Choose your values, base your actions and decisions on them, and your life will become happier and more fulfilled. For more information, please visit https://claritycoachingservices.com

Understanding that there is a part of you that doesn't change and remains safe, no matter what life events you experience, can help you stay objective and find peace during difficult times. For more information, please visit https://claritycoachingservices.com

There is strength and healing in being in the present. How can you avoid being distracted by the past and the future so you can focus on enjoying today?   For more information, please visit https://claritycoachingservices.com

You don't need to automatically believe every thought that pops into your head. Distance yourself from your thoughts and look at them objectively. Choosing to focus on the positive thoughts can lead to personal growth. For more information, please visit https://claritycoachingservices.com

Accepting your feelings and emotions can lead to greater progress and growth in your life. You can't go around them -- you must go through them. For more information, please visit https://www.claritycoachingservices.com

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy principles can help you move forward when you are stuck. Learn the 6 basic principles of accepting your life and committing to change. For more information, please visit http://www.claritycoachingservices.com

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Techniques can change your life and the way you move forward. What is it, exactly? For more info, please visit https://www.claritycoachingservices.com

Do you know exactly what you're looking for in a life partner? Ask yourself these questions to focus your search and find the right match. PART 2    http://www.claritycoachingservices.com       TRANSCRIPT:   Hi, I’m Carol with Clarity Coaching Services and I’m here to share some tips on how to build your best life. Today I’m going to offer some tips on how to determine what you are looking for in a life partner, to clarify what things you're looking for and what things you need.  I’ve compiled a list of questions based on my own life experience and also the experiences of people I know. Along the lines of kids, if there are kids involved, parenting styles -- what is their parenting style? How do they set boundaries or discipline? What routines do they have with their kids, if they have kids already? Maybe you're young; maybe you don't have kids. Do they have nieces and nephews? How do they act around kids, if you want to have kids someday or you do have kids. These are good things to know and are any of these things deal breakers? Geographical location -- again this is flexible; people move a lot nowadays, so choosing someone based on their geographical location may not be the wisest idea, but it's certainly something to consider. Where do you want to live? Would you be willing to move to be with a well-matched partner?  Where are you going to look for your partner? Geographical location might be a consideration -- are you willing to look outside your current geographical area to find a true partner? Would you consider a long-distance relationship? Are any of these things deal breakers? Time with a partner -- this is also something to consider, and many people don't. They assume that because they're in a new relationship and they're spending a lot of time together, they love being with each other, that this is the way it's always going to be. But once that wears off, and real life happens, things change. So how much time would you like to spend with your partner each day? What is the minimum amount of time you would like to spend with your partner each day? Are you the kind of person that wants to see their partner an hour or two a day? Would you like eight hours a day? Do you want to work with your partner? Are you comfortable with your partner traveling half of the month? How (I don't want to say how needy are you, because that's not really a fair way to put it), but would you be okay if your partner traveled frequently? And are any of these things deal breakers? Be honest about how much time and attention you would like from your partner. How much time would they like with you? Are you comfortable with how much time they would want with you, or how little time? Health -- are there healthy behaviors that you would require your partner to have? Maybe you are a vegetarian and you just couldn't stand to live with someone who ate meat. Are there any unhealthy habits that you would not like your partner to have? You know, maybe they only shower once a week, or they don't floss as often as you would. I’m not judging, I’m just saying do you have any preferences or requirements that would be deal breakers in a partner?  Are there any physical or mental health issues that you would not like your partner to have? Are you pretty open and understanding if a partner suffers from occasional anxiety or depression or anything like that? Or are any of those deal breakers? Nowadays, you are going to have a hard time finding someone who doesn't have any kind of issues but be upfront and honest about what you can handle and what you can’t. How do you feel about a potential partner having a current or past addiction? Maybe you've had a past addiction and you would rather not partner up with someone who also has. Maybe you want someone who can be that strong rock to lean on or maybe you would like someone who understands what you've gone through and shares that past. So are any of these things deal breakers? Cleanliness -- how clean and neat would you like your partner to be? How clean and neat do you require your house to be? Or your car? Would you be able to compromise on the level of cleanliness or neatness to accommodate your partner? Maybe you're a neat freak or maybe you're not. Maybe you don't think folding your underwear is a big deal and it's not a requirement, or making the bed every day. Does it matter if your partner wants that and you had to start accommodating and doing that? Or what if you want the dishes to always be done in the sink and your partner doesn't mind if they sit there for a day -- are you going to be able to handle that? Are any of these things deal breakers? Physical appearance -- most people have a pretty good idea of what they want their partner to look like (or at least what they don't want them to look like). Some people have a type, and some people don't have a specific type but they know they're attracted to certain people and not others. So what would your ideal partner look like? Would you be accepting if their appearance changed? I hope that answer is yes, because no one is going to get through this life without their appearance changing at some point. Are any physical traits deal breakers? I don't know what else to say about this, except that yes, attraction is important and chemistry is important, but be prepared that things like that are not permanent, necessarily. Health -- what level of physical fitness would you like your partner to have? Are you someone who exercises an hour a day? Do you go train for marathons or are you someone that would really rather not get on the treadmill? What kind of physical fitness do you have and what would you like your partner to have? Are there any deal breakers for you in the area of health and physical fitness? How comfortable are you with being at different levels if your partner is not on the same track as you? Physical relationship -- what would your ideal physical relationship look like? What level affection, what level of intimacy? Would you be comfortable with a physical relationship that was not evenly matched? What if you really love hugging and kissing and holding hands in public and your partner just can't stand any kind of PDA -- are you comfortable with that or would that be a deal breaker? What if your desire for intimacy is not on the same level as the other person's -- how far apart can you be with that level of intimacy and still be happy in your relationship? Is there anything that would be a deal breaker? This kind of thing should be discussed before you get into a life partner relationship with somebody. Commitment level and exclusivity -- what kind of commitment level/exclusivity of relationship do you want your partner to have with you? Nowadays you just never know -- you may assume that you're looking at marriage and monogamy and commitment for the rest of your life, but your partner may not be. What is the minimum commitment level and exclusivity of relationship you would be okay with your partner having? If you want to get married, if you want to be together and exclusive and monogamous for the rest of your life, you need to be open about that with your partner and make sure they're on the same page. Is there anything that is a deal breaker in this area? Trust -- what kind of trust level do you require with your partner? Would you require absolute honesty or would you overlook a white lie? What level of trust could you give to your partner and how would you handle a breach of trust? Is anything a deal breaker in this area? Trust looks like many things to many different people -- some people think the occasional white lie is okay if it protects someone's feelings, Or like, ‘Oh, yes, honey, I took out the trash,” and then you hurry and take it out because you hadn’t taken out the trash. Is that okay? Or from something small like that, all the way up to cheating on someone? How would you handle a breach of trust, little or big? Is anything a deal breaker in this area? Make sure you're on the same page with your partner about what trust looks like, because that can cause issues if you're not on the same page. Equality/division of responsibility -- what kind of equality level do you want in your relationship? Do you want to be on equal footing as far as finances and chores and decision making and all those things? Are you comfortable with your partner taking on the majority of the responsibilities in certain areas like finance or household chores or kids or whatever? What are your expectations of your partner regarding financial contributions to the household? What are your expectations regarding child care? Are any of these things deal breakers? Make sure you understand these things before you commit to a long-term relationship with somebody. Decision making -- how does your partner make decisions, what style of decision making do they have? Are they someone who makes a snap decision like “Let's move to Bermuda tomorrow!” Or are they someone who thinks about something for a couple of months or a couple of years? What is your decision-making style and would your decisions be made together in your relationship? Maybe some decisions would be made together and certain decisions could be made individually. What is that going to look like and in what areas is it okay to make a separate decision? What are you going to do if you can't agree on something that involves both of you -- how are you going to handle that? It’s very important to discuss this. Investment in the search – meaning, how much time per week are you willing to invest in searching for a well-matched partner? And how much money per week are you willing to invest in searching for a well-matched partner? And how far are you willing to travel to find a well-matched partner? When you think of searching for a job, searching for a house, searching for a car, searching for a new fridge, or whatever, it takes some time to do the research if you want to find something that's going to work for you long-term. When it comes to finding a life partner, what are you willing to let go in order to find one? Are you willing to move out of your current location? Are you willing to put some money into traveling to activities, into online dating services, into whatever it is to help you find someone? If you're willing to spend a certain amount of time to find the right house, the right job, the right car, a good rule of thumb is to spend at least that amount to find the right partner. It's not really something that can happen just by pure luck.  I know most of us have grown up with the idea portrayed in romantic comedies or Disney movies or whatever that the true love will just somehow appear -- it's serendipity, it's fate or whatever. But the reality is you have to know what you want and you have to go out and look for it. Where to search -- where could you look for a well-matched partner? Now is the time to start coming up with action steps. What events could you attend to look for a well-matched partner? Brainstorm and think of anything you can. What apps could you use to look for a well-matched partner? What clubs or groups could you attend to look for a well-matched partner? And which friends or relatives could you trust to set you up? No one likes blind dates -- I get that -- but who knows you the best? Your friends and your relatives. They may or may not know the people that they're trying to set you up with that well, but you could at least assume that they have your best interests at heart and they are trying to find someone that's a good match. So give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe -- what's one date, right? Now it's time to summarize the qualities you're looking for. So you have your must-have list over here on the left, and then you have your deal breaker list over here on the right -- what you're not willing to accept under any circumstances. That can help you narrow down who to continue a relationship with. A Action steps for your search – look at those last questions that we discussed, what to do. Write down a list of things that you can do and by when. For instance, some might write down, “‘I will look for three online dating services with good reviews and reputations. I will join three online dating services. I will join three local community clubs. I will attend three community events. I will tell my friends and my relatives that I am looking for a life partner and tell them exactly what I’m looking for.” Things like that. And then write down by when you will do them. It's very important to hold yourself accountable, or you might just put this off. That is the last slide and the last step that I have listed here. Of course once you write down what to do and when you're going to do it by, make sure you follow through and do it. It doesn't hurt to have a friend or a relative be your mentor and guide during this process. Make sure that as you are dating and looking for a life partner, that you use caution and that you do background checks, and that you are very careful.  Just use your best judgment. So good luck! Hope that helps! END OF PART 2 For more information, you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

