Divorce Coaches Academy

Tracy Callahan and Debra Doak

Divorce Coaches Academy podcast hosts Tracy Callahan and Debra Doak are on a mission. We discuss topics to help professional divorce coaches succeed with clients and meet their business goals and we advocate (loudly sometimes) for the critical role certified divorce coaches play in the alternative dispute resolution process. Our goal is to create a community of divorce coaching professionals committed to reducing the financial and emotional impact of divorce on families.

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Episodes

The Power of Flexible Thinking in Divorce Negotiations
Today
The Power of Flexible Thinking in Divorce Negotiations
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Divorce negotiations, whether working out financial settlements or parenting plans, can be filled with intense emotions and rigid perspectives. So today we are breaking down the reasons why flexible thinking is so crucial and we'll offer some strategies to help you negotiate more successfully.When people feel threatened or vulnerable, their instinct is to dig in and adopt an “all-or-nothing” or “my way or the highway" approach. And, we know that this positional thinking can lead to prolonged battles, increased legal costs, destroy relationships and cause greater emotional distress.John Wooden, a legendary basketball coach is known for saying that “flexibility is the key to stability”. The quote means that being flexible and ready to adapt to change can help people find stability and avoid stress.Flexible thinking allows us to:See multiple perspectives rather than just our own.Adapt to changing circumstances, which is crucial in any negotiation.Focus on long-term solutions rather than short-term emotional wins.Reduce stress by recognizing that not everything has to go exactly as planned. Listen in as we explore the science behind this idea of flexible thinking and how clients can use bamboo as inspiration for how to remain both flexible and resilient.--> Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach training begins March 3 Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Mandatory ADR in Canada Means More Need for Professional Divorce Coaches
1w ago
Mandatory ADR in Canada Means More Need for Professional Divorce Coaches
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Today, our Canadian Director Dori Braddell joins Tracy for a fascinating and timely discussion of the recent changes to the family justice system in Canada, including mandatory ADR, and what it means for dispute resolution and divorce coaching.Dori shares that in 2024, some provinces have made it mandatory for divorcing couples to make an ADR attempt first before they can have their matter heard in court. Couples can no longer go directly to a judge to decide their family matters. And in provinces where it’s not mandatory (yet), she is seeing judges order couples into an ADR process or require it if either party requests it. This means that divorcing Canadians are more likely to participate in ADR, whether by choice or not, than ever before. And demand for professionals to support them will continue to grow. We know that one on one, individualized dispute resolution support from a Certified Divorce Coach can be the difference between a blown ADR attempt and a settlement agreement. Divorce Coaches are that secret weapon, the special sauce that exponentially improves the odds at succeeding in something you didn’t have choice but to do. The next cohort of DCA divorce coach training for Canada begins the week of March 9 and Dori would love to chat with you about the opportunities that this new legislation opens up for properly trained divorce coaches. You can schedule a 1-1 call with her: Dori's Calendar Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
3 Sources of Conflict: Understanding These Is a Game-Changer in Divorce
Jan 29 2025
3 Sources of Conflict: Understanding These Is a Game-Changer in Divorce
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Conflict is a topic that impacts every one of us at some point in our lives. A couple of weeks ago we talked about an important tip to reduce conflict in divorce and that was to stop expecting something different and accept that your partner will continue to show up with the same core personality traits they’ve always had.  As we were coming to the end of that conversation, Tracy really wanted to talk about the 3 primary sources of conflict. So as promised, today we’re diving into that. One of the early theorists on conflict, American psychologist Daniel Katz, distinguished three main sources of conflict: EconomicValuesPowerAs you can imagine, all three are major contributing factors in divorce conflict. Understanding these sources helps us identify the root causes of a disagreement and approach it strategically. And strategy is key when it comes to divorce and co-parenting conflict if you want to spare your bank account and save your sanity.We explore these three primary sources of conflict and offer some strategies for how you can approach each one to resolve disputes more successfully. Whether you’re facing a tough divorce, a workplace disagreement, or even family tensions, understanding these sources of conflict and the role of emotions can be a game-changer. Conflict is a natural part of life, divorce and co-parenting, but with the right tools and mindset, it doesn’t have to be destructive.  Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Divorce Conflict Tip: Stop Expecting Something Different (Plus a Secret You Can Use)
Jan 15 2025
Divorce Conflict Tip: Stop Expecting Something Different (Plus a Secret You Can Use)
