Where the Road Bends

Steven Schlafman

Where the Road Bends is a space to explore personal evolutions and life transitions. Join host Steve Schlafman as he interviews a diverse range of guests on their own stories of transformational change, as well as practitioners who study change and guide others through their own transitions. Tune in for thought-provoking conversations, practical advice and wisdom, and inspiration for your own journey of transformation. Whether you're longing for something new, going through a big change yourself, or simply curious about how people evolve, Where the Road Bends is exactly where you need to be. read less
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Episodes

#008: Dr. Susan Campbell - From Triggered to Tranquil
May 26 2023
#008: Dr. Susan Campbell - From Triggered to Tranquil
MAY 26  • 1 hour 15 minutes 35 secondsWTRB Episode #008: Dr. Susan Campbell: From Triggered to Tranquil — — — — —The eighth guest on WTRB is Dr. Susan Campbell, a former University of Massachusetts professor who left academia in 1967 to become a professional speaker and coach in the world of holistic psychological therapy. A certified Radical Honesty Trainer since 2001 and a pioneer of the Authentic Relating Movement, she has published ten books on relationships, transparent communication, conflict resolution and personal evolution.In this episode we covered:Susan’s transition from academia to private practice  How Authentic Relating fosters discovery of our true natureNavigating emotional pain, and learning to regulate our nervous systemUnderstanding and adapting personal control patternsTrigger Work: uncomfortable reactions as a catalyst to whole-makingUsing mindful awareness to alter old behavioral patternsDr. Campbell’s work addresses the core issues that require attention in order for couples and individuals to create deeply fulfilling, authentic relationships. In Campbell’s view, emotional pain itself is the doorway to deeper intimacy and expanded awareness. Her books, workshops, videos, newsletters and coaching classes teach practitioners to embody mindful witnessing of uncomfortable triggers in order to cultivate an empathetic wisdom that greatly enriches relations with self and others. — — — — — —Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter:  @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Dr. Susan Campbell:• Website: www.SusanCampbell.comReferences:Getting Real: 10 True Skills You Need To Live An Authentic LifeFrom Triggered To TranquilFrom Chaos to ConfidenceFive-Minute Relationship RepairHead Start ProgramOffice of Economic OpportunityTime Stamps:(00:00) Dr. Susan Campbell Soundbite(00:18) Podcast Welcome(00:47) Introduction to Susan Campbell(02:14) Who is Dr. Susan Campbell? In Her Own Words(03:00) Developing Her Core Philosophy(04:26) Reacting to Resistance in The Corporate World(05:23) Shift from Academia to Couple and Family Therapy(08:08) What It was Like To Be A Woman in Academia in the Mid 60s(10:02) Wanting More Out of Life(11:27) A Season of Personal Discovery in California(13:28) The Authentic Relating Movement(15:13) Publishing Book “Getting Real”, Discovering The Movement(17:03) "10 Truth Practices" Example: Clearing The Air(19:09) Why People Might Withhold Important Information(21:11) The Great Need to Better Handle Emotional Pain(21:57) Self-Generated Stories Vs. Reality(23:48) Security/Control Mindset Vs. Learning/Discovery Mindset(26:59) Communication and The Unconscious Need For Control(29:21) Reparenting Ourselves: Learning How To Regulate Our Nervous System(31:25) Defining Personal Control Patterns in Communication(34:24) Practicing Non-Judgement When Observing Our Unhealthy Patterns(35:59) Being Aware of True Motivation When We Notice Ourselves In a Pattern(36:29) Trigger Reactions As Catalyst to Whole-Making(39:26) The Internet as a Modern Whole-Making Function For Humanity(41:22) Healing and Whole-Making: Peeling Away Defenses(42:06) Exploring "Trigger Work”(47:22) The Empathy and Tenderness of a Witness Mindset(49:23) Trigger Signature Exercise with Steve(57:35) Revealing What We’ve Discovered to Our Partners(60:26) Stumbling On The Path to Peaceful Articulation(61:04) Continuing Trigger Signature Exercise with Steve(62:37) Using Awareness to Alter Behavioral Patterns(64:04) Navigating Transition: Honoring Resistance to Change(69:20) Trigger Work In Relationships(72:49) How To Find Dr. Campbell’s Work(74:08) Podcast Outro—Stay curious and keep exploring the winding road of life.For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast go to wheretheroadbends.fm