Do you know exactly what you're looking for in a life partner? Ask yourself these questions to focus your search and find the right match. PART 1  http://www.claritycoachingservices.com      TRANSCRIPT:   Today I’m going to offer some tips on how to determine what you are looking for in a life partner, to clarify what things you're looking for and what things you need.  I’ve compiled a list of questions based on my own life experience and also the experiences of people I know. First of all, what character traits do you want your partner to have? What are the most important character traits for them to have?  Not physical traits, but character traits. For example, you might put honesty, kindness, humor, reliability -- those are all character traits. Just make a list of five or six things that you really want your partner to have and then from that list decide which ones are deal breakers if they don't have it. For example, if they don't have honesty as a character trait, is that a deal breaker for you? Now the next slide is what character traits do you NOT want your partner to have? It's very similar to the first question; it just helps you look at it in a different way. What character traits do you not want your partner to have? You might put dishonesty or laziness -- I don't know things that you do not want your partner to have. Which ones are deal breakers if they do have it? Perhaps you might say, “I don't want my partner to have the character trait of selfishness and that would be a deal breaker if they have it. Perhaps I want them to have a sense of humor, but lack of a sense of humor would not necessarily be a deal breaker. However, selfishness -- that would be a deal breaker for me,” if that's what you believe. Looking at their character in depth, let's dig deeper and determine what kinds of things we would like the partner to have in their character. How would you want your partner to treat their friends? How would you want your partner to treat their family? How would you want your partner to treat their co-workers, their boss, or employees? And very important, how would you want your partner to treat you? These questions are important, because in the initial stages of getting to know someone, people are usually on their best behavior. They're excited, and it's not that they're deliberately trying to be something they're not, but everything's brand new, everything's wonderful; you're seeing things through rose-colored glasses. A good indication of what their character really is like is to look at how they treat their friends, their family, their co-workers, their boss, their employees.  Not necessarily right now (although that's important), but also in the past. What has that been like? That is probably the best indicator of how they will treat you in the future. Moving on -- how about intelligence or conversation level in a partner? Intelligence is a term that can be viewed in different ways by different people -- there are different types of intelligence and there are different ways to measure intelligence. When it comes down to it, it's about what kind of conversations do you want to be able to have with your partner, what kind of conversation level. So if you're someone who loves to discuss politics, and all the details of different issues, you might want someone who can do that with you. If you love to talk about the arts -- different themes in movies or books or things like that -- you might want to be able to talk about that with your partner. Maybe not -- maybe being able to talk about those things with friends is okay. What is the minimum intelligence or conversation level you would be okay with your partner having?  What is the very least you want to be able to do with your partner? Maybe they don't have to discuss the ins and outs of politics with you, but you might want them to be able to at least understand what your opinions are on certain subjects and issues. Their communication style -- how well and how often would you want your partner to communicate about their feelings and thoughts? We know this is very important because communication can make or break a relationship. If you want to discuss every little thing about your relationship, and they are constantly putting up a wall and not wanting to talk about it, that might not be a great match. However, not everyone is going to have the exact same communication style as you, so you have to decide what is the minimum level of communication you're willing to accept. Maybe you are the one that doesn't want to have to rehash everything in the relationship; maybe you just want to be able to communicate about the most important things, and not beat it to death. How would you want to handle disagreements with your partner? Everybody has disagreements -- it's how you handle the disagreements that can be an issue in relationships. When you disagree, do you fight? Do you throw things? Do you sulk in your bedroom? Or do you talk about them effectively and calmly and with respect? What would be your ideal way to solve problems together? What would you like to do, what seems reasonable to you? Are any of these things deal breakers? The next subject is spiritual or life beliefs. What kind of spiritual or life beliefs do you want your partner to have? Do they need to share a certain religion? Do they just need to share a certain life philosophy? Does it matter to you if they don't share those things? What is the minimum spiritual or life belief level you would be okay with your partner having? Along with that, what kind of political beliefs would you be okay with your partner having? Are any of these deal breakers? These are things that you don't necessarily need to discuss the first time you meet someone, or the second or the third, but if it appears that you're on the way to developing a longer term relationship with this person, these are important things to consider. Hobbies and interests -- what kind of hobbies or interests would you like your partner to have? Maybe you like to go mountain climbing, maybe you like to go boating, maybe you like to garden. Does it matter if your life partner shares those same hobbies? Or is it okay as long as you have your time to do your interests and they have their time to do theirs? What hobbies or interests would you not like your partner to have? Maybe you really don't want your life partner to have high risk sports as a hobby. Maybe you really don't want them to go mountain climbing or rock climbing or hang gliding or whatever. Is that a deal breaker? Are you okay if you don't share hobbies as long as you share life goals and communication styles? Education -- what kind of education do you want your partner to have? Does it matter to you if they have a college degree, or they don't have a college degree? If they have a high school diploma or a GED or not? Maybe you're a brain surgeon and you want your partner to have a PhD in something, I don't know. What is the minimum education you would be okay with your partner having? Age -- what age range do you want your partner to be in? Do you want them within five years of your age? Would you be okay if they were 10 years younger than you as long as they were an adult? Would you be okay if they were 20 years older than you? What is the minimum and maximum age you would be okay with your partner being? Is that flexible? Does that matter if you share the same beliefs, and you are really a great match? Job and income -- what kind of job or income do you want your partner to have? Some people make this a priority; they want their life partner to have the same level of income as they do, at least. Or maybe they want their partner to have more than they do, I don't know. What kind of job or income do you want your partner to have? Is that important to you? What is the minimum job or income you would be okay with your partner having? One word of caution here: jobs and income nowadays can be very flexible. You may marry someone who's making two hundred thousand dollars a year in the tech field and then five years from now they could be out of a job. Things happen -- with the stock market, real estate, whatever. A word of advice is not to choose a life partner based on things that might be temporary, like jobs or income, or where they live, because those things could change. Even appearance -- that's going to change. What's not going to change generally are their basic character traits. But that said, let's move on. How does your partner handle money? Are they a super saver or are they a spend-thrift? Are they somewhere in the middle? How does that match with your style -- are your spending and saving styles compatible? Are any of these things deal breakers? Family and kids -- what kind of family or number of kids do you want to have? Do you already have kids? Are you comfortable raising someone else's kids? If so, does the age of those kids matter? Maybe you're middle-aged, and you're okay if your life partner has some older kids, but you're not ready to raise babies again. Does that matter? Does it matter if there is an ex in the picture? Does it bother you if there's someone else involved on a regular basis? Are any of these things deal breakers? These are good conversations to have before you really jump into a life partner type of relationship with somebody.   END OF PART 1  For more information, you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

