Even though I felt energetically prepared for the mindset required to process and navigate the quarantine of 2020, I wasn't prepared for the ramifications, a seemingly insignificant decision to watch some old footage of my younger self, would have on my subconscious mind. Opening a Pandora's Box of realization that would catapult me deeper into the journey of overcoming my past to liberate my present. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagram https://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcastFacebook https://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast References here!Forgiveness Exercisehttps://zivameditation.com/selfcare/Dr. Joe. Dispenza How to Break The Habit of Being Yourself

Learning to re-know myself beyond my own programmed ideas of perfection, has been a struggle my entire life. Being the only person of color in a very large all white high school, wearing thick glasses and having too many teeth to fit perfectly into my mouth, created a lot of shame about my physical self. Then, discovering my gayness on top of all that, was almost too much for my young mind to process. They were the building blocks for a shaky foundation. It's when I began defining my value based on what others thought of me, and focusing too much on how I wanted to be perceived by them, leading me further and further away from my true self and deeper into my unconscious dream of fear and separation.Support here! https://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacausehttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/https://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References here!Paul Selig, Beyond The KnownDr. Mario Martinez, https://www.biocognitiveculture.com/

As I began operating in the world on my own, I carried with me all these ideas of who I was based on my history, my upbringing, who and what the world had taught me I was. Unknowingly emitting a signal of lack and desperation to succeed to prove my worthiness to the world and to myself. When you operate from a state of lack, you create more lack, self-doubt and personal limitations. I was creating habits and behavior that were setting a rocky foundation. Support here!https://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacausehttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/https://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References here! Paul Selig, https://paulselig.com/Abraham Hicks, https://www.abraham-hicks.com/

Receiving my HIV diagnosis was one of the most challenging moments of my life. Little did I know that the hard stuff was only just beginning. Processing this in the mind would prove to be my toughest obstacle. Nothing can prepare you for the stigma. The crazy part is that a certain level of the stigma came from my own mind. Support here!https://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacausehttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/https://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References here!Abraham Hickshttps://www.abraham-hicks.com/Dr. Joe Dispenzahttps://drjoedispenza.com/

Red Speedo was the beginning of a beautiful time in my life. But it came with a price. In this extremely exposed and vulnerable episode, I face a dark moment in my life that would set into motion a series of events that would change me forever, leading me toward a life of love that I never thought I'd experience and further away from the healing my soul was desperately craving. Support here!https://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacausehttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/https://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References here!Abraham Hicks, https://www.abraham-hicks.com/

As my relationship with Red Speedo deepened and my Broadway career was booming, I slipped further into my identification with my external world, completely ignoring and repressing my emotions surrounding my HIV status or my uncertain future. With so much focus and attention on my outer world and appearances, my insecurities and deep rooted fear slowly began it's surge of self-sabotage. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/Reference here!Shadow Workhttps://scottjeffrey.com/shadow-work/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)Rumi Poemhttp://rumidays.blogspot.com/2010/05/pickaxe-2.html

Examining my shadow has been the most rewarding work I've ever done. Bringing all the dark aspects of myself into the light requires a lot of trust. It requires me to be non-judgemental of myself. I can't heal what I'm judging. There's tremendous freedom in that. Freedom to share my story without apology and freedom from the fear of telling it. In this chapter, my paranoia surrounding my HIV hits new heights. Still reaching for the white ideal I go under the knife. 9/11 brings a career highlight to an early end and after a slew of auditions and rejection I learn to pivot. An unexpected opportunity brings harsh realities.  Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/

There's no easy way to dive into the story about your love battling cancer. As you can imagine my inner world continued its descent. I tried to balance my relationship, the cancer, my new job as a bartender and my non-existent acting career with some sort of grace. Succeeding at times. But I felt like I was in the dark, searching for myself and for meaning, while my insides were being ripped to shreds by my guilt. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/

Looking back at my life it's easy to see the value of failure. It's so easy to see how life was unfolding purposely for me to learn and to be guided toward what I was wanting. When I was in the trenches of my thirties I was filled with so much panic, urgency and scarcity. Loosing myself in the ideas of what success looked like and felt like. Working against myself in so many ways because I didn't realize the power of my own thoughts and emotions. Pushing against what I didn't want instead of moving toward or aligning to the things that I did want. It was that energetic alignment that I was missing. But when I found myself in the place I had feared the most, a portal of inspiration opened and I was getting tired of fighting, so I was able to hear some inspiration that would finally initiate some change and set me on a new trajectory. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/

