The Death Dhamma Podcast

Margaret Meloni

Open and honest discussions with wise and skillful teachers about their experiences with life, death, and Buddhism. If you wonder how others on the path have dealt with death and dying and grief, be sure to listen in. Everyone has a story, a perspective, and a valuable lesson to share. Embrace death, live a full life, and learn to love impermanence because nobody gets out of this alive. read less
Religion & SpiritualityReligion & Spirituality

Episodes

Pets, People And Release from Suffering
3d ago
Pets, People And Release from Suffering
In this episode, we explore the unexpected ways in which caring for a pet can provide purpose and comfort during difficult times. Our pets can help bring us release from suffering. We discuss how, amidst the business of death and the turmoil of grief, the presence of pets can deliver a comforting sense of stability and routine. Some days, the company of a pet offers comfort when human interaction may be too overwhelming. With a pet you always having someone to come home to - someone who is always excitedly awaiting your return. And if you're someone who often talks to yourself, like many of us do, having a pet around ensures that there's a listener on the other side - a vivid reminder that you're not alone. This episode also addresses the sentimental connection that pets can hold as a cherished shared memory of a departed loved one. We also delve into the fun, quirky, and sometimes humbling aspects of having a pet, discussing how they're quick to remind us that we are not the center of the universe - and that they, sometimes, need to be fed too! Finally, we talk about the unexpected joys and distractions our pets provide, whether it's dragging ribbons out from the hidden corners of the home or initiating a wake-up call. We conclude by reminding our listeners that while pets are a fantastic source of companionship and support, they can't replace professional help when it's needed. So, tune in and join us as we unravel the deep, beautiful bond between humans and their furry friends!
Stephen Schettini: Unmasking Low Self-Esteem: An Unseen Suffering
Feb 12 2024
Stephen Schettini: Unmasking Low Self-Esteem: An Unseen Suffering
Dive into this thought-provoking episode as Stephen and Margaret delve into the most common suffering that many people encounter - low self-esteem. We explore the often overlooked consequence of self-doubt, the tendency to put others first to our own detriment, and how these feed into a cycle of disrespect – towards ourselves and from others. Their discussion shifts towards the complexity of relationships and how they can often become a battlefield of dominance, with the stronger personality frequently overpowering the less assertive one. Stephen points out the rarity of perfectly balanced relationships, reflecting on the significant amount of dedication, attentiveness, and most importantly, mindfulness they require. Continuing on  philosophical journey, Stephen reminds us of  the importance of respecting oneself and understanding our own needs. He emphasizes the critical role of fostering relationships that encourage this self-discovery and highlight when we compromise ourselves. In this candid discourse, Margaret and Stephen touch on the often neglected aspect of self-care – valuing ourselves and caring for our emotional and spiritual well-being. We contemplate how neglect in these areas can lead to unhappiness and suffering in our relationships. To wrap up, they return to the teachings of Buddha, not as a belief system, but as practical steps towards understanding ourselves and liberating ourselves from our own intense struggle. Drawing on the wisdom etched on the old temple at Delphi, "know thyself," they discuss the importance of self-realization and recognizing our own worth as crucial steps towards happiness. And be sure to access this eBook from Stephen on the art of letting go - https://schettini.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/ArtOfLettingGo.pdf
Death Prepping: How to Leave A Legacy of Love with Dr. Kimberly Harms
Dec 18 2023
Death Prepping: How to Leave A Legacy of Love with Dr. Kimberly Harms
In this heartwarming episode, we delve into an often overlooked aspect of legacy planning: emotional life insurance. We acknowledge the importance of financial life insurance and how it protects our loved ones in our absence. But our conversation takes a unique turn as we ponder on the importance of leaving an emotional cushion for our dear ones. Dr. Kimberly Harms, shares her compelling views on how our culture tends to shy away from such dialogues, and the impact of continuous conversations can have on providing emotional stability. Margaret shares her forward-thinking parents approach and how they prepared her for their departure, providing a safety net she didn't even realize she needed. Our conversation then moves to practical ways to offer emotional support to our loved ones. The last part of our Kimberly’s book provides a comprehensive ‘death preppers workbook.' Listen in as she discusses her personal endeavors from the workbook, such as writing posthumous letters to her children and grandchildren, detailing her love and gratitude for them. The episode ends on a hopeful note, emphasizing the importance of reflecting on the happy times with our loved ones, despite the inevitable pain of loss. Join us in this emotionally charged episode, as we explore how we can provide our loved ones with the emotional support they'll need after we pass. And be sure to check out,  Are You Ready? How to Build a Legacy to Die For