Communication skills can make or break a relationship, whether it's with business associates, family or friends. Learn some tips to help you do it better. http://www.claritycoachingservices.com     TRANSCRIPT:  In this segment I’m going to talk about communication. Listening is a very important part of communication, of course, so avoid doing these things: daydreaming or thinking of something else while another person is speaking, thinking of what to say next, making judgments about what the other person is saying, and listening with a specific goal or outcome in mind. Do you do any of those things? I have been guilty occasionally of doing those things.  This is from an article in positivepsychology.com. Also in that article, Listening Do’s -- do show genuine interest in your communication partner. Use appropriate nonverbal involvement; show your attention: eye contact, face towards them, and maybe even lean toward them, if necessary. Pay attention to your communication partner, not your own thoughts, no judgment and tolerating silence. It's okay to be silent -- you don't have to always fill in the space with words. Communication 10-10 Exercise -- also from positivepsychology.com. Each person gets 10 minutes to talk. Set a timer, if necessary. The first person talks about their day, the issue at hand, or whatever. The second person should listen attentively and not interrupt during that time. They can ask questions to clarify the issues at the end, but otherwise they don't interrupt. Then you switch -- the second person gets to talk for 10 minutes, and the first person listens attentively. Pay attention during this time to what the person is really saying. Seek to understand not to educate or inform or change. Be sure you follow the Listening Do's and Don'ts during that exercise. In communication there are defensive and supportive communication styles. This is based on Jack Gibbs’ work. For example, a defensive statement would be, ‘You make me angry.’ A more supportive statement would be, ‘I feel angry when that happens.’ A defensive statement would be, ‘We should do X Y Z tomorrow; we should clean the garage tomorrow.’ A more supportive statement, which should get a better response from your partner, would be, ‘When should we clean the garage?’ It gives them some input; it's not controlling. A defensive statement would be, ‘You don't call me as often as so and so does.’ A more supportive statement would be, ‘You know, I miss hearing from you.’ But you have to be careful how you say that; you don't want to do it in a way that provokes guilt feelings. A defensive statement would be, ‘You didn't do it today. Okay, well, do it tomorrow then.’ A more supportive statement would be, ‘I’m sorry you've been so busy. When do you think you'll have time to do this?’ A defensive statement would be, ‘I’m the one who is earning the money (or went to college or is older), so listen to me.’ A more supportive communication statement would be, ‘What do you think about this?’ A defensive statement would be, ‘Let me show you the right way to do it.’ A more supportive way to say that is, ‘One way that works for me is…’ So try using more supportive statements in your relationship or with your co-workers and see what happens. There are different communication styles -- some people want to talk it out right away and then they just talk, talk, talk. Some people want to think it over; they might want to go and be alone and mull it over in their mind for a while. So if one of you is a talk-it-out person and one of you is a think-it-over person, some compromise can be necessary. Make sure both of you are in a good headspace before having a conversation about an emotionally charged subject. If someone isn't ready to talk, agree on a later time to go over the issue when both of you are calm. It's not about just what you say, it's also about how you say it. Be mindful of the following things: there's pitch and volume. When people are upset, sometimes their voice’s pitch will become higher and they will speak louder, and this can put their partner on the defensive. Pace -- if you're excited or angry, you might speak faster than usual, so slow down and you can get your point across better, and you can bring calmness to the conversation. Tone -- what emotions are reflected in your voice? People can tell when you're being sarcastic, or you're feeling angry, if you let those tones come into your voice. You can use humor to de-escalate a situation, as long as it is done properly and isn't used to tease the other person. They're probably not going to be receptive to teasing right then, so it has to be a legitimately humorous comment. This is based on Chris Argyris’ The Ladder of Inference. There's what you intend to say, what you actually say, what the other person hears, and what the other person thinks you meant. So that's how miscommunication can happen. Here's the actual ladder -- so down at the bottom you have the pool of observable data. Then you have the ladder with the rungs and it's kind of in a reflexive loop. Our beliefs tend to affect what data we select and vice versa. We're looking at these observations, we're making a selection, we add meanings to them, and then we make assumptions based on our meanings that we just created. We draw conclusions from our assumptions, and then we adopt beliefs based on our conclusions. We take actions based on our beliefs. So if our observation was incorrect, or the meaning we gave to those observations, or the assumptions… All those different rungs of the ladder there, they might mess us up. So instead of jumping to conclusions, make sure you analyze and test the assumptions, meanings, and selected data and observations that created those conclusions. I hope this gives you some communication tips. For more information, you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

