PODCAST

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Stearns Mandel

Ruth Stearns Mandel & David Mandel

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.
Season 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Are Survivors Themselves
In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace.   In a just over  20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: David's history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization How workers going through the Safe & Together Model training are seeing their own experience reflected in the materialHow agencies are using the Safe & Together Model to identify employees whose performance is suffering due to abuse and provide them with greater support In the middle part of the minisode, David and Ruth discuss perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace including: Behaviors that cause survivors to miss time at work like taking the car or stopping her from leaving or making her worried the children will be unsafe if she leave Unwanted, often repeated calls to the workplace, showing up at work Stalking and surveillance behaviors which may make it fearful for someone to be out in the communityAccusations of affairs if she meeting alone with male clientsWhen the professional works for agencies like child protection or the courts,  threats of calling the police or child protection may carry with it extra shame and fear of losing employment  . As result, survivors  may  may present as  with performance issues including missed days, lateness, being distracted or unable to focus at work; irritability with coworkers, and feelings of being overwhelmed. In the final portion of the minisode, David & Ruth outline some strategies for agencies including:  Ensuring that any employee safety policy explicitly recognizes the connection between coercive control and employee performance, and how perpetrators target workers at worker as a powerful form of control.  Agencies needing to clearly articulates how it will support and respond to an employee who is experiencing domestic violence including how performance concerns will be handled sensitively and in context.Particularly important in agencies where a threat of a report creates fears for one's jobs and shame, any workplace policy needs to be clear about how survivors confidentiality amongst her peers will be safeguarded, e.g. specialized process for handling informationWhen the perpetrator is a fellow employee, the consequences for abusive behavior must be clear. The agency policy must work to be responsive to the needs of survivors, e.g. reassignment to a different area or rotation of schedule to respond to threats of stalking that may impeding performance or safety;Communication of this policy must shared proactively on a regular basis so that survivors have the information they need to protect themselves from threats against their job Train supervisors, managers, and HR around handling these items consistently with policy, including training to always consider domestic violence victimization as one of the possible reasons for poor performanceInstitute a flex policy that supports workers in their ability to attend court for protection order hearings, criminal cases ,and family matters when domestic violence is involved. About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will vJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Today
23 mins
Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim Blaming
In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming.   In a just over  15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: How a lack of knowledge of how fathers' choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper  work with violent fathers How these gaps can be worse for fathers from communities where racism has led to the further vilification of men, as being dangerous, irresponsible, or irrelevantHow this lack of knowledge, skills and confidence can lead to workers feeling unsafe about engaging fathers who have been violent, which leaves the worker to focus on survivors' choices as means to keep children safeVictim blaming results when the survivor doesn't act in accordance with agency wishesIn the second half of the minisode, David and Ruth outline some steps agencies can take including:  Training  workers to have the skills and confidence to assess the influence of all father’s choices on the family functioning- not just seeing the mum as the responsible for the functioning of the home. Training workers in the skills and confidence to engage fathers , even ones with histories of violencePrioritize whole- of- family work including incorporation in to reflective supervisionRequire regular conversations about worker emotional and physical  safety in domestic violence cases as a regular, proactive part  of supervisionCreate a culture where workers know that expressing safety worries is normal, and  that they will be supported around strategies for safety, not judged for disclosing fearsEnsure that domestic violence case are  explicitly mentioned in any worker safety policy About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute’s white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Today
16 mins
Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being:  When workers are targeted by the perpetrator
