After the Affair

Luke Shillings

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you. read less
Society & CultureSociety & Culture

Episodes

74. 8 Steps to Healing part 1: Laying the Foundations
2d ago
74. 8 Steps to Healing part 1: Laying the Foundations
In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately, empowerment. Clarity: Uncover the importance of seeing through the fog of emotional turmoil to understand the reality of your situation and what truly matters to you.Belief: Learn how to rebuild your shattered self-esteem and confidence, affirming your worth and cultivating a belief in a brighter future.Forgiveness: Explore the complex journey towards forgiving yourself and, potentially, your partner, understanding that forgiveness is a crucial step towards personal peace.Growth: Discover how the painful experience of infidelity can be a catalyst for significant personal growth, offering insights into yourself and your relationships. Join me as I not only draw from my professional expertise but also open up about my own journey and the wisdom I've gained along the way. I aim to offer a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone seeking to heal and grow from the pain of betrayal. Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com Subscribe here: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
70. The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?
Jan 24 2024
70. The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?
In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the principles of physics can shed light on why disagreements often escalate and how understanding this can pave the way for more constructive communication and conflict resolution. Drawing on my personal experiences and professional insights, I discuss how the 'push and pull' in heated arguments mirrors Newton's famous law, leading to a stalemate rather than progress. This episode is not just about relationship advice; it's a deep dive into human psychology and behaviour. I also touch upon the idea that relationships are fundamentally about one's thoughts about another person, adding a unique angle to the discussion. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity, looking to improve your relationship dynamics, or simply intrigued by the intersection of physics and human relationships, this episode offers valuable perspectives. Join me as I guide you through these complex dynamics with insightful tips, out-of-the-box thinking, and practical advice for healing and personal growth. Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
69. Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley
Jan 17 2024
69. Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley
Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a betrayal. It's not just about getting back in the saddle; it's about enjoying the ride and finding deeper connections along the way. In "Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley," we address the challenges and triumphs couples face in their journey towards sexual healing. Discover practical advice, psychological insights, and compassionate strategies to navigate the delicate balance between emotional healing and physical intimacy. Lee-ann brings her extensive knowledge in sexual psychology, providing listeners with a unique perspective on how to regain trust, foster emotional intimacy, and reignite passion in the bedroom. This episode is not just about the act of sex, but about understanding the deep emotional undercurrents that influence physical connections after an affair. Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance or simply interested in the dynamics of relationships and sexuality, this episode offers valuable lessons in love, trust, and the art of intimate communication. Listen now to transform your understanding of intimacy and empower your journey towards a fulfilling sexual relationship after infidelity. Connect with Lee-ann: Website: www.leeanncordingley.co.uk/ LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/leeanncordingley Instagram: www.instagram.com/leeanncordingley Threads: www.threads.net/@leeanncordingley TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@leeanncordingley   Connect with me:   Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me directly at: luke@lifecoachluke.com Follow me on the gram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke
68. Reward or Punishment: Rewriting Our Reward System After an Affair
Jan 10 2024
68. Reward or Punishment: Rewriting Our Reward System After an Affair
Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for rewards and aversion to discomfort. Discover why betrayal feels so intensely painful and learn how this relates to the fundamental workings of our brain's reward system, as previously discussed in the episode on The Motivational Triad. I aim to provide insightful analysis and empathetic understanding, making complex psychological concepts accessible and relevant to everyday experiences. The discussion then transitions into practical, actionable strategies for healing and rebuilding trust post-betrayal. Learn how to reorient your reward system, find internal sources of validation, and embrace new pathways to joy and fulfillment. The After the Affair podcast continues to offer supportive tips, innovative perspectives, and effective concepts for navigating the emotional terrain of infidelity recovery. Whether you're dealing with the aftermath of betrayal or simply interested in the psychological aspects of trust and reward, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to begin your journey towards empowerment and healing in the wake of betrayal.   Find out more here: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke directly here: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
66. Farewell 2023: A Year of Recovery, Resilience, and Reflection
Dec 27 2023
66. Farewell 2023: A Year of Recovery, Resilience, and Reflection
Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also offers encouragement and hope as we step into 2024. In This Episode: The Journey of 2023: Revisiting episodes like 'The Motivational Triad,' 'Confidence after Infidelity,' and 'Why People Cheat.' A comprehensive look at the complex emotions and challenges faced in the aftermath of infidelity. The Holiday Season: A special message to those feeling the magnified impact of their situations during the festive season. Understanding, empathy, and support for navigating emotional challenges during holidays. Looking Forward to 2024: Inspirational thoughts and positive messages for the upcoming year. Embracing hope, healing, and the continued journey of personal growth. Interactive Reflection Activity: An invitation for listeners to engage in a meaningful activity, reflecting on the past year's episodes and the personal significance they hold. Featured Episodes and Topics: Infidelity and Healing: Explore episodes addressing the healing process, understanding the reasons behind cheating, and rebuilding self-worth. Expert Interviews: Insights from David Redbord, Nicole Harvick, Diana Maria Indries, and more on topics ranging from forgiveness to self-awareness. Personal Growth: Discussions on overcoming jealousy, people-pleasing, and breaking free from negative thought patterns. About Your Host, Luke Shillings: "Luke Shillings is a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery. This podcast, 'After the Affair,' draws on his personal experiences and professional expertise, offering a unique blend of advice, support, and real-life stories to help listeners navigate the complexities of relationships and personal growth." Connect with Me: Website: www.lifecoachluke.comSubscribe: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribeSocial Media: @mylifecoachluke (Insta/FB)