In today's hectic world, it's important to exercise self-care. Keeping yourself rested, relaxed and happy can help you tackle life's problems and reach your goals. Learn the many methods for exercising self-care and find those that suit you. http://www.claritycoachingservices.com     TRANSCRIPT: This segment is on self-care, a very important segment.  We all need to learn how to care for ourselves, so we're going to discuss ways to relax and reduce stress and anxiety.  Relaxation and exercise can help our brain think more logically and rationally, and of course when we are rational, we can analyze our thoughts more clearly -- very important! Ways to relax: We have deep breathing, meditation, exercise, focus, mindfulness, hobbies, music, muscle relaxation, laugh, friends, write it down, or EFT -- the tapping solution.  Let's go through each of these. Deep breathing -- breathe from deep down in your lungs. So let's try this -- we're going to breathe in through your nose for the count of six, hold your breath for the count of four, and breathe out through your mouth for the count of six.  Now, if that's too long for you, you can shorten these, but let's try it.  We're going to breathe in:  one, two, three, four, five, six.  Hold your breath: one, two, three, four. Breathe out through the mouth: one, two, three, four, five, six.   Okay, do that again.  (I'm not gonna do it again; you have to rewind it if you want to.) Okay, meditation -- Sit down or lie down in a calm, quiet place. Close your eyes if you choose to. Notice your breathing, notice your body, and try to empty your mind and be in the present. If your mind wanders, that's okay, just try to come back to the present. When your time is up or you feel ready, open your eyes and you're done. You can also find a lot of apps or YouTube videos for meditation and those are really good. I would recommend doing that and seeing what you like. Exercise -- we've got yoga, walking, running, swimming, hiking, or biking.  These are all great ways to relieve stress and feel better fast. All right, focus -- focus on your senses.  This can be relaxing.  You breathe deep and then you notice one thing you can taste, two things you can smell, three things you can hear, four things you can touch, and five things you can see. For example, I'm going to try to focus on my senses right now and be mindful, and I’m going to think of one thing I can taste.  Um, I can't really think of anything, honestly. Two things you can smell:  Hmm, I can smell…I think I can smell the enchiladas my husband made yesterday.  How sad!  What's another thing? I can't think of anything else. I'm not doing this very well! That's okay, it's really okay -- you don't have to; it's not a test. It's just about relaxing and focusing on your senses.  All right, three things I can hear: I can hear a truck in the distance, I can hear a bird, I can hear the computer -- the computer fan. Four things I can touch: I can touch my computer, my microphone, my notepad, and my water bottle. Five things I can see: I can see the painting on the wall of my mom's flower garden, I can see the printer, the computer, the chair, and the floor. I think that's five. Okay, so the purpose of this exercise is that when you're focusing on doing all these things, your mind can't start worrying about anything else. I just realized I was completely focused on that task and not thinking about anything else, or whether I was doing a good job here. So yay, that worked!  Alright, so that's focusing on your senses. Do that if you're at a party and you are feeling anxious. Mindfulness -- mindfulness is a way of being that incorporates meditation, focusing on the present, letting things be, deep breathing, being grateful, noticing your surroundings, and spending time with people who make you happy. So it kind of incorporates a lot of different things. Hobbies -- hobbies can help you relax. Doing something creative each day can increase your sense of well-being.  That's from an article, which I have listed down below, in the Journal of Positive Psychology. What do you love to do? Try to remember what it is you used to love to do, or maybe you still do what do you love to do.  In any case, do it! Music -- listen to your favorite music. Google relaxing music on YouTube. You'd be surprised what kind of music they have there, -- really cool. You could even combine the music with dancing to double up on the anti-stress properties, because you've got your exercise in there, your music, you know. Muscle relaxation -- Relax and get comfortable.  Breathe deeply. Starting with your feet, tighten your muscles on your feet. Hold for 10 seconds and then relax.  Then do the same for the rest of your body, moving upwards one area at a time, going from the feet to the legs, your abdomen, your hands, your arms, your shoulders, and then your jaw and neck -- always the worst part for me. Try that muscle relaxation exercise. Laughing -- watch a funny movie, read a comic book, attend a comedy night.  Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. And go for the belly laugh for maximum effects! That's just my opinion, and I have no research to back it up. So anyway, belly laughs, always good. Friends -- friendships are good for your mental and physical health. They can act as a psychological vaccine against stress -- very important in these times. We want those psychological vaccines. So maintain your friendships in as healthy a way as you can, and that should help you out. That comes from another article by The University Of North Dakota. They do say that friendships can act against stress. Write it down -- are you worrying about things you need to get done? Are you worrying about remembering to do them? Write it down; make a list. This is especially helpful if you're worrying about things in the middle of the night, and it's causing insomnia. Just write it down and then you'll know you can put it aside until you have time to tackle that issue. You don't have to be worrying that, ‘Oh, I need to remember that thought.’  Just write it down. Are you stressed about a certain situation or relationship in your life? Again, write it down. Putting your feelings to paper may help provide clarity, or at least an outlet for your feelings.  If you're worried about people reading it at some point, then tear it up, put it in a safe, or burn it. There are all sorts of things you could do. This is the last one – EFT, which is called the Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping.  EFT was developed by Gary Craig in the 1990s, and he based that on his study of work done by Roger Callahan in the Thought Field Therapy arena, so there you go.  This is what you do: you identify your fear or issue, and you rate your current level of fear or anxiety on a scale of 0-10.  You want to decide if this worked for you or not when you're done. Then you create your phrase of what is causing you anxiety or whatever.  Your phrase is going to be something like, ‘Even though I am feeling anxious, I deeply and completely accept myself.’  Or you can substitute ‘depressed’ or ‘scared’ or whatever it is, and then that's going to be your initial phrase.  Then you're going to create your reminder phrase -- that's a shortened version that includes what your fear or issue is. That might be ‘This anxiety’ or ‘This depression’ or ‘This fear’. So now you're going to do the tapping thing. and you are going to start by using one hand to tap the side of your other hand, kind of like in a karate chop, while you repeat your phrase three times, that long phrase: ‘Even though I am feeling anxious, I deeply and completely accept myself.’ And then you repeat it two more times. Now you go to the shortened phrase, and you tap on all these other areas of your body seven times while you repeat your reminder phrase like, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety.’ You start tapping on the inside of your eyebrow, and you say ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety…’ You're tapping seven times. Then you tap next to your outer eye, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety.’ Then under the eyes, on that bone there: ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety,’ while you're tapping. I'm tapping -- you can't see me tap, but… Oh, it's hard because I have my glasses on!  And then under the nose on the philtrum area, if you happen to know what a philtrum is. It's that little indentation under your nose. ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety.’ And then that little crease between the lips and the chin, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety.’ And then an inch below and out from the collarbones, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety.’ Then under the armpit, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety...’ The last one is on the top of the head -- it's kind of like the monkey, ‘This anxiety, this anxiety, this anxiety.’ All right, so then you take a deep breath and let it go. And when you're all done, you rate your current level of fear or anxiety to see if it has improved. I have to say, I have done this when I’m feeling anxious, and it worked! It reduced my anxiety quite a bit. I hope these techniques will help you to feel more calm. For more information, you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

Is there something in your life you'd like to change? Are you worried about how to handle a certain situation? Using this visualization exercise can help you understand what needs to happen and make you feel calm and peaceful about getting there. http://www.claritycoachingservices.com    TRANSCRIPT: In this segment we're going to do a visualization exercise.  Choose a situation that occurs frequently in your life that you would like to see happen differently. Okay, so I am going to visualize me procrastinating doing these videos. I would like to see that happen differently; I would like to get up in the morning and do a video every day, or you know, at least a podcast episode or something every day. So now close your eyes and visualize what has been happening in that situation, imagine as many details as possible. All right, so I’m closing my eyes. I’m visualizing what has been happening -- I am getting up, I’m on my computer, I’m thinking about what I need to do. I have a few ideas rolling around in my head, and then I kind of think, oh, but then I would have to get ready, and I’m not sure if I have time to do all that, and I have to set up the lighting, and it's not set up right now. Okay, a lot of details  -- oh, let's see I’ve gotta think, what is the lighting in the room? I might be sitting in the sun. What is the sound in the room? Not a lot of sound except for the dogs barking outside or the cat meowing. Now I’ve got a lot of details. I’m going to open my eyes and I’m going to close them again to reset my thoughts. And now I’m going to visualize the situation as I would like to see it happening. I’m going to imagine as many details as possible. All right, so I am now waking up, and I’m on my computer. I’m looking at the different ideas I have for videos and podcasts, and I am going to commit to one. I’m going to just pick one and say, ‘I’m going to do that today.’ I’m sitting in the sun and I’m hearing the birds chirping outside.  I’m going to get up and go to my office and I’m going to ignore the cat meowing. I’m going to my office and I’m going to sit down and just grab the microphone and open up my powerpoint and start talking. That's what I’m going to do. Okay, now open your eyes. I’m opening my eyes. How are the two versions different? How did you make them different? Well, I obviously took action in the second one; I just made myself do it. I gave myself a time limit and I just decided to pick one and do it. Did the change all happen in your head? Yeah, that all happened in my head, so it was a lot easier than doing it in real life. Could you make those changes happen in real life? I could. Yes, I could; I could make those changes happen in real life, just gotta do it. I’ve got to -- let's see, maybe not wait for the motivation to do it, just do it. Okay, so that was me doing the visualization exercise and now it is your turn to do it! Choose a situation that occurs frequently in your life that you would like to see happen differently. Close your eyes and visualize what has been happening in that situation. Imagine as many details as possible. Now open your eyes and then close them again to reset your thought patterns. Visualize the situation as you would like to see it happening. Imagine as many details as possible. Now open your eyes. How are the two versions different? How did you make them different? Did the change all happen in your head? Could you make those changes happen in real life? I hope you've enjoyed this visualization exercise. For more information, you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