Dr. Seth Zuihō Segall: Pluralism and the Conflict of Visions: Navigating Diversity in Democracy
Nov 20 2023
Dr. Seth Zuihō Segall: Pluralism and the Conflict of Visions: Navigating Diversity in Democracy
In this thought-provoking episode, our guest Seth delves into the primary sources of inspiration for his latest book, The House We Live In: Virtue, Wisdom, and Pluralism. In the wake of the 2016 elections, he felt compelled to discuss the competencies, understandings, habits, and skills vital for the survival of democracy, as he perceived it to be under threat. Seth also draws from his previous work comparing Buddhist and Aristotelian views of the good life, extending this comparison to Confucianism. He examines these three ancient approaches to understanding flourishing, virtue, and wisdom, and seeks to derive commonalities applicable in a modern ethical context. Our conversation takes a turn as Seth and Margaret discuss the continuing threat to democracy in 2023. Seth emphasizes the need for constant vigilance and renewal of our commitment to democracy, as it is always at risk. The conversation evolves into an exploration of pluralism, the conflict of differing visions of a good life, and the challenges of cohabitation amidst diversity. Seth provides a detailed explanation of flourishing-based ethics, stating that virtues like honesty, courage, fairness, and the ability to control emotions are crucial to leading a better life. He also highlights the importance of being emotionally satisfied, having meaningful relationships, appreciating aesthetics, and being fully present in life to achieve a state of flourishing. Seth believes that classical virtues and wisdom, as emphasized by Aristotle, Buddha, and Confucius, are crucial to leading such a life.   Seth calls for an ethical reset, asserting that engaging in virtues not only helps us live better lives but also contributes to a better society. This episode makes for a thought-provoking listen on the intertwining of ethics, democracy, and human flourishing.
Living Buddhism: The Past, the Future, and the Now
Oct 9 2023
Living Buddhism: The Past, the Future, and the Now
Welcome back to another episode of the Death Dhamma podcast! In our previous episode, we were deeply inspired by Whitney Sause's transformative journey and her insights into Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth. Whitney's story resonated with us as she shared her experiences of disconnecting from a challenging lifestyle and finding a new path. During her six-month retreat, Whitney embraced the practice of Buddhism and meditation, which became an integral part of her life. However, she also came to a point where she realized that she needed to find equanimity with the role of Buddhism in her journey. This led to a profound realization that she could imagine a life without it, without clinging or becoming overly attached to any particular belief or practice. We also delved into the idea of the future self, acknowledging that the person we are today is simply passing the baton to the future version of ourselves. Whitney embraced this concept with openness, refusing to hold onto a fixed idea of who she must become. This sentiment perfectly aligns with the teachings from the Bhaddekaratta Sutta, where we are encouraged to let go of chasing the past and placing expectations on the future. By reflecting on this passage, we are reminded that dwelling on the past or fixating on the future only leads to suffering. Instead, we can focus on the present moment and embrace the practice of letting go. In doing so, we can work towards making amends for past mistakes and not be burdened by them. Similarly, overly anticipating the future and becoming attached to specific outcomes can also bring about suffering. As we take a brief hiatus before Season 4, we can rest assured that the theme of attachment will resurface in future episodes. After all, attachment is an inherent part of our human experience as we navigate the world and seek to alleviate suffering. The teachings and discussions shared by our wise teachers aim to help us make the most of this lifetime and ultimately prepare for a peaceful death, while accepting the inevitable loss of our loved ones along the way. So, until we meet again, dear listeners, keep practicing in the present moment and stay open to the ever-changing journey of life. Who knows what tomorrow holds? See you soon!