In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators.   In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways   workers are targeted including:Manipulation,  intimidation  and bullying Threats  of or actual lawsuits and  complaints lodged with managers, professional boards,  or courts  Implied or real threats against family members Stalking (online or in real life)Ruth  & David also discuss how  misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers.  David  & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety and support strategies that agencies can put in place to respond to the behaviors of perpetrators.  These include: Explicitly widen out the concept of worker safety to include intimidation, manipulation, not just explicit threats or acts of  violenceMake this wider definition of worker safety a regular part, preventative (not reactive)  supervision in casesEnsure that staff that handle client  complaint  or review boards are educated around coercive control and pattern based assessmentsPerformance reviews and human resources procedures  need to be consider the impact of threats and intimidation  on a worker's performance      About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute’s white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Nov 7 2021
14 mins
Season 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series
In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth  will introduce the theme of  worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems.  Since the inception of the Model, it has been central to  know the perpetrators pattern, not only as it related to  domestic violence-informed work with the family,  but also as it related to the safety & efficacy of the worker. A worker, who is engaging a family where there is domestic violence, needs to know if perpetrator has a known pattern of violence or intimidation toward others outside the family. This is a basic domestic violence informed practice related to worker safety.  Since then our understanding of the organizational importance of addressing worker safety and well being has only grown.  Worker safety may impact attrition and retentionworker mental and emotional healthworker performance  the safety and well-being of workers who are survivors themselves.As the Safe & Together Institute's work and our collaborations with Professor Cathy Humphreys has shown, when worker safety concerns go unaddressed child protection workers may be more blaming of survivors and hold perpetrators less accountable as parents out fear for their own safety;  This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a  series for human resources managers and organizational leadership.  Setting policies and procedures to addresses worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence informed agency.   Topics in the series will include:·      When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clients·      The connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice. ·      When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)·      When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with families ·      Managing your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family. We hope you join us for the other episodes. Read the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violence Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Oct 31 2021
15 mins
Season 2 Episode 19:  Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family court
Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over.  Survivors know differently.  Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship.  In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth and David discuss:  ·      How post separation coercive control distinguishes through a heavy focus on “remote control’ abuse, abuse from a distance, using proxies to maintain and extend control; targeting and use of children; efforts to control the survivors’ parenting, and the use and targeting of finances. ·      How post separation coercive control often involves new avenues and targets for manipulation, often centered around family court and child protection systems.  ·      How the risk assessment frameworks used by many professionals fails to capture harm to children and the omnipresent influence of coercive control in the post separation period-regardless of whether there have been recent acts of violence or not.·      How one of the main factors used by courts for assessing the fitness of a parent-their willingness and ability to co parent-can be used to increase accountability for perpetrators as parents: when post separation coercive controlling patterns of behaviors are taken into consideration and mapped as parenting choices & are considered an impediment to healthy & safe co parenting.Toward the end of the episode, Ruth passionately describes how systems take survivors’ disclosures and “hurt us with them”, and how this can be more harmful than the abuse itself.  David asks professionals to reflect on the ways that survivors are vulnerable to post separation coercive control by virtue of our collective lack of awareness & appropriate responses to this form of abuse.  Listen to related episodes of Partnered with A SurvivorSeason 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processesSeason 2 Episode 12: How coercive control harms child safety & wellbeing: An interview with researcher Dr. Emma KatzJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Oct 31 2021
1 hr 5 mins
Season 2 Episode 18: Multiple Pathways To Harm: An assessment approach that better mirrors the lived experience of survivors
Oct 13 2021
1 hr
Season 2 Episode 17: Intervening with Domestic Violence Perpetrators: "We can't leave anything on the table"
Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner and family functioning, is essential for domestic violence-informed systems. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children.  The conversation covers:the importance of a broad defintion of "accountability" how micro -practices around language and documentation are the foundation of accountability in a  domestic violence-informed  system how tradition definitions of perpetrator accountability can contribute to racial inequity in the response of systems how practitioners can increase their capacity to keep the focus on the perpetrator and change (and away from a "failure-to-protect" approach) Read our white paper on perpetrators, change and accountability Listen to these related episodesSeason 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self-responsibility & healingSeason 2 Episode 11: “We need a revolution:” Integration of trauma healing and behavior change for people who choose violenceSeason 2, Episode 5: How professionals can avoid being manipulated by perpetratorsEpisode 21: Listening to the Voices of Children and Young People Harmed by Fathers Who Choose ViolenceEpisode 19: Nine Ways to Collude with a Person Who Chooses ViolenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Sep 18 2021
1 hr 10 mins
Season 2 Episode 16: "We have to remember who we are advocating for": An interview with Aboriginal domestic violence leader Ashlee Donohue
In this episode, Ruth and David yarn with Ashlee Donohue – a proud Dunghutti woman born and raised in Kempsey, NSW. Ashlee is an Author, Educator, Advocate and speaker around the anti-violence message. Ashlee is currently the CEO of Mudgin-Gal Aboriginal Corporation – Women’s Centre,  which is for Aboriginal women run by Aboriginal women.  Ashlee was a keynote speaker  at  the 2021 Safe & Together Institute Asia Pacific Conference  on the burning question of coercive control criminalisation. During the interview Ruth  and David talk with Ashlee about: Her thoughts on  the criminalisation of coercive control in Australia, and the  the pros and cons of this for Aboriginal communitiesThe need for one single defintion of domestic violence The decision making process for Aboriginal domestic violence survivors accessing services like calling the police can be very different than white or CALD survivors. The importance of listening to the stories of Aboriginal survivors The need for cultural safety  in the responses to domestic violence in the Aboriginal community  Read  Ashlee's memoir:  ‘Because I love him’ a personal account of love, motherhood, domestic violence and survival. Watch the video "Change Your Ways" : Australian Men Speak about Domestic Violence Other related episodes you may be interested in:Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self-responsibility & healingSeason 2 Episode 13: An Interview with Courageous Fire: Reparations & the Unique Experience of Black Domestic Violence SurvivorsSeason 2 Episode 7: ‘Radical Resistance to the Status Quo’: A Look Behind the Scottish Coercive Control Law with Dr. Marsha ScottSeason 2, Episode 2: Coercive Control Laws: A discussion with investigative reporter and author Jess Hill3KND Interview: A global movement going forward to protect children from family violence3KND Interview: The impacts of controlling behaviour, the hidden violence in relationships3KND Interview: How Ruth Mandel’s podcast ‘Partnered With a SurJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Sep 3 2021
1 hr 16 mins
Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing
For men's violence against women to end,  men need to  talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive, have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large.  An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing  is Matt Brown,  co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown  of the "She is  Not Your Rehab" global movement.  Matt believes that because so many boys & men are traumatized & wounded in relationship with parents/caretakers, taking radical self ownership of their own healing journey, their own behaviors is the best way to heal that trauma. This  self ownership never excuses abuse even when it recognizes the trauma & learned behaviors of abuse which can be an attempt to protect from pain & fear by inflicting pain & trying to control others. In this conversation with Ruth  and David, Matt a barber, speaker and author of the best-selling book "She is Not Your Rehab," talks about how he translated his own healing journey into a message of  personal responsibility, behaviour change and healing for men so they may step more deeply into connected, healthy, nourishing relationships which do not continue the cycle of violence. Read the 7 Principles of the "She is Not Your Rehab" global movement  1. She is not responsible for your emotional rehabilitation.2. Your healing is your responsibility and yours to take initiative for and manage. 3. Any healing needed for you, cannot come at the expense of her healing, health and wellbeing. (David & Ruth's personal favorite!) 4. She can support you but she can never do more for you than you are prepared to do for yourself. 5. Regardless of what anyone has done TO YOU, it is now time FOR YOU to take ownership of your own life and be committed to living it wholeheartedly enough to do any work needed. Your childhood trauma wasn’t your fault but your healing IS now your responsibility. 6. True change comes from genuine growth. Growth happens once we heal. Healing starts when we begin to FEEL our pain. 7. Hurt people inevitably hurt people because what we will not transform, we transmit on those around us and healed people do indeed heal people. The question is WILL YOU have the courage to heal?Order the book "She is Not Your Rehab"The barbershop where men go to heal | Matt Brown | TEDxChristchurchOther related podcastsSeason 2 Episode 11: “We need a revolution:” Integration of trauma healing and behavior change for people who choose violenceSeason 2 Episode 6: The Male VictimSeason 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps to Partnering with SurvivorsEpisode 21: Listening to the Voices of Children and Young People Harmed by Fathers Who Choose ViolenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Aug 24 2021
