In episode 85 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges of feeling scrutinized and misunderstood, a topic inspired by her personal experiences and conversations with fellow alienated moms. She reflects on her own journey, starting from a point of feeling misunderstood to focusing on personal resilience in the face of criticism. Shelby highlights two influential books: 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson, which helped her adopt a carefree approach to criticism, and 'The Courage to Be Disliked', which premises on Adlerian psychology, advocating for the detachment from others' opinions for personal happiness. The episode further delves into the importance of not allowing fear or the need for external validation to dictate one's actions, encouraging listeners to pursue their passions despite the potential for scrutiny or disapproval. Shelby's message is one of empowerment, urging her audience to embrace their unique identities, pursue their passions, and not to be silenced by fear or judgment. Finally, she addresses an incident where she was publicly criticized on social media, using it as a case point to illustrate how to deal with negative scrutiny without compromising one's self-worth. 00:00 Welcome to Episode 85: Navigating Scrutiny and Misunderstanding 00:29 Exploring the Roots of Feeling Misunderstood 02:54 The Journey of Self-Discovery Through Audible Books 06:48 The Impact of Mark Manson's Work on Self-Empowerment 09:18 Discovering 'The Courage to Be Disliked' and Adlerian Psychology 17:02 Facing Scrutiny and the Power of Self-Expression 26:56 Dealing with Criticism and Embracing Your True Self 40:29 Concluding Thoughts: Embrace Your Voice and Overcome Fear Join the Private Facebook Group! Books: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck The Courage To Be Disliked --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

This is a recording from the Facebook Live on Friday when we had a little story time! I thought y'all would benefit from it too. In the episode, I share a memory from a dark period of time for me (Mother's Day 2017), and then tie it together with this week's theme. I hope you love it. ♥️ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

In episode 84 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges and emotions surrounding family-oriented holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, especially for target parents of alienation. Shelby shares personal anecdotes about the significance of these holidays and the memories associated with them, reflecting on how such times can be particularly difficult. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating these difficult emotions but encourages listeners to also focus on self-healing and empowerment. Shelby advises on auditing one's life for negative influences, whether it be people or social media, and suggests making intentional choices about whom and what we allow to influence our mindset and actions. She highlights the distinction between fighting against something versus fighting for something, advocating for a proactive and positive approach in life, including the path toward reconnection with our children. Shelby's message underlines the significance of self-care, adjusting one's mindset, and the power of influence in overcoming the challenges of parental alienation and enhancing one's overall well-being. 01:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road: Navigating Emotional Seasons 01:22 Reflecting on Mother's Day and Seasonal Memories 03:52 Embracing the Emotional Journey of Motherhood 04:45 Navigating Parental Alienation: Insights and Support 05:58 The Power of Influence: Shaping Your Beliefs and Actions 06:32 Redefining Challenges: Fighting For vs. Fighting Against 08:44 The Impact of Social Media and External Influences 19:52 Auditing Your Life: Identifying and Managing Influences 26:52 The Impact of Social Media on Perception and Action 27:49 Embracing the Role Beyond Alienation 28:26 The Power of Self-Advocacy and Community Support 30:23 Choosing to Fight for Reconnection 31:56 The Long Game: Patience, Persistence, and Unconditional Love 33:22 Self-Care and Inner Work: The Foundation of Empowerment 34:53 Redefining Success: From Immediate Wins to Long-Term Goals 39:31 Influence and Environment: Curating Your Circle for Growth 42:01 Mother's Day Reflections: Beyond Traditional Expectations 44:08 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.   In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from  the pain parental alienation.  She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal journey and struggles with forgiving those involved in alienating her from her child. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not about condoning others' actions but about freeing oneself from anger and resentment. Shelby talks about the importance of recognizing the humanity in those who have hurt us and understanding their actions to move towards forgiveness. She also touches upon the concept of resentment being closely linked to envy, rather than anger. The episode guides listeners on a path to healing, advocating for acknowledging and releasing resentment to reclaim one's life and break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. The two articles referenced: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202305/resistrefuse-dynamics-in-divorce-how-can-they https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202308/treating-child-anxiety-in-cases-of-parental Mending Fences Book https://www.amazon.com/Mending-Fences-Collaborative-Cognitive-Behavioral-Reunification/dp/1950057186 00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast 00:14 A Message from a Trusted Attorney 01:47 Insights on Family Systems Therapy 03:25 The Power of Forgiveness in Healing 10:11 Understanding Resentment and Its Roots 13:20 The Journey Towards Forgiveness 23:50 Embracing Forgiveness for Freedom 35:59 Final Thoughts on Forgiveness and Moving Forward --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

