David is a retired firefighter medic from the Pacific Northwest. He spent 28 years on the job between volunteer time and career. His story is one filled with trauma on the job to include numerous pediatric codes and death. Those traumas led him to anger, to drinking, to rehab, and eventually to recovery. Today David is retired and he's retrained as a welder. He makes his recovery the priority in his life knowing without sobriety, nothing else would be possible. David and I spent two plus hours talking about life recovery and life after the fire service.

Tom Mitchell is a hero. I don't throw that title around often or easily, but in this case, it's the truth. Better known as Tattoo Tom, Tom is a self-described and appropriately anointed aggressive and unapologetic activist for children with cancer and their families.  From a personal tragedy was born a dogged determination to do basically anything and everything for these kids and their families. From becoming a boxer at the age of 39 to participating in a Moab 240 to dedicating space on his own skin for the memory of children lost to this disease.....Tom has made himself the ultimate advocate.  He founded Stillbrave to provide non-medical supportive care to children with cancer and their families. The organization does that and so much more. Parents of children with cancer are overwhelmed with a diagnosis, Tom and Stillbrave are there to help. That help can be monetary, emotional, guidance with terms and procedures, or simply a chance to smile. This show is a first responder centered podcast, and it may seem odd to have tom, as a guest, trust me the connection is there. Last September I recorded with Loren, a firefighter in my area, she's also a childhood cancer survivor and a board member of Stillbrave.  A few months ago I found out that a good friend, coworker, and in all but blood a brother of mine was embarking on a cancer journey of his own. His infant son had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and the family needed all the help they could get. My first call was to Loren. That's all it took....one call. Loren, Tom, and Stillbrave jumped in and offered money, advice,  and an ear. I'm indebted to them for the help they gave so easily in generously.  Listen to Tom's story. Hear the ugly truths about cancer and the treatments. Understand how little is spent on research. Find a way to do your part in this battle.

Gandhi said that the "best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Jess Rambo is a creative force behind the Painted Buffalo. She's a Marine Corps veteran who has taken her artistic skill and passion and applied it to the veterans community. Her love of art and love for veterans meets in the middle to create opportunities for vets to tell their stories. It doesn't matter if the story is ever heard by anyone else, it simply matters that they are able to express themselves.  Jess hit the road at the beginning of COVID in a school bus, she renovated for her family to live in. Along the way they hit 38 states, 30 national parks and over 300 meetups for veterans all the while meeting over 1200 individual veterans . Her Paint Can Project provides veterans with socks, water bottle shirts, and art supplies meant to encourage them to open up, begin a journey and tell their story.  Today Jess and her children call North Georgia home. She has an even larger and more grandiose vision of what her service can become. She is creating a homestead for her family, her animals, and the veterans to commune, create and connect. Jess has lost herself in the service of others. And we all benefit from the self she's finding a new.

Dostoevsky wrote "You will burn and you will burn out. You'll be healed and come back again." Those words resonate with me. In some manner, small or large, we burn every day. Day-to-day life alone burns us and then we add traumas, work schedules, irregular sleep, poor diet, and numerous other stressors. I'm not sure if burnout is inevitable but in the first responder world, it's hardly rare.  The second part of that message is vital though...."you will be healed and come back again". That healing starts once there's a recognition and an acceptance of burnout. If you notice some signs and symptoms of burnout it's paramount to seek out help, talk to someone, dig into the why, build a recovery, and then come back again.  Chad Davis is the author of "Burnt Out: A Paramedic's Memoir". This book is his story, his journey, his experience. Chad is a firefighter, a medic, an author, a husband, and a father. He has lived through a number of life altering traumas and has come through the other side. He speaks about life in the station, the significant calls, the traumas, the death of his infant son, the fight to find himself, and life after all of it. In other words, Chad has been burned, he's been burnt out, he's healed, and he's come back again.