1 hr 13 mins
Season 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processes
Building on the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on perpetrators' manipulate of systems (and the related podcast) and work with the national Family Court of Australia, David & Ruth take a closer look at how domestic violence perpetrators can continue to undermine child safety and well-being post-separation, manipulate systems regarding custody and access issues, and how they target professionals in order to extend their coercive control after a relationship has ended. In this episode, Ruth & David  talk about:  How professionals can properly identify and assess coercive control in the context of custody and access matters How professionals can use a behavioral lens to identify how systems and professionals are targeted, post separation,  by parents who choose coercive control   How to inoculate yourself, as practitioner, against these behaviorsHow, by using a collaborative parenting standard as a lens for identifying the risks and harms created by domestic violence perpetrators, systems can  increase accountability in custody and access situationsHow understanding patterns of pre- and post separation coercive control and actions taken to harm the children is essential for understanding,  contextualizing, and validating the protective parents' behaviors How acknowledging differing cultural expectations of men and women as parents is essential to  assessing child safety and well-being in the context of post separation coercive controlEssential listening for anyone who is interested in child safety and well-being in the context of post separation coercive control, their discussion includes practical steps and has implications for women sector workers and advocates, legal practitioners, child protection, family court, children's advocates, mental health practitioners and others. David & Ruth also hope that survivors can use this information to educate professionals who work with them. Related podcastsSeason 2 Episode 12: How coercive control harms child safety & wellbeing: An interview with researcher Dr. Emma KatzSeason 2, Episode 5: How professionals can avoid being manipulated by perpetratorsSeason 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps to Partnering with SurvivorsEpisode 29: Family courts are failing the “best interests” of adult and child abuse survivors: An interview with Joan MeierJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Aug 16 2021
1 hr 5 mins
Season 2 Episode 13: An Interview with Courageous Fire: Reparations & the Unique Experience of Black Domestic Violence Survivors
Crafting a domestic violence-informed response to the unique experience of Black domestic violence survivors in the United States  requires  listening to the voices and lived experience of those survivors.  Like other marginalized survivors in systems impacted by racism and colonization across the globe,  Black women have to navigate systems that often have penalized and punished them instead of being a support.  For example, due to systemic racism and stereotyping, Black survivors are more quickly labeled as 'difficult' victims.  Distrust of formal systems, based on historic racism, can make it harder for Black survivors to reach out for the help they need.  When survivors do not feel like their experience will be seen and understood,  they will not avail themselves of those interventions.  Harms  become compounded, including the unnecessary removal of children by children protection,  when Black survivors are penalized for not using those formal systems.In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth & David interview Courageous Fire, the Executive Director of Courageous Fire LLC , who is a domestic violence survivor and a leader in the movement to create culturally-specific  responses to domestic violence in the Black community.  Courageous Fire which works exclusively with Black victims & survivors of domestic violence in Iowa. Her model of community assistance is self sustaining,  and community driven. She takes cues from the grass roots experiences  of Black survivors  within her community to bring holistic assistance which isn't 'cookie cutter' but that deeply meets those survivors on multiple levels.  In an innovative adaptation of the concept of reparations, Courageous Fire believes that domestic violence survivors deserve to  be compensated for their pain and suffering.  