I remember the first time I heard about reunification therapy... I thought, "OMG, FINALLY! There is a reasonable action to counter to all the damage that has been done! " . I was thrilled by the notion that maybe, just maybe, my case would begin to turn around. After a little research (and a lot of legwork), I was able to have a judge order the therapy for my daughter and me. I was sure that this would be the answer to my prayers. A few sessions, and we'd be right back to snugging on the couch watching movies before bedtime. Or so I thought... In this episode: debunking the common perception that reunification therapy is a scam varying success rates due to numerous factors outside the control of the targeted parent and/or the therapist. the importance of managing expectations, the inability to influence the actions of the alienating parentthe critical role of self-awareness and empowerment in navigating the difficult journey of re-establishing connections with alienated children. Don't forget to sign up for the live event on April 27th! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain 00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast 00:11 Announcement: Upcoming Live Event 01:04 The Challenges of Target Parents in Alienation 05:56 A Deep Dive into Reunification Therapy 12:55 Empowerment Over Fear: Making Decisions as a Target Parent 24:11 Closing Remarks and Event Reminder --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Do you feel chained to the painful memories of your custody situation? Like youre obligated to tell and re-tell the same old stories about the same old incidents in order to make sense of WHY this has all happened?   Even if you made a deciosjojn to drop it and move on, do you find yourself feeling blocked or stuck as a result of the power your ex holds over your life?  I did.  I was TERRIFIED of becoming a “has-been” parent.  So, I held on to the torturous narrative in effort to excuse myself from being alienated, and oddly, because I felt that without the story, I wouldn’t have a purpose… that I would be letting go of the last hint of connection I had with my daughter.  Somehow I thought the pain would keep her memory close… But I would ALWAYS end up feeling MORE alienated as a result.   It became an automatic response.  I would cry or get angry on cue (I wasn’t doing it intentionally… consciously… it just became my norm…)   In this episode: Why we hold onto the painPain causing thoughtsConnection causing thoughtsWhat makes an active parent?Does the pain of alienation rob you of the ability to love?How to change the narrative Register for the April 27th Event! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Do You Self-Erase? I believe that the people and experiences we attract into our lives are a direct reflection of how we think & feel about ourselves on the inside… We can only connect with the same level of energy that we are putting out… you know?   Continuing on from last week, I truly believe that.. due to our individual histories, we already learned to be comfortable with denying ourselves the right to be loved.. that bc of our pasts, we learned the coping skill of hiding our true selves away.  As such, it’s rare that we allow other people to actually experience who we are.   As alienated parents, we’ve been denying ourselves for so long, sometimes it feels impossible to get back in touch with who we are and what we want… Our identities were tied up in parenthood.  So when our children aren’t home as often (or maybe not at all), we feel lost.  We become self-erased…self-isolated …. and to top that off, the other parent is trying to erase us too. In this episode, Ill share with you my thoughts on why we do this, as well as my own theories… Shelby “isms” .. and of course, what you can do to get back to yourself & overcome the habit to self-erase!   ⁠Leave Me a Voice Message w/ Your Question to Answer On The Show!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad⁠⁠ Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Ever notice that, when caught in the clutches of a stressful moment, how you freak out and do exactly the opposite of: what you really want to dowhat is in your best interest, and/or what supports your goals and dreams? Like, in the moment, you know what you want longterm, but you just can't seem to stop yourself from choosing the unhealthy option, even tho you know its ultimately going to harm you?   Or maybe you don't know what you want longterm... Maybe you're like me and were never able to visualize a future for yourself. Or after alienation, now you don't know how to plan for your life without your child being at the center of it all? Well, settle in, my friends. Today we are going to take a pretty deep dive into WHY this happens, along with how you can overcome it. My objective today is to open up and have a casual conversation about some not-so-casual issues. In this episode: trauma alters memoryhow it affects your self imagehow trauma affects your ability to visualize your futurehow it affects your aspirationshow trauma bonds might have crossed/confused your idea of love, healthy relationshipsneurons the fire together wire togetherhow to overcome in 3 steps ⛔️ Heads Up: Albeit brief, I do visit some childhood abuse situations in this episode. If you think you're not ready to go there, maybe skip this one for now, and go back to an earlier episode. BUT...⭐️ This is a good one y'all.. so make sure to come back to it! https://www.youtube.com/user/lewishowes --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