The anger and resentment I experienced due to a career I couldn't get off the ground, inspired a creative manifestation that brought with it some of the things I had been seeking all my life, recognition and praise. However I still hadn't addressed my state of consciousness in any real way so there was only exterior gratification. There was no real meaning because I was still trying to prove something to the world and to myself. Chasing an idea of what I thought success was and consumed in self-obsession. I was creating through a suffering state and that comes with a cost. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/Hustling Serieshttps://www.youtube.com/c/SebastianLaCausePreetha JiThe Four Sacred Secrets

Why can it be so difficult for us to be on our own? To walk through the world without a partner. We grow up believing that we are incomplete without a special someone in our lives, to love us and give our lives meaning. We will sacrifice our own growth in order to not feel alone, to not be alone. We tumble into entanglements for safety. At least, that's what I did. I had grown accustom to having that person in my life who made me feel that everything would be okay. What was I without that? I wasn't quite ready to find that out. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/

In this chapter I examine justification by looking at my state of consciousness during a relationship and after relocating back to Los Angeles from New York. I left New York feeling focused and energized but I got caught up in a life that wasn't mine. Loosing mys sense of self in my relationship and my need for external validation and acceptance, justifying my choices and my circumstances to create the life I thought I should have, in order to reach my goals and succeed. But all the pain, I never addressed would crescendo and lead me to a small doorway for change. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References Jay Shetty,  4 Strategies To Identify Your Values, & How They Guide Your Daily DecisionsPaul Selig,  Alchemy The Honest Guys, 5 Minute Morning Uplift

With my self-exploration kicking into high gear, I found myself struggling to find a balance between this new discovery of my inner world and my practiced behaviors and memorized emotions. The affirmations and visualizations I was doing were elevating my mood, momentarily but I couldn't sustain the momentum or figure out how to apply it to my life and make real changes. That is until I stumbled on to some videos that helped crack it all open and gave me some practices that I could implement and some philosophies that I could contemplate and realize. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References!The Honest GuysThe Wishing Well of AbundanceOprah Winfrey Interviews Abraham HicksAbraham HicksEverything Is Working Out For MeYou Were Source Energy

In part one of the last chapter in season one, I explore the journey of stepping further into realization and how things that weren't serving my new purpose began to fall away. I discuss my discovery of the states of consciousness that my meditation practice has revealed and the technique I used to help me reach those states . How I stepped further into an understanding of how to access that energy and power that lies within us all and how it began to show itself in my life. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacauseInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/ReferencesAir Conditioner Meditation Technique

In part two of Bread Crumbs, I continue the discovery of becoming the witness of life unfolding, instead of the victim. I was coming in to the realization that the universe wasn’t setting me up to fail but was in fact leading me to where I wanted to go and that the only resistance getting in the way was coming from me.I was and still am deepening my trust in life, so that I can be more of a deliberate creator and less reactionary and less living in memorized emotion and unconscious behavior.I discuss how I discovered my purpose through this process, facing my shadow self and dismantling old beliefs and how I’m continuing to reach beyond what I know.Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacause - WATCH my short film DISCIPLE here! Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References!AHFQueerX FestDISCIPLE Kickstarter - watch the video when I come out publicly about my status for the first timeDISCIPLE Facebook - follow the film, WATCH the trailerPaul SeligReading ListThe Power of Now | Eckhart TolleA New Earth |  Eckhart TolleAsk And It Is Given | Abraham HicksThe Four Agreements | Don Miguel RuizRealization | Paul SeligAlchemy | Paul SeligSiddartha | Hermann HesseThink And Grow Rich | Napolean Hill | currently Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself (Audio) |  Dr. Joe DispenzaEvolve Your Brain  (Audio) | Dr. Joe Dispenza | currently Four Sacred Secrets (Audio) | Preethaji | currently

In the last chapter of the season, there was still another discovery to be examined. The surprise realization a new affirmation brings, uncovers an even deeper layer of healing and understanding. While reading a new book, a chapter unlocks the mystery behind sex energy and leads me to some personal understanding about my own. Support here!Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/sebastianlacause - WATCH my short film DISCIPLE here! Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chasinghappy_thepodcast/Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ChasingHappyThePodcast/References!Paul SeligThink and Grow Rich - Napolean Hill