Planning a large project or event is no easy task. Learn how to organize the project into easily manageable steps and track it all from start to finish. http://www.claritycoachingservices.com     TRANSCRIPT:  This section is on project planning. If you have a big project, sometimes it can seem overwhelming. You don't know where to start, so the key is to break it down.  How are you going to make it happen? You're going to do this with baby steps and action steps. First of all, determine all the things that must be done to complete your project and their due dates.  You might start out with a spreadsheet like the one I have here. These are also available on my website, I believe or in the show notes.  You're just going to list them all here -- how long it's going to take to do them, how many days or hours.  Then along the top there, you can see that there is a series of dates projecting out either a couple weeks, couple months, or however long your project is going to last.  You're going to mark down the due date for each action step, so you can kind of see what's involved, when it needs to be done. The next step is to delegate the action steps to others as needed. (This is assuming that you are a leader of a team, a project team. If it's just you, then your name is going to be on this whole list here.) Another good thing about this chart is that you have your action step, how long it takes, the responsible person, the deadline, and then you have listed the necessary resources you're going to need for that action and any potential challenges that might prevent you from accomplishing that. You can see it all at a glance and see what you're up against. Then you can make a Gantt chart of who will do what and by when.  You put the action steps in your personal calendars with reminders. Whoever is doing it needs to transfer what they're responsible for into their own personal calendar.  We have on this chart the entire project group, and then the subcommittees or task groups divided out underneath that, and the action steps that that group is responsible for, and when they need to have it done by.  Then you can mark over there on the left when they have it done. Be sure to go and check this chart frequently. Or the one above -- let's see this one is all action steps with due dates to see how you're doing. Then the individual people who are responsible for certain action steps should prioritize what they do each day. This chart is called the Eisenhower matrix and it was popularized by Stephen Covey. I think it was originally attributed to Eisenhower, the president.  You use this chart to prioritize what you do each day. You put each action step (or at least you mentally put each action step) into one of these boxes.  We've got a four-compartmented box and we've got Urgent and Not Urgent and Not Important and Important. So if you're listening, not watching, in the upper left-hand quadrant we have it's Important and Urgent. You're going to do those first.  In the upper right-hand quadrant we have Important But Not Urgent, so you're going to schedule those for later.  In the lower left-hand quadrant we have Not Important But Urgent, and so you delegate these if possible.  Then in the lower right-hand quadrant we have Not Important Not Urgent. If they're not important and they're not urgent, then you do these last or not at all for that day. I hope this helps you with your project! For more information you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

Want to reach your goals? Learn the steps to make it happen.   http://www.claritycoachingservices.com   TRANSCRIPT: This segment is on goals. Goals are very important if you want to achieve things in your life. So we're going to talk about the essentials of goal setting. What do you really want? Before you set your goal, make sure you know what you really want. If your goal is something you need to do, but you don't want to do, look for what is blocking your motivation. Is there an underlying fear, a limiting belief? If so, you might need to work on that. Find a way to make your wants the same as your needs. For example, maybe you need to get a job -- if you don't get a job, you can't pay the rent or buy food.  Getting a job is a true need for you. If you don't really want to get a job though, you will procrastinate looking or preparing. It will take some self-reflection to discover why you don't want a job. What might you be afraid of – failing? Hating it? Losing time with people you love? Giving up your dreams?   Find a way to reconcile the need of a job with the wants you have. It may take compromise. Understand your motivations and your blocks, and that will be the first step to getting there. Is there a way to balance the need of a job with the wants of your ideal life, at least in some respects? When possible, make your goals a win-win for you and others. For example, maybe your goal is to lose 30 pounds. You want to look and feel better after you do this, so on some level you may be telling yourself it would be selfish to spend time and money on this goal. Maybe you worry about leaving your kids to go to the gym, maybe you think that that time should be spent in the office drumming up business, maybe you don't think your family would enjoy the same healthy meals and snacks that you would require. You could just ignore all those concerns and focus solely on yourself, but you might find yourself giving up sooner than expected. So find a way to merge your goal of losing weight with your other desires to spend time with your family and friends. For instance, maybe you could find a hobby or sport that you could do with them. Maybe there are nutritious yet tasty snacks everyone might enjoy. There are always options.   Now that you have your goal, make your goal Smart -- S-M-A-R-T.  It's generally accepted that this SMART acronym was first written down by George T Doran, and that was in 1981. But anyway, it's become very commonplace; you've probably heard of it before.   So the S is for Specific.  keep your goals specific, focused, and simple. Include just one thing you want to accomplish. M is for Measurable. You need to have a definite way of knowing when you've accomplished it. How will you know when you're done? It needs to be something measurable and not abstract.  You can't just say, ‘Oh, I’m going to have a feeling of completeness.’ You might say, ‘Oh, I’ve lost 10 pounds,’ or ‘I’ve found the job,’ or ‘I have finished the class.’  Or if you want to feel happier, then maybe you can assign a number to it. I think we're going to talk about that later.  Attainable -- what can you realistically achieve given everything else going on in your life?  R is relevant -- your goal needs to be relevant to your overall life purpose and vision. T is Time-Bound -- you need to set a completion date, otherwise it may just get put off.   Once you have your goal, you need to create some action steps and baby steps. You need to plan a series of small action steps to get there; you can't just all of a sudden have your goal done, right? Rome was not built in a day, as they say. For example, say you want to finish your degree in electrical engineering -- what are the steps needed to get there? You can either plan it out by starting at the beginning and working forward, or you can start at the end and work backward.   So let's look at working backward; let's see how that would be. If you start from the end and work backwards, the first action step you need to take will be at the bottom, so look at the top of this diagram here, if you are watching and not just listening. The goal is Finish My Electrical Engineering Degree. So you ask yourself, what has to happen before that? Well, I need to finish the required classes to graduate. We have that listed on here.  What has to happen before that? I need to register for classes. Okay, what has to happen before that? I need to look up what classes I need to take. Great, that's another action step. But what needs to happen before that? I need to pay tuition. Okay, what has to happen before you pay tuition? I need to be admitted to the university. Great, we have a lot of action steps here. What has to happen before you're admitted to the university? I need to apply to the university. Okay, so that's at the very bottom -- that's going to be your first action step. Now you could have even more action steps. Maybe before applying to the university, you might have to research which university you want to go to and which program, but for the sake of this exercise we're just going to say that applying to the university is your first action step.   So now we take that one action step, and we break it down even further. If your first action step is to apply to the university, even that may seem like a hurdle. So break it down further into baby steps and do one thing at a time. If our action step is applying to the university, here at the top, what has to happen before that? We have to fill out the required form. Okay, that's one baby step. What has to happen before that? We have to go to the university website. Okay, that's another baby step. What has to happen before that? I need to gather any records or data needed.  So that is your first baby step, because it's at the bottom.  Then you'll do the rest of them that go up in order. Just do one thing at a time, one baby step, and eventually you'll get there. If you complete enough baby steps that lead to action steps, you will eventually reach your goal.       Alright, so here I have this handy-dandy worksheet, where you could plan out your action steps and your baby's steps and mark off when they're done.  And here's a printable version with no color.  You can download these from my website.    And that's it! I hope it helps you set some goals and reach them. For more information you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

