Owning Your Sexual Self

Rachel Maine

Hi! I'm Rachel Maine! I am a sex coach and sexuality educator that helps women discover and embrace what brings them pleasure so that they can own their sexual self. This podcast provides a space for listeners to think openly about their sexuality and discusses all topics surrounding sexual health and wellness through a sex positive lens. Of course, there will be humor and profanity involved because well... that's my jam! Be sure to subscribe and review the podcast so you never miss a beat!

115. Hormone Hacks for Your Sexual Health with Vanessa Schiffelbine
I’m so excited to have Vanessa Schiffelbine on this week! I knew she needed to be on the podcast and was someone my listeners needed to hear about. We’re talking mostly about PMS, how your hormones contribute to so many things in your life, and how to biohack your life to get the most out of it. Who is Vanessa?She is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist currently living in Saint Clair, MI. Vanessa is the owner of Nutrition for Gals where she provides virtual one-on-one nutrition counseling for women suffering from fatigue, burnout, brain fog, PMS, low libido, painful periods and acne. Vanessa is also a co-host of the podcast Wellness Myths. She wanted to help other people maximize their lives using nutrition and lifestyle.  As long as she can remember having periods, she was spending at least a week a month feeling like a different person.  She realized something was wrong and needed to fix it.  What’s the 101 we need to know about hormones?Hormones are just chemical messengers. If your hormones are out of whack or are unhappy in some way, there is a deeper issue. Her number one thing is that you can eat as healthy as you want, if you’re super stressed out, it’s not going to help you. You need to work on stress first. Incorporate things like meditation, journaling, yoga, going for a walk,  or mindfulness before going into the food stuff. If you’re jumping right into the food stuff but you’re in stress mode you’re not going to see those effects. Find joy, do things that make you laugh. Do the things that made you super happy as a kid, even if you look silly, even if you look dumb doing it, who cares?What changes might people see if the work they're doing is working?Something really obvious is that you’re having a daily bowel movement. When you wake up in the morning, you feel awake. You should be feeling like you’re falling asleep easily at night. You should be feeling like you have energy throughout the day, and you’re not hitting that 2pm slump.What are things people should know about the area of sex and hormones?Low testosterone is a really big one, you might notice things like a little more belly fat, not being able to gain muscle, low energy, and brain fog, and a lot of times it comes with a low sex drive. You can support testosterone production with things like vitamin D, zinc, strength training, maca, and you want to look at your adrenal gland function and support that. What does hormone testing look like?Vanessa uses a test call the DUTCH Test. It gets sent right to your home and you provide a urine sample. If you have a 28 day cycle it gets taken during your luteal phase day 19-22, but it can change a bit based on your cycle. You send your sample back to a lab and then they send the results to her. If you’re someone who’s completely new to this and you’ve never done anything with hormones,  start with tracking your cycle. You can use an app or even just a calendar or a piece of paper, you don’t need anything fancy. Just knowing when the phases of your cycle are can be so empowering. It can help you schedule your life so much better, and you can see where your symptoms are happening and figure out how to solve them better. Resources:The Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden avivaromm.com for great blogs! Why we Sleep by Matthew Walker For period tracking: The Clue App Wellness Myths Podcast Connect with Vanessa!Instagram: @nutritionforgals Website: www.nutritionforgals.comemail: vanessa@nutritionforgals.comConnect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
2d ago
32 mins
114. A Childfree Life with Jenn Lyles
This week I’m really wanting to hone into this conversation about a childfree life with my guest Jenn Lyles. You’ve all heard our story about choosing to be childfree, so I thought I’d be cool to bring on Jenn and hear her story. Who is Jenn?Jenn Lyles is a marketing professional residing in Nashville. She and her husband, Nick, have been married 15 years and have chosen a marriage without children. Jenn's recent TikTok sharing her choice  went viral and became very controversial. She hopes to break down barriers and normalize couples choosing a childfree life.  She moved from Toronto to Alabama all by herself at the age of 18. She ended up dating a lot of christian guys who were all about having kids, but thought it was crazy being only 18. Her friend set her up with this guy Nick who was the only guy in her world that didn’t want to get married or have kids.  There were several times in their marriage where the conversation came up, but they could never come up with a good reason to have them. “We just didn’t think that having them to fit in with friends was a good enough reason. We just never thought that was going to be fair to a child.”Why does she feel like those conversations about questioning their decision to be childfree came up?There were always 2 things that would happen in her life that would make her bring up having a kid. One, she was unhappy with work. Second, when she was unfulfilled with her body, any time she was heavier or didn’t feel great about herself. When she was unhappy in her life, she would try to chase something that might bring her happiness. Which is why she’s so glad, that she married someone who was wise and who understood her need to wanting to have children. How can social media go when you’re childfree?Jenn posted a TikTok that went viral about being childfree, and how some mom’s dream day is her every day. Some of the comments were… not good. She travels a lot, has a lot of free time and is just out there living her best life, and there are just a lot of jealous people. It’s not that she doesn’t get it, if you’re scrolling instagram and you see someone living their best life,  I can imagine that can be hard to see if you aren't able to do that. But, we don’t share everything on social media, and it's really easy to judge people for the highlight reel. What advice would Jenn share with someone who’s on the fence about having childrenNumber one, it’s okay to change your mind. It is okay to say early in a marriage that you don’t want to have children, but change your mind later on. Number two, is have a reason to do it. Don’t do it for anyone else except for you. There can be pressure from family or friends, but they’re not the one raising the kid, you are.  If you are on the fence and you aren’t going to be able to jump in and completely take care of your child no matter what health conditions they might have, then you aren’t ready to be a parent.What is the difference between Childless and Childfree?Childless is someone who wants to be a parent, but for whatever reason they aren’t or can’t right now.Childfree is the choice to not have children.  What are some benefits to being Childfree?Travel, sex all over your house whenever you want, being able to be more present in so many things, spending your days, weekends,  and vacations how and where you want, basically it's freedom.It's time we normalized the choice to be childfree. ResourcesOvulation tracking app  Connect with Jenn!Instagram & TikTok: @Jenn_Lyles Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