#007: Andy Johns - Healing from Childhood Trauma and Silicon Valley
Apr 21 2023
#007: Andy Johns - Healing from Childhood Trauma and Silicon Valley
APRIL 22  • 1 hour 10 minutes 23 secondsWTRB Episode #007: Andy Johns: Healing from Childhood Trauma and Silicon Valley — — — — —The seventh guest on WTRB is Andy Johns, a recovering tech executive, founder of Clues.life, a prolific writer, and a passionate mental health advocate. After several health scares pushed him to finally confront deep psychological pain that stemmed from childhood trauma, Andy discovered a new approach to understanding his sense of self, life purpose and holistic well-being. This resulted in a career transformation that led him to leave Silicon Valley and embark on the mission to “help others heal from emotional pain, transform themselves, and discover their life purpose. Andy now aims to make Clues.life "the most useful mental health library on the internet." It aggregates and curates humanity's most important knowledge and wisdom regarding the human mind and human condition. Motivated by his own personal healing journey, Andy’s goal is to assist others by reducing stigma surrounding the subject of mental health, and demystify topics in an arena that many may have previously found unapproachable.Before his transformation, Andy was a Silicon Valley startup veteran, holding executive, product, and growth positions at unicorns like Wealthfront, Quora, Twitter, and Facebook. He was also an early investor in unicorns such as Robinhood, Webflow, Reforge, Blue Bottle Coffee, and Homebrew Ventures.In this episode, we delve into topics such as:The impact of childhood trauma on mental health and self-identityThe role of therapy in addressing harmful identity structuresThe liberating power of authentic self-expressionThe significance of space, play, and experimentation in emotional healingThe role of community and acts of service in the recovery process— — — — — —Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter:  @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Andy Johns:• Website: Clues.Life• Substack: Andy JohnsReferences:James Hollis“How To Know When To Stop” Essay By Andy JohnsHormetic SciencesCarl JungAristotleClues.lifeAndy Johns SubstackTime Stamps:(00:00) Andy Johns Soundbite(00:51) Podcast Welcome(01:20) Introducing Andy Johns(02:11) Old Andy vs. New Andy(04:08) Parallels Between People(05:01) A Traumatic Childhood(07:33) Absorbing The Emotional Pain of Parents(09:01) A Painful Catalyst to Transformation at Age 27(12:42) How He Continued to Achieve In The Industry During His Crisis(15:02) The Physical Toll of Enduring Crisis(17:40) Finally Leaving Silicon Valley, Embarking on a “Coddiwomple”(21:17) Analyzing Identity Structures Resulting from Childhood Trauma(26:22) Rewriting Identity and Rebuilding Sense of Self(26:54) Writing As Part of Healing(28:31) Recognizing Synchronicities Around Mental Health and Wellness(29:57) The First Substack Publication: A Truth Bomb(30:40) The Freedom That Comes With Confronting Fear and Being Authentic(32:46) Honesty and Loving Support in Groups of Recovering Addicts(33:38) The Universality of Difficulty and Trauma(34:27) Social Effects of Liberated Authentic Expression(36:04) Acts of Service Playing A Role in Rebuilding Sense of Self(37:10) The Importance of Space, Play and Experimentation For Emotional Healing(46:04) How To Know If You Are Pushing Too Hard Past Your Range of Tolerance(52:03) The Effect of Societal Laws on Forming Identity(54:33) Self-Assessment: “Am I A Man?”(56:41) “The Real Adulthood”(58:17) Creating Clues.life To Share Wisdom With Others(64:55) The Human Being is a Creative Dreamer(68:51) Podcast Outro—Stay curious and keep exploring the winding road of life.For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast go to wheretheroadbends.fm.