She wants the abuse (not just the abusers) to "pay survivors back" in practical and financial terms. Additional themes in this episode include: Why the Black community has typically resisted contact & reliance on formal services as a way to protect themselves & children Why calling the police is not safe for Black women How systems, which are supposed to keep us safe,  have harmed Black women with impunity because of their bias,  judgements,  assumptions about victim behaviors through a culturally ignorant/arrogant lensHow Courageous Fire LLC helps to bring bring holistic healing & a pathway to financial independence  for Black survivors of domestic abuseHow to recognize & see the dynamic resistance of Black survivors as a strength not a deficit. If you want to know more about Courageous Fire & the work please go to:  https://www.cfirellc.com/  and  https://www.cfirellc.com/specialtyhttps://www.amazon.com/Empowerment-through-Arts-Ignite-Power/dp/B08JF2DDJG/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Empowerment+through+the+Arts%3A+Ignite+Your+Power&qid=1625084046&s=books&sr=1-3For related episodes: Season 2 Episode 9: Finally! A realistic feature film about coercive control: An interview with Chyna Robinson and Tracy RectorEpisode 22: When Culture, Religion & Domestic Violence MeetJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Jul 12 2021
1 hr 4 mins
Season 2 Episode 12: How coercive control harms child safety & wellbeing: An interview with researcher Dr. Emma Katz
For 15 years, the Safe & Together Model has trained professionals in the importance of centering coercive controlling patterns of behaviors if you want to understand the harm domestic abuse perpetrators create for their children & how that is parenting choice.  Failures to link coercive control to child abuse & neglect make it easier to blame adult survivors, who are being protective, with failure-to-protect & parental alienation.  The Safe & Together Model's perpetrator pattern-based approach links coercive control in a number of different ways, creating a foundation for a domestic violence-informed practice that helps professionals to partner with survivors and intervene with perpetrators as parents while also mapping the adult survivors attempts to protect children which may not have access to formal services such as police, child protection or counseling because these interventions may not be safe & can create more danger for adult & child survivors.  New research is backing up this approach by exploring how coercive control impacts children directly via multiple pathways to harm. In this episode, Ruth and David talk with Dr Emma Katz,  a leading research specialist in the harms caused by perpetrators to mothers and children in the context of domestic abuse. The topics of conversation include:How perpetrators of coercive control create danger & harm for their children within relationships &  post-separationHow professionals & systems are failing to assess the parenting of the perpetrator & how that increases the danger for child & adult survivors How the language of "child exposed to domestic violence" obscures the multiple ways perpetrators harm children & hides the choices of the perpetrator as a parentHow coercive control impacts child safety, wellbeing & family functioning  in the absence of physical violence Access Dr. Katz's ResearchDr. Emma Katz BioShe is a Senior Lecturer in Childhood and Youth at Liverpool Hope University and has won multiple awards for her research, including the Corinna Seith Prize, awarded by Women Against Violence Europe in 2016.  Emma has also written for the academic journal Child Abuse Review. Her most recent article, ‘When Coercive Control Continues to Harm Children: Post‐Separation Fathering, Stalking and Domestic Violence’, is now available to read and download, as is her 2016 article ‘Beyond the Physical Incident Model: How Children Living with Domestic Violence are Harmed by and Resist Regimes of Coercive Control’, which is one of the journal’s most viewed articles to date. Alongside these, Emma is releasing a book titled Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives which will be published in early 2022 by Oxford University Press.Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Jun 29 2021
59 mins
Season 2 Episode 11: "We need a revolution:" Integration of trauma healing and behavior change for people who choose violence
The discussion of relationship between histories of trauma and the perpetration of abuse is often fraught.   Many people are worried, as has happened over and over again, that any consideration of the trauma histories of perpetrators will become an excuse for violence. Others advocate for the need for a more holistic approach, especially for those perpetrators who are also survivors of intergenerational traumas related to colonisation  and racism.  Following  on from this season's  Episode 10 "Trauma-informed is not the same as domestic violence-informed: A conversation about the intersection of domestic violence perpetration, mental health & addiction", David & Ruth turn their attention to the relationship between trauma histories and the choice to act in abusive, violent and controlling ways.   They anchor the conversation to following three main points:Adult and child survivors' realities and stated needs should be reflected in our conversations about perpetrators' trauma & behavioral accountability. Trauma histories do not cause someone to engage in violence, and violent and abusive behaviors do not heal trauma (in fact impede healing). A perpetrator pattern-based approach to measuring behavior change can help make trauma and addiction work more domestic violence-informed. David & Ruth also highlight how the work of the "She's Not Your Rehab" (Matt & Sarah Brown) is an example of how to bridge the conversations around behavior change and healing. (And Ruth does a shout out to Jess Hill, author of "See What You Made Me Do." )Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our next major virtual event.  Go to our website and check out our events page.
