What a journey this season has been! Thank you so much for joining me, listening week in and week out. What a beautiful, teachable heart you all have. I've met so many interesting people I never would have had the opportunity to meet in the course of my ordinary life. Sometimes we have to go out of our way to meet people outside our spheres of influence. Today's episode will be a deep dive into what these past few months have taught me about the formerly incarcerated as well as the U.S criminal justice system. I'd like to start with a few statistics. According to the Pew Research Center, as of the end of 2019, there are over 2.1 million people incarcerated in the United States. According to the World Prison Brief, 10.3% of those prisoners are female and .2% are under 18. Generally, recidivism rates are over 70%. Keep in mind though, that each state has differing methods and metrics for determining these statistics. Different metrics tell different stories. For example, according to the Council on Criminal Justice, the severity of the original conviction offense is not indicative of recidivism risk nor do older people return to prison at the same rate as young people. I've included some helpful articles in the show notes for those of you who might like to go deeper on these topics. These recidivism rates matter when it comes to the people I've interviewed this season and to the work of Defy Ventures who boasts a less than 10% recidivism rate of EIT's (Entrepreneurs in Training) who have graduated from their program. What makes these people different? Why did they decide to "change their hustle" and others don't? I don't know the answer to that question. But I'm indebted to those kind, courageous, changed souls who let me glimpse into their hearts, lives, and minds and were willing to share their stories. What happens when belief systems, ideological worldviews, or long-held opinions you've defended as truth your entire life bump up against contradictions that prove those prior concepts as fallible? How do you deal with that tension? How do you explain it to yourself? Do you tighten your grip on your belief and become even more dogmatic because you fear what confronting it might mean? Do you justify your thoughts and actions because of tradition, authority, or moral superiority? It's the tough love approach to life. Or, do you let these new and different perspectives slowly seep into the fabric of your consciousness until you find yourself one day espousing a new belief? It's a slow process that eventually yields a new way of acting and thinking about others and the world around you. It ultimately changes how you live your life. Or, do you listen intently, lean in with caution, and face the fact that your supposed truths are evolving to an even larger, more inclusive level? You confront your mistaken beliefs, misplaced judgements, and misunderstood assumptions and use your newfound knowledge to transform your life and see yourself in the shared humanity around you.During this season, I imagine you might have found yourself working through all three of these emotional and intellectual responses. Certain episodes might have been easier to digest than others. Sometimes you may have felt more judgement, others more compassion. We come to every new encounter with the lens of how we see the world based on our lived experience. When someone challenges that, at first it's offensive to us. But over time, we become softer the more stories we hear and people we meet. We begin to see that if we were in the other person's shoes, maybe we might have also made similar choices. How are we to know? Eventually, your default becomes an open heart right from the start. People no longer have to prove themselves to you. You let them be who they are, where they are. They are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have at this time in their lives, as are you, and you see yourself in them. This is love.The themes I noticed this season and will discuss one by one are:1) the need/desire to belong 2) the importance of parenting 3) the desire to go back to a simpler time4) the power of second chances5) giving back6) personal responsibility7) resilienceI wanted to learn more about the psychology of belonging and what drove so many of my guests this season into the accepting arms of gang life. So I studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It is a 5-tiered motivational theory of psychological human needs. Maslow supposits that the lower levels or "deficient" needs on the pyramid must be met before the higher level or "growth" needs. The levels from the bottom up are: Physiological, Safety, Love & Belonging, Esteem, Self-Actualization. These needs build on each other. If a lower need has not been satisfied, it is deficient, therefore, making it harder to progress and grow into higher level needs. However, this isn't a rigid progression. We do not move through the pyramid in a linear fashion, it seems to be more fluid based on our life experiences. So at its core, belonging means being part of a cohesive group with a shared identity. All humans have this social desire. Depending on the environment we grow up in, we achieve this psychological need in different ways. What I'm getting at is, it's much harder to look down on someone for choosing to join a gang when you can relate to the desire to want to be a part of a group bigger than yourself as well. Andy Lopez from Episode 13  speaks with authority on the topic of gang life and belonging….his words touch at the heart of the allure...a place to belong, be accepted, be loved, be family. He said something striking, "We're kids trying to be men in a world that we don't know nothing about." He had an almost parental sense of love and protection of the kids under him. Yet, the street code dictates that you solve all your problems with violence. It's a warped version of love and belonging.Some of my guests this season admitted they had great parents but still screwed up anyways - they were determined to take their own path. Others had tragic home lives. But in all the cases, there was a disconnect somewhere that caused them to feel a lack of care, support, love, or acceptance from a parent. I think the deeper issue that needs to be addressed is what is happening at home where kids don't feel valued, aren't taught who they are, or how to be a contributing member of society - the supreme role that parents and/or caregivers play in the lives of their kids. Could we stop the flow of kids seeking out gangs by teaching parents how to be better parents? As posited by British psychologist John Bowlby, “Childrens’ disturbed behavior is a response to actual experience of neglect, brutality, separation. We learn self-care from the way we are cared for. The skill of self-regulation is dependent on how harmonious our early interactions with caregivers are. Children whose parents are reliable sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage.” Darlene, from episode 12  understands this and sees the importance in her role as a parent in ensuring a healthy mindset and self esteem in her kids. She's walked the road of poor coping skills and low self-esteem. She knows what she lacked and is doing everything in her power to change that narrative for her kids.The third theme was that of "simpler times." I was honestly surprised that when my guests were given a choice of any time or place in history or the present to visit, most of them answered with a variation of "a simpler time." I find that truly intriguing. I can relate to that desire as well. But I also think we tend to idealize times in the past which in turn makes us feel they were simpler. Plus, if that past involved any time in childhood, we were still blissfully ignorant of the ways of the world: the pressures that would one day encompass us, the stress that would beat us down, the burden of finances and responsibility, the eventual loss of relationships, and the demands of societal peer pressure. It seems that aging slowly erodes our childhood dreams, simplicity, excitement, innocence, surprise, and delight only to replace it with the sobering reality of endless work, hard choices, cynicism, and heartache. All of us wish for a "do over" at some point. Sometimes I want to rewind my day and start all over. I can only imagine how much more intense that desire must be for those who have spent time imprisoned for choices they wish they could take back. No amount of punishment will stop the mind from replaying that wretched day on repeat in your brain. No wonder the simplicity of childhood or antiquity are alluring. Having the opportunity to erase the temptation would be a nice escape, I imagine.Which segways perfectly into the fourth theme of second chances. This concept of grace...being given something we don't deserve, is overwhelming, humbling, and redemptive. Every formerly incarcerated guest desired to prove that they could and would do better if just given another chance. Hope. I think that's what the real gift of a second chance is. Hope that you can right your wrongs. Hope that you can make a better choice next time. Hope that you really can be a good, caring, helpful, contributing member of society. Hope that you achieve your dreams and goals. Kathy Heinzel in episode 7 expressed this feeling with the words, "I'm just thankful to have a second chance and make the world a better place." But many people feel that grace is not an option for the incarcerated. If someone has done something against society, we want that person to be locked up and never see the light of day again. But as Bryan Stevenson from the Equal Justice Initiative says, "simply punishing the broken--walking away from them or hiding them from sight--only ensures that they remain broken and we do, too. There is no wholeness outside of our reciprocal humanity."  