#006: Kyle Kowalski - The Art of Living Intentionally
Apr 7 2023
#006: Kyle Kowalski - The Art of Living Intentionally
APRIL 7  • 1 hour 13 minutes 39 secondsWTRB Episode #006: Kyle Kowalski - Living Intentionally — — — — —The sixth guest on WTRB is Kyle Kowalski, a former marketing executive who turned an existential crisis into a meaningful career in holistic education. In 2015 Kyle launched the website Sloww.co, which offers a wealth of powerful information to help us explore the deep and many aspects of intentional living and personal development.In this episode we covered:How Crisis Can Catalyze Significant Life TransformationHow Observation and Reflection Assist in “Connecting The Dots”Discovering Purpose and MeaningConcepts of Intentional LivingCuriosity and Fostering A Questioning MindsetSurrendering Control and Appreciating The Mystery of LifePerspectives on Free Will, Nature and NurtureKnown as “The Art of Living For Students of Life”, Sloww.co shares observations and syntheses on slow and simple living, the search for meaning and purpose, spirituality and consciousness, natural and social sciences, psychology, metaphysics and many more philosophical and science-based materials. Kyle’s mission in offering this rich educational support is to help us better understand ourselves, transcend stuck patterns, and more confidently and consciously traverse the dynamic landscapes to self-actualization.— — — — — —Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter: @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Kyle Kowalski:• Website: www.sloww.co• Twitter: @KyKowReferences:Maria Popova - The MarginalianHoward Gardner - Frames of Mind and The Theory of Multiple IntelligencesRené Gerard - Memetic DesireCal Newport - Digital MinimalismJoseph Campbell - The Hero’s JourneyParker Palmer - Let Your Life SpeakIkigaiDan Buettner - Blue ZonesJim Collins:The Hedgehog ConceptThe Flywheel EffectNeval RavikantMarie KondoJoshua Becker - Becoming A MinimalistGreg McKewan - EssentialismDavid Foster WallaceAlan WattsEkhart Tolle - A New EarthDouglas HardingDavid BohmMichael Singer:The Untethered SoulLiving UntetheredThe Surrender ExperimentTerrance McKennaSteve March - Alethia Coaching AcademyThe Lottery of BirthWarren Buffet - The Ovarian LotteryRobert Kegan - Theory of Adult DevelopmentRobert Sapolsky - The Biology of BehaviorDavid Eagleman - LivewiredJohn Rawls:The Veil of IgnoranceOriginal Position Thought ExperimentVictor Frankl - Man’s Search For MeaningClayton ChristiensenKen RobinsonJames HollisRamana MaharshiTime Stamps:(00:00) Kyle Kowalski - Soundbite(00:44) Introducing Kyle Kowalski(02.06) The Multi-Dimensionality of Kyle Kowalski(05:01) The Synthesizing Mind(06:11) Observation, Reflection and Dot-Connection(07:15) Stumbling Into The Marketing Industry(07:58) Discovering That Self-Worth Was Tied to Work(09:28) Social Conditioning and Material Desire(10:53) Work Burnout, Questioning Purpose(14:06) Existential Crisis, Resetting Life Perspective(15:02) Discovering Concepts of Intentional Living(16:06) Origins of Sloww.co(18:00) Period of Increasing Cognitive Dissonance(20:04) Transformation as a Long Unfolding Process(20:58) Entrepreneurial Projects During Career, Sloww.co Launch(22:42) First Sloww.co Post - Digital Minimalism(23:26) Backed Into A Corner, Stars Aligned For Leap Of Faith(26:11) Transformative Learning and the Importance of Supportive Partnership(27:00) Finding Support on The Internet(27:49) Early Days After Quitting Career & Diving Into Entrepreneurship(29:16) Choosing Between Options: “Which One Can't I NOT Do?”(30:28) The Journey Of Understanding and Articulating Purpose(33:32) Ikigai: A Japanese Perspective on Passion and Life Purpose(36:09) Jim Collins & The Hedgehog Concept(37:22) Bringing Ikigai Full Circle: Sharing Your Gift With The World(38:33) How To Find Your Own Ikigai(39:22) The Role That Money Plays in Ikigai(40:55) Introducing The Four Sloww Stages(42:20) Lifelong Learning: Innate Vs Taught(43:17) Curiosity, A Questioning Mindset(44:16) The Four Sloww Stages(47:05) A Start For Intentional Living: Asking Questions(47:38) Simple Living Vs. Slow Living(48:26) Decluttering, Intentional Spending(49:35) Voluntary Simplicity, Downshifting, Minimalism(51:27) Social Programming: Obstacle and Motivation for Change(53:26) Addressing Potential Concerns About Intentional Living(53:34) Looking Back to Connect The Dots(56:04) Personal And Universal Coherence(56:33) Surrendering Control; Awe and Reverence for the Mystery of Life(57:45) Recognizing Synchronicities in the Unfolding of Life(59:36) Thoughts On Free Will(62:13) A-Ha Moment: Convergence of Conceptual, Experiential and Scientific(64:32) The Paradox: A Seemingly Limiting Idea Is Actually Liberating(65:15) The "Lottery Ball" Thought Experiment(66:36) The "Lottery of Birth", Nature and Nurture(68:25) Book Recommendations for Life Transitions(69:20) Current Projects, What’s Next(70:10) "The More I Learn, The Less I Know"(71:16) Where To Find Kyle’s WorkStay curious and keep exploring the winding road of life. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast go to wheretheroadbends.fm.
