Self-care is a term we hear EVERYWHERE right now, and you’ve heard me talk about it over and over again. Today’s discussion is around the disillusionment of the self-care industry that I’m feeling, along with many others. I’m joined by Taylor Elyse Morrison, the author of Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind. Taylor is a founder, facilitator, coach, and serial entrepreneur, and she uses her coaching, mindfulness, and movement training to meet people where they are and offer actionable steps toward avoiding burnout. I’m putting Taylor on the spot by asking questions and picking her brain about common self-care struggles, and she is up for the challenge! Let’s see how this turns out! Show Highlights: How the consumeristic quality of today’s self-care movement ignores the marginalizations and barriers that many people experience that bring distress and hopelessness Why Taylor urges us to ask, “Is it the Self, or is it the System?” Why Taylor created a self-care assessment to give people “practical starting points” How Taylor’s self-care assessment is based on the five yogic dimensions Why self-care is often confused with pleasure as the hard work of self-care is overlooked Why part of self-care is holding onto yourself in the presence of other people Why wisdom is a part of self-care, along with the components of presence, self-trust, and aligned action How curiosity and self-compassion play into effective self-care Why Taylor is satisfied with the feedback she is getting from her book Resources and Links: Connect with Taylor: Website, (Buy her book, take the free self-care assessment, and join her newsletter group.) TikTok, and Instagram. Find Taylor’s book on Amazon: Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind.  Find Inner Workout on TikTok and Instagram.  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Can you afford the services of a professional organizer? Most people can’t, and that’s one of the big problems with the industry. Many professional organizers have come up with alternative ideas that allow them to reach more people with their services. Join us to learn more! I’m happy to welcome back to the show Alison Lush, a Certified Professional Organizer who specializes in chronic disorganization. Alison last joined me for Episode 5 about Gentle Organizing. Today’s discussion is about the problems with professional organizing and how the industry is evolving to be accessible to more people. The good news is that there are different levels of help available more than ever before for organizing and decluttering your spaces! Show Highlights: Why a main problem with the professional organizing industry is that the services are not accessible for most people How the pandemic massively impacted professional organizers in beneficial ways that are far more economical for clients How Alison’s focus has changed to educating and empowering the individual to get unstuck Why there is a spectrum of disorganization in which most people exist somewhere in the middle Highlights of new gap-filling services that some innovative professional organizers are offering (See Resources and Links) Why Accountability Groups and Body Doubling have become the cornerstone of Alison’s work with clients Why the biggest question for professional organizers to ask regarding the client is, “What do they need?” The difference between being unwilling and being overwhelmed in organizing and decluttering Alison’s advice about finding a professional organizer  Resources and Links: Connect with Alison: Website and TikTok JUDITH KOLBERG Conquering Chronic Disorganization book – emotion-based decluttering and organizing strategies https://www.judithkolberg.com/ HAZEL THORNTON Go With the Flow!: The clutter flow chart workbook https://www.org4life.com/ SUSAN GARDNER The Focus Project “If your possessions interfere with your quality of life, The Focus Project is a way to look at them through a different lens.” Frame, Value, Edit. Exercises that promote looking at your belongings from a different angle. Reflection, partnering, creativity are encouraged, along with curiosity about the root causes of clutter. – Self-directed LYNNE POULTON Declutter GO! by Lynne Poulton - Once you start, you’re on a roll. Declutter GO! GAME NIGHTS – Group body doubling – weekly guided activities, prompts – group body doubling or autonomous -  JONDA BEATTIE AND DIANE QUINTANA Release-Repurpose-Reorganize CARDS https://releaserepurpose.com/?fbclid=IwAR3UkkdN6FdroVrQ260VV17XqvA2MnuMl5Hf9DHfzdMD_OaiYLz8tFbyYag - Self-directed – focused areas – systematic VICKIE DELLAQUILA Ophelia the Organizer – Follow her adventures and hear her organizing advice https://www.opheliatheorganizer.com/ JULIET LANDAU-POPE Organizing Bootcamp (5x15 minute sessions over weekdays) https://jlpcoach.com/ Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

**Content Warning: This episode references school shootings and the murder of George Floyd. Stress is a word we throw around regarding many aspects of life, and we all know what it is to feel stress, but how much do we truly understand about it? Stress can take any able-bodied, able-minded person and bring them to a whole new level, whether or not they have a diagnosed condition. As we break down the topic of stress, each person has different responses, personality styles, and primary goals. Join us to find out which stress animal you are!  I’m joined by Dr. Lindsey Cooley, who posted a TikTok about stress, and I knew we had to have this conversation on the podcast. She is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who specializes in school-aged children/teens, emotional and behavioral disorders, LGBTQ youth, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder.  