If you've been down the research rabbit hole of alienation's long-term effects on children, you're well aware of the toll it could take on their cognitive development.  Similarly (tho your brain may have been fully developed when your children were born), parents like us also experience a dulling of our critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills; which makes it more challenging for us to see the big picture right off the bat (also, many of us just didn't learn the skill as children).  I see it dozens of times each week... a parent will present a story utilizing the "facts" in order to illustrate that their lives are doomed. They will take the limited info they have and FILL IN THE BLANKS with interesting bits (drama), and then deem the whole story TRUTH.   You'd be amazed at how many parents I speak with that will do just about anything to convince me that their life is unfixable.  They are committed to their story, in spite of the fact that it's causing them to suffer. Whether they are referring to their child, the alienating parent, or even a significant other, it's highly unlikely that, unless they were told firsthand, they would know for sure what another person is thinking or feeling.  But we all do it.  If you've been listening for a little bit, you know that I talk with y'all a lot about making yourself aware of the thoughts you're allowing. Today, I share: A story from a couple weeks ago, when I believed my own liemy thoughts on limiting beliefs (thanks to the Bachelorette)Why it's important to play this current sucky hand thruHow to change your "fate"Why its essential to choose the thoughts you allow into your mental temple 😉 How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! ⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog  ⁠(⭐️Don't forget to scroll down on the page!) ⁠Leave a Voice Message! ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad⁠⁠ Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

We spend our lives running, trying to circumnavigate situations that seem scary. It starts in school... we don't want to feel rejection. Hurt. We shudder at the idea of being made a fool or taken advantage of. Instead, we hide ourselves away, build up all these walls in effort to avoid emotional pain.  Then, when the alienation begins... seemingly overnight, we feel an influx of negative emotion. And because we didn't learn it in childhood, we feel entirely ill-equipped to handle the pressure. I remember feeling so terrified of being judged and persecuted. And boy... to be devalued to/by my own sweet angel of a child? I can feel that horror now, just writing about it. I spent my free time numbing with habits in order to avoid the fear & discomfort thinking that the emotions themselves were the danger. But what actually harmed me -- & what is the most dangerous for all of us as alienated parents -- is what we do because of the fear -- the avoidance. To quote the movie Poor Things: We must experience everything, not just the good. The degradation, the horror, sadness... This makes us whole, Bella; makes us people of substance; not flighty, untouched children. Then we can know the world. And when we know the world, the world is ours.   How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click ⁠here⁠ and scroll down👇🏼or below : ⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog ⁠(⭐️Don't forget to scroll down on the page!) ⁠Leave a Voice Message! ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad⁠⁠ Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