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)In this episode we explore the "Big Five" - those core personality traits that tend to be consistent over time and circumstance. PLUS, we share a secret mantra that just may help you and your clients experience less stress when dealing with the difficult people in their lives.We consistently hear clients express disappointment, frustration, and even rage when their spouse, ex or co-parent doesn’t act or behave in the way they think they should. And we get it. It’s incredibly distressing to have to be on the receiving end of someone else’s less than stellar behavior. But we have to ask…is this really surprising? While people’s personality traits may get exaggerated during the divorce process, they typically aren’t radically different than the way that spouse behaved during the marriage. And clients continue to suffer when they continue to expect their partner or co-parent to radically transform during divorce.Understanding these 5 personality traits can help anyone going through divorce or co-parenting conflict stay grounded in the reality of who their partner is. And that gives them the freedom and agency to decide how to respond. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
New Year, Renewed You:  3 Pillars of Self-Care for Divorce Professionals
Jan 8 2025
New Year, Renewed You: 3 Pillars of Self-Care for Divorce Professionals
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)In this episode, Tracy and our DCA Director for Australia, Anne-Marie Cade, are diving into an essential yet often overlooked topic: self-care during challenging times. As divorce professionals dealing with heavy emotional topics, it’s crucial that we care for ourselves so we can continue to care for others.As we kick off a new year, we think that there is no better time to reflect on how we can prioritize our well-being. A fresh start brings an opportunity to set intentions and build habits that support us throughout the year. We must acknowledge the unique challenges of working in the divorce space. Divorce professionals—whether you’re a coach, lawyer, therapist, or mediator—are often walking alongside clients through some of the most emotionally intense moments of their lives. While rewarding, this work can also be draining, especially if we don’t set aside time to replenish our own energy. Listen in as they explore the 3 pillars of self-care for divorce professionals:1. Awareness2. Boundaries3. Restoration We'd love to hear from you...what self-care practices help keep you renewed and refreshed for this heavy work? Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Negotiation: You're Probably Doing It Wrong
Jan 1 2025
Negotiation: You're Probably Doing It Wrong
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)When it comes to buying real estate, the saying is location, location, location. When it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement or parenting plan, we say strategy, strategy, strategy. And whether you’re negotiating at the kitchen table, participating in mediation, or working through attorneys, the same principles apply.In Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, William Ury tells us that “standard strategies for negotiation often leave people dissatisfied, worn out, or alienated - and frequently all three”. That’s because most of us have only learned how to negotiate using a style called positional bargaining.In positional bargaining, parties simply try to outwait, overpower, or out argue each other until someone finally gives enough. They may reach agreement, but it isn’t satisfying for either one of them. Principled negotiation, on the other hand, allows for mutual satisfying solutions and wise agreements.Listen in as Tracy and Debra review the elements of principled negotiation and discuss the reasons working with a DCA certified divorce coach is the best way to become informed, develop skills and create a strategy so you can negotiate in a way that both aligns with your desired outcomes and minimizes conflict. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
4 Types of Problems and Their Unique Solutions
Dec 25 2024
4 Types of Problems and Their Unique Solutions
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Who among us wouldn’t like to be a better problem solver? Well, that’s the topic of our conversation today. We discuss the 4 general types of problems most of us face, offer some help for identifying the type of solution that’s right for each, and apply these tips to divorce and co-parenting.  When it comes to solving problems and making tough decisions, people love plans, so they tend to make a lot of checklists, to-do lists, and timelines. And because they want the perfect plan, they often want more and more data to help them create a plan that will give them a sense of certainty. We see this so often when clients get stuck preparing to divorce. Why all the planning? Because uncertainty feels uncomfortable. Our tendency is to think that more information and a rock solid plan will give us control over future events. But the truth is, the ‘perfect plan’ doesn’t exist.When faced with a problem or a decision, experts tell us that any action is better than no action; it doesn’t matter what you do, it just matters that you do, in order to learn and move forward.Instead, having a decision making framework can give you the confidence that a solution will arise. And with the support of a certified divorce coach, you can gain insight and skills to handle difficult situations with less fear, less stress, and less conflict. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
What the Recent Election Can Teach Us About Conflict Resolution
Dec 18 2024
What the Recent Election Can Teach Us About Conflict Resolution
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)These days we seem to be living in a society defined by us versus them, black and white thinking, intolerance, fixed mindsets, and lack of curiosity. Not only is conflict remaining unresolved, but our interactions (especially online) seem to pour more gasoline on the fire rather than cooling it off. We see conflict spiraling and escalating at an alarming rate and there seems to be less interest in trying to find common ground or solutions. It’s almost like people are itching for a fight.We’ve seen family members stop speaking to each other, long time friendships disintegrate and workplaces become minefields.The question is…where can we go from here? Are we just destined to continue down a path of divisiveness or is there a way to move toward relationship and restoration? We believe that whether it’s politics or divorce and co-parenting, we can apply the same aspects of conflict resolution to both politics and divorce.Listen in as we explore 6 lessons grounded in the electoral process's emphasis on structure, fairness, and engagement, and how we can adapt them to personal and professional conflict resolution scenarios as well. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