PART 2 OF 2 We all have things that stand in the way of our goals. Sometimes these obstacles are situations or lack of knowledge. Sometimes they are inner doubts and fears. Learn how to recognize these inner blocks and outer obstacles and overcome them so that you can live the life you want.   http://www.claritycoachingservices.com TRANSCRIPT: This segment is overcoming blocks, part two. How do we actually move forward and move past our blocks? One of the steps is to gather info -- What information do you need to move forward? Sometimes we have a block about doing something because we just don't have enough information. Like if we are trying to build a website for our business, we may need to gather some information first. We may need to look up different website platforms, or research prices, or decide what actually you're going to say on the website. How can you obtain the information you need to progress and reach your goal? Well, think of some ways you can obtain it. Are you going to do research on the internet? Are you going to check out books? Are you going to go talk to someone who's done it? What do you need to know to improve your situation? Again all those things. Brainstorm -- list all the ways to handle this situation, regardless of how realistic or practical. And when you think you have them all, now list some more. I could maybe look up articles, I could take a webinar, I could do all sorts of things. I could talk to someone who is successful making websites. Maybe I have a friend who makes websites -- I could talk to them. I could take a course on making a website. I could look up internet articles. I could check out a book from the library. All those are ways I could increase my skills in this area that might help me overcome the block I have. Thinking outside the box may give you a list of 10 things, and maybe eight of those things are completely unreasonable and out of your ability to do, but maybe one of those is just the thing that you need to move forward.  Maybe you hadn't thought about it before because you were stuck in a rigid, narrow way of thinking. So choose how to act. Of those options you listed during the brainstorming process, which ones resonate with you the best? For instance -- taking a webinar. Maybe you hate sitting in webinars; you just don't want to sit there. You hate the idea of a class -- that doesn't resonate with you. But maybe you like the idea of going and talking to your cousin Harry who knows how to build websites, and he's willing to help you. So that resonates with you. You could do that. What behaviors would help the most in this situation? Well, in this instance just picking something, moving forward, gathering information from that. Maybe picking another method, moving forward, gathering information from that. Maybe writing it down. Which way to handle the situation would be most helpful? Maybe talking to the cousin who knows how to do websites would be most helpful. If that doesn't work, maybe going and researching online that would be helpful. So which one would you like to try out first? Pick one and go and try it out. If you don't get all the information you need from that one, go to the next one on your list and try it out. How can we turn this gathering of information into a Smart Goal that we can accomplish? Well, we know the acronym for SMART is: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. So I’m going to say, ‘I would like to create a list of 10 things I need to do to build a website.’ And I think I can do that. So I am going to say that ‘I want to do that by two weeks from today.’ So my smart goal is: ‘I will have a list of 10 things to do to build my website by two weeks from today.’ That is specific and simple. It's measurable -- 10 things, I can count that.  Attainable? Yeah, I think I can do that, even with everything else going on in my life. Relevant? Yes, this is relevant to what I need to do; I need to build a website.  And time bound? Yep, I have a date two weeks from today, so I know I have to complete it by that date. You can find more information about Smart Goals in the Smart Goals segment, and how to follow through with goals and break them down into action steps.  Keep in mind this segment has been mostly about practical blocks. Practical blocks have to do with things we don't know how to do yet, information we don't know, talents we don't yet have. For the inner blocks, you'll want to listen to the segments on Core Beliefs and Negative Thinking and how to overcome those. I hope this helps you move forward with overcoming a block.   For more information you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

PART 1 OF 2 We all have things that stand in the way of our goals. Sometimes these obstacles are situations or lack of knowledge. Sometimes they are inner doubts and fears. Learn how to recognize these inner blocks and outer obstacles and overcome them so that you can live the life you want.  http://www.claritycoachingservices.com TRANSCRIPT: This segment is going to be about overcoming blocks. Blocks those are things that are getting in your way, getting in the way of what you want out of life. They are preventing you from moving forward. So we’re going to talk about how to overcome these blocks and move past the physical and emotional challenges that are getting in your way. They might be things that you realize are stopping you, or things that you don't realize are stopping you. They may be in your subconscious. First of all we have to name the problem -- what is the situation you are trying to change? I will use myself as an example -- making this particular video about blocks was a challenge. I've been putting it off, and I want to change that situation; I want to get it done. What is or was preventing me from doing that? Well, I’m kind of a perfectionist. I wanted everything to look just right; to be just right. wanted to do a video, but that would mean I’d have to do my hair and makeup and adjust the lighting in this room. And then I would have to figure out how to read the prompter while I’m looking at the screen and the camera and it was just easier to put it off. So that was a block that I was conscious of; I knew that those things were holding me back. That is a thing that you might say is outside of me; those are external problems that I had to fix before I could do this video. However, the internal problem, the thing that internally was blocking me from doing this, was that I felt…not confident enough to do this. So I was inventing reasons to put it off. All right, so what parts are within your control? What parts were within my control? Well, I could go and do my hair and makeup. I could adjust the lighting in here. I could fix the camera, I could have notes, I could even not have the camera on, which is what I think I’ve finally chosen to do, is just not even have the video on. That makes it easy. So it's just going to be voice. What am I afraid of? Well, I am afraid of looking stupid. I am afraid of not doing a good job. I am afraid it won't be perfect. I am afraid that my hair will be messy, as it always is. That…I don't know…I might have something stuck in my teeth. I might miss up and say something silly. So what underlying core belief might be getting in the way? Well, I've kind of cheated because I already know what my underlying core belief is; the underlying core belief about all those things-- well, let me just go through it with you. If I were to miss up on the video, what might that mean about me? That might mean that no one's going to watch it, and that might mean that I’m going to fail at this venture. That might mean that I’m just not good enough to succeed at something and that might mean that I am just not good enough as a person. So that's getting down to the core belief. That's actually going to be covered in another segment, but it's good to know as far as overcoming your blocks what's really underlying them. So what automatic negative thoughts are sabotaging your efforts? In my case, my automatic negative thought was, ‘Oh, it's got to be perfect, and I can't do it perfectly.  I won't be able to do it well enough, I will look silly, I’m not photogenic. I worried that I might mess up while I was talking. All those are negative thoughts. So how can you relax and exercise self-care during this process? Well, I can take deep breaths, I can do breathing exercises, I can plan ahead, I can get enough sleep, I can tell myself positive affirmations and other things. What values and priorities do I have that are affecting this decision? Well, I guess I must have a value of wanting to be perfect, which sounds really bad…or maybe that's a good thing, but it can be a bad thing. So I have a value of doing a good job which can be a good thing unless I take it too far. Priorities -- same thing; I want it to be good, I want it to be entertaining. These things are all good, but if it gets in the way of me actually accomplishing anything, then that's definitely a block. Learning from the past -- when have you been able to handle this type of situation effectively? For example, I have created videos before for my speech website.  So what did I do differently than I’m doing now? I probably spent more time getting ready with my appearance, the lighting, the setup, even the text that I was going to speak. Remember what you thought about back then; remember how you felt and remember what actions you took. Okay, let's see… I did feel a little bit more confident back then because I did do more things to get ready. I guess I made a conscious decision to not do video this time, so it is what it is. Can I imagine myself doing those things in the future? Yeah. Yeah, I could. Maybe I will scrap this whole project here and do another one with perfect video. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll just accept this as it is. And that is the end of this segment. I hope this helps you learn more about how to recognize and overcome your blocks. For more information you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