Destiny Morris is a licensed marriage and family therapist from California. Her practice centers around first responders, spouses, and relationships. She is certified as a first responder counselor as well as being trained in the practice of EMDR and trauma informed. She works with individuals, couples and holds first responder partner groups. In this conversation, we discussed the idea of hyper-vigilance and how it affects relationships. We delve into the topic of sex...yeah sex, sex and the first responder. Sex, interpersonal relationships, family planning, communication, and how the life of a first responder affects all of it. You can find destiny on Instagram under the name  @on_being_resilient   I look forward to having her on again to get a little more into the weeds on a few of these subjects.

Welcome to Episode 78 of The Things We All Carry.  Macklemore said..... "Music is therapy. Music moves people. It connects people in ways that no other medium can. It pulls heartstrings. It acts as medicine." Sarah Thrash is a Texan, a daughter, a sister, a fighter, and a survivor. Music is a passion and a therapy of sorts for her, whether playing piano, listening to music as the sun sets, or sharing suggestions with strangers on Instagram. Music moves her and helps heal her. I noticed her stories on Instagram and started following her suggestions and links to songs. I found that to be a wonderful foray into new music and artists. Little did I know that she also had a story to tell. Sarah has experienced numerous traumas and trials in her life. She's faced a long road to recovery from both emotional and physical injuries. She's determined to push on and not let the traumas define or defeat her. She will be the first to tell you that in her life, the overarching theme is hope. That hope is as much for her as it is for the world around her.

Ryan is a firefighter in Washington, DC. His experiences with work and life demonstrate a need for a global approach to mental health. We can't only worry about the calls we need to be in tune with all aspects of life for a firefighter. Knowing what trials and tribulations a firefighter's living through and dealing with allows us as peers and leaders to better serve our people.  Ryan dealt with cancer and death in an up close and personal manner. He was thrust into a caretaker role  at a point in time, he could never have imagined being necessary. He discusses the realities of caring for a loved one as cancer rages and death approaches. There are moments of beauty and grace sprinkled among the indignity of death. He doesn't pull punches when sharing the uglier side of cancer and hospice. He also shares how this experience has changed his approach at work and the reactions he has had to certain calls.  Separating the  two worlds, firehouse and personal life is difficult in the best of times. However, when tragedy strikes it's damn near impossible.

"My purpose in life is to alleviate suffering." That's the mission statement of this week's guest. Deana, also known as CopShrink on Instagram, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of California. Her focus is working with cops, firefighters and the spouses of both. In addition she responds to large-scale or significant incidents requiring CISM.  In other words...she sees the first responder on their worst day.  Dean has been in practice for 10 plus years and brings her own experiences of trauma and recovery as part of her toolkit. She's a rare therapist who speaks our language and has been touched by our traumas as well. Growing up, her grandfather was in law enforcement. Eventually retiring as chief of police and she was married to a cop as well.  Deana shares  her personal story, as well as professional. She's open and candid about topics such as abuse, marriage, divorce, addiction, faith and recovery.

Mike is a 15 year career firefighter and has 17 years as a paramedic. He started his career at a young age as a volunteer. He's also a husband and a father of two young children.  I was scrolling through Facebook one day when I happened upon a post from a firefighter in Central Virginia. He was asking for donations to raise money for the Center of Excellence. He wasn't simply asking for money though, he was asking for sponsorship for a run he had planned. That run would take him from Central Virginia across the Potomac River to Southern Maryland up to the Center of Excellence, making it a distance of roughly 80 miles. After reading his post, I reached out and floated the idea of having him as a guest on the show. After some discussion back and forth and an hour long phone call, we settled on a day and time. Mike and I sat down together in my apartment and recorded this conversation.  Mike shares his early brushes with death and trauma and how those times formed and affected him. He's open about the mistakes he's made. The alcohol he used as an escape and the road he is on towards recovery.

Some of y'all might recognize this week's guest from Episode 52, as I welcome back Brad from the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Brad is a third generation firefighter with 22 years of service. He first started as a volunteer and is now approaching 18 years with his career department. Brad reached out to my request for impromptu interviews and it intrigued me since I'd already heard his life story in a previous episode we recorded. It turns out he had a new subject to discuss. He was part of the 62 Romeo sleep cohort and wants to spread the word as a sleep ambassador.  Brad shares his sleep story, tips that help him, what changes he's made and a few other bits of information. Look up Episode 48 to find out even more information on 62 Romeo.