#005: Diana Chapman - Conscious Self-Leadership
Mar 24 2023
#005: Diana Chapman - Conscious Self-Leadership
MARCH 23rd, 2023 • 53 minutes 48 secondsOur fifth guest on WTRB is Diana Chapman, the co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and one of the most sought-after executive coaches in the world. In this episode we cover:Tools To Navigate Difficult FeelingsHow To Honor Your Truth and Take Ownership for Your RealityThe Importance of Body Mindfulness in Emotional ShiftsThe Link Between Personal Integrity and CreativityThe Importance of Curiosity and Play in Drama ReductionReinterpreting Stories of Identity and Entering the Zone of Genius—Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://wheretheroadbends.substack.com/— Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter:  @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Diana ChapmanTwitter: @DianaChapmanLinkedIn: @Diana-ChapmanThe Conscious Leadership GroupCLG TwitterCLG FacebookCLG Instagram—ReferencesGay and Katie HendricksJim DethmerKaley KlempYPOThe 15 Commitments of Conscious LeadershipLocating Yourself: Above or Below the Line?—Time Stamps0:00 Diana Chapman Soundbite00:33 Introduction to Podcast01:02 Introducing Diana Chapman02:02 Passion, Play, and Reducing Drama02:59 Being a Stay At Home Mom04:18 Shift Into Personal Development Work06:00 Apprenticeship with Gay and Katie Hendricks06:42 Meeting Co-Founder Jim Dethmer07:08 Founding the Conscious Leadership Group07:25 The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership08:39 “Above or Below The Line"10:09 Helpful Handout to Discover If You Are In A Reactive State10:50 Dealing With Fear During Transition11:51 How To Accept Yourself When Stuck In Drama13:21 “Would You Be Willing?”, Taking Ownership of Experience14:07 The 3 Centers Of Intelligence15:42 "Whole Body Yes”19:19 How To Navigate Conflicting Feelings22:44 Breathing Through Sensations of Grief24:21 Benefits of Embracing Feelings26:11 Aliveness and Accepting Emotional Discomfort28:09 What Full Aliveness Feels Like28:51 Aliveness and Personal Integrity30:26 Paying Less "Drama Tax", Freeing Energy for Creativity30:57 Sexual Energy and Aliveness34:39 Anger and Sexual Energy35:26 Anger “Above The Line”, Intelligence of Anger36:56 Using Play to Accept and Shift Drama39:08 Play: Why We’ve Abandoned It and How To Bring It Back41:13 Play and The Zone of Genius41:49 How To Find Your Zone of Genius43:47 Importance of Discovering Your Zone of Genius44:39 What Holds People Back From Stepping Into Zone of Genius46:09 The Concept Of “Upper Limiting”; Conditioning, Guilt and Sabotage48:10 Story vs Fact, How Stories Can Create Suffering49:43 Reinterpreting The Stories We Tell Ourselves50:19 The Courageous Path of Being Human51:14 Connect Online With Conscious Leadership Group and Diana Chapman
#004: Andrea Breanna - Prioritizing Personal Happiness
Mar 10 2023
#004: Andrea Breanna - Prioritizing Personal Happiness
FEB 10th, 2023 • 1 hour 4 minutes 58 seconds — — — — —Our fourth guest on WTRB is Andrea Breanna, openly transgender CEO and founder of RebelMouse and former CTO for Huffington Post.In this episode we cover:What It’s Like To Live In HidingValuing Honesty and Taking RisksThe Power Of Being Openly VulnerableThe Advantages and Dangers of Being Visibly TransThe Dynamic Complexity of Human IdentityHonoring Humanity In The WorkplaceReferences:Katia VerresenWarren BuffettBrene Brown Jonah Perretti — — — — — —Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter:  @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Andrea Breanna• Website: www.rebelmouse.com• Twitter: @andreabreananyLinkedIn: Andrea Breanna Time Stamps:(00:00) Andrea Soundbite(00:22) Steve’s Introduction(00:50) Beginning of Interview(01:28) Who is Andrea Breanna?(02:08) What is RebelMouse?