The Role of Ego in Divorce Conflict (and how to manage it)
Dec 11 2024
The Role of Ego in Divorce Conflict (and how to manage it)
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)In this episode, we dive into the significant, but often unrecognized role of ego in divorce conflict. In William Ury’s book "Possible", he identifies how ego plays a significant role in escalating conflicts.But this really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. When we focus on being "right" or protecting our pride, we may very well lose sight of the larger goals. This is what we refer to as an inner conflict and there is a critical connection between resolving inner conflict and addressing external conflict. Part of working to resolve inner conflict often involves setting aside ego-driven impulses to prioritize constructive solutions.We know that divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences in life, and understanding how ego plays into the dynamics can be a game-changer. So, whether you’re going through a divorce yourself or supporting someone who is, listen in as we explore some insights and strategies to help navigate this emotional minefield. Divorce is never easy, but understanding the role of ego in the process can help you navigate it with more clarity and grace. By recognizing when ego is driving reactions, one can choose healthier responses that prioritize resolution and well-being over pride and resentment.Divorce coaching can offer clients support to identify when ego is creating obstacles to conflict resolution. Learn more about training to become a certified divorce coach or find a divorce coach at divorcecoachesacademy.com Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
6 Tips to Gear Up Your Practice for Divorce Month
Nov 27 2024
6 Tips to Gear Up Your Practice for Divorce Month
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)November and December are historically slower months for divorce professionals. Even though they’ve made the decision to divorce, many people choose to wait until after the holidays to take any action. They worry about starting something that could instigate conflict during what should be the happiest time of the year for their kids.That means there is a lot of pent up demand and so divorce professionals historically see an uptick in requests for their services in January. So much so that January is recognized as Divorce Month. And even more specifically, the first business day in January is usually referred to as National Divorce Day as family lawyers report that their phones ring off the hook. We’ve also talked about the efforts to begin repealing no-fault divorce laws and we would expect that anyone who’s been holding off may choose to move ahead now before any legislation could affect their ability to get divorced. So as a divorce coach, now is the perfect opportunity to position yourself as the go-to expert for those in need.In today’s episode, we share some essential tips on how you can prepare for Divorce Month, optimize your marketing, and make sure your practice is ready to meet the demand.  Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
What If Divorce Could Be Restorative Instead of Destructive?
Nov 20 2024
What If Divorce Could Be Restorative Instead of Destructive?
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)At DCA, we share a vision that couples would have the ability to rearrange and restructure their relationships and their families in a way that leads to wholeness and happiness. Divorce is often seen as an end—an ending to a marriage, an ending to a chapter of life. But what if it didn’t have to be a painful, adversarial process? What if divorce could be approached with intention, healing, and collaboration, with the goal of not just separating, but rebuilding lives in a healthy, sustainable way?In today’s episode, we explore the idea of restorative divorce—an approach that focuses on healing, mutual respect, and long-term well-being for both partners. We’ll dive into how this process works, how it differs from adversarial divorce, and why we believe it’s a better way forward.We wrestle with the concept that divorce creates a broken home, discuss the recent addition of CAPRD (Child Affected by Parental Relationship Disorder) to the DSM IV, and outline the six elements of a restorative divorce process. As opposed to traditional divorce that focuses on winning, a restorative divorce process is an alternative that can reduce harm, encourage positive outcomes, and support healthier post-divorce relationships for everyone involved. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
The Argument for Detailed Parenting Plans: Moving Beyond the Legal Minimums
Oct 30 2024
The Argument for Detailed Parenting Plans: Moving Beyond the Legal Minimums
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)One of the most emotional and difficult parts of divorce can be negotiating parenting plans - especially for co-parents who are experiencing a high degree of conflict. We shared a statistic last week that 80% of the family court calendar is taken up by custody matters and frankly that breaks our hearts. Because we know that parental conflict is the #1 reason children are negatively impacted in the divorce process.Today, we discuss why we believe a thorough and detailed parenting plan is the most effective way to help conflicted co-parents prevent future disagreements and future litigation.An effective parenting plan goes well beyond just parenting time schedules and expense sharing, but encourages parents to discuss the many details of raising children together. Regardless of how parents feel about each other, the fact is that they will be family for life. As anyone with adult children knows, parenting doesn’t stop when a child turns 18.We often hear that attorneys push back on discussing or documenting any agreements that aren’t supported by the legal statutes. The typical response is “That’s not enforceable”.  And we get it - lawyers are focused on the legal aspects of a divorce case. But as divorce coaches, we take a more holistic approach and are interested in helping families transition so they are able to co-parent effectively. Listen in as we chat about why we believe that changing the experience of divorce for families means moving beyond the legal minimum requirements and developing a comprehensive plan that works for each family. Conflicted Co-Parenting Training Begins Nov 4 --> Learn More and Enroll Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Moving From Couple to Co-Parent: Triggers and Obstacles