Punishment doesn't usually yield change. Education does. Getting to the root of the problem through therapy and counseling does.  I think Jose's analogy from episode 9 expresses the gift these prison education programs, such as Defy, are to the incarcerated. He mentioned that with every in-prison program he took, it was like peeling off layers of an onion. He was discovering more about himself a little more each time. As we have listened to the stories this season, these people didn't just decide one day to commit a crime, it was a gradual progression down a slippery slope that eventually led to a tragic choice. Healing takes time, acknowledging past traumas, learning coping mechanisms, gaining tools for handling anger, depression, and fear. It seems that there are many positive programs inside prisons trying to offer this type of hope, this type of second chance.Speaking of second chances, once you've been given one, you certainly don't want to squander it. I'm super impressed that almost all of my guests have the insatiable desire to give back...to society, to other inmates, to those who helped them make it through, to their victims, to their families. It's the natural outpouring of gratitude for the gift of grace bestowed on them. It's a beautiful thing to witness people turning around and helping those coming up behind them. It seems that those who have experienced undeserved grace, turn around and lavish it on those around them much more freely than someone who has never experienced a second chance. I think Laura from episode 14 expresses this idea the best:  "I want people to have a little more compassion, empathy, understanding, mercy. Give each other grace to be wrong sometimes, just to make mistakes. But also, give them the grace to learn from those mistakes."Every person I interviewed this season with incarceration experience took complete ownership of their actions. This 6th theme, the idea of personal responsibility, took a while to sink in for some people. Several guests said they continued their previous lifestyle in prison for several years. But once they took ownership for their behaviors and the negative consequences it created for all those around them including the victim, the victim's family, as well as their own family and friends, that is when you can tell there was a heart change. What sparks this self awareness in some prisoners and not in others?  I don't know the answer to that but it seems unique to each individual. Quan touched on that at the very beginning of the season. He seemed to come to the acceptance of his fate even if he never left the prison, he knew he could still be free mentally and continue to grow, learn, and better himself while on the inside. It all comes down to a mindset change. The early 20th century philosopher, Martin Buber says, "Everything depends on inner change; when this has taken place, then, and only then does the world change." Transformation. That is what has happened to this amazing people. And this transformation infects every area of their lives...their thinking, their choices, their actions.  Doing the internal work is hard, so hard in fact that most of us do anything we can to avoid, ignore, or deny it. Self-reflection causes you to see your demons, admit they are there, and deal with them. Gone are the days of living with self-delusions, of propping up an ego that can no longer be maintained, of lying to ourselves. But once you choose personal responsibility, you are taking ownership of the bad and the good. You are no longer the victim. You are no longer held captive by a false sense of who you are. You know the truth. You know you have the capacity for both good and evil and you have the power to choose. This is the gift of personal responsibility.Lastly, I'd like to take a bit to talk about the final theme this season: resiliency. I absolutely love how social psychologist Adam Grant speaks of resiliency. He says, " I think of resilience as the strength and speed of our response to adversity. So when something bad happens, big or small, how much are we able to overcome it, or how well do we persevere in the face of it? It’s a skill set that we work on throughout our lives. It’s something that we can build long before we face any kind of tragedy or difficulty. It’s really about learning what does it take for me to find strength in a tough situation? And then being able to apply those skills when they’re most needed. We can build resilience over time by changing how we process negative events." This explanation applied to the stories we've heard this season helps explain why some people succeed and change their mindset, while others do not. It's a choice. It's a muscle we build. It's a learned response. Life gives each of us endless opportunities to learn resilience. Elizabeth from episode 19 expresses her understanding of resilience in her life motto: there is no such thing as a problem, only an opportunity to succeed. This type of attitude is forged out of hardships and challenges and not succumbing to them, rather, overcoming them. The price of resiliency is time, pain, and effort. But the ensuing result is far greater than the cost...it is a lifetime of deeper character, lives touched, and opportunities taken. As for what I learned about the criminal justice system through the lens of those who have been through it and work within...it is a much more complex problem than I ever knew. I think the majority of us who never have a need to interact with the system, can't and don't understand the impact it has on millions of families. Many of my guests admitted that there must be a prison system. It's necessary to punish those who have committed crimes against society. But the system needs a massive overhaul. Many feel sentences are too long to justify the crime. I have to agree with that assessment. Some people mentioned positive interactions with COs, but many had intense, negative experiences with the guards. Is the system rehabilitating the inmates or creating even more problems? All I know is that throwing someone in "the hole" until they shape up fixes nothing. It is not getting at the root of the bad behavior that brought them to that point. Then there's the school to prison pipeline we barely touched on. This is a topic that deserves an entire season of it's own. I greatly appreciated each guest sharing their opinion of the system they experienced. It showed me there's no easy answer, but there are many similarities. It is a hot button issue to be sure and one we must take the time to have hard discussions about. The tagline of this podcast is:  There is no them, just us. I deliberately chose this as a reminder. When you can see yourself in the "other," you tend not to judge as harshly or as critically. When you can relate to a struggle, a situation, or a feeling that someone you've never met has experienced, this shared commonality suddenly links you. Should a person be forced to relive their bad choice over and over again for the rest of their life until you feel they have shown adequate remorse? If it was you, would you want to? How do we determine who gets a second chance and who doesn't? We like to pretend we're nothing like these "criminals" but that's not true. We have a shared humanity. Each of us  carry the same capacity for good as well as  evil inside us.  Philosopher and author, David Steindl Rast says, "The moment that you divide people with they and us, you’re always on the right side and they are always on the wrong side, and I find that makes communication very, very difficult." I think that's worth spending some time meditating on.I'm quite envious of the Defy Community...someone is always there for you. And you are always there for someone. It's so reciprocal. It's full of compassion, grace, and understanding. All while assisting with re-entry and teaching entrepreneurial skills with the help of the community. They believe in and live redemption. Everyone has value and worth. They believe in you. These people love and accept you despite knowing you at your worst. This is a beautiful place to belong to. My guests this season willingly let me into their lives to witness their pain, sorrow, regrets, joys, dreams, and hopes. I am honored they trusted me. I gained new friends and perspectives. And as Sithy encouraged us in episode 16 , I  also learned to dance with fear. If you take away nothing else from what I've said this entire season, please let this be the last thing you remember: being incarcerated doesn't lower your value as a human. I'd like to close with something my friend Chris from episode 2 said that rings true for all of us despite where we find ourselves in life. He said, "If the dissonance hits hard enough, you'll push past the shame into reconstruction." May we all find the courage to push past our shame, doubt, shortcomings, and fears and reconstruct our views, as well as learn to give others the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Defy VenturesSources:Maslow's Hierarchy of NeedsWhy People Join GangsRecidivism Rates in AmericaRecidivism Rates by CountryIncarceration Rates by CountryU.S vs The World Prison PopulationCouncil On Criminal Justice - Recidivism RatesWorld Prison Brief DataPew Research Center - Incarceration RatesThe Importance of Resilience with Adam GrantWhat Makes Us ResilientExcellent Documentary by Ken Barns on PBS about College Behind Bars