(02:58) Dedication When Starting a Company(03:20) Andrea’s Youth, Privacy, Gender Expression(06:32) What is a Transbian? Transbian Narrative and Marriage(08:18) The Internet as First Opportunity to Express Gender Fluidity(09:17) Paranoia about Transphobic Societal Gender Norms(10:46) Coming Out Later In Life(11:47) Signs That It Was Time to Come Out(14:47) Making Personal Happiness the Most Important KPI at RebelMouse(15:40) Taking The Risk, Valuing Honesty(16:26) What Living Dishonestly Feels Like(16:48) Real Dangers of Coming Out As Trans(17:47) Living As Narrative for Hope, Optimism and Success(18:22) Coming Out To Wife(21:52) Coming Out To The Rest Of The Family(23:25) Magical Feeling of Finally Overcoming Fear(23:53) Kids’ Natural Understanding of Personal Freedom(26:46) How Family Support Made A Difference(27:29) Trans Support Not Dependent on Political Leaning(28:08) What It’s Like Being Visibily Trans - Pros and Cons(30:47) Strength to Face Social Transphobia Comes From Support At Home(31:57) Power of Being Openly Vulnerable(33:43) Unexpected Reactions from Co-Workers(34:48) Rigid Perceptions of CEOs vs. Humanizing CEOs(38:11) The Beautiful Challenge of Breaking Roles To Honor Your Humanity(40:35) Inventing New Roles, Inspiring Ingenuity in Children(41:24) Workplaces that Allow Blurring Roles Are More Creative and Exciting(41:40) Clarity of Roles Is Also Important(42:17) Heaven Is When Work Makes You Happy(44:42) AI Revolution and Human Creativity(47:45) Accepting Personal Identity Impacts Identity of Others(49:03) Identity is Complex and Flexible(52:16) Being Brave and Positive During Life Shift(53:14) Have An Open Mind For Unexpected Support(54:30) Frustration With Politically Advocating Trans Issues(57:57) How Role As RebelMouse CEO Has Changed Over Time(1:00:24) How Being Openly Trans Has Improved The Company, Looking Forward(1:01:37) Being Human Means Being Creative(1:02:48) Where To Find Andrea’s WorkStay curious and keep exploring the winding road of life.For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast go to wheretheroadbends.fm.
#003: Holly Whitaker - Respecting the Order of Life
Feb 24 2023
#003: Holly Whitaker - Respecting the Order of Life
FEB 24 • 1 hour 5 minutes 50 secondsWTRB Episode #003: Holly Whitaker and Respecting the Order of LifeThe third guest on WTRB is Holy Whitaker, a New York Times bestselling author, and speaker. Her book "Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol," was published in 2019 and has received praise for its fresh perspective on sobriety and addiction.In this episode we covered:How identity and a company you started can be intertwined and what it's like to have it taken away.Navigating the chaos of major life transitions by creating space and allowing things to unfold.The power of reframing ambition and purpose.The importance of waiting, trusting the order of things, and embracing wonder.Acknowledging that everyone is in recovery.On the other side of her transition, Holly discovered that addiction and recovery are part of her story but no longer her identity. And this experience inspired her to step into her power as a writer, launch a Substack called Recovering, and work on a new book about being lost rather than sobriety.— — — — — —Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter: @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Holly Whitaker:• Website: www.hollywhitaker.com• Instagram: @holly Where to find information on Holly’s writing:• Substack:  Recovering Newsletter• Email Course: The Mantra Project – 40 days of Sobriety• Book: Quit Like a Woman: The Radical choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol Referenced:Carl RogersBruce FeilerSimone de Beauvoir – Writer and Philosopher – The Ethics of AmbiguityPema Chodron – The Fundamental Ambiguity of Being HumanAbraham Hicks: You Can’t Get There from ThereSteve Schlafman: The Mountain You’ve Been Climbing Doesn’t ExistChögyam Trungpa QuoteHolly Whitaker: Newsletter #39 How to find your life’s purposeQuitted Podcast: Interview with Aki Ito on Hustle Culture & How We Got HereThe Web Telescope picturesSpiral DynamicsCarl Fisher – His book ‘The Urge” says calling addiction a disease is misleadingKitchen