4d ago
3 Unavoidable Aspects of Parenting
Inspired by the Netflix documentary “Stutz”, these 3 unavoidable aspects of parenting are actually unavoidable aspects of life. They’re universal truths that we all have to deal with as humans. You’ll Learn:The 3 unavoidable aspects of parenting (and life)The lies we tell ourselves that keep us doing more, more, moreHow to cope with pain, uncertainty and constant work as a parentWhy the inevitability of these 3 things is actually a huge reliefWe will all experience pain, uncertainty and constant work. It’s part of life as a human. If we know that these things are inevitable, we can stop fighting against them and find more peace. I’m sharing tips to help you do just that - and guide your kids to do the same.---------------------------------------This podcast was inspired by a Netflix documentary I watched recently called “Stutz”. In it, therapist Phil Stutz explains three unavoidable experiences that we will all have: pain, uncertainty and constant work. 3 Unavoidable Aspects of ParentingAs I was watching, I realized that these 3 things are also true of the parenting experience. I actually found it to be a relief that no matter what you do or who your kids are, pain, uncertainty and constant work are unavoidable. If we know that these things are inevitable, we can stop fighting against them and find more peace.PainIn this context, I think of pain mainly as emotional pain or psychological discomfort. It might look like grief, anger, anxiety or a combination of emotions. Pain can be brought on by actual situations of loss, rejection, disappointment or trauma. It can also come about simply through the nature of being a child’s caregiver. Your kid is also going to experience pain. We can’t protect them from all painful experiences, but we can give them the tools to be able to handle the discomforts and pains of life. And while pain is inevitable, it is not constant. It’s a short-term experience. Suffering is when we dwell on that pain and keep bringing it back up. We don’t need to create this unnecessary suffering for ourselves. UncertaintyThere are a lot of unknowns in parenting (and in life). We can try to plan or predict what’s going to happen, but we never really know. The real underlying fear with uncertainty is that something will happen that you won’t be able to handle. So you try to predict and plan and run scenarios through your mind. But this puts you in an anxiety spiral, because you’re trying to solve an imaginary problem. Constant WorkThis isn’t about your job, though that is one part of it. Just to live as a human, you have to take care of your body - eat, drink, clean yourself, etc. Caring for your emotional and spiritual health and your relationships also takes work. Plus, there’s the caregiving aspect of parenting. When your kids are little, it can feel relentless. You are using your body to care for them all the time. You’re picking them up, carrying them, cleaning up messes. Then between the ages of 6-12, the work shifts to your head. You’re problem solving, managing schedules and so many details. In the tween and teen years, the work moves to your heart. During this time, there is a lot of worry and feeling for your kid as they go through tough times. This is also where a lot of uncertainty comes into play. The Brain’s TricksI bought into a lie that I could avoid uncertainty with constant work. My brain tricked me into believing that if I was really, really productive and managed everything, that the future would be settled. So I was hyperplanning, overworking, controlling and not letting others do things. But the truth is that uncertainty still happened, and when it did, I would get really...