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Grief. It finds us early in life and never really ever lets go. Maybe that’s OK, in a ‘it’s part of being human’ kind of way. I wish it on no one. And it’s not my place to try to take it away from anyone. We should not rob people of their grief by saying pep talk, feel good kind of things. Sure everyone means well but we all need to have our grief. We go to great lengths to make it stop and have life go back to the way it was. It can’t. But we can learn to be with it. What does the topic of loss have to do with individuation and autonomy, the main theme of Make Life Work? Sometimes grief can consume us and cloud any sense of ourselves. And, it takes psycho-emotional autonomy to sit with someone’s pain without trying to fix it. My guests have had great loss, and they’ve managed it in different ways. Fiona Tankard wrote Ruby and the Ghost Dog after losing her husband. And Alison Jennings Wohleb is a mom who lost her son. She’ll give us insight on how to respect the grief of others.

My guest, Daniel Patterson, will be sharing his experience, wisdom, and many good ideas on how to help children and teens grow into competent, capable and self-assured adults. All too often today we see parents basically recusing their kids and not letting them learn to be responsible and accountable. They forget they're raising an adult AND also someone's spouse or employee. As an employer it's so difficult to work with someone who was never held accountable, never learned to depend on him-herself, and expect something for nothing. People's self-esteem is developed through being able to navigate their mistakes, learning to rely on themselves, and owning up to their own behavior vs. lie and make excuses and-or shirk their responsibilities. When we rescue kids it HURTS their self-esteem. It is the pervasive pattern of micromanaging, hovering, rescuing and making excuses for children that stunts their growth. On this show Daniel will share his common sense tools to helping kids grow.

Next Monday join me for a conversation with Doris Jones, LCSW. Doris and I will be talking about the many aspects of transitioning into retirement. If you’re retired, retiring soon, or even if it’s far in the future you can learn some tools to help make retirement the best of times. If you’re married or single there are things to consider and plan. We’ll talk about finances at different stages and abilities, social support if you’re single or how to enrich your relationship if married (vs. grow apart), and creating new meaning in your life. We’ll share tools for good mental-emotional health and dealing with changes in physical health. Who do you put down for contact in case of emergency if you’re single and no family? How do you keep the relationship fresh if married? Doris is retiring from a long career as a therapist and Adjunct Professor at California State University, Sac. She and I go back to 1987 when she was my clinical supervisor and today she is my very dear friend.

Next show I’ll be exploring the 4 parenting styles and looking at what’s effective and what doesn’t work very well. Almost every parent wants the best for his or her children. Effective parenting is a skill not taught in school. We can pick up some pretty bad habits along the way and end up with parenting styles that aren’t helpful. Looking at our patterns, beliefs and attitudes allows us to shift a little in ourselves. Insight is the key to personal change. Are you super strict with little or no flexibility? Do you use punishment vs. consequences? You might be an Authoritarian parent. Do you let the kids do what ever they want? Let them express themselves whenever and wherever? Do you never say “no”? You might be a permissive parent. Do you have expectations and rules and are willing to talk things though with your children? Are you engaging and teach the kids? You might be an authoritative parent. Do you let the kids fend for themselves, and let them learn life’s lessons on

Monday I’ll continue talking about family systems and add effective communication, roles people take on in a family and 'the basket of rocks'. Tune in to find out what that basket’s about. I’ll have observations on how and where families go awry and ideas on getting everyone back on track and creating a successful household. From responsibilities, attitudes and resistance and that could be the guardian, how family members get their needs met, to their connections and relationships there is plenty to look at in any family.

Families are a ‘system’ and every person plays a part in how that system operates. Just like a place of business when everyone works together things go smoothly and people and the business have success. Is your household relaxed and cooperative? Are people respectful and getting along? How are the day to day activities going? Everyone brushing their teeth and going to bed on time? Chores getting done? Are you having fun in between the chores, school, work, meals, and time spent on the road transporting kids, picking up groceries, etc.? Are you spending enough time together? This Monday I’ll be talking about making the household work. Everyone has a role in a family! If everyone focuses on their “job” and finds pride in their contribution then the whole family improves and grows. Parents have their jobs and roll, too. This is what allows children to grow up thinking for themselves and contributing to their communities.

This week we’re going to continue the topic of independent thinking and how to foster independent thinking in children and nurture cooperation. My guest will be Julie Choquette, MFTI. She has been the assistant director of the child abuse treatment program we run (ncatprogram.org). Julie has raised two incredible teenage boys. They are well mannered, responsible, creative, hard working, smart, and have common sense (most of the time). Raising children is rarely easy but Julie uses some great approaches that work. We’ll be sharing a number of helpful hints, thoughts and insights. Listen in on a conversation between two child therapists and long time co-workers and friends. This will be one of many shows on creating a working family. You know, one that works through cooperation, organization and respect, and isn't full of stress, yelling, avoidance, and frustrations. Life is precious. Just a few little changes can make it so much more enjoyable.

What makes us human? And what makes us individuals? Can we maintain our individuality when we’re hard wired to belong to a group? We used to think our ability to use tools separated us from the animal kingdom. Now we know many animals are very clever and use tools. We thought it was language that made us ‘more’ special than animals (like that’s even possible) but we’re discovering incredible things about animals’ use of language. Sure we walk upright and have more dexterity in our hands, and through hundreds of thousands of years of evolution we can vocalize sounds that enable the development of words. Oh, and we can control fire (except in California). But I’m not sure these are the things that give us that human spark. Ultimately it is our brains that make us the smartest, and the dumbest, animals on the planet. And it’s that brain that allows us to blindly follow the madding crowd or be self-aware independent thinkers.

Hello and welcome to my very first radio show - Make Life Work. Every week I’ll be talking about people, culture and everything ‘humanity’ (animals, too - they're part of humanity). I'll also share insights and ideas to improve a part of yourself and/or your life. This very first show will be broadcast while I’m on a road trip and two friends from high school (Redwood High 1974) have agreed to be my first guests. We’re meeting in Santa Cruz, CA for a visit before I move to Italy. I’m starting a new show, new career, and moving to Italy at 60! There will be plenty to talk about in the next few months. The first show on Monday June 27 will be an introduction to the overall theme and me. We’ll also talk about what it takes to make big life changes and following your passion. My guests are Elizabeth Burton, a well-respected landscape designer in Santa Cruz, and Louise Hallquist an artist of many talents in Sonoma County. Please join us as we talk about life and making it work.