May 9 2022
40 mins
113. Bring Back Dry Humping with Samia
Samia is the owner Sexual Essentials, and is a Hands in Sexual Educator who specializes in helping people create the sex life that they truly desire. She has over 230 classes teaching about perfecting and creating your best orgasms! She teaches the real stuff that we need to know more about. She knew she needed to create a platform after noticing that there was clearly a disconnect between romantic relationships and sex. She noticed everyone is saying the same shit, but she needed to bridge it all together. She was tired of people tiptoeing around the subject like it was a curse word. If you’re not going to explain it fully, people are not going to understand. Pleasure has been missed completely and she was just sick and tired of it. She decided ‘fuck it, I’ll do it’.In my work I’m often trying to get couples back to that early stage of their relationship because for so many of us that’s what we're longing for. If you think back to your middle or high school days, dry humping was a thing, it was fun and exciting! Why is it when we get to be adults, dry humping has become looked at as being childish?These days with sex we’re so prone to going straight to the point. Possibly because we don’t ever have enough time to properly have sex nor has it been drilled in our head how much time we really should be taking. Or when we do have the time people might not know how to fill those gaps. We’re not in tune with ourselves enough to know what we want and how to get it. The cheat code is really understanding that sex doesn’t start with penetration, if you can make sure you’re satisfied before the penetration even starts, you’re gonna be good. We should know that the stuff that happens before, the foreplay, the kissing, the dry humping, and oral sex is the sex. Everything that you want in partner sex should be present in solo sex. If you’re complaining about only doing one thing during sex or not changing it up, you should also be looking at how you’re masturbating, and when’s the last time you did something different for your self? If you haven’t experienced a difference from yourself, maybe we shouldn't be judging a partner for doing the same thing. If you’re not comfortable doing it alone, what makes you think you’re going to be more comfortable doing it with someone else?Dry humping can be so many different things if you think of it just as genitals not inserting inside each other. It doesn’t have to be just having on your clothes and humping each other like teenagers. Add in a bit of a different texture, like the feel of the penis head on the clitoris can be amazing, or the feel of the fingers or tongue or just different skin on skin textures. Try experimenting with dry humping see what all you can do before penetrative sex happens. If you are thinking something like “Well I just don’t like it”, as much as we are entitled to our own preferences, dig into it. Figure out why you don’t want your body touching another person’s body. Try to find a way to like it.If you’re looking for a way to start, try just kissing and teasing with clothes on, try making it a game, say ‘I bet you can’t make it 30 minutes with us doing this without taking your clothes off. Whoever takes their clothes off first has to wash the dishes. It’s really time to dig into it and fix our sex lives. It’s not going to happen from being quiet and sending out rays of thoughts, you’re going to have to open that mouth. Connect with Samia!Instagram: @sexualessentialsPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/sexualessentialsWebsite: https://thesexualessentials.com/Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
May 2 2022
34 mins
112. Get Curious About Your Clitoris
I’m coming to you from my office holding my stuffed clitorises for inspiration this week. This Meeting women and seeing their light bulb moments when I’m giving them this information at parties is what made me realize I just needed to do an episode all about the clitoris.I bring a vulva pillow and do a little female anatomy 101 at every single party because it is something that I believe most women are lacking. If you are a vulva owner and haven’t taken a mirror and looked and done some self exploration to your genitals and really get to know and get comfortable with them, then you might not know and understand your vulva in a pleasure focused center, it truly can make all the difference for you.When doing the vulva anatomy 101, I show where the outer and inner labia are. I show what is actually the vagina, a lot of times we refer to our genitals as the vagina but the vagina is actually the inside part of the vulva.  Then I go into how the gspot is 2 inches in, 2 inches forward and feels like a spongy almond. Then I show the urethra and explain how it is it’s own separate hole. Then the top gem on my pillow is to resemble the clitoris, and that’s what this episode is all about, the clitoris. For so many of us we think that the little bean part is the only clitoris, but that's not the case. When you’re looking externally at the vulva, what we see as the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. The clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone, we actually have two clitoral legs and kinda wrap sound the labia.Knowing that, I’m going to challenge you to really focus more so on your labia or explore your entire vulva next time you’re engaging in self pleasure or during foreplay with your partner. When you’re doing that, you’re actually activating those clitoral legs, and you’re going to give yourself a stronger orgasm. Most of us are masturbating the same way we first learned how to masturbate. When I ask women how they learned about masturbation and most of us are still doing what we first realized felt good. Over 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm, that is a huge portion.Only 20% of women orgasm with just vaginal penetration with no clitoral stimulation. When you think of sex positions not a lot give many clitoral stimulation without the help of your hands or a toy. It all comes back to where your body is getting stimulated. So when you’re in many sex positions you’re not having as much pleasure because your clitoris is not getting stimulated enough or in the right way. The clitoris is made of 8 to 12 thousand nerve endings, that is double what a penis has. Which means women are feeling so so much more intense pleasure than penis owners. You also actually have a preference for if you like stimulation more on the left side or the right side. So next time you go and enjoy your self pleasure and focus some stimulation downward from the top of your clitoris on each side, and get curious about yourself and your clitoris. Self pleasure is the key to overall pleasure. Using your voice, and knowing your sexual body more will allow you to use your voice more effectively. Join the Masterclass:  How to Flick The Bean & The Peen Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Apr 25 2022