64. Benefits of Healing from Infidelity
Dec 13 2023
64. Benefits of Healing from Infidelity
We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped me in other areas. Drawing from my personal experience, I unravel the complexities of this challenging yet rewarding path. I share the power of journaling—a tool that not only served as a vessel for my thoughts and emotions but also as a mirror reflecting my inner world. Through journaling, I discovered the intricate connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. I share insights on finding the right resources—a blend of personal support and professional guidance—that can act as beacons of light in our darkest times. An essential part of this journey is understanding that our thoughts create our feelings. This episode breaks down this concept with simplicity and clarity, providing practical steps to harness this understanding for emotional healing. I also take you through my process of exploring and accepting emotions, a path that led me to profound self-awareness and growth. To bring these concepts to life, I include relatable analogies and a personal anecdote, illustrating how the methods I used in recovering from infidelity also empowered me in another significant area of my life. Join me in this episode of 'After the Affair' as we navigate the path of healing from infidelity, finding strength, and rediscovering ourselves in the process. This episode isn’t just about recovering from betrayal; it's about emerging stronger, more aware, and more connected with our true selves.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
61. Once a Cheater: Possibly a Keeper?
Nov 22 2023
61. Once a Cheater: Possibly a Keeper?
"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation. We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are often skewed. This sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted nature of cheating. I break down the myth, questioning the fairness and accuracy of labelling someone for life based on one action. What about the psychological underpinnings of infidelity? How do unmet emotional needs, past experiences, and situational factors contribute to the decision to cheat. Can we turn the narrative on its head, presenting infidelity as an anomaly rather than a norm?  I invite you to reflect on the nuances of your situation. Is infidelity in your relationship an anomaly or a norm? What does the path to healing and trust rebuilding look like for you? This episode is not just a discussion but an invitation to introspection and understanding the potential for growth in the wake of betrayal. Join us on 'After the Affair' as we navigate the complexities of infidelity, challenge prevailing myths, and offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to rebuild trust and find healing after heartbreak. Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Contact me directly: luke@lifecoachluke.com Everything else: www.lifecoachluke.com
60. Gaslighting an Affair? Take a look in the Mirror
Nov 15 2023
60. Gaslighting an Affair? Take a look in the Mirror
Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal in a relationship. Discover the insidious nature of self-gaslighting, where victims of infidelity question their own reality, emotions, and sanity. I'll draw from my personal journey and professional expertise in infidelity recovery, and provide insightful analysis and an empathetic understanding of this psychological predicament. Key highlights of this episode include: Defining Self-Gaslighting: Unravel the concept of self-gaslighting and its impact on individuals grappling with the aftermath of betrayal.Personal Stories: I share my own experiences and those of clients, offering real-life examples of self-gaslighting in action.Expert Insights: Gain valuable perspectives on recognizing and overcoming this form of self-deception.Practical Strategies: Learn effective techniques to combat self-gaslighting, rebuild self-trust, and foster emotional healing. Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance, a relationship enthusiast, or simply interested in human psychology, "The Inner Betrayer: Gaslighting with a Mirror" offers a deep dive into understanding and healing from the internal conflicts post-betrayal. Tune in for an episode filled with compassion, wisdom, and empowering advice to navigate the complexities of infidelity recovery. Not taken the Trust-Score quiz yet? Get you free detailed report today. Find out more here -> www.lifecoachluke.com/trustscore   Want to share your story on a future episode? Have some useful insights from your own journey? Are you a professional who can offer an alternative insight? Let me know at luke@lifecoachluke.com
59. Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?
Nov 8 2023
59. Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?
Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored? In "Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?", Join me as I provide not only a compassionate look into the emotional upheaval following infidelity but also share out-of-the-box examples and practical guidance for those seeking to mend the fractures in their relationships. This second episode focused specifically on Trust, offers a beacon of hope to individuals questioning the possibility of regaining trust and security in their partnerships. Listeners will be equipped with actionable tools and transformative concepts that aid in self-reflection and trust-building. Whether you are directly affected by betrayal or supporting someone through their journey, this episode serves as a crucial resource for understanding the nuanced healing process and the potential for forging stronger bonds in the wake of adversity. Tune in to find out how to navigate the nuances of trust after betrayal and learn if there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Looking for the link to the Trust Quiz mentioned in this week's episode - Here it is, enjoy! www.lifecoachluke.com/trustscore   Have any questions or suggestions for a future episode? Perhaps you think you would be a great guest ... contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com