Elizabeth's one tip to make the world a better place reiterated a long held truth, but also one I easily forget. Communication is key. I needed that reminder that "conflict is based on false perceptions of the other person's role and capabilities, and without asking, you have no idea what you're asking of them. You're assuming how they feel and what they meant, based on your life experiences" This is exactly what I needed to hear at this exact moment in life. Her advice about taking whatever is making you angry and re-channeling it to drive your ambition is a powerful exhortation that we can all benefit from. Re-framing a problem in a different light is the beginning of changing our mindset. And as we have learned all too well on this podcast, your mindset is the key to everything. Elizabeth is no stranger to this tactic. Like she said, "there is no such thing as a problem, only an opportunity to succeed." And that is truly how she lives her life. May we all learn to view our challenges as opportunities...just as Elizabeth has.Defy Ventures

Sithy brought up an interesting point on his decision to join the gang...not only was it considered just the next step because everyone around him was doing it, but he wanted the dual benefits of belonging and protection.  The need for acceptance and to impress silenced his initial desire to not participate in the illegal activities of the gang. He was slowly desensitized to the impact of his crimes on others because the praise received from fellow gang members was worth more than the values of his conscience. It wasn't until he was sent to prison that he woke up to the fact that all the gang activity was actually hurting their own communities; it was typically rival gangs of the same ethnicities doing harm to each other. I'm intrigued by his insight and want to follow up with research of my own. Why do we so often choose things that go against our good? Why do we sabotage ourselves and our communities? I see this happen in the people we vote for, in personal relationships, with our eating habits, in education. It is truly a sad phenomenon. But the  promise of change and good  comes with awakening. Sithy no longer lets lies guide him. He woke up to the reality of his choices and the harmful effects they had not only on himself but his entire community.As messed up as our prison system is, here is another individual who is actually thankful he ended up in prison because he knows it saved his life and possibly the life of a future victim. This is the paradox of life, isn't it? Sometimes we think something is bad, but it turns out to be good for us and vice versa. There are alot of people and organizations trying to bring good out of an inherently bad system. For that, I am thankful.Sithy said a phrase I had never heard before and attributed it to the founder of Defy...learning to dance with fear. I find that incredibly freeing and beautiful and relatable. You don't have to be imprisoned or formerly incarcerated to understand or relate to that analogy. We all have our own dance with fear. May we learn to hold the tension between fear and joy and learn to dance with our fear, just as Sithy has.Sithy's motto for living: "A smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others." - AnonymousSithy's Instagram - sithycity37Defy Ventures

Education taught David how to hone skills he didn't realize he had. It also taught him to take the negative impulsiveness that had plagued him his entire life and reframe it as a tool that he can use, not one that controls him. Although his transformation was a long time coming, when it occurred, it was genuine. Like he said, "To change you have to want it." Once his mindset changed, there was no looking back except to use his past choices to motivate him to keep progressing forward.David's encouragement to volunteer with an organization that serves the incarcerated population and learn for yourself how to make a difference in the justice system is a wise one.  Fear is what separates us. Once you meet the inmates, then you can make a judgement, but not until then. Everybody is redeemable. Everybody deserves a second chance.Psychiatrist and author, Dr. James Gordon, expresses the same sentiment that David discovered in prison, “It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t… It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”  This might just be what being a resilient human being hinges on. May we all dig deep and find the courage to change ourselves and our world for the better, just as David has.Defy Ventures

After hearing Laura's story, the words that come to mind are: determined, brave, compassionate, strong, forgiving, teachable, and resilient. She was dealt a terrible hand in life. She confesses to her mistakes without playing the victim. She wakes up every day and chooses to better herself and help others. Her life is a testament to this. It seems that many  prison programs are what help bring about healing in so many broken souls who've found themselves incarcerated. They are finally in a place to learn things they were never taught, grow in understanding, education, and empathy, as well as heal themselves through the help of therapists, dogs, and volunteers who assert their worthiness to be loved even when they themselves can't yet see it.Dr. Van Der Kolk, the author of the famed book, "The Body Keeps the Score" says, "We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way the mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.”  This is of paramount importance for all of us to learn.  The trauma Laura experienced in childhood shaped the rest of her life. Thankfully, she came to learn this and dealt with her trauma head on. May we all learn to do the hard thing, just as Laura has.Laura's quote: "Do unto others as you'd like done unto you."Defy Ventures

Andy's generous, gentle soul had quite the impact on me. Despite his life experiences he is still an ardent believer that people are born good and he chooses to see the good in people, try to find common ground, and bring people together. This is a transformed man from the one who thought fighting was the answer to everything. I loved the surprise bunny trail we went down about dog training and learning how to read people. I'm so thankful there are organizations who reach out to prisoners and give them chances to learn more about themselves, the world around them, and how to improve their lives. If this season is teaching us nothing else, it certainly is showing us that prison education programs have the capacity to be transformational and inmates are not lost causes. Just because you make a really stupid choice does not exclude you  from growing and learning from it and improving your emotional, mental, or spirtual health. This is not the last you've seen or heard of Andy. He has so much to share with the world. Be sure to check out the links in the show notes to the articles he wrote. His story and the way he narrates it is so compelling. I sat riveted as I was listening to him speak. No wonder people are drawn to him. Andy, I can tell you've taken to heart and live what Tupac said: "My aim is to spread more smiles than tears." May we all try to be the gift of happiness in someone else's life today, just as Andy has.Quote: THUG LIFE  - The hate that you give little infants f***s everybody - Tupac ShakurBULLETT - Born to unite loyalty and love in every thug's lifePuppies Behind Bars Andy's Writings: NYU Local Blog NYU's Independent School Newspaper Defy Ventures

II was deeply touched by the simple yet profound recognition that Darlene so eloquently gave voice to: Healing is not linear. If you stop and think about it, it makes perfect sense. None of us deal with an issue and move on. It keeps resurfacing and sneaking up on us throughout our life. This is why we seek out friends and therapists to talk to. This is why we get depressed. This is why we often get stuck in cycles of unhealthy thinking. Giving ourselves permission to heal over and over again, even if it's something we thought we dealt with already, is incredibly freeing.Darlene danced around the ideas of socio-economic and racial inequality as reasons why so many end up incarcerated. Without mentioning these two systemic forces by name, she spoke directly to the effects these causes left unchecked yield in society. I appreciate that she boldly speaks to this and raises her voice yet again for the value and worth of the marginalized. Opportunities, education, and resources should not be allotted to people based on their immigration status, wealth, skin color, or any other reason. Isn't this the heart of social justice work at its core?  Gandhi spoke to this universal truth more than 50 years ago when he said, "The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.”I was inspired by Darlene's quote from Kahlil Gibran, our shared favorite poet, to close with this quote in honor of Darlene and her life's journey. "Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing what will be." I see the work she does for Defy Ventures in this light. May we all learn to recognize and value the humanity in each person we meet, just as Darlene has.Favorite quote:Life without liberty is like a body without spirit - Khalil GibranBe a lamp or a lifeboat. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd. - RumiDefy Ventures

Nhut enlightens us about why insecure kids are drawn into gang life - the feelings of loss of control, inadequacy, not belonging to their culture of origin or their new culture. In this light, broken people are taken with the allure of gang life by finding a place to belong and come together - not for healing their brokenness - rather ,to encourage the trifecta of false pride, false power, and false respect. He's intimately aware of this mindset and has compassion on those who find this their only way of escape and belonging.Nhut told me, "You will not gain any wisdom unless you suffer" only someone who has walked that path can utter those words. And he now sees that suffering as a gift. I believe he has internalized the words of the Dalai Lama, "A genuine change must first come from within the individual, only then can he or she attempt to make a significant contribution to humanity." May we all learn to become more aware our self-limiting mindsets so that we can grow in acceptance, loving-kindness, and character...just as Nhut has.Pawsitive Change Program - Instagram - @pawsitivechangeprogramNhut's Instagram - @art_noumenonNhut's dog training Instagram - @humblek9Defy Ventures

All I can say is that I'm so thankful for the Melissa's of the world. Those people who work tirelessly for the underdog, who clearly see the system that failed them and valiantly aim to fix those broken structures. Melissa's pronouncement of the need to address the root causes of why people go into the system in the first place is paramount to reforming it. She and others that are like-minded are creatively seeking ways to give power back to those who were never given a fair chance in life through the self- education and entrepreneurial training that Defy Ventures offers. And not only are they empowering the incarcerated and formerly incarcerated, they are actively working to create an inclusive economy by trying to shift the mind of the business owners to see the untapped talent pool in the population they serve. It's all about a purposeful and subversive shift in thinking that eventually changes the choices and actions of individuals, business leaders, volunteers, and communities. This slowly seeps into society at large and challenges the perceived assumptions we've all accepted as "normal" and thus begins the evolution of thought that transforms a broken system one life at a time. We each discover our shared humanity. The quote that comes to mind when I think of Melissa is from another great purveyor of justice, Bryan Stevenson. He says, "... simply punishing the broken--walking away from them or hiding them from sight--only ensures that they remain broken and we do, too. There is no wholeness outside of our reciprocal humanity." I see Melissa as someone who is connected to the incarcerated through our shared humanity and aims to bring out the best in those who are ready to transform their thoughts, lives, and actions. May we all choose this radical vulnerability that draws us closer together...just as Melissa has.Melissa's Quote: You may write me down in history with your bitter twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, I'll rise. - Maya AngelouDefy Ventures

