. It beats around the truth in the way a Fool jests the truth, making it acceptable to be laughed off or listened to intently. I have found the “formula” for relaying my own beliefs so that the person in front of me can be “impressed” instead of judgemental. I have figured out how to pad myself from rejection or snap judgements. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/convincing-explanations/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

WARNING YOU MAY BECOME EXTREMELY SELF AWARE OF THIS IF YOU READ, AND IT MAY DRIVE YOU NUTS FOR A LITTLE. KINDA LIKE IF I SAY, RED CAR, YOU WILL SEE RED CARS. These are micro expressions/motions/verbalizations we go through when with a partner that are easy for anyone to spot. Be it the first kiss or a major makeout session. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/swallows-kisses-looks-deep-into-eyes-hi/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Why should we not talk to those we meet along the way about our past, including past relationships as long as we are sensitive to how we present it. Such as what I learned yesterday... ...I learned something important about what I need in a future relationship by leaning into the inevitable feelings you will have after a breakup with another relationship. It doesn’t matter the day, the time, the place. Your brain sometimes tells you: “today you will be sad” and you can either fight it or go with it. I have been leaning toward going with it as of late. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/embracing-the-past-verbalizing-the-present/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

A long time ago, I wrote a journal entry called “⁠Love is Not Enough⁠”. It was focusing on the idea that when you find love, you tend to stop caring. You tend to stop showing. You tend to just say “I love you” and think that is all that is needed to keep a future going. But to me it was about the idea that when you finally say “I love you” that is the beginning of the relationship, the turning point in which you have finally obtained part of the “dream”, LOVE, Career, Riches… or so defined by society. So to me, saying “I love you” is the beginning of the relationship, not the end.  But until just recently I didn’t know why… ⁠https://www.lostintxtlation.com/why-is-love-not-enough/⁠ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Why is it that we find it necessary to carry on multiple relationships rather than taking our time with one. If you are interested in a person, then perhaps you should take the time from your life to enjoy that moment. Why multi task a pleasure filled activity such as human connection.... ....So if you mix a strawberry with a banana, you will taste the strawberry not he banana. If you mix a lemon with a lime you will not know which is sour and which is sweet. So all food aside, why not, instead of rushing to perfection, take a blind, exciting leap. But without your eyes shut, and able to see the ledge ahead, because you know, if the taste is not to your palette, you can always find another treat. The food, didn't hurt you, it just refined your palette. Food may rot, and life grow old, but happiness is forever, don't let go. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/as-time-goes-on-the-apple-rotstitle-pending/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

The thing I am missing the most with this swipe to date world is the actual feeling of anticipation or joy after bolstering the courage to talk to someone in a real life encounter. The most amazing feeling is when you actually click with said person. You know you are physically attracted them, they smell good, their voice is nice to hear, so there is no worrying about fake profiles, old pictures, browsing their social media, it is about being in that moment, heart pumping, trying to form words, and stumbling on them. The most amazing part is when you stumble all over every word but they help pick you up and continue it. It takes no courage to swipe or like. You can do it on the toilet, "Mommy how did you and daddy meet..." https://www.lostintxtlation.com/relationships-post-swipe/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Disclaimer: apparently this is about as vulnerable as I can be with my writing because I met someone a long time ago, we slept together, and they said afterwards, "Wow that was just like what you wrote". Never have I felt so naked before in my life, while being naked haha. With the current trend of books like 50 Shades of Grey hitting the top selling lists, you would think we would all just throw each other in cuffs, a blindfold, and have mind blowing sex the minute tensions arise. But like that book, life is filled with typos and awkward moments... ...So I am here, stumbling through my love life, and OK with it. Those imperfections, that struggle, that is what makes it worthwhile. Those moments when you get that tiny bit of validation, confirmation, two minds as one, and you literally smile from the inside out… I may have a moment where I am a stallion or a moment where I am a broken mare, but each moment is beautiful for what it is; sharing an intimacy with someone you hope will share it back, and each day that intimacy turns more into familiarity, that face when you are so close your noses touch becomes something you wish you could get a prescription glass to see it more clearly, and that person becomes someone who you look at and think, “It is OK to tell them about my 51st Shade of Grey”, so that familiarity doesn’t become stagnation or routine or a power play. Call it what you will: love making, fucking, first times, last times, they all are part of a process. I was once told through a message on my dating profile, "hmmm… This guy is a little too honest." … Then I thought, "I use to be that honest… When did that become a bad thing?" https://www.lostintxtlation.com/the-first-time-lets-be-awkward-together/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

But to me I think it is a deeper problem. An addiction to the feeling of “new romance” the addiction to the massive exposure to so many people and the excitement of puppy love, that what is happening is people are no longer aware of how to actually build a foundation for a relationship. How love comes in time. How you can grow your love based on experiences and interactions together... ...Hardest part though is this all starts with you. So yes perhaps there was another reason that text was sent, but from my experience, it is no longer the logical answer, but the illogical endorphin rush needed to make the tedious task of swiping and telling your favorite color over and over entertaining and feeling worthwhile, but at the expense of true connections. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/the-romantic-spark-is-burning-your-chances/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

Don't compromise on yourself, on who you are, and on how you date. But when you do meet that person who is right for you, remember this... Compromise is a beautiful thing we done by the actual definition, but do it by the socially accepted viewpoint and it has a tendency to break you down. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/define-compromise/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support

When I was young, as many others did, I had created a list of “wants” for a significant other. While this seemed to work when I was 14, as I got older I realized this was a really poor way to approach dating. I guess I figured “must have beaten the third stage of the fourth boss in my favorite video game” was a bit too unrealistic. So what better place to explore the “no expectations” ideal than online dating. Oh the irony. All the different parts of people, their voices, their personalities, their likes, dislikes, outdoorsy, indoorsy, drug use, animals, kids, social skills, their height, their body size, their smile, lips, sexual compatibility, smell, pheromones, 2d pictures vs 3d in person… That silly list you had as a child starts to become a real thing but this time with dislikes, likes, loves, and deal-breakers. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/practice-dating-and-lists/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lostintxtlation/support