Buddhism, Attachment, and Personal Growth: Navigating Life's Challenges with Whitney Sause
Oct 2 2023
Buddhism, Attachment, and Personal Growth: Navigating Life's Challenges with Whitney Sause
In this episode of the podcast, Margaret introduces Whitney Sause, a Buddhist practitioner who has used Buddhism to navigate through significant challenges in her life. Whitney shares her journey of how she integrated Buddhism and attachment to overcome anger management issues and other difficulties. Whitney explains that her journey with anger began before her time in the military, as she was raised in an abusive and chaotic environment that lacked emotional processing skills. Seeking a way to escape the trauma, she enlisted in the military, which only reinforced her emotional walls and guardedness. Whitney discusses the unique challenges faced by veterans and how Buddhism can help them navigate through their experiences. She reflects on the expectation for veterans to be tough and stoic, while vulnerability is often frowned upon. Whitney shares a pivotal moment in her life when the death of a friend made her realize the need for change. She made the decision to detach from her old lifestyle, disconnect from all her friends and family, and embark on a six-month journey of retreat and sobriety. Throughout the episode, Whitney emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and breaking free from societal expectations. She recounts the moment she decided to visit her old partying scene after six months of retreat and sobriety, only to realize that people had let go of the person they thought she was. This experience reaffirmed her commitment to her new path and reinforced her faith in sobriety. Join Margaret and Whitney as they delve into the intersection of Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth, exploring how these practices can provide guidance and healing in the face of life's challenges.
Coming in Season 4  Our Release from Suffering and the Path of Compassion
Sep 25 2023
Coming in Season 4 Our Release from Suffering and the Path of Compassion
As we approach the end of season 3, Margaret finds herself reflecting on the lessons and challenges that come with planning a podcast. She realizes that there is an element of clinging involved in wanting to continue creating the podcast. However, she also acknowledges that if it is time to let go, then it is time to let go. One of the attachments she has is the belief that she must be the sole creator of podcast ideas. This mindset stems from her tendency to work independently, which often leads to aversion when it comes to asking for help. It is a form of clinging to her own perception of self. Despite the discussions, teachings, and personal reflections on clinging, craving, and aversion that we've explored in season 3, she finds herself still navigating these human tendencies Recently, she had a realization that she didn’t have to figure everything out on her own. In a previous episode, she asked for input, and during a lunch with friends, she explained her dilemma. The conversation led to a suggestion: exploring Buddhist nonprofits and healing practitioners and how they help others find release from suffering. This idea resonated with Margaret,  as it aligns with the theme of overcoming attachment and finding liberation. In this upcoming season 4, Margaret will lead the way and dive into the lives and practices of those who dedicate themselves to helping others alleviate suffering. She will explore different perspectives, such as the bodhisattva path of self-sacrifice and the belief that one's own practice and release from suffering should come first. However, it is important to note that these views are not necessarily opposing; rather, they can coexist. She will also discuss the importance of compassion towards us and others throughout our own personal journeys. Before we officially wrap up season 3, there is one more interview lined up, where our guest will share her experiences with attachment and how she has dealt with loss. After that, we will take a hiatus with a special episode in October, November, and December. But fear not, as the Death Dhamma podcast will return with season 4 in January.  You are invited  to send your requests and suggestions for topics and individuals you would like to hear from.
Nurturing the Roots of Skillful Behavior Using the Teachings of the Pali Canon
Sep 18 2023
Nurturing the Roots of Skillful Behavior Using the Teachings of the Pali Canon
Today we delve into the teachings of the Pali Canon and explore the wisdom imparted by our esteemed teachers. Today, let's reflect on the concepts of tanha and dukkha, as elucidated in these verses: "When this sticky, uncouth craving overtakes you in the world, your sorrows proliferate like wild grass after rain. However, if you are able to overcome this craving, which is hard to escape, your sorrows will roll off you like water beads off a lotus." (Dhp 335-336) “Just as a tree, even when cut, can grow back if its root remains undamaged and strong, so too can suffering return repeatedly if latent craving is not rooted out.” (Dhp 338) From these verses in the Dhammapada, we can make two observations: first, if our cravings dominate us, we will experience much sorrow; second, if we gain control over our cravings, we will encounter less difficulty. However, it is important to note that conquering cravings does not guarantee a life devoid of challenges. Rather, it enables us to navigate those challenges with greater skill and wisdom. It is important to understand that it is not inherently wrong to desire or want something. What leads us down the path of unskillful attachment or desire is lobha, greed. Greed manifests when we crave more even when we have enough, when we hoard possessions that could benefit others, or when we lie, cheat, or steal to acquire something we intensely desire. For those of us on this path, who are yet to attain enlightenment, experiencing greed is likely. The remedy for greed is found in generosity. Recognize the presence of greed within, understand that it is a natural part of our human condition, and embrace the opportunity to learn and release ourselves from suffering. Observe your feelings nonjudgmentally and with compassion, and work on uprooting these unskillful tendencies. Like a skillful gardener tending to their plot, approach the roots of greed, anger, and delusion with patience and understanding. Instead of reacting with anger or surprise at what has rooted, simply identify it, analyze it, and use the appropriate tool, or in this case, the antidote. Generosity acts as a powerful antidote to greed. So, let us embark on this journey together, paying close attention to what arises within us, the feelings that surface, and how we respond. Let us cultivate a nonjudgmental and compassionate attitude towards ourselves, nurturing the roots of skillful behavior.
Collective Wisdom Around Clinging and Aversion
Sep 11 2023
Collective Wisdom Around Clinging and Aversion
In this episode, we explore the topic of attachment and its role in our lives. Dr. Seth Zuiho Segal challenges the common belief that Buddhism advocates for non-attachment in all aspects of life. He explains that there are different kinds of attachments, including attachments to people, objects, opinions, and self-identity. While certain attachments can be limiting, Seth argues that relationships are crucial for our overall well-being and that they provide an opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion. He encourages listeners to prioritize the quality of their relationships and to embrace the complexities of attachment.   Venerable De shares personal experience of forming attachments to people who mistreated him and the subsequent impact on his self-worth. He emphasizes the importance of letting go of negative self-views and hard feelings towards abusers in order to move forward and live a healthy life. Venerable De also highlights the significance of offering loving kindness and compassion, both to oneself and to others, as a means of healing and finding solace in difficult times.   Mary Stancavage, discusses the concept of letting go of attachments to certain identities or perceptions of oneself. She reflects on her own journey of rediscovering her passion for archaeology without attaching her self-worth to it. Mary advises listeners to dig deep and question the underlying motivations behind their attachments, suggesting that the true source of discomfort often lies beneath the surface.   Dave Smith cautions against viewing attachment as inherently negative. He argues that it is rather the greed and clinging associated with attachment that can lead to suffering. Dave introduces the term "lobha" or greed and explains its role in fueling attachment. He encourages listeners to practice kindness and patience towards themselves and others, emphasizing the importance of cultivating a metta (loving-kindness) practice.   Throughout the episode, the speakers challenge common misconceptions about attachment and offer insights into how we can navigate its complexities. They highlight the role of relationships, self-reflection, and mindfulness in finding balance and fostering well-being. By exploring the nuances of attachment, listeners are encouraged to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their connections to others.
Contemplating the Wisdom of “Your Dream Your Rules.”
Sep 4 2023
Contemplating the Wisdom of “Your Dream Your Rules.”
In today's episode, we will be contemplating the rules and our responses to them, drawing examples from both professional and spiritual realms. In her professional life, Margaret teaches project management, guiding individuals in planning and implementing various initiatives. In an introductory course, participants often question the necessity of following all the recommended best practices. Margaret explains that while they are not obligated to do so, it is important to be aware of these tools and practices, as you cannot utilize what you do not know exists. By ignoring these tools, you may miss out on valuable insights and potential positive outcomes. Moving on to more advanced discussions, Margaret emphasize the importance of understanding rules before choosing to disregard them. In certain professional settings, there are individuals who can go against organizational culture or policies without facing negative repercussions. These individuals possess a deep understanding of what they are doing and why, exhibiting wisdom in their actions. It is not about rebellious rule-breaking, but rather the discernment gained through experience and knowledge. Now, let us shift our focus to our spiritual practice. Reflecting on our previous episode, where we explored the Noble Eightfold Path, we realize that our Buddhist practice has its own set of rules. However, it is crucial to remember that these rules are not meant for cherry-picking. You may have come across the Kalama sutta, which some individuals use as an opportunity to dismiss Buddhist teachings. This sutta encourages us to question and validate our beliefs through personal experience and wisdom. It highlights the need to be mindful of our intentions and the potential harm that may arise from unskillful qualities. Traditions should not be followed blindly solely because they are traditions, and reports cannot be trusted solely based on the reliability of their sources. Our own preferences should not guide us unless they are thoroughly tested and proven beneficial. It is essential to practice appropriate attention and seek guidance from wise individuals, which we refer to as having admirable friends. In our own journeys of self-discovery, we can benefit from incorporating these ideas into our own practice and rules. Before making decisions, we should inquire about our intentions, consider the likely outcomes, and seek the counsel of those we trust and admire. By doing so, we can cultivate wisdom and make choices that align with our spiritual path.