He speaks about his younger years from the standpoint of: "this is just the way it was" with not a hint of bitterness in his voice. And he never portrays himself as the victim. He teaches us that often our misconceptions, preconceived ideas, and false judgements of situations, or people, or things that happened in the past have fed our anger for so long but are often false. If he, who had every right to hold onto anger or resentment was able to see past it and forgive, who am I not to?It gives me joy to hear that Jose and his Mom are finally able to have an open and sincere relationship after all these years. No matter how old you get, you never stop needing the approval, love, or acceptance of your mom. It is proof that healing can come, but maybe not in the way or the time frame isn't when we thought it would be. I appreciate how he is striving to grow in understanding and deeper love. He's learning to trust, to love, and to have hope again.Jose's adamant and purposeful decision to change his mindset and lifestyle despite the negative repercussions he thought he might receive from those who knew him in prison, is nothing short of heroic. He finally knew who he was and what he wanted and he wasn't going to rely on other people to validate who he was. Steve Maraboli, another hero and decorated military vet says, “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” Jose's life is witness to this truth. May we all have the courage to change our mindset and to keep on living it day in and day out,  just as Jose has.Jose's quote - People may forget your name, but they will always remember how you made them feel.Defy Ventures

I'm so glad to hear that Mr. Pitts Sr. became a Defy facilitator while in prison. Can you imagine all the men he encouraged and helped. I appreciate his  insightful recognition that Defy is not there to teach about entrepreneurship solely, but that the entire program is based first and foremost on character development...exercising those muscles of responsibility, forgiveness, and the ability to examine your motivations. It was because of this internal work that he was able to eventually voice his own admission that at the time of committing his crimes he was unable to see that he was lying to himself and blind to how his actions affected the lives of those he stole from. This type of self reflection can only come from a place of deep contemplation of the parts of yourself you typically prefer to hide or justify. I learned alot about the internal politics of prisons by listening to Bertrone's experience. I also appreciate how he advises people to vote by using statistics not emotion when it comes to issues based on the justice system. His warning of placing people in the prison system who are not genuinely deserving of that punishment needs to be heard by those with the capacity to make changes to that system. He has personally witnessed that too harsh of punishment actually achieves the opposite effect. It has the capacity to turn out more warped, more violent, more biased, and more prejudiced people than when they entered that system. Is that truly what we want?Helen Keller says, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." I think this approach to life is in step with Bertrone's life experience. Sometimes suffering happens to us, other times we create our own suffering. But despite the origin, character is built. May we all intentionally choose to develop our character for good...just as Mr. Pitts Sr has.Bertrone's Quote: Treat others like you want to be treated.FB - @BertronePittsLinkdin - @BertronePittsSrDefy Ventures

I know Kathy would never have chosen this path to intentionally walk down, but the lessons, friendships, and change of heart she gained while in prison were transformational for her. Our lives are but a series of small choices compiled together to form a cohesive whole. Every seemingly inconsequential act matters. They all form the basis of our character, our thought processes, and eventually our actions. After our conversation Kathy emailed me some more thoughts that she regretted not sharing during our interview. I'd like to share those at this time, in her own words, since I think they are very poignant and hold a lot of weight. She says, "before my incarceration I believed in the death penalty, I believed in 3 strikes law and leave without pay, and I believed in repeat offender enhancements. I was a tough on crime follower.I no longer believe in any of those. In fact, I am strongly against all of it.We incarcerate too many people. I also forgot to tell you my best analogy about prison: I felt like the discarded garbage of society. Just as we put our trash out in front of our house to be picked up and taken away. We discard our prisoners. We don't care where, just not in our community, never to be seen or smelled again." How many of us can relate to these opinions? A change of heart happens because of a personal experience...either happening to you, or the opportunity to meet someone it's happened to. We would be wise to heed Kathy's lived experience and consider the incarcerated humans who need love, not trash that needs discarding.Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying, "Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future." We all suffer...it's part of the human condition. May we learn how to better comfort those who suffer and see ourselves in the other so we can grow and walk in greater compassion...just as Kathy has.Quote: Winston Churchill - Never, never, never give up.Kathy's Business: State IssueIG - @stateissue_apparelDefy VenturesFB - @DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

Ian's insight as to how the rest of society views and judges the incarcerated is spot on. I really appreciate his counter argument against that mindset. I love how he appeals to our humanity by reminding us that they are just people who were shaped by a certain set of circumstances which eventually influenced who they became. It's not an excuse, it's one explanation that helps us put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. What would you have done had you grown up in these set of circumstances? When we can see ourselves in the other, we tend to be less judgemental.I love that Ian brought up the topic of how he saw the world and himself differently as he educated himself. That's the whole point of education - isn't it?! Oliver Wendell Holms, Sr. is quoted as saying, "The mind once expanded by the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size." This is exactly what happened to Ian. He couldn't go back to being the person he was before he entered prison. Education changed him.I wanted to stand up and cheer when Ian said, "In life,  in business, whatever it may be, you don't know what you want until you know who you are." What wisdom that is! This is why we need to work on personal development and growth and self-reflection no matter who we are or where we are in life. I like how he said that Defy is in the business of human development. They are reinvesting in humanity and they are doing it through entrepreneurial education. George Washington Carver once said, "Education is the key that unlocks the golden door to freedom.” Ian found this to be true inside the walls of prison. Education helps bring hope, direction, purpose, and the freedom to break down the walls of our own mental and emotional prisons we create for ourselves. May we all continue educating ourselves to not only better our own lives, but to help better the lives of others...just as Ian has.Ian's Quote: “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style” - Maya AngelouDefy VenturesFB - @DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

Who he is now seems incongruous with the story he shares of his early life. His transformation blows me away. He is kind, forgiving, and generous. He is open and vulnerable, sharing his fears and deepest sorrows. It breaks my heart hearing that he wanted to end his life so bad. Thank God for somebody seeing the good in him, having the courage to tell him and in doing so reignited his spark to continue living. I'm so thankful that spark of fire in him never went out and that he ultimately decided to help kids like the one he used to be. This giving of himself brought him back to life and filled him with joy - the contagious kind.The power of being seen...the ripple effect of that ends up touching so many lives. One of the kindest things you can tell someone is that you see them - especially see the good in them. We all need that positive reinforcement. Nelson Mandela once said, "It never hurts to see the good in someone. They often act the better because of it." That statement couldn't be more true for Casey. It literally changed his life. I see you Casey. I see the good in you and how you spread it around to everyone you meet. May we all see the inner beauty of our fellow humans and acknowledge the good in them...just as Casey has.Casey's Quote: Cherish the people in your ilfe now, the people that you love. You never know when they're gone.Social Media:FB - @Casey DavidIG - @Casey.m.dDefy VenturesFB - @DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

