internet research started today & because the internet is a container for PTSD/SUICIDE there are ways to contain it.IF SOMEONE REACHES OUT TO YOU or has DMs, messages, behaviors that are completely different, it's perfectly OK to ask, "what's happening?" or just call them. Don't wait, as soon as you get it. The text comes in and you notice it's from awhile ago. The phone will state delivered, seen, read, it's still okay to verbally describe that "I just saw your message. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner."This is now connected to a TWITTER so if you're reading this here, you can go to twitter & see ho I am breaking up trauma, using prologued therapy, confronting use of tech to be threatening/produce adrenaline with the continual use of that threat. Thank you to everyone who offered their authentic voice to realize how some people justify their behaviors to such a degree, it makes me wonder if we should be mandating EQ, SEL into the curriculum so that we understand conflict resolution, standing up for others, DOC X was origins (first GO)BHB was when I said, "I've heard this before. Are you still brainwashed?" (2nd GO)ZOOM IN4:37 - 6:35 & 10mTHIS PODCAST IS CONNECTING TWITTER (all but one is private since to see the NEXT STEP, I have to know you. It's way too personal & all the stuff that came up during the darkest period) NSFE. Not safe for EveryonE for "e for everyone" & obviously the E for my middle name that I never lost. I lost my first name. I lost my last. Smart E MC present SmarterThanTrauma™Support the Show.

Just listen.I'm done with this space.Just meaning it happened. I can hear my voice.  No need for MY voice over theirs since there's nothing RISING UP (mental abuse) or BATTERING DOWN (physical assault) The purpose of ptsd?You're in survival mode so ears/eyes alit and ready to absorb.What you hear/see may mean you get to make it another day.Until you beg to live & then in same breath beg to die.When someone knows something that no one else does & then does it after explaining in therapy (let's see if Dave M. accurately recorded) "I throw everything I know about a person at them util they stop questioning," & why my words were, "NOW. GET OUT.""You kicked me out." I hear, written in a final letter & just know s/v/p, they think they have the last word, but they never do. Not with social media & the purpose of tech is we can actually SOLVE ALL THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS & leave something for the next generation to combat REAL MENTAL ABUSES that settle in due to denial, abandonment & denial.Ummm, did you hear yourself? Your parents forced you to marry me due to optics!Definitely keep pressing since this was a loooong delay and when you get a third party so they have to start from the beginning, guess what? When they lie they don't remember their lies, or they want to evade the truth, not realizing, ummm, heard you all discuss it. That's what you do. Let it all out so STEP ONE is created from bromance of the century.1) Wedding of the Century2) The Wedding that didn't Happen3) It's happening... I'm forgetting everything & thank goodness I left a digital trail to match the paper trail and now, let's combine the two.hmmm...3) The Wedding that exposed why TRUE LOVE is never a scam4) The Wedding & Rehearsal I planned since it's how I throw all parties. Focus on the guests & also, use it to remove the trauma of the on replay, "never got the girl." The repetition is what dampened concepts to me I never thought for me. That is the s/v/p mentality so it took years for me to even think that way so thank you for anxiety/sobriety and her confusion over nerve pain... google it.It all comes out. I'm not clever enough to layer it, but I do think you can use writing to remove all trauma by transforming it into something that can help others Googled 2 things : copyright & trademark because I'd rather learn myself than rely on anyone when this is that important to be honest, but also, wouldn't have been that successful at researching this so don't frustrate over it, just wait. When you are successful in one skill, do it again & create momentum so students say "I did it!" & not "you did that for me!"They have to believe, too.SMART E MC presents SmarterThanTrauma™Support the Show.

...moved on a long time ago when decided "to teach" a third & final curriculum to see if it would put teaching away & return me to whole. It did!SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

May 24, 2024 LISTENED to "bits"  to know, what is this? STEP ONE : get it out and IN SPACEs that absolutely are the scariest (just like "write the ugliest stuff on prettiest paper" & since SPACE was "Neptune [around the planets we zoom"] so that means---find that YouTube video. OK #botany #boomerang #PeterPan #RobinWilliams #s[uicide] #boom. The photos of the chalkboard sidewalks & the date I was there to absolutely remove all TRAUMA re: dates/numbers & the great idea to use the internet since it's the iCloud. Unlimited memory, storage capacity that allows me to pay attention to [processing] speed. The bullying of the board really let me know, many who say they don't understands PTSD, actually do & why anyone who purposely retriggers gotta go!Get back good decision-making & consent (how you know you should be treated & how you treat others)I heard "grateful for my faith." Let's start there since I know, everything that exists has a purpose. Just like anything you can do something to, like draw, throw, hold or look at is a NOUN.First, know common. Then, know propa.  SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