34 mins
111. We Went to a Kink Show
We are taking a whole new meaning to freaky Friday, we’re making it Kinky Friday! I’m going to be telling you all about the experience Danny, my friends and I had at something called Kinky Friday. My friends and I went to this bar called the Gay 90’s in Minnesota when I was visiting because this bar has rooms with different vibes, and we knew it would be a good time. Surprisingly, when we walked in they immediately asked us if we were there for the kink show. So obviously, I’m like “Holy, yes. Yes we are here for the kink night.” What is Kinky Friday?Its a consensual experience. There are performers, and different stations to go to and a separate bar. It was a safe environment to experience and educate yourself on these things. To give you an idea, this is a sign that is posted when you get there, "You are now entering Kinky Friday, a consent focused space. No touching without asking, no photos or video except in the Kinky Friday photobooth, no means no, yes means yes, respect is sexy, consent is mandatory. " When I got back there, the diversity of this room where they hold this kink night was was incredible, and it just filled my heart with joy to see. You are accepted in that space and in that community no matter how you dress or what you look like.  How did the first Kink Night impact me personally?The grand finale of the first Kinky Friday I went to is what made me realize that I have some exhibitionism in me. It was one of the sexiest, hottest things I’ve ever experienced. Seeing her in that role was definitely something I could see myself in. In this space where trust and responsibility was there and judgment was not. It was a place where you could be yourself and own your pleasure. Now, fast forward to a few weeks agoDanny and I went to Minnesota and as soon as I realized we would be in town for Kinky Friday, I knew that this was something we needed to do.  What was it like going to this with Danny?It was also very cool to be able to experience this with Danny because after each sort of kinky thing went by we were able to do this check in with each other. Asking things like “What did you think of that?” “Was that hot?” Or saying things like “That is so hot, that is such a turn on for me.”. We were able to make plans for our future sexual encounters, and things to try in the future. It was also good to be able to say the things that were not turn ons for us.One of the things that I loved there and immediately bought on amazon is basically a spiky little pinwheel. About a week after the show we were able to give the pinwheel a try and this thing fucking hurts! It was not what I was expecting, I thought it was going to be a little tickle, but it hurt and kinda felt like a bunch of little bites!  If you like the pain, and the kinky things, you should get one of these, it was so fun. Go to a kink show. If you ever have the opportunity to go to one and you can be a solid human and not be an asshole and go in there and judge people, go.  It was such a good experience. To be able to talk to your partner about these things, to be able to see and experience new things that you may have never even heard of or never seen before is so so good. SO GOOD. Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Apr 18 2022
34 mins
110. Tips for Staying Intimate Through Pregnancy with Bri Carey
Bri Carey is here to talk about helping couples stay connected and keeping their relationship a priority through pregnancy. Bri has two little ones, a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old. She’s been in the sexual health and wellness field for almost 14 years. She’s been married for 15 years. In her coaching work she primarily works with couples and one of the toughest things that comes up for couples is the conversation around intimacy during pregnancy and even after with postpartum. What are the common struggles that women or couples go through when it comes to intimacy during a typical pregnancy?You’re growing another human, you’re having morning sickness or body aches and pains, and you’re basically becoming this whole different person in 10 months. You're having to deal with that and you’re taking care of this child in your womb, and having to navigate working, maintaining your house, and also your partner on top of that. It’s a lot of not feeling well, feeling bloated and swollen, not feeling sexy, or feeling like you don’t know this body you’re in. When working with couples, we talk about things like how to feel confident in your body, and appreciating your body for what it's doing.  What are some ways for couples to make sure they’re making their relationship a priority?Find different ways to be intimate that isn't sex. Baths together, massages, just opening up communication and talking. Scheduling creates consistency. When you have consistency your body will crave it more, and you feel a lot more connected. Date night, especially before baby, getting as much 1 on 1 time as possible. A little getaway just to refresh before the baby arrives.Using communication cards to connect on a deeper level. Making intimacy and your relationship a priority during pregnancy will definitely help make things easier postpartum. What about  women who might be interested in solo pleasure, or if their partner isn’t around?During the second trimester, you’re having a surge of hormones and that’s when a lot of women really feel the most arousal and want to have sex more. So take care of it sis, get your vibrator, use your hands, just enjoy that. Enjoy it, don’t feel like because you’re pregnant you can’t masturbate. What are the challenges people might face when they’re just a couple weeks postpartum?When Bri had her son she had some tearing. When she went to her six week appointment her midwife gave her the all clear. It was maybe a couple of weeks after that appointment when they first tried to have sex again, and Bri immediately knew something isn’t right.  She went back to her midwife and the midwife said that everything looks great, told Bri to have a glass of wine and use more lubrication. It’s bullshit that this is what women are told. We start to internalize and feel guilty that we don’t want to have sex with our partner because it’s painful. When we give birth there is vaginal trauma. Your body can remember that trauma and you may have to retrain your body to enjoy pleasure.Get comfortable touching yourself again.  Using vibration is helpful to wake up those nerve endings in a different way.  Have your partner join in with you, have them hold the vibrator on you,  or guide their hand. Work your way up to penetration with a small toy,  then your partner. Advocate for yourself. Use your voice and speak up. If the doctors have a checklist, you should have your checklist too. If you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you, find a new one because you don’t have to suffer. Connect with Bri!Instagram: @_brianna_carey_Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Apr 11 2022