Sandy is completely others centered. She genuinely cares and does everything in her power to help make life better for those around her be it her family, her community, or those she touches through her work. What a wonderfully unique vantage point Sandy brings to each situation she encounters. It was the positive influence of her community in her own life that taught her who she was and grounded her. She's witnessed the benefits of it in her own life and sees the lack of it in the lives of others and desires to cultivate that deeply held value. Speaking of values, I was deeply convicted by her courage and self-reflection in re-evaluating her own value system at the onset of her work with the incarcerated. This is what makes her so good at her job. She knows who she is and who and what she represents, so somebody's actions can't change that about her. Personally, I think it was the strength, love, and inclusion of the community she grew up in that ultimately led to these life convictions that everyone is worthy of respect despite where they are in life.I really appreciated Sandy's favorite quote by Ghandi. But I also see Sandy's life being a beautiful example of something else Gandhi says, "In a gentle way you can shake the world." She certainly has with her unwavering love, education, and support of the EIT's in her care through her work with Defy Ventures. May we all find our place to shake the world as Sandy has.Favorite Quote: The true measure of any society can be measured by the way they treat their most vulnerable populationsDefy VenturesFB - @DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

Erik was not shy in naming his problem and the root of his choices...he cared deeply about what others thought of him. Haven't we all been in those same shoes? Yet ,at the time, he didn't have the tools to handle that fear and insecurity with mental clarity. How many of us would be so forthcoming in telling others where we lacked character and understanding in our youth...most of the time we prefer to chalk it up to stupidity instead of our own  ignorance. I'm deeply impressed by the level of character Erik shows now that he understands his mindset and the vastness of all it affects.Erik certainly inspired me to look to the people in my life who have made me a better person and honor them the way he did. I love how he said, "I always thank my friends for giving me parts of them that I can instill into my character." Most of us want to take the credit for the good in us and blame others for the bad in us. Not Erik. His honesty and humility impress me. He's the real deal!The Swiss  psychiatrist, Carl Jung, aptly advises that, "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." Erik took this advice to heart by calling out his past behavior without any excuses or justification. He sees clearly how he used to be a thief, a liar, a master manipulator. But no more. All of us need to do the uncomfortable work of recognizing our shadow selves because the sooner we acknowledge this part of ourselves we despise, the less power it holds over us. May we all learn to accept the good and bad in both ourselves and others...as Erik has.Erik's Favorite Quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world." GandhiSocial Media:Instagram: @Erik928Andersson   Facebook:  @Erik928Andersson California Justice Leaders - Impact Justice Americorp - The Organization Erik works withDefy Ventures

When we sat down to talk, he had this awesome lion as his zoom background. He named him Wayne. After visiting with Chris, I learned that it couldn't have been a more perfect representation of who he is. It represents the strength of character and resilience he now possesses. Join me as Chris reveals with profound vulnerability the story of his life. Chris' insight into the human condition astounds me. He's so perceptive, intelligent, and humble. I LOVE how he said, "People have opened up to me about a lot of stuff, because I make myself safe for them." Right there. That's the key. There's no judgement. Chris brings such wisdom to our conversation. He's an avid reader and life long learner. And it shows in how he's educated himself. I was deeply convicted by his observation of  Schopenhauer's supposition that pride is having the conviction that you are something w/o it needing to be confirmed by anybody outside of you while vanity is trying to get to that conviction about yourself through other people. I just love how Chris spouts off such profound thoughts like it's nothing. We both share the same yearning for deep waters. I felt like we were geeking out together on all the great books we read and our shared love of learning.There were two particular phrases Chris said (amongst the multitude he dropped on us), that really caused me pause and made me want to spend time meditating about, and they were: "The biggest courage is the acceptance of self and risking the rejection of others." And, "If the dissonance hits hard enough, you'll push past the shame into reconstruction." What impresses me is not only his recollection of quotes from what he reads, but how he created new quotes of his own from lived experience and observation. Man! Chris is a quote machine and an excellent teacher.Chris, you have the courage of a lion now, my friend. St. Augustine says, "The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself." May we all have the courage to speak the truth with as much clarity and humility as Chris has.Chris' Quote:A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything. - AnonymousandIf everybody likes you, it's because you haven't stood for anything - Winston ChurchillSocial Media:Instagram: @xhrisjohnson7Success Stories - the organization Chris now works forDefy VenturesInstagram: @defy_ventures

Quan works as the Senior Post Release Program Manager for Defy Ventures, a non-profit helping those with a criminal past transform their lives through the journey of entrepreneurship. After spending twenty-two years in and out of correctional institutions, Quan was paroled from a life sentence in 2015 and created his first company six months later. The following year, he received the Peace Fellowship Award for his work with the Alternatives to Violence Project. Quan has been featured in Entrepreneur, PBS Newshour, Talks at Google, and numerous other publications and podcasts.Quan is genuine. He is the real deal. He did so much hard internal work and is intentional in how he lives now. His desire to give back, serve, and encourage is evident in his life. At the bottom of his email Quan has a quote from Khalil Gibran, author of The Prophet that succinctly describes how suffering can ultimately change us. "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."  May we all have the courage to see our past, current, and future struggles as gifts to our character as Quan has.Social media:FB, IG, Twitter, LinkedIn: @quanxhuynhQuan's WebsiteDefy VenturesFB - DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

I'm so thankful you're joining me for another season of listening to and learning from those who have been pushed to the fringes of society.  This entire season was borne out of a book I read about one man's story. The book is titled, "The Sparrow In The Razor Wire"  by Quan Huynh. As soon as I finished reading it, I knew I had to meet this incredible man. I also knew I wanted to learn more about what it was like on the inside and listen to the stories of all the men and women who have endured this behemoth called our "justice system." I had never before considered the formerly incarcerated as a marginalized group. But the more I read Quan's book, I began to see it clearly. This is a group of people I need to meet and learn from. I wanted to know what traumas people endured inside and outside the system. I wanted to learn what influenced people to think the way they did. I wanted to understand what makes people resilient, what causes transformation, and how they find hope again.Because of Quan's story, I learned about an organization called Defy Ventures and became enamored with their mission and purpose. On the homepage of their website it states: Defy’s entrepreneurial programs enable one of America’s largest forgotten communities to defy the odds. We equip them with new skills, new connections, and a new belief to match their new purpose, and succeed in their new life of economic independence." They actually believe and live out what Bryan Stevenson states so eloquently in his book, Just Mercy: "Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done."Please keep that in mind as you listen to these incredible, heart-breaking, encouraging stories of people who have been to the bottom and yet have risen again as transformed humans ready to offer society their best. Again, Mr. Stevenson speaks so poignantly to this topic (so be prepared for a lot of quotes by him) when he says, " We are all broken by something. We have all hurt someone and have been hurt. We all share the condition of brokenness even if our brokenness is not equivalent."  This season has touched the depths of my heart. Each person I met shaped me in new ways. This season you will hear from Defy Ventures employees, some of whom have also experienced incarceration. You will also hear stories of those who were factually innocent, yet still served time in prison. And you will hear the stories of those who knowingly committed crimes, did their time, and are now free from the shackles of their punishment and trying to rebuild their lives. Defy Ventures believes in the formerly incarcerated and helps provide the tools and hope for them to thrive outside the prison walls. Life After Prison taught me things I didn't know I needed to learn. It answered questions I didn't know I needed to ask. I hope it's effect on you is just as profound. After all, we're all stuck in prisons of our own making, aren't we?  Reaching out and helping each other and having someone believe in our value is often the difference between staying stuck within our confines or setting us free to love, serve, and encourage others. These episodes will be longer this season. Listening to people share their deepest vulnerabilities requires time and earning their trust. Afterall, these are more conversations than interviews and they take on that tone. True friends don't want to rush each other through a story in order to get to their own agenda. To genuinely see and hear others you must dedicate your time to listening. My ultimate goal during this season was that each person know that they are valued, seen, and heard by me, so I didn't rush through the stories.  I let them work through the memories, traumas, and events that led up to the incident that led to incarceration. But I was equally curious as to how they processed their time in prison and when and how transformation occured. Some guests were completely forthcoming in sharing the details of their crimes, others were more vague about events and timeframes. The emphasis of this podcast was not the crime, but how the person transformed and what life looked like after being released from prison. And their stories wouldn't be complete without learning how they put into practice all they learned and how they were able to restore their hope, their relationships, and their livelihood. To be sure, not everyone who enters prison leaves so transformed. These are the few that chose to do the hard internal work of dealing with their own demons and took complete responsibility for their choices and actions. Although you will hear many opinions about the state of our prison system and all its faults and inadequacies, this is not a podcast about prison reform. That's a political conversation for another day. Defy Ventures goes beyond the political constraints. They are not waiting for prison reform, they are showing up now and teaching strategies now and giving tools to those who are currently incarcerated so they can begin to believe in themselves again and find freedom within before ever finding it outside of the walls of prison.And if you think you have nothing in common with the formerly incarcerated, you just might be mistaken. I was humbled to my core while preparing this season. Each guest brought me to my knees with their humility, ability to self-reflect, and authenticity. I simply request that you suspend judgement and the moral high ground while listening to each of these precious souls. Each of our lives are shaped by our circumstances, choices, Providence, and luck. Life is complicated. Some of us were fortunate to be in the right place at the right time. Others of us, not so much. The first step in learning is listening with an open mind and open heart. I think all of us can relate to and benefit from the Greek philosopher, Plutarch's words, "To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future." May we all grow in wisdom this season, just as each of my guests have.Defy VenturesFB - DefyVenturesIG - @defy_ventures