Safe Time Locking ContainerAndrew Tatarsky – Founder and director of the Center for Optimal Living In this episode, we cover:(00:00) Holly Soundbite(00:17) Steve’s introduction about Holly(01:44) Beginning of the interview(02:10) Steve and Holly’s connection(03:00) 2019 / 2020 – A hectic time - closing a Series A and a house at the same time(03:30) The calling to have a social impact in the space of Recovery(04:30) On writing and becoming a new author(05:50) Fitting personal life amid trying to juggle it all(06:35) Covid impact on life and business(07:30) Relieved – the gift of stopping and tuning into the woods(07:58) The weight of using your personality to build a company and sell a book(09:00) After raising $20M – achieving the dream – it was still so empty(10:41) How much of a difference of outward success and how you feel in the inside(11:02) July 2020, “I don’t want to be CEO anymore”(11:40) What Holly was longing for(12:20) Holly is a creator – replacing herself as a CEO(13:20) Identity and story of company are deeply intertwined(14:15) Holly using herself as the way forward to create the narrative around recovery and her company(15:35) Leaving Tempest - April 2021 – Going on sabbatical(19:10) Committed to not jumping on ‘the next thing’(19:45) Holly gives herself space for the first time(21:00) Staying in the middle – and finding meaning and worth without creating something validating(21:37) The moment that Tempest was going to close – confronting “I failed”(22:28)  A dinner – everyone had a great job – the only thing that matters is that “I am here”(23:34) Steve walking away from running his own VC(24:02) Steve’s year of stillness(24:27) Navigating the liminal space – experiencing a ‘lifequake’ after Tempest(27:30) So much happening and nothing happening at all(28:20) Being in the messiness but trusting and expecting how things unfold(29:05) It’s all ambiguous – we create structure for safety(30:15) Trying to get to the feeling of fullness(30:50) Getting to the Present Moment(31:04) Big transformations and big learnings for Holly – You don’t have to have a purpose.(32:45) Waiting for an external event to give yourself a moment of contentment(34:00) The simple moments in life – no other purpose really matters(34:30) It matters more how you move throughout your day that creates massive change(36:15) Finding purpose and meaning in work is a lie (37:28) Satisfaction is obtained more by your orientation to the world(37:50) A story of a famous editor(39:15) The feeling like you need to outdo yourself – how Holly use to view ambition(40:55) Looking at ambition in multiple dimensions of life(42:25) How Holly has channeled her energy over the last two years(43:28) The anti-ambitious period of Holly’s life(46:00) Allowing for life to happen “through you”(47:30) Surfing and feeling sucked under(48:07) Life is too precious to not have fun – learning to not hold life so tightly(49:50) Taking advantage of existing – how you view your life and future(51:42) Discussion on self-improvement – the notion we are broken and need healing(52:10) Different structures that serve us at different times(52:55) All tools become weapons – even self-improvement(54:05) When going through grief, loss, and transition – self-improvement becomes oppressive(54:50) Self improvement as a form of self-aggression(56:00) Embracing the ugly – everyone is in recovery(56:50) How you move through the steps of recovery(58:10) What is addiction? – Are we all addicted? – The things we are addicted to(59:15) Recovery – as an essence of finding something lost – and compelled to change for the better(1:02:00) Last question – Mistakes make us human(1:02:30) Humanity – acceptance and forgiveness of our mistakes(1:03:15) How you can find Holly Whitaker on the internet – Substack on Recovering(1:04:25) Where you can find more information about SteveStay curious and keep exploring the winding road of life.-----For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast go to wheretheroadbends.fm.