Show Highlights: Why we should be kind to ourselves–even if we don’t have a diagnosis What is stress? (THE million-dollar question!) The phases of stress (alarm, resistance, and exhaustion) and how prolonged stress can cause diseases of adaptation How our culture normalizes “too much stress” How stressful life events can affect executive functioning, relationships, energy, and more (The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale and Adverse Childhood Experience are well-known measurement tools.) Why we need to legitimize that most of our stress is caused by normal reactions to dysfunctional systems The medical model of disease vs. the social model of disease Common symptoms of being in a prolonged stress cycle Differences in acute stress, chronic stress, and traumatic stress How traumatic stress occurs when we watch something like the murder of George Floyd and school shootings How the “stress animals” (eagle, turtle, chameleon, and lion) concept came from Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity How your personality style and stress response help determine your stress animal How we can learn to care for ourselves in the middle of stress  Resources: Connect with Dr. Lindsey Cooley: TikTok Mentioned in this episode: Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity, the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, the ACE Scale, and "Kids Are Suffering from Toxic Stress" LA Times article Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning ​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

If you follow me at all, you know that I really don’t like the word self-care. But today, I’m giving you an entire episode about Real Self Care! My guest today is Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a perinatal psychiatrist, writer, and CEO of Gemma, a women's mental health community, has a fresh perspective on self-care. In her debut nonfiction book, Real Self Care, Dr. Lakshmin challenges the conventional concept of self-care, which is largely full of empty calories and devoid of substance. She argues that the game is rigged, and faux self-care only keeps us looking outward, comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection, which means it's incapable of truly nourishing us in the long run. Her insights on self-care are particularly relevant in the current times, when many people feel overwhelmed, overburdened, and burnt out. Show Highlights: The difference between a “system” and “philosophy”. There is no one right answer, there are hundreds of answers. Hope as a skill, not a new concept. A boundary is the process you went through where you decided that you were worthy of standing up for what you want. You know how to practice real self-care when you suffer from a mental health condition. There is no one answer for recovery from religious trauma. Links and Resources: Connect with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin: Instagram, Twitter Real Self Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning ​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Many adults, like me, are diagnosed with ADHD later in life. It is fascinating to hear the stories of how this diagnosis is missed in their childhood years. I’m joined by Dr. Sasha Hamdani, a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist who just happens to spend some of her spare time on TikTok. Let’s get the facts from an expert! Join us for this interesting conversation! Show Highlights: The basics: What is ADHD? Why reframing is helpful for adults diagnosed with ADHD Why many of us do self-diagnosis, especially in today’s social media-driven world Factors that can cause a child to fly under the radar and go undiagnosed Why ADHD can be described as “an interest-based nervous system” How most people with ADHD have an “I’m dumb” moment because of how their brains process information and overlook details Why ADHD diagnosis is overlooked in so many people because of the ways they learn to compensate for symptoms Why people with ADHD mask their internal symptoms by learning to respond to their external environment Dr. Sasha’s advice about educating yourself and learning more about ADHD How to decide whether or not to take ADHD medication as an adult Dr. Sasha’s advice about noticing red flags in dealing with your healthcare provider  Resources: Connect with Dr. Sasha: TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Book, Self-Care for People with ADHD, and the Focus Genie App Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Do you agree that we live in a world that equates body size with a person’s value? What is our society teaching our kids about fat, body size, and a person’s worth? If you experienced body-size shaming as you grew up, don’t you want to do a better job with your children? Parenting around these topics is not easy, and my guest today wrote a book to help us understand more. I’m excited for this conversation with Virginia Sole-Smith, author of Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture and host of the Burnt Toast podcast. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: Why parents struggle with fears and concerns around their kids’ body sizes Why the goal is to have kids who don’t feel anxious about their relationship with food Why we need to think about health as MUCH more than a number on the scale Why, to embrace body diversity, we need to challenge what we’ve been trained to think about health, beauty, and morality How weight distribution matches up with “thin privilege” and anti-fat bias How focusing too closely on our personal weight struggles causes us to reinforce and perpetuate fat bias in the world How our children receive messaging around body types and sizes from healthcare providers, sports coaches, etc.  How to have healthy conversations with kids about bodies, fat, diets, etc.  Why parents need to give counter programming to the default settings our kids receive from society about topics such as body shaming and racism Why Virginia included in her book a chapter called “Straight White Dads on Diets”  Resources: Connect with Virginia Sole-Smith: Website, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Burnt Toast podcast, and Fat Talk book Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Getting therapy and finding the right therapist is super intimidating! Most people aren’t even sure how to begin the process. Besides the fear and stigma associated with seeking help for mental health, therapy can be scary when you don’t know what to expect. One of my friends from TikTok has written a book with tons of practical information and advice about the basics of therapy. Join us to learn more! Shani Tran is a licensed therapist in Minnesota and Arizona. She wrote the book, Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy, to validate the anxiety that can arise around seeking counseling. Through her book, she offers guidance for navigating the uncomfortable conversations that can come up in therapy. In her professional work and on TikTok, Shani focuses on education around cultural humility and helping people of color, who have historically been underserved by the mental health community.  