We, as parents experiencing alienation, know isolation. We know lonely. Heck... it's right there in the two word term! When alienation begins, it doesn't only affect your role in your child's life -- in fact, the predicament we've found ourselves in affects so many other relationships. Until recently, your children were intertwined with your entire life! So it makes sense that you would want to isolate yourself. But there is so much data out there showing how critical emotional support is for our healing process. As humans, we need to be and feel understood. We crave togetherness. But after a period of isolation, our brain produces a neuropeptide called tachykinin. This protein interacts with the body to cause our loneliness to perpetuate itself. What's worse? It also will make you believe you're not lonely. So in order to evolve through it, you must develop the skill of discernment. Listen to the episode for more! How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click ⁠here⁠ and scroll down👇🏼or below : ⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog ⁠(⭐️Don't forget to scroll down on the page!) ⁠Leave a Voice Message! ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad⁠⁠ Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

It seemed IMPOSSIBLE not to be consumed by it all.. The injustices were everywhere I turned. I was being followed, harassed, bullied, slandered, intimidated, threatened, and of course, grossly criticized of my ability of mother my child. The network of judges, custody evaluators, crooked "family" attorneys (not all of them were/are, but..); the strictly bureaucratic nature of the court officials & processes, making it nearly impossible to be and feel heard; but shifted around from one "specialist" to the next, while you foot the bill. The issues that mattered (like my child's rights to be loved by both parents) were buried by the smokescreen antics concocted by the alienator. Lasting well over a decade (15 years and counting), it felt like a living HELL. They made false accusations, pursued criminal legal actions, persistently badgered both the AG and the DA's office in effort to have me incarcerated; with the ultimate goal of removing from my daughter's life for good. As a result of not having the tools I do today, suffered for years in clinical depression, somatic symptoms/illness, active & progressing addiction, poverty... I could go on.. To add insult to injury, I was ordered to pay child support... to a trust fund baby. I mean, I was ATE UP. I felt like there was no other choice for me but to be miserable forever. ANd then... I found this work. PHEW, did it save me. Listen to this episode to learn my take (on all of the above) today. How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click here and scroll down👇🏼or below : https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog (⭐️Don't forget to scroll down on the page!) Leave a Voice Message! ⁠⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad⁠ Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Part One: What We KNOW: When we've practiced believing the things we "know" for so long, we rarely question their validity. Even less often do we think to assess whether these "truths" work for us.. for who we are becoming. We go around thinking certain traits we've adopted are just "who we are"... but are they representing the you that you want to become? Part TWO: What we don't know: As alienated parents, we tend to steer clear of the unknown. Due to unresolved trauma and prolonged grief, our CNS says: We're all good on sticking our neck out. Let's not rock the boat. But there are some snags in that plan (I'll share them with you in the episode.) Part THREE: How IDK SYNDROME blocks you from creating the life you crave. Leave a Voice Message! https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Guilt is an extremely common emotion during (any kind of ) grief. So if youre experiencing it, nothing has gone wrong in your healing. AND... as alienated parents, I think we can all agree that we guilt ourselves probably far more often than necessary. Before doing this work, I had no idea why. In this episode: Why guilt is a go-to for usWhy we feel comfortable w/ guilt, even if the blame is on usHow blame tricks us (and our children) into a false sense of structureThe massive distinction between the two emotions & how to determine which one is accurateWhat to do if you are in fact, guilty The importance of having your own back, regardless. Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

So... I received some news last week... News that even just two short years ago would’ve had me in a tailspin.  I would’ve been so worked up, stomach on a roller coaster while working full speed to put reference to & defend the outrageous claims he was making against me. I think it's safe to say that, when youre cradling your darling, sweet smelling, softly cooing tiny infant in your arms, you never in a million years consider the possibility that one day, they will reject you. That one day, the parent who spent years finishing your sentences and orchestrating things like "dancing Thursdays" in the living room w/ PJs on, would ever act as the barrier between you & your child..  But, here we are.. Devoted parents who experience the ongoing and devastating effects of alienation.  Many of us feel devalued & discarded on a daily (hourly) basis. That's exactly what the person who is alienating your children from you would LOVE for you to feel.  Because then, they don't have to consider you each time they look at the child you made together.   But through this work, Ive found that nobody can devalue me unless I allow it. Yeah, life is not how I planned it. And YES... I would give all of this self-betterment back in a HEARTBEAT if I could just have my child back. But that clearly isn't in the plan for life (at current). I trust that our children will come back when they are ready.  SO why not try plan B? Why not SOAR in the meantime?    --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