This would be so much more fun in a community setting if we could each share our takeaways with each other and support one another in our growing and learning process. I gain so much from hearing your thoughts and experiences. Thank you to each one of you who have shared with me throughout the season. And finally, as much as I look forward to sharing what I've learned this season with you, I'm equally nervous. This is very personal. It's as if you found the key to my diary and are able to read my secret thoughts. I feel very vulnerable here. Please know that we don't have to agree, this is just where I am and what I've learned, what I'm confessing I didn't know, what I feel I need to do to improve. I have so far to go...but, thankfully this is a journey and I'm on the path forward. Thank you again for allowing me to share my journey with you.So, what have I learned this season? More than I have words to adequately express. The main idea: we are all connected, what affects one of us, affects all of us. We are better, stronger, and more successful together. We need each other. I echo Holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel's observation that, "if we want to achieve anything good, we cannot do it alone." Some concepts are still sitting on my heart, too raw to be put into words. Others have been ruminating these past few months and I have come to own these ideas as my own and am finally able to verbalize them. This is what I've learned so far from each and every guest I had the honor of conversing with. There are several overarching themes I gleaned from this season and they are: forgiveness, kindness, listening, dialogue, and giving the benefit-of-the-doubt. As Janice Bonsu from episode 10 so succinctly summed it up for us: "There is no small act of racism or discrimination." Every act, no matter how miniscule it seems, cuts to the heart. Some of the analogies used to describe racism were: the waters we swim in, a back-pack we carry, code switching, and an invisible wall. These helped me gain a better visual picture. There were also some extremely thought provoking metaphors several guests referenced, from Precious' butterfly effect, Crystal's dartboard friends, Chalmer's broken glasses, and Harold's government father. These brought broader dimensions of awareness and understanding to the sometimes narrow definitions of racism.The first overarching concept would be to appreciate our commonality and celebrate our diversity. And to acknowledge that we can hold both ideals at the same time. This is how we build unity. This is how we show respect. Tribalism happens when we find our identity from only the things we have in common. Relativism occurs when we say everything holds the same weight and we gloss over our unique and distinguishing differences. There is a third way, a nondual way….holding the two in tension. And yes, it is tension because it is a daily choice. We are human and we feel better when we fit neatly into a group. But life is messy. We encounter and interact with people not like us on a daily basis. When that happens, we have a choice to make...we can recoil with disgust at the difference or we can open our circle to include the one not like us without giving up our own unique identity. That is the meaning behind...there is no them, just us.My second observation is that there is so much fear. Sadly, many African Americans live in fear of being pulled over by the police and how the law can be manipulated against them. This fear is borne of experience and reality and is not to be discounted. Rather we need to listen and learn. How can we make it better? Just bringing up the topic of police reform sets off nasty tempers and commentary on social media. It doesn't have to be polarizing. We can't fix anything if we can't dialogue about it and come to some shared understanding. I agree with Myriama's question, "Why can't the lives of a police officer matter and my life matter?" Just because something might not be my reality does not mean I need to discredit someone else's lived experience. The sad and unfortunate truth is that in this country Black Americans live a different reality than White Americans do. We cannot judge their responses, fears, or reactions to police encounters the same way we judge a white American's. It is extremely evident given the disproportionate amount of Black Lives unjustly taken by American Police is a massive problem in our country. We are at a boiling point. We MUST listen to the Black experience so we can overhaul this system and have peace keepers working for the good, safety, and protection of ALL its citizens. It can be done, but it is going to take a deep dive into addressing the root of the problem, and that seems to be the biggest issue. Too often law enforcement feels self-justified in their actions and don't want to take a critical look at what can be done differently and/or better. This becomes highly evident to anyone who had the chance to read Officer Coleman's book about his experience in the police academy. African American citizens are suffering under the heavy hand of police brutality, but especially Black Americans and poor Americans. We can do better. We can be better. The more people that stand up against police brutality of any kind towards all people, the more it will force local, state, and federal governments as well as police forces to do the hard, uncomfortable work of self-evaluation, owning responsibility for their actions, and making amends. Another type of fear is that of the "other", the one not like me. The type of fear of someone like J. Kevin Powell from episode 14. Remember how he said that he knew people feared black men in a hoodie and that made him afraid to wear a hoodie until his 40s because he knew white people would fear him? Jonathan Saks in his book, The Dignity of Difference says: "Anxiety creates fear, fear leads to anger, anger breeds violence, and violence becomes a deadly reality. The greatest single antidote to violence is conversation, speaking our fears, listening to the fears of others, and in sharing of vulnerabilities, discovering a genesis of hope." Take some time and sit with that idea for a while to see if it rings true in your life. Just as white people find it absurd to think that we all experience the world the same way just because we share the same skin color, so do Black people. As Chalmer in episode 15 said so perfectly, "One person doesn't represent the entire race." This was a major theme repeated over and over again this season. Almost every guest, in one way or another said this phrase, "I'm not speaking for all black people here...this is just my experience." They are acutely aware because they've been put in that position too many times before.  Are there overarching generalities of both groups of people that are probably true? Yes, to some extent. But, sadly, because of ignorance, self-interest, or hate those are often quickly turned into stereotypes and then the norm. We have to fight the urge to lump large groups of people into stereotypical categories. Sadly, this is all too common. Here are some examples: Chinese people are all good at math, Indian people are all good at computer programming, Mexicans are best at manual labor, Black people make the best athletes, White people are all college educated.  Everyone who lives in the country is a redneck. Could these labels be true some of the time? Sure. But to assume any of these are always true, that is a racist idea. It is wrong to attribute one characteristic to an entire race, ethnicity, or geographic location. And that is precisely what I learned this season. Yes, all my guests were Black Americans. Yes, all my guests are infinitely more affected by racism than a white person is. But that is where the similarities end. You heard the stories. Each guest had a unique life experience and was happy to share it when asked. How much more accepting would we be of the "other" if we asked them about their story before making any generalizations or judgements about their life?From Officer Coleman in episode 9 I learned that as much as I long to include, relate to, and empathize with my guests, sometimes I just can't. And that's okay. Because I'll never know what it feels like to be Black. I can relate when we talk about long lines at the voting booth. But I can't relate when those long lines are infinitely longer in certain districts because of state wide efforts of voter suppression of the Black vote. We can discuss our similarities, but we must listen to and respect the differences. Sometimes the most I can give is my sympathy (think: "I'm sorry you have to go through that. That must suck!"). Other times, the most I can offer is the consolation of: "I see you. I hear you. I'm listening." Sometimes by trying to relate, we minimize other people's pain, exclusion, and experiences. This is something I've recognized I need to be more sensitive to. In episode 15, Chalmer Williams declared that "It's not so much being sensitive and being aware, that's just the foundation but really opening up the door of privilege, access, and resources." If you are serious about racial equality and social justice for People of Color, it's not enough to be aware and empathetic. It's a great start. It's the necessary first step. But there's more. Let that sink in. It's an admonition we need to hear as allies. I think we wake up to what's been happening for the past 400 years and say, "I see it now, ok, I'm woke. I'm sympathetic to the cause. I'm with you." But what then? The next step is action. If we're all welcome at the table, then we all need to share in the resources of that table. We need to acknowledge the privilege we have that we don't even realize and find ways to share it to elevate the cause of those who haven't been born into it. I needed to hear these words. Staying outside of my comfort zone is where the growth happens...at least in my experience.Speaking of comfort zone, for those of you who don't know me, I am completely out of my comfort zone doing this podcast. You may have heard me confess a time or two during different interviews this season that I'm not very good at small talk. The hard part isn't the conversation - these deep, heart-felt talks are what I live for. What's uncomfortable and hard is introducing myself to complete strangers and requesting an interview, promoting and marketing my podcast, and just putting myself out there in general. I get embarrassed very easily, I don't have a broad enough vocabulary, I lose my train of thought way too easily.  