Jun 4 2021
1 hr 13 mins
Season 2 Episode 10:  Trauma-informed is not the same as domestic violence-informed: A conversation about the intersection of domestic violence perpetration, mental health & addiction
In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David & Ruth tackle one of the most pressing issues in the domestic violence field: how to make mental health and addiction services more domestic violence-informed when it comes to interacting with survivors.   While awareness of trauma and its impact continues to increase, it often is decontextualized from the dynamics of coercive control.  Mental health and addiction professionals are often ill-prepared by their education and training  to integrate coercive control into their assessments.  Organizations that are striving to trauma-informed are not always committing to be domestic violence-informed.  Domestic violence survivors are often harmed by these gaps.In  this episode Ruth & David, discussHow perpetrators' can cause and exacerbate existing mental health or addiction issues for adult and child survivorsHow perpetrators' can interfere with other family members' treatment and use their involvement with treatment against themHow systems, like family court and child welfare, may more negatively perceive a survivors' mental health and addiction issues than  perpetrators' coercive control How practitioners and organizations may have blindspots regarding how current coercive control dynamics may be impacting survivors' mental health and addiction treatment David & Ruth also tackle how structural sexism, racism and colonisation dynamics  are often ignored in mainstream mental health and addiction paradigms to the detriment of clients from oppressed communities.    Ruth  also shares about how she's been impacted by reading Judy Atkinson's book, Trauma Trails, Recreating Song Lines: The Transgenerational Effects of Trauma in Indigenous Australia If you like this episode you may want to also listen to the following other episodes of Partnered with a Survivor:Season 2, Episode 5: How professionals can avoid being manipulated by perpetratorsSeason 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps to Partnering with SurvivorsEpisode 30: 4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against SurvivorsEpisode 18: Survivors aren’t Broken! An intimate discussion about support and partnership in relationshipsJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
May 17 2021
1 hr 5 mins
Season 2 Episode 9: Finally! A realistic feature film about coercive control: An interview with Chyna Robinson and Tracy Rector
Domestic violence has been depicted in feature movies before.  "Enough," "The Burning Bed" and "Sleeping with the Enemy" depended on star power to draw in their audiences.   "Once We Were Warriors," the dark, award-wining New Zealand classic, explored violence in an urban Maori family. Now the multi-award winning feature film "No Ordinary Love"  (NOL) joins this  pantheon of movies that  glues viewers to their seats with view of intimate violence and abuse that is far too familiar to  many of us.    In this movie,  coercive control, the topic of a current global conversation about how best to respond to domestic violence, is center stage. Join  Ruth & David as they interview Chyna Robinson  (writer, director, producer) and Tracy Rector (executive producer), the powerhouse pair behind   "No Ordinary Love,'' a movie about two families where status and power intertwine with coercive control.   In one family the  a pastor uses religion as tool of control. In the other family, a survivor struggles with a partner, whose job as a police officer, increases danger instead of safety and protection. Watch the trailer From the  "No Ordinary Love" website:"Lines between romantic ideals and control become blurred when Tanya's husband can no longer handle the stress of his career as a police officer. His warm kisses turn cold, and she is left fighting for her life. At the same time, Elizabeth's idyllic life is marred when her charming husband manipulates her into believing that she is going insane. As Elizabeth counsels Tanya, she realizes the signs of abuse in her own marriage. When both women decide to leave, they realize it isn't going to go as smoothly as they'd planned. The escape they seek, turns deadly."David & Ruth talk to Chyna and Tracy about the mission behind the movie, the artistic choices associated with depicting coercive control, and the strong positive response the movie has already received. Chyna Robinson, is the award winning writer producer, director, behind the short film, "Greenwood," about the struggle of WWI vet to protect his family during the 1921 racist massacre in Tulsa Oklahoma.  Tracy Rector,  a domestic violence survivor and  veteran of the domestic violence movement in the United States.   Chyna & Tracy brought their own personal experiences & cultural perspectives to speak to intersectionalities such as race, religion, the impact of cultural attitudes and systemic failures of entities such as policing & social services toward black women survivors. Chyna and Tracy will be screening "No Ordinary Love" at many of the upcoming  Safe & Together Institute events. We hope you join us and the NOL team for these events.  Check out the "No Ordinary Love" websiteFollow "No Ordinary Love" on Twitter, Facebook and InstagramJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Apr 26 2021
55 mins
Season 2 Episode 8: "I spiraled down to a dark place:" An interview with a young survivor of officer involved domestic violence and his Mum
The voices of children  impacted by domestic violence perpetrators  are being ignored by professionals. In this ground-breaking interview, a fourteen year old survivor of officer-involved domestic violence, and his mother speak openly about their experience with systems.  Liam, and  his mother Michelle (pseudonyms) share  how the police colluded with  their perpetrator, who was Liam's stepfather.  They speak about how Liam and his sister were treated as after thoughts, and not victims in their own right.   Alternately between sadness and anger Liam talks about the failures of the police, child welfare and other professionals.   Links to other interviews and stories with Liam and MichelleLiam’s Op-Ed in the Age https://www.theage.com.au/national/victoria/child-survivors-of-family-violence-need-to-be-recognised-20201206-p56kzq.htmlOur interview with the ABC (radio) which caused complaints because a child spokehttps://www.abc.net.au/radio/melbourne/programs/mornings/victoria-police,-minister-apologise-to-woman/12363274Sixty minuteshttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Clth5kpkiJcAn article about Liam  and his sister https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.abc.net.au/article/12335894Two articles about our story published in the Age https://www.theage.com.au/national/hidden-crisis-when-your-domestic-abuser-is-also-the-local-police-officer-20201203-p56k6r.htmlhttps://www.theage.com.au/national/victoria/systemic-problems-ibac-uncovers-police failings-on-domestic-abuse-by-officers-20201206-p56l0d.htmlJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our next major virtual event.  Go to our website and check out our events page.