In this episode, we'll delve into the crucial distinction between giving up and acceptance for us, as parents experiencing alienation. Only you can decide what's right for you (and there is no "right" answer, anyway), but thru a couple personal stories, along with my own experience, this content will provide you with the clarity you've been searching for!  Why so many target parents find themselves burnt out and frustrated How to set productive parenting goals from a place of empowermentSurefire way to find peace, while not falling prey to your own expectationsHow to not lose momentum and stay true to your goals   --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

We can learn to "get by" after alienation happens; ducking behind a shield of indifference, while experiencing an ever-present undertone of victimhood... head on a swivel, while the subconscious brain scans the environment for any sign of danger (in the form of the alienating parent)... Is it obvious that I speak from experience on this one? 😆  ...or we can muster up the courage and make a conscious effort to take charge of our lives.  Are you tired of feeling victimized, powerless, useless, directionless... and all the other "less"es? Well, you're in luck...  I have got the mindset shift you need! Become the CEO of your custody situation, and notice how quickly you shift into feeling poised, in-charge, and purposeful!  Subscribe to the weekly newsletter: https://beyondthehighroad.com/contact --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Should talk. Do you ever get tired of the pressure that comes with "should" & "shouldn't"? "Life shouldn't be like this." "My ex shouldn't be alienating my kid from me." "People shouldn't be so rude." "I should be further along than I am" "I should look forward to my parenting time" "I should look forward to my scheduled call with my kid" "I shouldn’t feel nervous about or have mixed feelings about seeing my kids" "My neighbor should be less annoying." "I should be sending them more gifts" "I should be doing more" "I should be doing less" Here's the thing: the word "should" is almost always an argument with reality. Using any version of the word is our way of placing a.) conditions on others or b.) pressure on ourselves to do or be different than we currently are. Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Are you an unintentional hater? Chances are, if you've gone thru the tragic situation of alienation, you probably also had your "fair" share of heartbreaking experiences before the custody battle even began.  It would make perfect sense if you picked up a few protective/coping mechanisms without even noticing. Here are just a couple of reasons why this might be happening: If you came from any degree of narcissistic abuse, you might've unconsciously learned to question the intentions of those with whom you interact. This is simply because relationships w/ a narc are transactional, by nature. 😲"Fun" Fact: during extended periods of isolation, the human brain secretes a neuropeptide called tachykinin (or TAC2) . This peptide activates the amygdala, causing heightened paranoia, anger, aggression, and fear. 👀  (Now ,👆🏼 are just the two I forgot to mention while recording. I provide many more in the episode 😉) Here's the thing:  we need isolation like we need gaping holes in our heads. If anyone deserves a cheering section & community, it's an alienated parent. Can I get a "Hell yeah!"? But!.... If we wanna to keep people around, we need to learn how to give and receive love again -- without allowing our coping mechanisms crash the party.  Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Website⁠⁠:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support

Hope sounds like such a great thing. It sounds so affirmative, supportive, and well... HOPEFUL! Nearly every parent I've ever spoken with (hundreds of you) has used the word at least once during our conversations. Here's the thing about it: It SUCKS. Stay with me here. Think back to the last time you used it. How did it make you feel? ...On the inside, I mean. Did it make you feel motivated? In control? Did it cause you to feel certain of your ability? How about capable? Ima guess that you weren't envisioning fluffy clouds, leprechauns, and cute little piggy snouts after you said it. Ya. That's because the idea of hope causes us to feel hopeless. It takes our agency, and places it in the hands of tomorrow. It suggests that our lives should be placed on hold until then. Whatever emotion we are after by hoping, we must forgo until the Gods of alienation decide to reward us. That sucks, y'all. I've got a better way to frame it. 😉 Get your free study guide with 9 thought provoking questions to make yourself aware of your beliefs around this mental construct. https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/hopesucks Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.beyondthehighroad.com  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support