Show Highlights: Why Shani wanted to write her book to make the therapy process less intimidating How Shani’s book breaks down the therapy process, including all the financial information that people need to know Why it is important to be direct in your questions to a therapist How to reframe your thinking around, “Therapy didn’t work for me.” Why it’s OK to tell your therapist how you really feel (they WANT you to advocate for yourself!) Shani’s advice about firing a therapist (Hint: Ghosting them is OK!) Why the therapy room is a great place to practice new communication skills in a safe place Why your relationship with your therapist is different from every other human relationship How teletherapy brings new elements to the therapy process to improve accessibility Why Shani wants to be noticed for her diverse skills as a clinician and not just her work with the BIPOC community The difference in cultural competency and cultural humility  Resources: We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes Connect with Shani: Dope Therapy book (also available at other booksellers), TikTok, and Instagram Mentioned by Shani: The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. Yalom Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Small things can make all the difference, and each person gets to decide for themselves what those little steps are that uplift our spirits and lighten our load. These little things are NOT the same for everyone! A simple thing, like having her hair washed and styled twice weekly, helps energize today’s guest and makes her feel that she can take on the world–and she doesn’t need to make excuses for it. Join us to hear my conversation with Heidi Smith. Show Highlights: How Heidi decided that having someone “do her hair” twice each week is a BIG deal for her mental health Why we have to decide for ourselves how to spend our emotional energy, which is in limited supply Why it is ridiculous that women put so much pressure on themselves to be presentable because of external motivation Why our self-care routines should serve us and have a place in our functionality How parenting responsibilities evolved for Heidi to finally allow her to take time for yourself Why the best advice around self-care tasks is to find what works best for YOU  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today, we are covering an important topic today, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m joined by Rachel Mulholland (aka Shug CM), a therapist whom I met on TikTok because of her incredible content around sex education for children. Today’s focus is on how our lives as adults are impacted if we don’t get comprehensive sex education as children. Join us for the conversation! Show Highlights: How KC’s story from her teenage years illustrates the gaps that most people have in their education about sex and the fact that sex ed is NOT a one-time conversation How “purity culture” is impacting teenagers in certain places in the US in damaging ways How even most comprehensive sex ed doesn’t address the pleasurable side of sex–and (for females) that the pleasure doesn’t have to come from another person How sexual predators take advantage of the lack of information in sex ed from SAFE places Why parents have real fear about talking to their kids about sex ed The effects of NOT educating kids that sex and pleasure don’t always go together Rachel’s Four Pillars of Safe Sex: confirmation, communication, lubrication, and enthusiastic participation Why parents should be aware when their kids are ready to hear and learn–and begin at the most basic level appropriate for their age How to answer those first little-kid questions around, “Where do babies come from?” Why curiosity is a foundational part of body talk for kids–not just around sexuality How parents can work through their own feelings around sex ed with their children Why Rachel’s next project is a book about body talk Resources: Connect with Rachel: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Website (coming soon!) Recommended by Rachel: How Do You Make A Baby by Anna Fiske Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

If you’ve thought about finding a counselor or therapist, you know it can seem overwhelming. Remember that those first few sessions are essentially a time for YOU to interview the therapist to see if there are good vibes and a good fit for you. Don’t be intimidated by the process! I’m breaking it down with tips and advice about finding the right therapist for you. Join me for this episode! Show Highlights: The basics: What is the difference between therapy and counseling? A breakdown of different providers and what they do: psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and counselors How to find a provider–with and without insurance (Visit my Shop at www.strugglecare.com to download my FREE pdf file, Finding a Therapist.) How to contact a provider when you’ve chosen one and what to say (Hint: It matters whether your private insurance is a PPO or HMO.) What to ask during the first phone call about scheduling constraints, experience with your specific issue, typical sessions, etc. Why it is OK to go into the first session with questions of your own What you should communicate to the provider during the first session How to ask the provider about their supervision, cancellation policies, emergencies sessions or phone calls How to tell the provider that they aren’t a good fit for you Probing questions you can ask to determine any biases/prejudices your provider might have around religion, spirituality, interventions, faith, LGBTQ people, gender identity, sexuality, psychiatric medications How to figure out the therapist qualities that matter most to you  Safety resources in the US (See Resources below for details.) Resources: If you are in a domestic violence situation and need safety now, call the 24-hour hotline 1-800-799-7233. If you are under 18 and need help, safety, counseling, or services, text “Safe” with your address, city, and state to 44357. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. If you’ve been assaulted and need help, call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.   Lifeline Suicide Help can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24-hour free and confidential support to people in distress who need crisis resources. The Trevor Project is a chat, text, and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They provide peer programs and resources. Reach them at www.thetrevorproject.com.  NEXT Distro is an online and email-based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate, prevent injection-related disease transmission, and improve the lives of those who use drugs. Find them at www.nextdistro.org.  Never Use Alone can be reached if you choose to use drugs alone. Their operator will stay on the line with you while you use and notify emergency services if you stop responding. Find them at www.neverusealone.com and 800-484-3731.  Connect with KC:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Find the FREE pdf, Finding a Good Therapist, under the “Shop” tab.) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We are focusing on one particular aspect of self-care today with therapist and professional organizer Amanda Dodson of Nesting Your Life. I love learning more about how these two roles intersect in helping people with real-life problems. Join us to learn more from Amanda! Show Highlights: Why Amanda became interested in “low-energy care of self” Why it is difficult to accept that you aren’t physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of doing the things you want to do How Amanda explains the “Spoon Theory” of energy An explanation of diminished energy and the blame and frustration that come with it Why resources for self-care should think outside the box regarding the unseen rules we live by Why budgeting your energy differently requires a sort of “mourning” the death of your able-bodied self as life changes occur How societal messages about dealing with low-energy cater to the well people Why neurodivergent people tend to have off-balance eating habits How Amanda helps her clients aim for regular eating routines to be in touch with their hunger and fullness cues Where to start if your home is not functional (Just take the first step!) How sensory issues factor into low-energy self-care—and how to address them  Why motivation pairing can be a real game-changer in making undesirable tasks more tolerable Why Amanda sees it as an important part of her work to help men become more involved in the care of their homes  Resources: Connect with Amanda Dodson: TikTok and Website Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a conversation in which Ellie Pike, host of the Mental Note podcast (this episode first aired on 2/27/23), and I discuss my adult ADHD diagnosis and the workarounds I’ve learned to get things done and function in my life. Join us! Show Highlights: KC’s background as a messy person whose life changed dramatically when her two children were born How KC had to learn how to keep a functional home in a totally new phase of life How an ADHD diagnosis as a young mother made sense of her whole life Why KC’s ADHD diagnosis was “missed” during childhood and youth because she didn’t “fit the mold” Why ADHD is NOT simply the inability to pay attention How success in school changed for KC during college when most of the work was to be done outside of class How ADHD affects what is going on in the brain, regardless of external behavior that may appear normal What KC has put in place to help her finish necessary tasks, even when they don’t interest her The difference between motivation and task initiation–and why we treat them differently How ADHD medication changed everything for KC Why late-diagnosed adults with ADHD usually hit some kind of barrier, event, or transition that brings everything to a crisis point The connection between KC’s depressive episodes and isolation, under-stimulation, and boredom KC’s advice for listeners about creating systems that work WITH your brain: “Do a little, and do it as a person that deserves to function.” Why KC’s message is that “care tasks are morally neutral” and have nothing to do with someone being a worthwhile human being  Resources: Connect with Ellie Pike and find out more about the Eating Recovery Center and Mood and Anxiety Center: www.mentalnotepodcast.com   Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita! Show Highlights: Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life  Resources: Connect with Danita: TikTok and Instagram Mentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more! Show Highlights: How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris! Show Highlights: Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group What makes a group a high-control group They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms. They prioritize predatory collectivism. Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware: Balance your passion with rationality. Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group. Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right. Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic! Show Highlights: Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between? Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others. Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.” Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted.  Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today I’m joined by one of my favorite TikTok creators, Ann Russell. She has 1.9 million followers and is the author of How to Clean Everything: A Practical, Down to Earth Guide for Anyone Who Doesn’t Know Where to Start.  