23 mins
109. WTF is a Dripstick?
I know you’re probably wondering wtf is a Dripstick? Is it something I’m going to use for my car? Is it something that is sexual? I mean, this is a sex podcast so it has to be something sexual, right? Well in this episode, I’m going to tell you exactly what it is. Forewarning, things do get just a touch personal and graphic.As you all know, my husband and I have decided not to have children. And as of November, we were giving the all clear that everything was good and successful with his vasectomy. Which means that our sex life really changed moving forward, we no longer have that worry that I could end up pregnant. As a lot of women know, the feeling of having cum inside of you is just not the most comfortable thing in the world. (At least in this podcaster's humble opinion.)  How did I find out about this thing called a Dripstick?My friend had talked about it in a group chat! She basically said that these things are amazing and that we needed to try them out. I remember seeing it and thinking wtf is it and why are you using it after a sexual encounter?Now that I’m experiencing the uncomfortability of cum dripping out hours after a sexual encounter, I definitely get it. So I went over to awkwardessentials.com and I look up these Dripsticks. What is a Dripstick?It is an aftercare sex clean up product. It is actually the first ever sex clean up product out there.  It’s made out of a soft medical-grade sponge and will clean up excess fluids so you can move on with your day or night. No more perpetual gooey feeling, dripping, or ruined sheets. Dripstick is not a form of birth control, it is not an std or sti protection, and it is not a menstruation product.How do you use one?Once you open up your package, you’ll notice that it does kind of look like a tampon. It has a soft sponge on one end and a small plastic handle on the other. You want to make sure you’re peeing before and after using this, you will also want to make sure you store it in a cool dry place, and avoid direct exposure to light. So what you’ll do when it’s time to use it, you want to make sure you don’t touch the sponge to keep everything as clean and sanitary as possible. So, you’ll grab that little handle, then while seated you want to slowly and carefully insert the sponge into the vaginal canal and maintain a grip on the handle. If insertion is difficult, wait a few minutes for the fluids to reach the vaginal canal. Then you’re going to gently twist the Dripstick around as it is still inserted vaginally, and twist as necessary. You don’t want to leave the sponge in there for a long period of time like you would a tampon. The great thing about this is how soft it is, it’s not going to feel like a dry tampon. It is also not meant for reuse. You will remove this from the vaginal canal, put it back in the package and then dispose of it. If you feel like you still have fluids in the canal after using one sponge, use a new one to get the rest. This has absolutely been a game changer for us in our sex life. Before I had Awkward Essentials in my life, I was sometimes thinking like “I don’t really want him to finish inside me, I’ve got plans tonight, I’ve got stuff to do today. I don’t want to be like dripping and squishing around for the rest of the day.” I’m so grateful that there's a company out there that's creating products like this for these awkward times in our life.  Referral link:  http://www.awkwardessentials.com/discount/Rachel10 Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Mar 28 2022
17 mins
108. Women's Circles- All the Woo You Want to Know About
Today I’m going to share with you a look into my women’s circles. I want to share the journey from my first women’s circle to my last one, how it started, what it is, what you do, what the point is, the energy that comes from it, and some stories from the circles we’ve done. What is a women's circle? For thousands of years, women have been coming together and holding space for one another to create magic, intention, emotion, and vulnerability. The outcome from these circles is incredible, and so powerful. Not only the feeling  when you’re actually in the circle, but the things that you’re then able to put to rest, or set intentions around. It's about knowing you’re supported, loved, and exactly where you’re supposed to be right now.Women’s circles are done around either a full moon or a new moon. For both new and full moons, you can observe them day before, the day of, and the day after.New moonIt is when the moon is at its darkest and is sometimes called the dark moon.From here is where it gradually builds in strength towards the full moon.It is a more introspective time and represents new beginnings as we plant seeds for the future.It’s a good time to set clear intentions for the month ahead, clarify your goals, start new projects, and acknowledge your growth. It’s also a good time to let go and release what no longer serves you so that you can welcome in the new. Full moonIs the phase where the sun illuminates the entire moon.It represents completion, fertility, abundance, and transformation.It can also be a time of friction, polarity, and more intense emotional energy. Everything is in full illumination. Which means it’s a good time to look honestly at the full spectrum of what is or is not working for you.With this higher energy also comes more outward connection and celebration, plus your psychic abilities may be more fully awake, so listen  closely to what you intuitively want to shed, let go of, and release. How do women's circles go?With every moon we start by dropping in, introducing ourselves and saying what is present for us, what are we feeling right now. We’re able to get to know each other, we set the agreements to the circle, and what our expectations are of ourselves and each other. We want to make sure everyone feels respected and everyone’s boundaries are being met, and that people are getting the support and the love that they came here for.What can you do for a new moon?When I held my circle for the new moon, we set intentions for 2022, we talked about the things that may have held us back or things we wanted to let go of, We did an exercise for the things we wanted to let go of by burning some paper. Then we were able to plant the seeds for 2022 by writing our intentions on a bay leaf, and planting it inside a small succulent. What can you do for a full moon?This full moon was all about putting things to close and letting go of things that have been holding us back, or things we have been struggling with. We created some energy with water, by using herbs and essential oils to indicate things that were holding us back. We dissolved those things with sea salt and then we were able to stand on my canal, be under the full moon, and then dump our bowls of water into the canal to be washed away.I’m not sure what this is all going to evolve into but I’m excited. I’m excited to see the transformation that comes from our circle.Noell Grace for Numerology: noell.grace8@gmail.com (Tell her Rachel Maine referred you) Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Mar 21 2022
34 mins
107. 3 Steps for Sharing Your Fantasies With Your Partner
One of my favorite activities when working with couples is allowing them to describe to each other what their needs and wants in the bedroom. Oftentimes couples aren’t having this conversation with each other, which can leave someone being unsure what their partner likes or if they’re enjoying themselves. Couples are just trying to feel connection with their partner, and being able to share fantasies with your partner can be such an erotic yet, spiritual connection for people. What exactly does fantasy mean?Fantasy is a fanciful mental image typically one on which a person dwells at length or repeatedly and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes.There are some things that we fantasize about that we don’t necessarily want to happen in real life. Sometimes your fantasy can present itself in real life, and in that moment, you can decide no, this isn’t what it looks like in my fantasy or this isn’t what I thought it would feel like. Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. I want to give you three steps on how to comfortably share your fantasies with your partner. Step 1-  Get comfortable with your fantasies on your own. It’s really hard for you to ask your partner to do something with you in bed if you don’t feel truly comfortable with what it is you’re asking for. Practice having these conversations in front of a mirror, or just saying the words out loud to yourself in the car. Step 2- Use leading and open ended questions. If you’re really feeling shy about talking about your fantasies, it can really be helpful to use these leading questions to gauge your partner’s response. Introduce the concept of the fantasy without specifically saying you’re interested in trying it. For example tell your partner “I was listening to this podcast today and the girl mentioned mutual masturbation. Have you ever thought about doing that together?”. You’re keeping it a little vague, you want their opinion, and you want to hear what they have to say about it.Step 3- Tell your partner directly why you want to explore your fantasy with them. There’s always a possibility that hearing your fantasy may bring up an insecurity for your partner. One way to get around this, to avoid that insecurity your partner might be feeling, would be to share why you want to explore that fantasy with them specifically. The reality is that most people want to explore fantasies because they enjoy connecting with their partner, not because the sex that they’re currently having is terrible.Credit to Vanessa Martin, Sex Therapist for these three steps.If you are sitting here thinking I don’t even know what my fantasies are, or what I want to explore, I would invite you to go to my website, and check out the masterclass that I did on this. It will walk you through one of my most favorite exercises for couples, the Want, Will, Won’t List. With this purchase you’re going to get my downloadable version of the list, and you’ll also get the replay of me walking through exactly the step by step on how to complete the Want, Will, Won’t list. The list has so many things that you or your partner may be fantasizing about so it’s a great tool for couples to walk through together.I’m hoping this fantasy episode left you intrigued and  thinking that there are definitely some things you want to share with your partner. But also curious about what you might be missing out on. What other fantasies or types of things are out there that other people are doing that you might want to incorporate into your own sexual life. Link to Masterclass: https://www.wellnesssexpertise.com/masterclass Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Mar 14 2022
19 mins
106. Proper Breast Play
We’ve definitely talked foreplay before, but today I want to get a little more detailed and dive specifically into breast play. This really stemmed from when I was revamping my program Sexual Confidence Academy, and going through the foreplay module. Breast play is a really great tool for the majority of people when it’s done right. It can be very soft, sensual, and subtle, and it will really set the right mood for you.  If you go right into sex before the foreplay process, it can make penetration feel very uncomfortable for us. And it has to be enjoyable foreplay, if it’s not enjoyable, that 15 to 20 minutes basically will not have even happened. If you’re not enjoying it, your body is not responding in the way that you want it to to move from desire to arousal. You all know what I’m talking about when I say that so much of the time men just love to honk our breasts, and that’s all fine, fun, or cutesy here and there. But when done right, breast play can be such an incredibly fun and engaging tool for foreplay.  So how can we make breast play so much more intimate and enjoyable for everyone?Where should you start?We all know what breasts look like, and we all know what bras look like, so if you can focus and you want to start stroking and touching around the bra line, that’s really the best way to start. If you can cup your hand into a U shape, and put your thumb right into the middle, on the sternum, so if you’re making the U shape and pushing up against the breast, you can then gently squeeze your hand. Then you will start working your hands around the side, to the top, being gentle and sensual. We’re exploring around the breasts, and not pulling and flicking and honking, or just focusing on the nipples. Another great way to make this a little more erotic for you during your foreplay is by kneeling with the person receiving the breast play in front and the person that’s giving the breast play behind and do all the bra line stroking, touching, and sexual caressing because that then allows the person receiving to see all the things their partner is doing. It also allows your vulva area to be exposed or touched, or have a toy be used. What about the nipples?If you're wanting to start some nipple stimulation make sure you ask your partner about it, not everyone enjoys it. Some people have very high sensitivity when it comes to nipple stimulation. You can ask in a very sexual way, by saying something like'I would love to explore your nipples. Is it okay if I rub your nipples?" "Is it okay give your nipples some attention?" "Is it okay if I touch here?" When you do get the okay, you don't want to just flick or pull at them. You can trap the nipple between your index and middle finger, almost the same feel as nipple clamps might do. A very soft pinching feel or even just gently rubbing over the nipples. There are so many things that we can incorporate into our foreplay, and having conversations with our partner about what feels good, is so important. If you haven't listened to my 3 minute game podcast episode, it is truly a great tool. It can help you bring up with your partner the things you do want to explore or try in the bedroom.  You can also try my Relationship Regroup and pencil in trying breast play for the sexploration, and spend 30 minutes solely focused on breast play. Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Mar 7 2022
20 mins
105. Creative Monogamy with Dr. Joli Hamilton
Today I’m super excited to be talking to Joli Hamilton an AASECT certified sex educator about creative monogamy. It’s all about finding the right relationship style for your unique self. Who is Joli?Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist,TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required.How did Joli get started in creative monogamy?She got there by making all the mistakes, like so many educators find themselves having to study out of their own problems first. She was married to someone, fell in love with someone else, and had no idea what to do. So she started studying, but she couldn’t find a guide to help craft a creative monogamous or non monogamous agreement that would work for her. She’s just out here being what she wished had existed in the world. What is creative monogamy?It is a process that two individuals enter into that involves thought experiments, discussions, conversation, fun, and a lot of experiments to come to agree on exactly what we are doing in this relationship together, and where we’re allowing for expansion and things that might not be exclusive. It’s about creating the relationship that you want to have. What does the process look like?First each person needs to enter a dialog with themselves. Ask yourself, what are your values, what do you want, how did you learn about relationships, what is impacting you in relationships in patterns throughout your life. Get clear about what we actually want, and what our boundaries are. Then you  go through what the wants are and go through prioritizing and figuring out not necessarily what the most wanted is but more what feels safe to explore now.  What are the challenges that can come up when the negotiation process is happening?Some of the stuff that comes up is going to trigger your partner. It’s just inevitable.  Learning to accept that you might not get a positive answer opens up space for you to bravely vulnerably share, and then wait and see, figure out where this might go, or reclaim it and figure out how you can meet  it yourself. If you can prioritize growth over comfort, you will come out of this leveled up, excited, passionate about growing and learning together. Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable LoveShe wrote this book  because she knew she wanted to have something in this world to point to and say “here are some basic tools to be really helpful for you to have the relationship you wish to have”. She didn’t write it specifically for non monogamy, or to solve any one problem. It’s a 12 step action plan for adding tools to your tool kit for how you do relationships. If you’re not happy with where you’re at right now, or even if you are happy, there’s still so much more available to you. You don’t know what you don’t know. ResourcesEthical SlutConnect with Joli! Website: www.ListentoJoli.com Book: Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable LoveConnect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Feb 28 2022
36 mins
104. ADHD & Intimacy with Chris Connolly
I’m talking today with Chris Connelly about how ADHD affects sexuality and intimate relationships. I have a feeling that this episode is going to be very relatable to so many of my listeners, and myself included. You might hear some of the things Chris has to say, and think to yourself “Hm, this sounds a lot like me.”Chris started her sexploration in high school as a peer sex educator at the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. She went on to receive her degree in Community Health from the University of Maine and to work at the Center on Halsted community center in Chicago as a Health Educator. In 2013 she began her research to hack online dating which bloomed into her current 5 step dating course that she has now customized to serve the ADHD community.What has Chris’s experience with ADHD been?When she was tested in the 4th grade, she was told it definitely was not ADHD, but instead that it was dyslexia. When she was in college, she had a therapist suggest that she try ADHD meds to see if that would help her. Before the meds, her head was like a keg party, and then all of a sudden on the meds, it was like all the people at the party were waiting in line to talk and not just a mess of noise. What changes did she start to notice after getting diagnosed and being put on meds?Meds do make it easier for her to finish a sentence and focus on something, as long as she's interested in it. People often think that having ADHD means you can’t focus on things, but it’s so not the case. For example; that bird outside the window is way more interesting than the teacher in front of the class. I can focus on that bird for 45 minutes just fine, the attention we have just isn’t going where other people want it to. It’s about being able to drive your attention instead of the attention driving you. The biggest challenge that people have is not believing their self worth.  Or not having the right tools that will work with an ADHD brain. We just need to be authentic and honest, to be able to have self acceptance without being self critical, knowing that I’m am perfect just the way I am. Maybe my brain can’t connect all the sentences in the right way, but my brain can take a bunch of information and make connections that other people wouldn’t be able to make. How does ADHD affect sex?It can be like listening to a boring lecture, “Where else can my brain go that’s more interesting?”. If we know what’s going to happen, we’re left thinking how can I get novelty back into my sexual life and stay connected?  When you tell an ADHD brain we have to get there instead of seeing if we can get there, the brain is going to throw a fit and say no. We need to thinking about the journey being the destination, or the destination is connecting with yourself or connecting with another person. What can we do to change this?Try thinking of sex like a game. Things like, touching for 10 minutes, but the bikini area is off limits. Maybe keep the sexual sessions shorter.  You can focus on something for 30 seconds or 1 minute, then allow yourself to get distracted, take a few deep breaths, and then come back, or maybe not. Maturbate curiously, maybe you don’t start with doing things with a partner. Notice yourself, notice when you come and which ways you touch yourself is useful."I’m not worried about diagnoses. I’m worried about making sure people loving themselves, knowing they’re not broken and being able to have fulfilling lives, relationships and sexuality with themselves and others." Connect with Chris!Instagram: @DistractedLoveChrisWebsite: DistractedLove.comConnect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Feb 21 2022
43 mins
103. Edging for Beginners
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Today’s topic is edging, something you can implement in your sex life or relationship all year round. Edging is something I’ve learned about over the last few years, but I feel like I was edging before I knew I was edging. I wanted to share this information with you about edging for so many reasons. It can help men last longer, it can help with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation,  for both sexes edging is a great technique to build up frustration as a great foreplay tool, and it’s something that is going to increase and intensify your orgasm. Edging can also allow for longer sexual sessions, it can increase your sexual stamina and give you more controlled orgasms. Edging is a sexual technique to build up an orgasm by teasing and delaying gratification right up until the point of orgasm. Essentially this will look like getting very very close to orgasm without allowing them or yourself to achieve an orgasm.Why should you try edging?Especially for people who have penises edging is going to get them close to achieving orgasm to get that build up, and  is going to allow them to have a stronger more intense orgasm. It will also prepare them for future sexual sessions and allow them to last longer in them. If you know you’re going to be edged by your partner, so to give yourself the state of mind to pull back and not allow yourself to get to orgasm gives you so much control over your own sexuality. Here are five steps on how to edge the next time you’re masturbating or having sex with a partner. Edging is another technique that I will recommend that you start exploring on yourself first. Starting solo with anything when it comes to sex is really the best practice overall so that you can learn and know your body in a better way. #1. Stimulate yourself or your partner until you feel you are right at the point of climax. This is going to give you the opportunity to learn your body and be able to identify the signs in yourself that you’re going to climax#2. Slow down or pause the stimulation so that you or they don’t climax. Maybe you’re slowing the speed or pressure, or moving on to a different area of the body. #3. Wait for a couple of deep breaths so you or your partner can control the orgasm and not climax. Breathing is such a huge piece of having sex. There are some people who really breathe through their orsams or foreplay, and there are some people who hold their breath. Practicing different breaths through your orgsams can be very enlightening for you to learn. #4. You are going to start back up and get the build up back to the point of orgasm. Think of edging as kind of like a rollercoaster, it goes up and down, up and down. #5. After edging for as many times as you like, finally allow yourself or your partner to release and achieve an orgasm. This might be a discussion you have with your partner beforehand about how many times you want to edge. Maybe you will incorporate it into dirty talk and count for your partner and let them know during the edging process.Often times when it comes to sex we just go to fast. Edging is not the technique for the quickie sort of sex scene. This is where you have the time and you want to take the time to do sexual exploration with your partner and I can speak from personal experience that when maybe the desire isn’t there right at the beginning, edging can absolutely bring you into it.  I'm so excited to share all this information with you and to hear all of your feedback! To see a more visual example of my podcasts, make sure you're following me on instagram!Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Feb 14 2022
20 mins
102. How to Initiate Sex
Initiation is something a lot of people struggle with. So many of us have a fear of rejection which often comes up when you’re thinking about initiating sex. So this week I'm going over the five different initiation styles directly from my Come As You Are book by Emily Nagoski.  The five different initiation styles:Provocative Seduction Style - You want to see their desire for you with a little skin, signs of arousal, undressing or posing for your delight, being approached with provocative teasing, playful hints or words of desire. Sensual Touch Style - Physical touch is what you need. Caressing the neck, getting a massage, even direct contact to the genitals. Emotional Connection Style - You respond to sweetness, romantic gestures, or connecting conversations. Demonstrations of love and sharing are essential to you moving into the erotic relm. Sex Talk Style - Whether it’s being told how sexy you look, or being told what your partner wants to do to you, direct sexual words are what really opens up a context to erotisism for you. Power Play Style - You’re bold. Maybe you like to dabble in bondage, kink, or bdsm things. The focus and attention in creating a power differential, either being in control, or being controlled. Being approached with confidence and urgency is key for you.Just as we have with the desire styles, most people are going to be a mixture of more than onet. This is a great exercise to do with your partner and see what works for you as an individual, what works for your partner, and what works for the two of you together.  What techniques can you do for each style?Provocative Seduction Style - Send or show a sexy picture, take a provocative post, show more skin, hint at or joke about sex, engage in sexual planning, wear or don’t wear types of clothing, undress for their partner, tells their partner directly that they want to have sexSensual Touch Style - Caress all body parts including the non-sexual parts, kiss or caress on the neck, start slow, give soft gentle kisses, touch the back and butt, wake up with kisses or sexual touch, stroke the chest and nipples, and give a massage. Emotional Connection Style - Act genuinely interested in what they have to say, arrange quality time such as a romantic dinner or event, address concerns or worries that they might have, make them laugh easily and a lot, engage in deep romantic conversation, tell them how much you love them, do something genuinely caring or thoughtfulSex Talk Style - Tells them how sexy they am or how much you desire them, tell them the things you want to do to them, talk dirty to them, send a sexy messagePower Play Style - Pushing up against a wall or a bed, taking charge of the situation, is rough or forceful, demand you have them immediately, approach them from behind, surprise them, or be spontaneous.When it comes to your sexual pleasure you do not have to wait for the mood to strike. If you’re waiting for the mood to strike, for the stress to go away, you might be waiting forever because even though one stressor might be put out, there’s always going to be another. So stop waiting for the *right* time. The more you wait, the more frustration you’re going to feel, the more that isolation is going to happen, you’re worry will build up between your partner, you might start to think some intrusive thoughts.  A great way to really help your partner’s blockers turn off is to make sure they feel attractive, supportive, admired, and there is no obligation to want sex. In couples that they feel that continuous love and admiration from their partner, sex seems to happen more naturally and in a more connected way. Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Feb 7 2022
20 mins
101. I’m Here Because I’ve Been There
This week me and Jordan D'Nelle are having a raw conversation about why intimacy coaching is so important and our personal journeys. Generally you get into this field because you have some sort of history around this, and when we share our own unique stories it can inspire so many more people out there listening. For me, just from a really young age, I’ve just been comfortable around things sex related.  At the age of 14 and I had sex for the first time, and I achieved an orgasm, so I just felt like sex in general was just something I was always “good” at. I discovered my body at such a young age and engaged in that as much as possible. When Jordan was a child, she always played teacher, and would show her imaginary friends her vulva in a “show and tell”. And then around 10 started humping pillows, and showing her friends, and then “practicing” with her friends how the whole experience would work. She then lost her virginity at 15, but it wasn’t a lovely great story, it was “hey everyone else is doing it, let’s just get it over with so I don’t have this anticipation lingering over me, let’s just make it happen.”. It wasn't until she was 23 that she had her first orgasm with a partner.In my undergrad years, going for my degree in social work, that I started working at a place called first step which was an agency for sexual and domestic abuse survivors, and I was a survivors advocate for them. Essentially, my job was when someone experienced sexual assault and if they had reached out and went to law enforcement, or went to a hospital, I would be the one to meet them there and go over their options with them, and letting them know that they had the choice to decide what is right for them.  That job kinda messed with me for a bit. Seeing sex in such a negative light like that. That really was a turning point for me, especially when I learned that sex therapy was a thing I could do.In middle and high school, Jordan was always the girl that was doing all her projects on STI’s, Plan B, and abortion, she was the one helping and going with her friends when they needed to go to planned parenthood, or answering questions about their body. She then went into PA school, and she always knew she wanted to work with women specifically. As a Pure Romance consultant, she was helping all these women with learning about their bodies, and giving women a safe place to do that with her podcast. In my role now as a coach, I take people through the journey of discovering themselves What happened in your past that got you to be the sexual person that you are today? What about that sexual person is it that you love?  What about it do you want to make better?From there we can play on the strengths that you already love about your sex life, and I can give you the tools and education that you need to get your sex life, your self pleasure life, and your overall sexual confidence to the point that you desire.There are so many different things that people experience, and having a safe place to go is so important. This kind of sex coaching is doing the work, and having the person that knows what questions to ask, and what tools to give you. We’re going to teach you all of the really really right ways to do the things.We both have personal journeys that really led us to become a sex and intimacy coach. There are certain things that have happened in our lives, and things we have learned through this that amplified our sex lives beyond what we could have imagined. Connect with Jordan IG & Facebook @JordandnellePodcast: Vaginas, Vulvas, and VibratorsWebsite: Jordandnelle.com Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Jan 31 2022
44 mins
100. The Breakup That Changed My Life
I’m being vulnerable and emotional with you this week. I've been discovering  what parts of my past and my experiences helped me get to this place today, a place that I’m able to now hold space for other people who are going through something similar.  This experience that I’m going to share with you today truly helped me design the masterpiece that is my Sexual Confidence Academy.There is not one single thing I would change about my past, because had it not been for this experience, this situation, I wouldn’t be where I am today.How has my sexual confidence changed my life?I have a voice in the bedroom. I had the freaking balls to leave my government paid job to pursue a career in sex therapy and sex coaching full time. I’m able to set better boundaries with family and with friends, I’m able to have more fulfilling relationships with them.  I’m able to walk into rooms where I only know no one with confidence. Okay, now to the story. I remember it clear as day. I’m sitting in my apartment, super cozy, surrounded by Christmas lights. My boyfriend at the time walks in and says that essentially our relationship was over after 5 and a half years. He was going to be moving out, and that was that, it was completely one sided. I really had no idea it was coming.This relationship was what I would call a loveless relationship. Was there love on my end? Yes, I told this person often that I loved them, but not once  did they say it back. That is so hard for me to say, to think about the girl I was then, the lack of confidence I had then. That I stayed in that relationship, even though I was giving and giving in this relationship, and never got it back. A little background on me, and my issues.I have been a serial monogamous dater. Up until that point, I had never been single, I had also never been broken up with.  This was the transition for me, this was the starting point of me figuring out who the fuck I am.  