Oct 23 2024
Moving From Couple to Co-Parent: Triggers and Obstacles
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)We consistently say that all divorce involves conflict. Even in the most amicable divorce, couples aren’t likely to agree on everything. But one area that seems to spur the most conflict is co-parenting. We recently read that 80% of the court’s time is taken up by custody matters which tells us that co-parenting and making decisions about children is a hot button topic.So today we're exploring one aspect that contributes heavily to co-parenting conflict and that’s when people have difficulty transitioning from stakeholders in each other’s lives to business partners. Moving from being a couple to being co-parents is a shift that can take time and requires both parents to focus on what’s best for their children instead of what’s important to them. We get into common triggers and obstacles, talk a bit about gatekeeping and alienation, and walk you through a real life client scenario.If you're a certified divorce coach and want to learn more about supporting co-parents who are having difficulty, we'll be starting a 6-week co-parenting intensive beginning the week of November 4.Learn more about becoming a DCA® Conflicted Co-Parenting Divorce Coach Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
The Truth About Starting a Divorce Coaching Practice with Christina Stone
Oct 16 2024
The Truth About Starting a Divorce Coaching Practice with Christina Stone
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)When we talk with prospective students and new students, we get a lot of questions about what’s it’s really like to start a career as a professional divorce coach. So today, Christina Stone is going to give us all a behind the scenes look at what that journey is really like.Christina is a Certified ADR Divorce coach and if that name sounds familiar, it’s because she also happens to be our Operations Coordinator here at DCA so you may have been in communication with her at some point. Today Christina and Debra are sharing some truth and busting some myths about starting a career as a divorce coach. It is truly a viable career, but as Christina will tell you...it takes persistence, patience and a plan.While there are exceptions, the majority of new divorce coaches do not make $60 or $70k their first year out and anyone who tells you something different has an agenda. But you can get there by staying focused on your goals, being part of a divorce coaching community, and continuing to learn and hone your skills.We hope you enjoy getting to know Christina and we are thrilled to have her as part of the DCA community and team.You can find Christina at:Email: cnfewcoaching@gmail.comWebsite: cnfewcoaching.netInstagram: c.n.fewcoaching Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
We Want You to Win and Here's How We Prove It
Oct 9 2024
We Want You to Win and Here's How We Prove It
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Being a solopreneur is hard. Being a solopreneur in a new industry is even harder. It takes a lot of focus, intention, and community support to build a successful practice as a new divorce coach.We say it every week in the podcast intro because we mean it. We are committed to the success of our DCA trained divorce coaches and we provide so many ways for coaches in our community to connect, learn, and grow.Why are we so passionate about offering these kinds of opportunities for our coaches? Because we are simultaneously focused on raising the standards of practice for the profession and ensuring that properly trained coaches stay in the industry.Listen in as Tracy and Debra discuss all the ways DCA demonstrates their commitment to the coaches in our community including:Free online alumni communityFree bi-monthly lunch & learn eventsFree listing on our coach locatorAffordable professional case consultation groupsNo annual dues or certification renewal feesWe are personally invested in and committed to every single coach in our community. The world needs more properly trained and credential divorce coaches and we're here to support you every step of the way. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
But It’s Not Fair: Dealing with Feelings of Injustice
Oct 3 2024
But It’s Not Fair: Dealing with Feelings of Injustice
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)One thing that seems to be certain in divorce is that no one gets everything they want. Most walk away feeling like they had to give up more than their share in order to get to a final agreement.  Rarely do we hear a client say they thought the settlement was 100% fair and equitable. Most everyone feels like they got the short end of the stick.So in this episode we dive into this idea of “fairness” and talk about how it can cause problems or create obstacles when it comes to getting to a final resolution. And we offer some coaching strategies for working with clients who get stuck in their own definition of "fairness".Many clients start out saying “I just want what’s fair”. The trouble is that rarely will their spouse have the same definition of fair. We joke that “fair” is the 4-letter F word in divorce because what you think is fair, what I think is fair, and what the legal system thinks is fair can be wildly different. Listen in as Tracy and Debra discuss the concept of fairness and justice and how expanding our definition of what's "fair" may be the key to finally reaching an agreement everyone can feel OK about. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com