I have zero experience in journalism, interviewing, podcasting, or marketing. Who am I to think I could do this? That thought plagues me every single interview. Imposter syndrome. All the things I lack, am scared about, don't know, am not good at, or feel insecure about cannot hold me back from this greatest of needs. What if I offend someone with a question? I probably will, but that is the cost of learning. What if I don't know how to respond? That will happen too, but at least I'm listening. What if I stick my foot in my mouth? This has happened too many times to count and people have been incredibly gracious with me even though I'm an idiot sometimes.Too many Black voices have been silenced, ignored, degraded, mocked, and harassed for far too long. This saddens me, angers me, embarrasses me, and humbles me. Because at one time I ignored these voices begging to be heard, yearning for equality, and for better opportunities. I'm embarrassed because it is mostly people with skin color like mine that have actively worked for hundreds of years to suppress these articulate and necessary Black voices, to keep them in a place of powerlessness. I'm sad because too many people have died, too many lives ruined, too many opportunities lost, too many slurs brandished, too many families torn apart in an effort to degrade one human being over another simply because of their skin color. It is unacceptable. I can't not speak up. I feel compelled to offer my small, pathetic contribution to the chorus of voices echoing over the past centuries to show solidarity. If being "uncomfortable" is the price I must pay….so be it. This isn't about me. I am a conduit, a friend, an ally. Whatever power, privilege, or opportunities I possess, I desire to use them to benefit my Black brothers and sisters; to promote their cause, to advance their equality, and to put a stop to this ridiculous idea that they are inferior in any way, shape, or form. You heard all the stories this season. The array of gifts these 19 people offer society by just being who they are have humbled me to my core.  Janice Bonsu from episode 10 hit the nail on the head when she said, "We're not criticizing you, we're criticizing the situation and the system and you can be an active agent to fixing it." This! This is what it is all about! Bringing these black voices to white communities in a non-threatening manner so that people will listen and transformation will abound. Please don't be fooled, although we need to and must listen to Black voices, your solitary white voice for equality and for inclusion in the sea of white voices shouting the opposite will be heard.  It might not be popular. It might only be to one other person. But it's a start. We have to start somewhere - simple conversation with a friend. We have to find non-threatening ways to bring people into the conversation. Dr. Meredith in episode 13 gave us a beautiful way to word those types of actions….she called them: generous assumptions. Since we don't know where people are at in life, let's give them generous assumptions.Throughout this season, I've been continuing to study and learn more about what makes people have such negative assumptions about one another. One of the answers I kept bumping into was that of our biases. Author Brian McLaren succinctly explains our biases in his writings and podcast called "Learning How To See." I've listed 13 types of biases as well as their descriptions as described by Brian in the show notes if you are interested in continuing to learn more. None of us are immune to bias. But we can be made aware of them and recognize when we are operating under a certain type of bias. It takes consciousness, work, and humility to see beyond our biases. Believe it or not, learning about our biases has helped me show more compassion towards those who don't see things the same way as I do. We are blind to our own biases because we think they are the "normal" way of seeing. Of course I wish all people would be inclusive, understanding, and compassionate towards others. But the truth is, the lens through which we see often clouds our judgement, reason, and ability to see. If your bias has always been confirmed because that is the community you are surrounded with, it's understandable that it will take a shake up to wake up. Or sadly, sometimes the shake up causes some to double down in their entrenched belief system instead of question it. Becoming aware of our biases often starts shaking our foundations and that's a scary place to be. This seems to be something that most of my interviewees this season instinctively understood. I was impressed with the level of compassion from those who were on the receiving end of racist actions. Who am I to withhold the same grace?  All I'm saying is, in your zeal or passion for racial justice, remember that your patience, generous assumptions, and forgiveness go a long way. As Malcom X once said, "Never get mad at someone for not thinking the way that you do because at one point in time you didn’t think that way either."I have found stories to be genius ways of learning new concepts as well as teaching tools. The reason they work so well is because they are non-threatening ways of communicating ideas. Each person listens to the story from the vantage point of which stage of life they are currently in on their journey in life. When I listen to a story, whether it's fiction, non-fiction, biographical, or mythological, I glean what I need to know for where I am at exactly that moment in time. If I go back several years later and re-read the same book, listen to the same podcast, watch the same show, hear the same speaker, I have a completely different understanding and take away. Isn't that just wonderful!?! It shows how our consciousness is ever evolving throughout our lives. This is why I appreciate each and every guest who has shared their story with us. Not only have they opened up their lives and shown deep vulnerability. They have given us a snapshot in time of where they are in their life's journey. I imagine if I go back and interview some of my guests again in 10 years, we'll see how they have incorporated more of what they've learned into their stories because their experience is so different after 10 years. This is why I close with the tag-line, "I'll see you down the road." We are all on different points on the path in this journey called life. It is not a race. It is an adventure. You might have already reached some amazing places in your journey that I haven't made it to yet. I'm excited to hear where you've been and what you've learned and what I have to look forward to. I might have recently journeyed through a valley that you haven't ventured through yet. After making it back up the mountain path, I can look back and speak about my experience in the valley and maybe it will encourage you and help you when your path leads through the valley. This is why we share stories with one another, as a way to give encouragement, hope, perspective, and warning. Life is not a competition. We are all just on different random points of the same continuum. Perhaps the path is even circular. Who knows? But the beauty and purpose comes in sharing it with one another.I'd like to share an incredibly impactful story from Isabel Wilderson's book, Caste. I had barely finished the introduction and she'd already brought me to my knees. In the intro Ms. Wilkerson talks about a famous photo from 1930s Germany in which a crowd is gathered and everyone has their arms raised in the Heil Hitler salute that was fashionable of the day. All except one man. He was the lone resistor standing with his arms folded across his chest.  Isabel's re-telling of the story is infinitely better. But I mention it here because of the eloquent words she writes after describing the photo and story behind it. She says, "We would like to believe that we would have taken the more difficult path of standing up against injustice in defense of the outcaste. But unless people are willing to transcend their fears, endure discomfort and derision, suffer the scorn of loved ones and neighbors and co-workers and friends, fall into disfavor of perhaps everyone they know, face exclusion and even banishment, it would be humanly impossible to be that man."  