This week offer up my conversation with Andy Pantelis. Andy is the District Four vice-president for the IAFF. For those of you who are non-fire related listeners the IAFF is the international association of firefighters. Andy he was elected to his position in 2016 and he represented the local affiliates at Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, and DC.  Andy is also the president of Local 1619 Prince George's county, Maryland, as well as a battalion chief in Prince George's county. He's been with his department since 1997.  We spent about an hour and a half, one morning speaking via zoom. The conversation ranges from mental health to retirement, to cancer prevention, with a few other topics scattered in there. This kind of conversation is helpful, but not exhaustive. We could've spent an episode alone on each topic. Perhaps a deeper dive into a few subjects is warranted in the future. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions or comments concerning this episode or any other.

Ricky Nuttall is a London firefighter with one hell of a story. On June 14th, 2017, he was dispatched to a structure fire during the early morning hours. That fire turned out to be the deadliest fire in London since world war II. He joined over 250 other first responders to battle the blaze, a devastating blaze at Grenfell tower. Grenfell claimed the lives of 72 residents and injured over 70 more.  Ricky shares his insights and his personal story of that night, as well as how it affected his mental health. Today, he uses that experience and his recovery in presentations to schools, fire departments, and prisons. Just to name a few. He is now a mental health advocate, focusing on raising awareness on the importance of social and workplace mental health and wellbeing. He'll be the first to tell you that he suffered from PTSD after Grenville. He was forced to make decisions that night that altered his life. Add to that childhood trauma and various other service-related traumas it combined to throw his life into a tailspin. He survived his battle with some very serious demons and he is here today to tell the story of recovery. Ricky coined the phrase, firefighters leave incidents, but incidents don't leave us. In other words.....these are the things we all carry.

Welcome to Episode 71 of The Things We All Carry. It's been a couple months since I put out a call for people interested in doing an impromptu interview.This is another in that series of pop-up interviews. Ryan is a captain with SacMetro in California. He responded to my message and waited patiently as our schedule seemed to never align. Luckily we were able to sit down and record recently. Ryan shares his own story of trauma and recovery before discussing his work as a peer support coordinator in his department from deadly auto accidents to near misses on house fires we talk about how and why it affected him. Ryan also talks about his experience with EMDR as well as brain spotting. His goal with the peer support program centers on making certain other firefighters know they aren't alone and are made aware of all the resources available to them. We kind of joined this conversation as he and I are already rolling along. I never got to do my typical lead in for a guest but it seemed like the right thing at the time.

One of the disturbing topics that Robbie and I discuss in this episode is how the insurance company is able to both deny his diagnosis of ptsd and then deny his application for life insurance based upon his diagnosis of P. T. S. D. You know that diagnosis..... they denied he had in the first place? This is but one example of how corporations treat individuals and are free to do as they please. Robbie's story should be alarming to all of us. The poor state of mental health awareness and care in our country is disturbing. It affects our country at a basal level which leads to a very universal effect. The state of our mental health care can be seen in our addiction rates, gun violence, homelessness, prison overcrowding, and so on. This conversation needs to be had and changes must be made.

Maya Angelou wrote in "Letter to My Daughter".   "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." No person sums this up better than Kathy Crosby-Bell in 2014, Kathy experienced a tragedy that no mother should be exposed to. Her son, Michael Kennedy was killed in the line of duty. Michael a Boston firefighter was riding engine 33 on March 26th, 2014. He and Lieutenant ed Walsh were first due to a wind-driven fire in the back bay area of Boston. That fire claimed both of their lives. Kathy as a mother had every right to fall apart and have anger at the world.  In place of that. Kathy made it her goal to fight for the life safety of every firefighter. She founded the Last Call Foundation in Michael's memory. Michael and Lieutenant Walsh died in part due to a failed firehose. They never got the water they called for multiple times. Last Call started there…  “Why isn't there a burn proof hose for firefighters? “ That mission has now morphed into a battle with special interests and the NFPA. Kathy and Last Call have also expanded their interest into cancer detection, fighting PFAS, helping firefighters seek help for PTSD and offering grants for research in the realm of the fire service. Because Kathy refused to be reduced by the tragedy of Michael's death the entire fire service has and will benefit from her fight. I'm honored Kathy chose to share her story with me. She is a true inspiration and a testament to what we as humans can do when we harness our power and our tenacity.