Mar 23 2021
1 hr 11 mins
Season 2 Episode 7: 'Radical Resistance to the Status Quo': A Look Behind the Scottish Coercive Control Law with Dr. Marsha Scott
Safety. Satisfaction. Self-Determination.  For decades, domestic violence survivors have shared that these are the aspects of their life targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. Until recently, it was primarily the attacks on physical  safety that were reflected in the domestic violence laws across the world.   Slowly , with the passage of coercive control laws in a few countries,  survivors are seeing their wider reality reflected in legislation. Coercive control,  as definition of domestic violence, is now being considered from Australia to the United States.  Coercive control, which has been at the center of the Safe & Together Model's perpetrator pattern-based approach for 15 years,  stresses patterns of behavior that  lead to entrapment and  restrict the fundamental rights of the adult and child survivors. The laws that are being considered are far from uniform in their scope and sensitivity to the issues including preventing backlash against survivors, particularly survivors from poor and marginalized communities.  Because Scotland's coercive control law is considered one of the most progressive in the world,  David and Ruth interviewed  Dr. Marsha Scott , the executive for Scottish Woman's Aid .  The interview includes: A discussion of the framing and development of the lawHow the law differs from other effortsThe importance of the inclusion of children and pets in the defintion of patternsHow a "reasonable person" standard helps keep the focus on the perpetrator's pattern The importance of implementation planning  The importance of getting input from survivors as part of the process of developing coercive control laws andHow to avoid coercive control laws rebounding against survivors from all backgrounds.Read the Scottish LawCheck out  Scottish Women's Aid's websiteListen to our interview with Jess Hill on coercive control lawsListen to our interview with Luke and Ryan Hart, major supporters of coercive control lawListen our episode on coercive control and consentJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference .  Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.
Mar 11 2021
1 hr 11 mins
Season 2 Episode 6:  The Male VictimSeason 2 Episode 5:  How professionals & systems can avoid being manipulated by perpetrators
Domestic violence perpetrators do not only target survivors.  They also target the professionals & systems who want to want to help them. Many perpetrators, often using money, privilege and power,  leverage systems to amplify their control.  False allegations of substance abuse, mental health issues or child abuse are lodged with  social services and family courts, often to devastating effect.  Other behaviors include:Continuous litigation to exhaust the financial ability of survivors to resistThe use of police  wellness checks to intimidate a survivor The weaponization of survivor's mental health and addiction diagnoses, to gain control over children, even when those problems are the result of the perpetrator's abuse.Survivors can feel trapped between perpetrators and  systems that are not savvy to these behaviors. The effects of system manipulation on the safety & wellbeing of adult and child survivors of domestic violence is often long term, financially devastating, and  harmful to child wellbeing and development. In some instances these system failures can cause MORE trauma than the initial abuse itself. In this episode, David & Ruth discuss how domestic violence perpetrators target practitioners in different systems, and why those systems are so vulnerable to these tactics.  They highlight the vulnerabilities of family court, criminal justice and child welfare.  They discuss how to recognize when a perpetrator is manipulating your system to harm a victim, and how  to  resist these manipulations.    Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our next major virtual event.  Go to our website and check out our events page.
Feb 16 2021
56 mins
Season 2 Episode 4: Making Good Decisions: How Professionals use the Safe & Together Model Critical Components to help adult and child survivors

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