What is the price you're willing to pay? This is our time. This is our opportunity to be on the right side of history. Are you willing to align with the "outcasts" to do it? I must confess from experience, you will get discouraged. You will be alienated. You will think your small contribution isn't helping the larger cause. You will want to quit. But people of color get up day after day and keep going, despite the odds, the frustration, the despair. Who am I not to do the same? We are better together. All these small efforts together make one, gigantic bond that moves with the force of hope, unity, and love.If you are Black or any person of color listening to this podcast, I hope you feel seen, heard, and understood. If you are White and listening to this podcast, I hope you sense an awareness you hadn't felt before. I hope you can sympathize with the unique struggle racial bias plays in Black lives and it's ever present impact. And I hope you're more empowered to seek out opportunities to befriend, stand-up for, and converse with people of color outside of your bubble. I recently came across a quote from the late anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson that proclaimed, "We are not what we know, but what we are willing to learn." Isn't that beautiful and encouraging?! We are all in the process of "Becoming" like Michelle Obama so eloquently expresses in her dynamic autobiography.J. Kevin Powell, in episode 14 introduced us to a whole new way of looking at race. He suggests that culture is deeper than race. Learning about culture includes coming to a better understanding of all "isms" faced by our society. And I think he's onto something big. Racism is born out of a culture of hate. Why do certain cultures in our society rally around hatred of the other? Kevin believes it's because of the deeper culture of a group. When we dive into culture, we understand customs, institutions, beliefs, verbiage, and history unique to a group. Since we're trying to learn more about the lives of Black Americans in this episode, we need to open our eyes to see past the skin deep differences. This whole season we've been listening to unique experiences of people that share a group based on their skin color alone. And as we've learned, their experiences vary widely. In an effort to understand, learn, and listen, we must make sure not to claim understanding of the "Black Experience" since we've now heard 19 people share their life stories. It's a start. It's a great start. It has opened our eyes, given us a new awareness we previously lacked. But a 1 hour podcast is not enough to share a lifetime of experiences that a Black man or woman has lived. That takes relationship. That takes purposeful effort of getting to know someone different from you and sharing life together. This idea has popped up multiple times over both seasons of Gramercy….get to know others outside your bubble or culture. You will encounter awkwardness, discomfort, and feelings of inadequacy...but those are just temporary growing pains and mild compared to the joy that comes with new relationships and an open heart and mind to new ways of seeing the world. A friend recently asked me if I was hopeful that we'd ever see a more compassionate world where skin color, among a host of other differences, didn't matter as much. I meditated on this question for a very long time.  I don't think there is an easy answer and I don't believe I'm qualified to answer it. We should ask those most affected by racism and all types of discrimination to give us their take on it first.  However, I do feel we have to remain optimistic and hopeful because otherwise, how could we keep moving forward? I believe change happens one relationship at a time. Maybe the whole world won't change, but the relationships that we touch can. Defeating slavery seemed like an impossible mountain to climb at one time too...but it happened. It happened because our collective consciousness changed over time. Children were shown a different way of thinking and living opposite of the norm and these children would grow up to become leaders who had power to affect change. I have faith and trust in the younger generation of now to be the same way. But most importantly, African Americans have led the charge and fought a terribly long, courageous battle throughout time...be it during the time of slavery, reconstruction, the Civil Rights Movement, or now while reminding us all that Black Lives Matter. I look to these martyrs, heroes, everyday people, and leaders. Since they have not given up hope, neither will I. On the other hand, I'm also a realist. I do not think this will happen in my lifetime. Wounds are too deep and fresh. The fires of racism are being stoked by prominent people with large followings. Change takes purposeful choice and action. Governments and systems are slow moving with lots of red tape.  I started with a quote from the renowned author of Night, Elie Weisel, and I'd also like to close with a quote by him as well. He spent his entire life questioning why people hate and working towards peace and inclusion. I have learned so much from his teachings and example. I could quote whole paragraphs of what I've gleaned from him. But I think this is the heart of it and applies perfectly to the journey we've been on in this podcast.  He says, "I do not know how to end hatred, but recognizing our shared humanity is a good beginning."I'd like to end our time together this season with a Franciscan Benediction. Whatever your religious leanings, I think these sentiments echo deep in all of our souls. It encapsulates my heart's desire with the most thoughtful, poignant words. May these words guide you in your on-going journey of inclusion, anti-racism, and love of the other:May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.Resources:Podcasts: On Racism, White Privilege, Black Lives, BiasScene On Radio with John BiewenSeason 2 - Seeing WhiteSeason 4 - The Land That Never Has Been YetWho We AreSpeaking of RacismNPR Code Switch365 BrothersLearning How To SeeOpen Windows Culture Books to read:Just Mercy - Bryan StevensonDignity of Difference - Jonathan SaksThe Color of Compromise - Jemar TisbyCaste - Isabel WilkersonThe Warmth of Other Suns - Isabel WildersonFatherless Son - Rashod ColemanOpen Windows Culture - J. Kevin PowellWillie - Ja'Quintin MeansHow to be an Anti-Racisit - Ibram X KendiTruevine - Beth MacyBlack Boy - Richard WrightLife Is So Good - George Dawson & Richard GlaubmanFor Young Readers: (I'm not young but I read all these and LOVED them!)Nic Stone - Dear Martin, Dear Justyce, Odd One Out, JackpotChristopher Paul Curtis  - The Mighty Miss Malone, Bud, Not Buddy, The Watsons Go To Birmingham, Elijah of Buxton   Laurie Halse Anderson - Chains, Forge, AshesShows: Amend: The Fight for America - The story of the 14th ammendment https://time.com/5939045/black-history-month-documentaries/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=sfmc&utm_campaign=newsletter+brief+default+ac&utm_content=+++20210218+++body&et_rid=31830110PBS’s The Black Church: This Is Our Story, This Is Our SongHip Hop Uncovered on HuluTaken from:  Brian McLaren, Why Don’t They Get It? Overcoming Bias in Others (and Yourself) (Self-published: 2019), e-book.People can't see what they can’t see. Their biases get in the way, surrounding them like a high wall, trapping them in ignorance, deception, and illusion. No amount of reasoning and argument will get through to them, unless we first learn how to break down the walls of bias. . . .Confirmation Bias: We judge new ideas based on the ease with which they fit in with and confirm the only standard we have: old ideas, old information, and trusted authorities. As a result, our framing story, belief system, or paradigm excludes whatever doesn’t fit.Complexity Bias: Our brains prefer a simple falsehood to a complex truth.Community Bias: It’s almost impossible to see what our community doesn’t, can’t, or won’t see.Complementarity Bias: If you are hostile to my ideas, I’ll be hostile to yours. If you are curious and respectful toward my ideas, I’ll respond in kind.Competency Bias: We don’t know how much (or little) we know because we don’t know how much (or little) others know. In other words, incompetent people assume that most other people are about as incompetent as they are. As a result, they underestimate their [own] incompetence, and consider themselves at least of average competence.Consciousness Bias: Some things simply can’t be seen from where I am right now. But if I keep growing, maturing, and developing, someday I will be able to see what is now inaccessible to me.Comfort or Complacency Bias: I prefer not to have my comfort disturbed.Conservative/Liberal Bias: I lean toward nurturing fairness and kindness, or towards strictly enforcing purity, loyalty, liberty, and authority, as an expression of my political identity.Confidence Bias: I am attracted to confidence, even if it is false. I often prefer the bold lie to the hesitant truth.Catastrophe or Normalcy Bias: I remember dramatic catastrophes but don’t notice gradual decline (or improvement).Contact Bias: When I don’t have intense and sustained personal contact with “the other,” my prejudices and false assumptions go unchallenged.Cash Bias: It’s hard for me to see something when my way of making a living requires me not to see it.Conspiracy Bias: Under stress or shame, our brains are attracted to stories that relieve us, exonerate us, or portray us as innocent victims of malicious conspirators.