#002: Greg Nance - Movement as Medicine
Feb 10 2023
#002: Greg Nance - Movement as Medicine
FEB 10 • 1 HOUR 3 MINUTES 17 SECONDSGreg Nance (Ultra Marathon Runner and Founder of Run Far Foundation)The second guest on Where the Road Bends is Greg Nance, an Ultra Marathon Runner and founder of the Run Far Foundation, a non-profit that funds youth-led volunteer projects in all 50 states to enable meaningful community service and help young people find purpose, have fun, and stay healthy.Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/Where to find Steve Schlafman:Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  Twitter: @SchlafFacebook: Steve SchlafmanLinkedIn: Steve SchlafmanWhere to find information on Run Far Foundation:Website: Run Far FoundationInstagram: @runfarfoundationWhere to find information on Greg Nance:Website: GregRunsFar.comInstagram: @gregrunsfarTwitter: @GregNanceReferenced:Dyad Mentorship / Dyad.comJames Clear quote // James Clear websiteNisqually Land Trust / Nisqually TribeParker Remick – Greg’s employerVideo of finishing running across America in Ocean Shores, WANews coverage of Greg running across America to raise awareness about youth mental healthIn this episode, we cover:The power of a mentor and how to find oneThe road to recovery from substance abuse and a failed startupThe impact of starting where you are and committing to earn itThe importance of having an amazing team even with individual pursuits(00:00) Greg Soundbite(00:36) Introduction to Greg Nance and Run Far Foundation(02:24) Greg provides a background on Run Far Foundation(03:16) Dark days of Greg’s beginning of addiction as a teenager(04:18) Greg’s successes while doing drugs and alcohol for seven years(05:15) Greg’s path to sobriety – movement as medicine(06:10) The moment that changed everything(07:25) Running takes a new meaning – actively pursuing a better version of himself(08:50) Sensing something bad could happen becomes a motivator(09:45) Feeling better when in connection with others  (10:29) Crazy idea – Going to China to understand the culture and its people(11:08) Helping kids finding the best deal of where to go to college(12:01) Helping build a bridge between the US and China – the beginning of Dyad.com(12:41) How and what to look for in a mentor(14:38) Experience in closing down a nine-year run venture-backed company(16:18) Covid impact and focusing on mental health(16:43) Rebuilding a foundation of self(17:20) Processing failures – Journaling / Therapist / Tough Conversations(19:13) Clarity and inspiration of what comes next inspired by a daily running habit(19:48) Daydreaming relapse led to sharing stories(21:15) Finding a new calling in youth mental health(22:00) The reason and vision of the Run Far Foundation(24:08) Why run across America – an expression of brokenness(26:15) How to prepare to run the equivalent of 120 marathons (across the US)(26:45) Every day is a training opportunity (28:00) Running a marathon before work(29:32) A team of three that helped Greg in his big goal – Best Team Wins mantra(32:20) Asking for help for things that seem like an individual for endeavor(32:55) In places where you’re most redescent to ask for help, that’s where you need support(34:15) A special encounter running across America – meeting people outside of your bubble(38:35) Final days of running across America – a dream 10+ years in the making(40:05) The final mile running across the U.S. – the mission is just beginning(42:40) Enjoying the moment and being at peace the day after(44:47) Biggest surprise from running across America(46:35) What keeps Greg going and working with the Nisqually Land Trust(48:00) We all have gifts but they expire(48:27) Running seven marathons in seven days and in seven continents(50:04) Greg’s potential next big run along Mississippi River(51:30) Replacing one addiction with another – needing to channel energy(53:00) If running was not possible – the difficulty in transitioning in life(54:45) What an early version of Greg would think about Greg now and biggest surprises(57:02) Trying to get sober for the 101st time – try and try again – we need what the path is delivering(59:10) What is next for Greg and the Run Far Foundation(1:00:42) Closing and how to learn more about Greg and the Run Far Foundation(1:01:44) A few more things from Steve (newsletter and long-form essay topics)
#001: Jerry Colonna - The Art of Growing Up
Jan 27 2023
#001: Jerry Colonna - The Art of Growing Up
JAN 27 • 52 MINUTES 30 SECONDSJerry Colonna – The Art of Growing Up (Reboot CEO & Co-Founder, Author, JP Morgan Partners, Flatiron Partners)Episode DetailsWhy stories unite us What we can learn from depression What it feels like when you’re working on something that’s not your callingHow to resist the quiet and discomfort of being alone with oneself How to pick up the trail of your life to find clues for what’s nextThe first guest on Where the Road Bends is Jerry Colonna, the founder and CEO of Reboot.IO, Inc., an executive coaching and leadership firm committed to the notion that better humans make better leaders. He is the author of Reboot – the art of leadership and growing up. He is working on his second book expected to come out this year called Reunion.He established his coaching practice in 2007. Prior to this work, Jerry was a Venture Capitalist focused on investing in early-stage technology-related startups. In 2002, Jerry became a partner with J.P. Morgan Partners (JPMP), the private-equity arm of J.P. Morgan Chase