I had the pleasure of speaking to Megan Lautz this week. Megan is a registered dietician and personal trainer. She works for Fairfax county here in Virginia and has her own personal practice as well. She's better known as  @rescue_RD on social media.   Megan has made it her ambition to help first responders with nutrition and the rigors of work in these jobs and shifts. According to her bio and her website. "First responders face unique challenges. When it comes to health, these challenges have inspired me to create targeted realistic solutions through the life cycle of a first responders career. I thrive on translating complicated health information into manageable lifestyle changes to fit into an unpredictable shift."

Kim is a paramedic out of Minnesota with 10 years of experience. She started training for and qualifying as an EMT during high school and as soon as she was old enough, she began her career on the ambulance. She has seen more than her fair share of traumas, injuries and illnesses. And she has a distinct pleasure of being called a true black cloud.  Unfortunately, Kim also experienced the horrors of an accident while driving the ambulance on duty and on a call. She shares her experience, recover and future plans with me.

Welcome to Episode 66 of The Things We All Carry. This is the second in a series of impromptu pop-up style interviews that I conducted a few weeks ago.  Chris and Dan joined me for a conversation from their firehouse in DC.  32 Engine is based in Southeast DC. And Chris is the wagon driver. Dan is a Lieutenant as well as being a member of his department's peer support team. Dana and I have interacted off and on via social media for a while now always seeming to almost cross paths. I appreciated the time to sit, have a conversation and at least put a voice to the name.  The city was kind enough to give us an uninterrupted hour on a Saturday night. And I will tell you that Dan texted me the next morning to report they ended up running 20 calls that shift. Our conversation was unscripted and as impromptu as it gets. We hit on a variety of topics to include peer support, line of duty deaths, living and working in the chaos, and crew life. This audio will seem a little raw and I left it that way on purpose after all they were calling in from the bay of their firehouse while on shift. I felt that deserve to be heard that way.

Chris Torres is a firefighter with FDNY owner of IGY6 Fitness out of New York. He's also a peer support counselor for Next Rung, as well as Vice President and board member of Next Rung. Chris was generous enough to spend about 90 minutes of his valuable time talking to me and sharing his story.  He was born and raised in New York city. He also played collegiate baseball in New York city. And then he found his way to the fire department shortly after college. We discussed both his professional and personal journey along the way. In addition, we talk about his work in the fitness realm and how he is trying to lead prospective firefighters to success.  Chris opens up about the how and why he found it got involved with Next Rung as well as the role he currently plays in that organization. Chris brings a passion to everything he does in life. And it tends to be infectious. He's the kind of person who, after speaking with him inspires you to run head first into whatever brick wall may be in your path.

Welcome to episode 64 of The Things We All Carry. I was doing some work for the show a couple of weeks ago, when an idea came to me. I had read about a pop-up farmer's market and thought the idea could be applied to an interview. Instead of planning out a show by speaking to and interview a guest prior to recording, why not do an impromptu pop-up style interview. Go into an interview, not knowing what's going to be said, not prepared and just have a conversation. The only question I had was who would want to do that? Who would want to give up an hour or so on a Saturday night to share their personal stories and, or traumas.  Turns out when you ask people are more than willing to do just that. So I recorded two shows that Saturday and have a list of people interested in doing another round. Michelle was the first one to reach out to me after I posted. She and I have "spoken" a few times in the past via comments and messages on Instagram. So I knew a little of her life, but I knew nothing of what she shares in this episode. Michelle is a call taker for 911 service in the Southeastern United States. She shared her stories of childhood, marriage, divorce, and trauma from her job. I had no idea what to expect from this off the cuff conversation, but it definitely didn't disappoint.