Show Highlights: Why we all deserve to feel safe in our homes and unjudged on standards that we don’t deem important How Ann has come to know how to clean everything Why every cleaning task follows the same process: “Find the solvent that dissolves the stain without damaging the surface.” How Ann creates a safe space for people to ask their cleaning questions without shame Why much of our care/cleaning task knowledge is bound up in the romanticization of our identity How Ann approached housekeeping tasks at home when her four children were young How Ann responds when her career as a professional cleaner is belittled Why basic cleaning tasks shouldn’t cost a lot of money or take a lot of time How consumption and capitalism impact how we feel about our homes Why keeping a perfect home doesn’t protect you from bad things in life or bring success and happiness How “Cleanliness is next to godliness” has been used as a big stick against certain groups of people Why people grow up thinking they are “bad people” when they cannot keep house  How to tackle old crayon marks off walls  Resources: Connect with Ann Russell: TikTok  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a Q & A. While you listen, I invite you to relax and unwind or use the time to care for yourself gently in whichever way you prefer.  I received questions from a working neurodivergent mom struggling to maintain a functional space, grappling with whether or not she should hire a housekeeper, and from someone living with a messy boyfriend with ADHD, looking for a way to establish a cleaning routine without creating resentment. I share some strategies to help people with ADHD become more functional and explain that struggling to keep your home clean and tidy has nothing to do with your character, work ethic, or who you are as an individual. Let’s get into it!  Show highlights: Is it beneficial or detrimental to hire a housekeeper if you’re working full-time and struggling with ADHD, RSD, anxiety, and major depression? Why paying someone to keep your home clean does not make you a failure. How taking a different perspective can make asking for help much less distressing. How can you establish a cleaning routine without resentment when your partner has ADHD and often forgets his promises to clean up? What happens in the brain when someone has ADHD? What is working memory? Why is it sometimes hard for people with ADHD to complete one-off under-stimulating tasks? How task-bundling and ritualization helped me (someone with ADHD) become more functional. How isolating the bottleneck, or the step in a task they dread most, can help people with ADHD become more functional. Links and resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter

Julie Lause, AKA the Bossy Mom, joins me today! She and I met and became friends on TikTok. Most new parents face the pressure of trying to make sense of things and figuring out how to get everything done. When Julie had her daughter, she was a school principal three years into a school turnaround project. Yet she still managed to keep her home organized by setting up systems. The Bossy House project started because she had friends who were bosses at their jobs, but things at home were a mess. So they needed help.  Julie is a Co-founder and Chief of Schools of a small charter school organization in New Orleans. She does the Bossy House project on the side to help families put systems in place at home. Let’s dive into how she does that! Show highlights: How the Bossy House started. The conflicting feelings Julie had after becoming a mom. How Julie’s daughter’s “table bedroom” came about. How the pandemic inspired many of those who took Julie’s Be the Boss of Your Home course re-imagine their homes in the wackiest of ways! The life-changing benefits of customizing your home in any way you choose! What keeps most people from making creative and functional changes to their houses? What you need to consider when re-imagining your house. How Julie helps moms develop the courage and confidence they need to create a personal area in the home that allows them to feel calm and happy. How Julie deals with people who have anxiety around clutter and clearing up. Why I believe that anxiety disorders are underdiagnosed in women. Links and resources: Connect with Julie: TikTok (@The Bossy House) and website Send in your email to get Julie’s free workshop on setting up and customizing your command center at your house. Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter

Clutter is something we all have to deal with at times. The biggest problem with clutter is not the item itself, but it’s in the emotional attachment we feel. This episode comes in response to a recent question I received: “Do you have any advice for going through boxes of stuff I’m emotionally attached to?” Let’s take a closer look at this important part in your functional space journey. Show Highlights: The only reason to declutter How to identify what you can do with items you don’t plan to keep Why your decluttering goals are important–and may differ from someone else’s The steps to decluttering by categories: Is it broken, expired, incomplete, or unusable? What do I want to keep? When it comes to keeping or getting rid of items, which is more important to me–the freedom of having it gone or the security in knowing it’s there? For sentimental items: Will this person know I’ve gotten rid of this item? If I get rid of this item, will I feel guilty momentarily or for a long time? Is the guilt I feel for getting rid of this item heavier than the weight I feel from having it around? Why you have to honor your emotional context while aiming for functionalism When you might need extra support in decluttering Why it’s better to keep sentimental items out of joy–not guilt Workable solutions for excessive sentimental items What I’ve learned about getting rid of clothes Resources:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Click the “Hygiene” tab under “Resources” for more information about teeth brushing!) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning