askHUH?

Krissie McMenamin

Did you know that the word huh is the most common word in the most amount of languages? Welcome to askHUH?, a personal growth podcast. Season 1 was about people who questioned, got curious, and made changes--big and small--in their lives. Season 2 is a much more personal dive into my journey towards motherhood. I’m Krissie McMenamin and my hope is these episodes inspire you to look inside at yourself, your emotions, and your choices, so you can be more authentically you in this world that so desperately needs you to be. read less
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Episodes

Parenthood & Identity: From Bicycling Vagabond to Stay-at-Home Dad with Matthew J Lilley
Apr 6 2023
Parenthood & Identity: From Bicycling Vagabond to Stay-at-Home Dad with Matthew J Lilley
“I definitely miss the old me a lot … the freedom, the ability to just go… [but] I’ve gained so much [by being a dad] - perspective is number one … I have gained an excitement for the future that I didn’t have before.”Matthew has come a long way from a childhood in the Denver suburbs to (literally) freewheeling around Canada to touring the American South with a rowdy group of musicians to—now—being the primary caregiver to an 18-month old son in [where he lives]. And somewhere in there was… yep ... also a period of ambivalence, for both him and his wife, about whether or not to have children.Matthew shares about his journey through these shifting identities, including about how politics and worldview played into his ambivalence in the past (hello, diaper-filled ocean garbage patch!), and his honest feelings about settling comfortably into the role of Dad, from joy and newfound optimism to frustration at the way having procreated can get in the way of his artistic creative practice.  Along the way, we chat about what made him and his wife change their minds to a definite “yes” on kids… some thoughts on going through the IVF process as the not-pregnant, supporting partner… and you can listen in real time as I have an a-ha (or maybe uh-oh) moment about what IVF could potentially be like for me. So, thank you for coming along on this chat-adventure with Matthew and me as we consider what might be lost — and gained — on the tender and exciting and wild journey of parenthood.Things to think about as you listen: How do you, personally, describe your identity now? How has this description shifted over your different life phases thus far, and how might it change in the future? What future changes do you think would excite you? What future shifts do you think would disappoint or frustrate you?How do your political, environmental, religious, or other views inform your feelings about being a parent—whether you are, aren’t, want to be one, don’t, or aren’t sure?What is the #1 thing you have gained, or hope to gain, by having children? What is something you have lost or are afraid you’ll lose? (If you don’t want to be a parent, you can ask yourself these questions as: what is the #1 thing you have gained by not having children, and what is something you're afraid you’ll miss out on by not having them?)
Hidden Answers: What Our Honest Reactions Can Reveal to Us (About our Parenting Urges) with Ellie Bernstein
Mar 11 2023
Hidden Answers: What Our Honest Reactions Can Reveal to Us (About our Parenting Urges) with Ellie Bernstein
“So I was really accepting of the idea of not having kids, and I was settled and happy with that. And when he was the one who brought [the idea of starting to try] up, I was like: “Ooh, it’s my in.” And that’s how I knew… It was like, ooh, Look at your reaction; you do want this.” - Ellie BernsteinEllie didn’t realize she was cockblocking her own feelings about having kids. Yes, you heard that correctly. I said cockblocking. Let me elaborate: A decade into a satisfying marriage to a partner who didn’t want kids, Ellie was pretty sure she was happy with her childfree life. Then, her husband surprised her by saying, “Let’s try.” Her instant emotional reaction in that moment gave her a long-debated and awaited answer. In addition to that moment of — um, emotional un-cock-blocking — Ellie opens up about the whole range of feelings she’s had over her journey towards and through parenthood… from loving  ambivalence to certainty … to her WOW identity shift upon giving birth… to the paradox of being a head-over-heels mom while not being a baby person... and to her current ambivalence about whether or not to have a second child.And as two only children who happen to be married to only children(!) — we talk about how the feelings and experiences of our partners and peers have informed our own decision-making about parenthood. Ellie can be found @elliebernstein on Instagram.I mention “vagina economist” Emily Oster at the beginning of the episode. She can be found on Instragram at @profemilyoster. The books she has written are called Expecting Better, Cribsheet, and The Family Firm.
Fear of Fathering vs. Faith in the Future: The Power Of A (Flexible) Plan with Evan Sharp
Jan 23 2023
Fear of Fathering vs. Faith in the Future: The Power Of A (Flexible) Plan with Evan Sharp
"This goes back to a weird ass dream I had in college where I was like, some people are afraid of death, or some people are afraid of flying or public speaking. I had this dream where it's like, none of that scared me. What scared me was failing as a dad."Evan always assumed he'd be a father, but despite his success in other areas of life (like a strong marriage and solid career), he was also deeply afraid of failing in this crucial role. Evan talks about fears that many of us can relate to, like:What if I don't have a good relationship with my kids?What will parenting do to my relationship with my spouse… and our careers and lifestyle?What if there's never a right time? We talk about how journaling, thinking, praying, counseling—and, fittingly, some self-parenting—helped him work through those fears and decide he was ready. And now as the dad of a young daughter, Evan gets real in retrospect about vision vs. reality, trade-offs, and how parents can cope during those less-than-dreamlike moments.Questions to ask as you listen:What beliefs about the kind of parent you might be are influencing your thoughts on parenting?How were you raised? What beliefs about the ways to raise children were instilled in you? If you thought about raising children from scratch and not from the starting point of those ingrained beliefs, how would you do it?Who are the people around you that you can lean on for support now, as you’re thinking about parenthood, as well as if you decide to become a parent or don’t.Intention. Evan talks A LOT about being intentional - as a parent, as a spouse, as a communicator. What are you being intentional about vs. what are you reacting to?Resources:Enneagram - https://www.truity.com/The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential - wrightfoundation.org - this is where I do my group emotional intelligence coaching, as well as individual coaching. They also have a year-long program called the Year of More that was transformational for me. I am available as a resource (and a coach), always! @krissmac on Instagram.
Alone in Her Head: How 2 Years in Japan Changed her Self-talk, Mindset, and Life toolbox with Christina Bellevue
Jul 2 2021
Alone in Her Head: How 2 Years in Japan Changed her Self-talk, Mindset, and Life toolbox with Christina Bellevue
"Sometimes my thoughts would get so loud, I would hear them echo in my apartment… It’s how I discovered how mean I had been to myself for a long time and how I was using that self talk to keep me going in the corporate setting… but then I realized this will not serve you any more.”Christina left everything behind - her family, her uber successful corporate job, the man she thought she might marry - to spend two years in Japan. There, the voices that had kept her focused in the high-paced corporate world were drowning her. She gives specific examples of self talk that was damaging to her, how she started talking to herself instead, and how she continues to choose words that heal over words that kill.We discuss her big learnings from her two years of travel, including this big one of “What got you here won’t get you there.”We talk about how to expand the life toolbox you have available to you and how the same three tools you’ve been using won’t work in new situations going forward. We go deep into the re-entry process after a big life experience and how hard it can be to come back when you’ve fundamentally changed, your thinking has shifted, and the people you’re coming back to may not have changed as much. How vulnerable it can feel to share about those changes. How we’ve made ourselves small or taken ourselves out of the center of attention for fear of being too much when talking about our experiences. And we vision into what is the fullest expression of Christina and me?Find Christina at christina.bellevue@gmail.com or ninon_belle on Instagram.