& reflect. It sounds like a really "OFF" me so what is that? How did I even begin in this type of advocacy? TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE & WHO WAS I MOST GRATEFUL FOR? WHO I SAID HELLO TO FIRST  [matters].SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

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This are my notes. Thanks for supporting those living with difference in recovery & a ton of stigma I will be writing about since that was suicide & now it's back to ORIGIN/THEM.SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

I'll be saving around 15m for PART III of Mr. Baker which is my conversion with Ms. ___ who can hopefully OK the voucher then pair 14/18 client to proper school TO TEACH him what he needs to pass knowing he has little experience with tech & this type of thing for reasons HE CAN SHARE, but he has shared since for step in Homeless Advocacy is Trustworthiness. Same things in LIFE.This is rocket science & yet, yes, there are rockets!Both shoulders are hurting equally--will add #tags when they subside in throbbing, achy, distracting, stop & stretch & validate & can't continue since spasms increase/tensions increase in other parts like legs, shoulders, neck. Risk is clearly "freeze" (a hormonal make up I learned about in "advocacy school" so would never have learned if not for violence so THANK VIOLENCE!)Body pain a 9. So Stop. Mix it up! Let's now introduce MUSIC as a definite thing that exists the can end trauma.SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

...estimation & making accurate guesses is a skill. Learn to make your mistakes in school where there are people who are encouraging you to succeed unlike {you fill-in-the-blank]. This is mine, but also, the purpose of IT when the words were "forced to..." ummm yea, ok. Get out.Also, too similar to that time in school when...And then when I saw behind-the-scenes of healthcare...When it comes to "real trauma," when something works, keep doing that and why when I said, "why not just purchase a Lightbox. On amazon..." & interrupted. What just happened?SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

I figured out why I couldn't podcast last 2 months or so (no excuses just counting triggers & confronting) & now, I know, sometimes it's those that say "biggest supporter [of vindicating kids with special needs]" & "all in!" when given the option are the ones messin' up your Flo'[eTRY, poeTRY].Exposed to creatively & no wrong answers, just mistakes you can fix if you're (a) awake/aware = real & not b.s.ing self (b) have the desire to do the right thing.MAY 9th is date for major recovery in vertigo, vestibular, head symptoms, ptsd/chronic pain/pcs and voice. I can hear my thoughts for first time...SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

Starting ~8 days ago. It's May 9th so that means yesterday, I was able to stay silent & in quiet, there was no noise & no sensation in body/face so it was--quiet--5 seconds then pain would start to be sensed. The day before yesterday I noticed I could do that for 2-3 seconds,METHODOLOYWhen the recovery has achieved neutral[ized] status...ADVOCATES are active listeners, answer every question & follow-up = consent.SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

Just say it once without any fear & full on consent meaning, whatever happens, I'm always going to be a mandated recorder/reporter of abuse & neglect."I have the "after visit summary" from Dr. Guy Rowley who dismissed what I had stated, writing a completely false narrative since did not include the diminishing physical impairments but also THE GOOD STUFF (recovery!)"+1 minute :30 seconds1:14 to 1:20ish ACTUALLY IS 2:44 to 2:50ish | SUICIDE IS…3:32 ACTUALLY IS 5:02 | BEST BUY6:03 ACTUALLY IS 7:33 | Their voices of FAMILY, but going to let them share it (yea right on!)6:16 ACTUALLY IS 7:46 | yes, still want to to do it? NO one deserves to live with their voices all the time so YES (consent is basic), I do.6:50 ACTUALLY IS 8:20 |everyone has an ORIGIN STORY. How did you get here? What's yours?7:32 ACTUALLY IS 9:02 | Girls, your voices have gots to go. BYE!14:24 ACTUALLY IS 15.54 | VISUAL here to sum up. Had to stop listening. Thank you!Support the Show.

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...Then GO BACKWARDS & upload this month's visuals to yt.Then start writing those NOTES into sentences into paragraphs into one final draft.Field Notes.Support the Show.

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The first trigger will be the red blinking hand since that brought back anxiety sobriety.FIRST DATE  (pinned to X) :LET IT OUT : March 18, 2024Support the Show.

...and grooving.SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

I can't wait to get 100% well & then layer the process I used TO END (a) ptsd (b) suicide & (c) reverberating chronic pain leading to increase symptoms of (a) & (b). Based on DATA, the decision using what I learned at NWMH's cbt/dbt since they taught me the methodology so to please ignorance is too much like anxiety/sobriety's confusion & then explaining exactly how they think/believe when it suits them so u're right, "I'm stupid," but no, I don't think I'm sooooo smart (reTriggered the original insecure, inadequate & constant need of validation female who would always say, "I'm so stupid!" as she was banging cupboards & throwing trash cans) because the thought that popped up when I heard that was, "I'm not smart. I'm ethical."When you don't know where you're supposed to be in the world, when asked the question, "what is she going to do about benefits & the baby?" THE BATTLE (they said something & then words popped up and the call-and-response*) was the question, "what do you want to be?"For a long time, The Barenaked Ladies song, "Call & Answer" was on replay and when I started correcting it, eventually, IT* went away.aka CHANGING NARRATIVES TO AVOID Qs. So, ask the Qs & understand their perspective to create a better future for everyone, not just some.SmarterThanTrauma™©SMART E MCSupport the Show.

The purpose is to understand how these triggers connect, like a food web. After NWMH'S CBT/DBT's (unthoughtful & lazy facilitation) first & only step of "describe the trigger & use WISEMIND to make the best decision in the moment," the decision was to always confront knowing if you wait, more likely the person or people will not remember. While it's not always comfortable to confront, I assumed doctors, specialists, healthcare systems main objective is to give best care with Hippocratic Oath in mind, especially since they ask for feedback using surveys.In order to get to a point to understand how to tackle the triggers, I suggest labeling the triggers as audio, visual, audio + visual and tactile (audio+visual+touch). Touch was never just alone in my experience, but is it the same for you if you're experiencing triggers.Try to count how often if happens & if you have to break up a day into AM/PM or even hours, I found it typical to have multiples triggers/hour, increasing in frequency or intensity. There are other measurements that I'll be detailing further, but I am waiting until I can write notes 100% without any triggers/flashbacks that cannot be flicked away in an instance. Let me repeat. I will continue until I know every trigger that pops up can be flicked away with 100% certainty/effectiveness. Even one trigger can send me reeling, increase chronic pain symptoms & lose any progression since the body is pretty lizard-brain, primordial, "stupid" What I can definitely report is if you can say their names, it makes it easier, but I will only use those names that you can write reviews on, receive a service or a product or can google review like a school (even though my review was removed in under 10m). Why fear stayed so present throughout the day. The words community are used often, but in reality, the internet makes it harder to forge a true one & with early tech knowledge (~2009), those strategies of designing websites without contact info, are simply bubblin' up.In the end, I do not have to share this [now], but choose to follow through with this project for 2 reasons. Learning something new is what makes your life better since you can apply that knowledge to situations & share with only those you want to also have that success, but being a school teacher, I know the tidbits or toolkit we acquire after s.a./dv & other forms of trauma have special gravitas & I cannot keep it to self knowing it can help someone diminishes their suffering & speed their recovery. I do not have to continue progress monitoring & alert anyone who acted in ways to bury the events of a public school 2012-2015 & healthcare systems NWMH beginning 2015 & Aurora Advocate beginning 2021 or 2022. I am not certain about those dates, but able to check my notes both in ability to read, stay organized (hold the through if out-of-sight, out-of-mine & not flashback). There is no suicide presently with the last bout a few days that was dealt with by posting on X ~30 (they fill all spaces & require photos & videos) & practicing reading daily in short snippets & responding with 1-4 words on X. there has not been a 80% reduction in reverberating pain since mid-January creating a greatly diminished sense of constant fear & nerve pain in fingertips, left hip (sitting at desk or to watch TV), right shoulder (typing, using a mouse/trackpad, tapping on devices), fingertip (typing, fine motor, strength when holding things) & overall noise (so I can hear things that assist in safety e.g. crossing street or organization e.g. dropping keys). Overall face pain has been reduced 60% and the need to talk quickly to diminish that pain & the adrenaline associate with ptsd is more & more situational---like movSupport the Show.

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