CORE BELIEFS: Deep inside of each of us is a fundamental belief about ourselves that affects everything we think, do or say. Thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all interconnected and affect each other. If you change your thoughts, you can change your feelings and behaviors. Learn what your core belief is so that you can identify ways to improve your thoughts and your life. http://www.claritycoachingservices.com   TRANSCRIPT: In this segment we're going to talk about core beliefs. Core beliefs are the beliefs that you carry deep down inside you. You probably don't even know you have them, but they're affecting everything you do or don't do. As you can see in this diagram your core beliefs are here. You have your beliefs about yourself, you have your beliefs about others, you have your beliefs about the future. These core beliefs affect your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors, which then in turn affect your thoughts, and your feelings, and your behaviors, and it's just kind of a circle that keeps going. So your beliefs are key, and in this way your thoughts feelings and behaviors are all interconnected and affect each other. If you change your thoughts, you can change your feelings and your behaviors. There's always another way to look at things. Here is your core belief -- who you think you are. Who you think you are affects how you feel and how you act. Here it is in the diagram -- who you think you are. How you feel is the layer just outside of that, and how you act is the layer just outside of that, the outermost layer of this circle. But inside of who you think you are, at the very core of the circle, is who you really are. Who are you really? Sometimes our core belief is more negative than who we really are. I guess there are situations where your core belief is more positive than who you really are. So finding your core belief -- this is how we do it. It's kind of a little game -- not really a game, it's an exercise -- think about something you have been wanting to change or try. For example, say you want to go back to school to get a degree. Then you ask yourself, why haven't you done that yet? And you might say to yourself, ‘Well, I’m afraid I’ll get bad grades.’ Now ask yourself, ‘And if you get bad grades, what would you make that mean about you?’ NOT what would that mean about you, but what would you MAKE that mean about you, because let's face it, you are making that mean something. What would you make that mean about you? And you might say, ‘Well, I will fail in getting an education.’ And if you don't complete your education, what would you make that mean about you? And you might say, ‘Well, then I’m a failure. I’m not good enough.’ So that would be your core belief down there -- the ultimate reason that you're not willing to try is that deep down you are afraid you will discover or confirm that you are a failure; that you are not good enough. Now remember, going back up to the previous slide, just because that's your core belief does not mean that that is the truth. Who you really are is in the innermost circle. Your core belief is just outside that, and you made it yourself. So here are some examples of core beliefs: I’m not smart enough. I’m not attractive enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not lovable. I’m not outgoing enough. They all tend to boil down to this core belief: I’m not good enough. So if you have this belief, ‘I’m not good enough,’ it would lead to the thought, ‘I can't do this,’ which leads to the feeling, ‘Oh, I’m unhappy and unfulfilled.’ And then the action is, ‘I’m not going to try to do anything, because I don't want to fail.’ But think about this: would you walk across a beam six inches off the ground? Would you walk across a beam 100 feet off the ground? The power of imagination is strong and can affect our behavior. Our belief, our core belief, has effects on our life. How has this core belief that you have affected your reactions to life events? How has this core belief affected your daily thoughts and feelings? If you gave up this core belief, what might be some costs to you? If you gave up this core belief, what might be rewarding for you? There's always a payoff versus a loss of changing your core belief. For everything you gain, there's something you're going to give up. In other words, if you give up your core belief and then you're willing to go back to school and take a chance and try to get your degree, you're going to give up maybe a sense of comfort. You're going to have to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. The payoff is something you're getting out of staying where you are now. What you're getting out of staying where you are now is you are in your comfort zone -- you don't have to try; you don't have to risk failing. So you have to be aware of what it's costing you to stay stuck. Which one is greater? Then again, if you do go back to school, there's a loss and a payoff. The loss would be you have to get out of your comfort zone; you're going to give up that sense of status quo that you have and not having to work too hard at that. The payoff is you might get your degree and be very successful and move on to a new career. So again, you weigh the pros and cons of staying where you're at and keeping the core belief you have or changing that core belief. So if you have the core belief ‘I’m not good enough,’ check yourself -- is this really true? What evidence is there to support that it's true? Can you think of facts that support that you are not good enough? And if so, is it true all the time? Or just some of the time? What evidence is there to support that it's false that you are good enough? When in your life have you been good enough? In what areas of your life are you good enough? And how did you become good enough in that area? What thoughts do you have while being good enough? How do you feel when you are good enough? How do you act when you are good enough? So just keep in mind that how you view yourself is going to affect how you feel, and how you act. All right, so say you have the core belief, ‘I’m not smart enough.’ You need to change the thought-emotion-action cycle. So you can say, ‘I’m good enough as a person just as I am. I don't know enough about this subject yet, but I can learn by maybe taking a class, researching online, asking for help, or some other methods, it's up to you. You can think of some. What if you have the core belief, ‘I’m not attractive enough.’ You’ve got to change that cycle. So you can say I’m good enough as a person just as I am. I would like to improve my appearance by maybe exercising, getting a new haircut, dressing better, or any number of other activities you could do. And the key is that this is putting you in a position of power and control and taking action. ‘I’m not talented enough.’ Let's change that thought-emotion-action cycle. So we can say, ‘I’m good enough as a person just as I am. I would like to improve my skills in this area by maybe learning from experts, practicing the new skill, getting feedback, or taking a class, or whatever. ‘I’m not lovable enough.’ I think you're getting the idea here, but again change your cycle of thought. ‘I’m good enough as a person just as I am. I can improve my current and future relationships by studying and researching about relationships, getting therapy, learning new social skills,’ or others. ‘I’m not outgoing enough.’ You can say, ‘I can be more social and make more contacts by finding less intimidating ways to connect with people, trying one new activity or meeting one new person each week, practicing social greetings and small talk with friends,’ or any number of other reasons. And I think it's important to realize, in front of all these statements, initially you have to say, ‘I’m good enough as a person just as I am.’ It's important to remember, ‘I am good enough.’ How would you view your future if you truly believed you were good enough? What actions would you take if you truly believed you were good enough? How would you feel and experience life if you truly believed you were good enough? What can you do today to help yourself believe you are good enough? For more information you can contact me at my website claritycoachingservices.com.

We all have negative thoughts sometimes. Sometimes automatic negative thoughts can get out of control and hold us back from accomplishing goals and living our best life. Learn to recognize faulty thinking patterns.   htttps://www.claritycoachingservices.com   TRANSCRIPT:  Hi, I’m Carol with Clarity Coaching Services and I’m here to share some tips on how to build your best life.  In this segment we're going to talk about negative thinking.  So when you have a negative thought, you're going to want to revise and reframe it.  We all have negative thoughts and a lot of times they're just automatic -- they just come to us; it's a habit.  So the first step is to recognize faulty thinking.  There are a lot of types of negative thoughts that we all have, and you might be able to recognize some of these that you do.  This is from the works of Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, David Burns and others.    The first one is Generalization.  For instance, I always feel this; you always do this to me.  It's always, always, always.  And that's obviously not true -- nothing ever is always.    And the second one is Jumping to Conclusions / Mind Reading -- People think I’m boring; I know they think I’m boring.  Or Fortune Telling -- I know my partner is going to leave me.  I know I’m not going to get that raise.  And you don't really know; you may assume, but you don't really know.  A lot of times we might jump to the negative conclusion instead of the positive conclusion.    All Or Nothing Thinking -- If I don't do well on this test, I’ll never become a success at anything.  Like one failure and that's the end of your whole future.   Personalizing Or Blaming -- My friend hasn't called me this week because she's mad at me.  Your friend might be busy that week but you kind of take it on yourself to be the reason why.  I'm depressed because my partner is in a bad mood. That's the blaming -- because my partner's in a bad mood, I now must be depressed.  That's not true; you take responsibility for your own emotions.   Catastrophizing Or Minimizing -- jumping to the worst-case scenario without evidence.  For instance, Oh, I missed a call from the principal at my child's school.  Oh no! He must have fallen from the swing and broken his neck.  Or you know, catastrophizing to the worst-case scenario or habitually minimizing the positive aspects of something.  Or the negative aspects of something, like – Oh, it's not really that bad that you have cancer.  I'm sure it'll all be fine.  I mean, I can't imagine that most of us do that, but that would be minimizing the negative.  Minimizing the positive was:  Oh, yeah, I got a promotion, but you know, it was my turn.  It just happened to be my turn to get that position.   Black And White Thinking -- situations and people are either all good or all bad; no shades of gray.  That person did that thing and therefore they are evil, bad.  We don't want to associate with them anymore because that doesn't align with our beliefs.   Labeling -- He is stupid, rather than he has difficulty doing math problems.  Or, I am a failure, rather than Oh, I failed that test.   Emotional Reasoning -- I feel it; therefore it is true.  I think that's a trap.  We all have emotions -- sometimes they're based on real issues and sometimes they're not.   Should And Must Beliefs-- I must do this.  They should be this way. It's not okay the way things are.   Control Fallacies -- I have no control over myself and others.  Or, I have complete control over myself and others.  Or, I can change others.  The reality is we only have limited control over things in our life.  It's important that we are able to make the changes we can, for sure -- just realize you're going to set yourself up for disappointment if you're always trying to control every aspect of your life and the life of your friends and family.   The Fairness Fallacy/ Heaven's Reward -- That life is fair, and people will always receive just rewards or punishments for their efforts and actions.  Well, unfortunately, life is not always fair.   Perfectionism Or Rigid Thinking-- I must be perfect or right in order to be of worth.  That also leads to the inability to appreciate another's point of view -- if you are always perfect and right, what does that say about everyone else in the world?  Because we know that everyone else in the world doesn't always have the opinion as you.  So if you are a perfectionist or have rigid thinking, you're shutting yourself off from connection with others that might benefit you, and you might not attempt to try things out of the fear of not being perfect.   For more information you can contact me at my website: claritycoachingservices.com.

We all have negative thoughts sometimes. Sometimes automatic negative thoughts can get out of control and hold us back from accomplishing goals and living our best life. Learn to recognize faulty thinking patterns.   htttps://www.claritycoachingservices.com   TRANSCRIPT:  Hi, I’m Carol with Clarity Coaching Services and I’m here to share some tips on how to build your best life.  In this segment we're going to talk about negative thinking.  So when you have a negative thought, you're going to want to revise and reframe it.  We all have negative thoughts and a lot of times they're just automatic -- they just come to us; it's a habit.  So the first step is to recognize faulty thinking.  There are a lot of types of negative thoughts that we all have, and you might be able to recognize some of these that you do.  This is from the works of Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, David Burns and others.    The first one is Generalization.  For instance, I always feel this; you always do this to me.  It's always, always, always.  And that's obviously not true -- nothing ever is always.    And the second one is Jumping to Conclusions / Mind Reading -- People think I’m boring; I know they think I’m boring.  Or Fortune Telling -- I know my partner is going to leave me.  I know I’m not going to get that raise.  And you don't really know; you may assume, but you don't really know.  A lot of times we might jump to the negative conclusion instead of the positive conclusion.    All Or Nothing Thinking -- If I don't do well on this test, I’ll never become a success at anything.  Like one failure and that's the end of your whole future.   Personalizing Or Blaming -- My friend hasn't called me this week because she's mad at me.  Your friend might be busy that week but you kind of take it on yourself to be the reason why.  I'm depressed because my partner is in a bad mood. That's the blaming -- because my partner's in a bad mood, I now must be depressed.  That's not true; you take responsibility for your own emotions.   Catastrophizing Or Minimizing -- jumping to the worst-case scenario without evidence.  For instance, Oh, I missed a call from the principal at my child's school.  Oh no! He must have fallen from the swing and broken his neck.  Or you know, catastrophizing to the worst-case scenario or habitually minimizing the positive aspects of something.  Or the negative aspects of something, like – Oh, it's not really that bad that you have cancer.  I'm sure it'll all be fine.  I mean, I can't imagine that most of us do that, but that would be minimizing the negative.  Minimizing the positive was:  Oh, yeah, I got a promotion, but you know, it was my turn.  It just happened to be my turn to get that position.   Black And White Thinking -- situations and people are either all good or all bad; no shades of gray.  That person did that thing and therefore they are evil, bad.  We don't want to associate with them anymore because that doesn't align with our beliefs.   Labeling -- He is stupid, rather than he has difficulty doing math problems.  Or, I am a failure, rather than Oh, I failed that test.   Emotional Reasoning -- I feel it; therefore it is true.  I think that's a trap.  We all have emotions -- sometimes they're based on real issues and sometimes they're not.   Should And Must Beliefs-- I must do this.  They should be this way. It's not okay the way things are.   Control Fallacies -- I have no control over myself and others.  Or, I have complete control over myself and others.  Or, I can change others.  The reality is we only have limited control over things in our life.  It's important that we are able to make the changes we can, for sure -- just realize you're going to set yourself up for disappointment if you're always trying to control every aspect of your life and the life of your friends and family.   The Fairness Fallacy/ Heaven's Reward -- That life is fair, and people will always receive just rewards or punishments for their efforts and actions.  Well, unfortunately, life is not always fair.   Perfectionism Or Rigid Thinking-- I must be perfect or right in order to be of worth.  That also leads to the inability to appreciate another's point of view -- if you are always perfect and right, what does that say about everyone else in the world?  Because we know that everyone else in the world doesn't always have the opinion as you.  So if you are a perfectionist or have rigid thinking, you're shutting yourself off from connection with others that might benefit you, and you might not attempt to try things out of the fear of not being perfect.   For more information you can contact me at my website: claritycoachingservices.com.

https://www.claritycoaching services.com Download chart, middle of the page here: https://claritycoachingservices.com/contact/   A Life Balance Chart can help you identify changes you would like to make in your life, and which areas you might like to improve.   TRANSCRIPT:  Hi, I'm Carol with Clarity Coaching services and I’m here to share some tips on how to build your best life.  This is going to be just a short segment on life balance.  Here we have the life balance chart.  Some coaches will use a life wheel that is segmented into different pie pieces for each of these areas.  Basically, you look at these different areas of your life and you rank how satisfied you are in each area.  So we have the area of Health and Wellness -- How do you feel about your life as far as your Health and Wellness?  Career and Education, Fun and Recreation, Relationships -- How about the relationships in your life? How fulfilling are they? Finances, Creativity a Self-Fulfillment. So after you've filled out and ranked each of these areas, you decide what you might like to change.  For instance -- Yeah, um, my career is great, but I never have any fun and I don't feel fulfilled.  So those are two areas you might want to work on in your life to bring your life into balance.  Or maybe your relationships are great, but your career is not.  You just don't know what you’re doing in your job, or maybe just lost your job.  So you would want to work on that particular area of your life to bring your life into balance. One of the things you can do is look at your chart and talk about the different levels in each of the areas and just talk about anything that you can think of that would have to do with why that area was low or why other ones were high.  And then you could talk about what makes change in those areas that are low difficult.  Or it maybe you have made changes -- How did that work out?  Then you could ask yourself -- how does this issue or this low area affect your life? What support or resources could help you achieve that higher level in those areas? So you can ask yourself those questions and that is something that you can do on your own or if you want someone to bounce ideas off of and help you be accountable for setting goals and making change, you can talk to a life coach.  There's a lot more detail you can go into in each of those areas to improve yourself.  I hope this helps.  This is also available on my website as a download.   For more information you can contact me at my website: claritycoachingservices.com