where he led the firm’s investments in companies such as ProfitLogic Inc. He joined JPMP from Flatiron Partners. With his partner, Fred Wilson, Colonna launched Flatiron in August 1996. Flatiron became one of the most successful, early-stage investment programs. Prior to going into Venture Capital, Jerry worked for ten years for CMP Media Inc. From 1985 to 1993, he served in a variety of roles at InformationWeek, including a three-year stint as its Editor.Colonna also serves as Chair of the Board of Trustees at Naropa University. It is the only accredited Buddhist-inspired university in North America. He also serves as Chair of the Board of Trustees at the Tibetan Village Project, a not-for-profit, non-political organization dedicated to creating sustainable livelihoods for Tibetans through social entrepreneurship and educational opportunities. He is also a director at the Good Work Institute, whose mission is to educate and connect a network of local community members and actively support their collaborative efforts to regenerate their places. A graduate of Queens College, Jerry lives in Boulder, Colo.—Listen now on Apple, Spotify, Simplecast.To sign up for the newsletter and podcast visit https://www.wheretheroadbends.fm/—Where to find Steve Schlafman:• Website: https://www.schlaf.co/  • Twitter: @Schlaf• Facebook: Steve Schlafman• LinkedIn: Steve Schlafman—Where to find information on Reboot and Jerry Colonna:• Website: Reboot.io• Twitter:  @JerryColonna• LinkedIn:  Jerry Colonna Referenced:·   This Week in Startups, June 25th 2013·   Reboot, Leadership and the Art of Growing Up by Jerry Colonna·   Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker J. Palmer·   When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron·   Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience Paperback by Sharon Salzberg·   Prospective Immigrants Please Note by Adrienne Rich·   Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges·   Blaise Pascal Quote·   The Shpilkes - Nervous energy, anxiousness, restlessness·   Dante’s Inferno by Dante Alighieri·   Jerry Colonna and Dan Harris: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up·   Joseph Goldstein’s quote·   The Paris Review Interview with James Baldwin·   The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife by James Hollis In this episode, we cover:(00:00) Jerry’s definition on what transition means(00:25) Jerry’s background as a VC prior to becoming an executive coach(02:09) How Steve and Jerry met and things that stood out(03:30) Resonance in each other’s story(05:40) Jerry’s best and worst days at the height of the dot com era(07:45) What it feels like when you are working on something that is not your calling(08:24) Jerry telling Fred Wilson that he couldn’t commit to building another fund(10:18) Reassessing yourself at the 10-year cycle of working in Venture Capital(10:57) Impact of 9/11 in reevaluating and reassessing how Jerry wants to live his life.(12:31) Entering your forties is a transitory period(12:50) 2/2/2002 – Battling the Black Dog of Depression – Suicide attempt in New York City(13:50) Taking suicidal thoughts seriously(14:26) Getting assistance from a therapist(15:20) A trip to Canyon Ranch; Three books that saved Jerry’s life(16:20) Meeting and becoming friends with authors(17:18) Impact that gifts / books can have when you least expect it; the magic of being human(18:04) Steve’s working on invisible portals into new worlds; A poem by Adrienne Rich(19:00) Jerry quits JPMorgan Partners at the risk of losing his identity(21:12) How Jerry found his way to what he wanted to do(21:30) What the Buddha would have said if he was from Bushwick, Brooklyn(23:10) Deconstructing Meditation - Resisting the quiet and discomfort of being alone with oneself(24:03) “All of man, everyone’s problems could be solved if they could sit still”(25:30) How society defines success – makes being still makes it uncomfortable(26:30) The Shpilkes – Sitting still is making contact with your true self(27:28) Society conspiring against sitting still(28:20) Building your experience through language; name your feelings(29:45) How frequently little boys cry <> How infrequent adults do(30:15) Demar Hamlin heart attack in Cincinnati – breaking the myth of men not crying(31:40) How to pick the trail for your life; where to find the breadcrumbs for what’s next(33:06) Literature is about transition(33:36) Resonance of stories - part of the process of growing and growing up(35:15) Introspection of Steve’s life thread(37:21) Go back in time into your ancestor’s lineage  (37:57) Dan Harris – Ruben Museum Conversation(39:35) Anything can happen at any time a quote by Joseph Goldstein(41:40) Common themes that give energy and meaning and lead to being fully alive(42:20) The passing of Jerry’s father – finding realignment(42:50) Gratitude for meaningful conversations and getting paid to do it – A look into Jerry’s life(44:02) Passage in new book; referencing James Baldwin and Joseph Campbell(45:40) Transitions are moments to discover what matters to you and defining that(46:10) – Teenage years, 20s, and 30s – Transition happens because it becomes unbearable(48:30) The second adulthood stage(49:20) – Feeling like you’re in the right body.(49:55) – Feeling filled to the brim; Steve is young in his second adulthood(50:50) – End; Sponsor the show, sign up for the newsletter at wheretheroadbends.fm;—Production by Julia Jepsen. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email s@schlaf.co.