This forced me to be single, this forced me to figure out who I was, this forced me to really know and understand who it was that I wanted to become. In the six months that I gave myself to be single and really work on me, I was treating myself the way I want others to treat me, treating myself the way I know I deserve to be treated. Ultimately I believe that's what allowed Danny to reenter my life. And from the moment we reconnected, and he kissed me for the first time, I just knew that Danny was my person. Previously in my life I was like a chameleon I morphed myself to do things to appease other people. If you know me personally, you know I now do what I fucking want.With my signature program, Sexual Confidence Academy, this is what I help you do. This will help you figure out the pieces of your past in regards to sex. All the things that shape a part of who you are today.  So instead of you being on a nine plus year journey to figure out all the pieces, I’ve put all these things together for you. When you can get your sexual confidence on lock, that is going to allow so much more confidence to show up in all areas of your life. I am damn proud of the person that I am today. I am so fucking proud that I have the opportunity to create things like this to help other women feel proud like this, and feel confidence like this. Sexual Confidence Academy LinksJoin the WaitlistTell Me MoreConnect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Jan 24 2022
32 mins
99. Just Two Bitches on Only Fans with Tatum Zoe
I’m super pumped to have ‘regular bitch with blue hair’ Tatum Zoe on this week to talk all about Only Fans! Only Fans is a platform that is growing so much, that gets a lot of shade, but I truly believe so much good can come from it. Who is Tatum?Tatum is my Arizona girl crush.Tatum is super loud, out there, and honest and open with her friends. She’s the friend that just overshares everything about her life.  Tatum got her start on instagram, talking into the camera like it was one of her friends. Then she started her podcast after being a serial dater, and realized that all these stories would make for great listening. Now that she’s fully stepped into her confident sexy girl vibe she’s seriously thinking about starting an Only Fans, but is worried about the stigma. She’s been doing Instagram modeling for a while, and is realizing she’s giving away all these pictures for free, why shouldn’t she start getting paid for them?I officially started my Only Fans profile in April of 2020. It’s been awesome for many reasons. I’ve been able to connect with more people, oftentimes people will randomly find me on Only Fans and then go over to my instagram so they can get a little bit more of my real life, and they’re listening to my podcast, or jumping into my coaching programs. In general it’s just another network of people that you’re reaching. Is Only Fans just porn?Nope! Only Fans isn’t always porn, so much of it is boudoir or implied nudes, just women being their confident sexy selves! I’m not always done up, or doing professional photos, sometimes it’s just waking up and holding a boob and taking a selfie, but I’m getting all these compliments on my confidence. People truly just love to see women that are embracing the confident sexy side of themselves.Why Do Only Fans? We're both entrepreneurs, we’re going to make money where we can make the money. I have goals of being multimillionaire someday, having multiple streams of income is going to support that, and if we can do something that I already have access to, I’m going to do it.  You can decide what you charge for on Only Fans, you can make your own "menu" of what you offer. I definitely fall into the exhibitionist category, I enjoy being watched, and looked at, and receiving the feedback from people about how hot I am or how sexy that is. How easy is Only Fans to do?You don't need to quit your day job, Only Fans so manageable to do on the side.  If you can consistently post at least a few times a week then you're doing a good job. The majority of your money is going to come from what they call "pay per view" which is through your direct messaging. It's going to be people messaging you asking for specific things, you then create that for them, and you decide how much you're going to charge for that thing.  Are there haters?Yeah, of course there are. But, what’s funny, is that my two biggest months were the first two months I started because all those haters subscribed to my only fans just to snoop on what I was doing. After I announced I was doing this, people started asking my husband Danny questions about our marriage, if I was doing porn, if we were okay, or getting divorced. Like WHAT? People can not wrap their heads around the fact that Danny is okay with this. But, the people that have a problem with this, they’re the ones who need to take that inside look and ask themselves why is this triggering to me? “If it makes you happy, fuck it” I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. Connect with Tatum!Instagram: @TatumZoeeePodcast: Girl Stop Talking Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Jan 17 2022
43 mins
98. How We Made Covid Sexy!
Happy 2022, everyone! I'm back and so pumped to share all the things with you this year.When I started this podcast 2 full years ago, my voice was hoarse, I sounded so masculine, I felt like shit, but I pushed through the pain, annoyance, and my motherfucking inner critic, and did it anyway. And I'm so thankful to have been able to give you all this amazing free resource here. If you’re looking for information on desire, on how to strengthen your relationship, I have provided so, so many episodes and tools for you and your sex life.  For this year I’m trying to focus on being more in my feelings and being in tune with my body and work on things I’m feeling inspired to work on in that moment. It might not be educational resourceful things each and every week, it’s going to be more conversational. I’m going to be sharing more stories about my life, and what’s going on in our marriage. I want to share with you the real life shit that is going on in my life, in our life. This episode I’m going to focus specifically on Covid. When I had, what was most likely Covid, back in December of 2019, it was a time where there was no sex happening, there was no making Covid sexy.  But we’ve done so much work on our relationship, and dove into our sex life, and gotten so much in tune with our marriage since then. When we had Covid back in April, Danny had to take 10 days off work, and that was an amazing time for us to be able to connect, especially sexually. We were feeling good and able to put focus into things like we wanted to get done, we spent all day every day together. It was amazing to see what our life would look like when our dream life was happening. So we started really working together to make this dream life a reality.I ended up testing positive for Covid this year the day before Christmas Eve, which was very, very, very disheartening. It was super sad for both of us, since Danny had been around me, we knew it was only a matter of time before he tested positive too, and of course he did.  This time, we let ourselves be lazy, if that’s what our bodies needed, if we felt like working we would, but we weren’t setting alarms, we were allowing ourselves to binge watch shows, and just rest. ,Even though we were wrapped up on the couches, feeling like crap, we still made sure to do the things we wanted to get done together. We didn’t have sex for the first 7 days of our quarantine, it came down to a point where we were finally feeling a little better, so we decided to take a bath together. We both were so relaxed and zen, and I noticed we were both so spaced out. When I asked Danny what he was thinking about, he was thinking about having sex, and of course, so was I. So from there we started asking each other what exactly kind of fantasy we were just thinking about. We were just able to enjoy each other's company on a more intimate level from there. It was fun and sexy to be able to listen to each other's fantasies and have that power within ourselves to share those fantasies, and to be able to act on them in that moment. That's been our life, our covid life, for the last few weeks, but we're out now. We're back to our schedules, and back to the intimacy that we long for in our relationship.Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Jan 10 2022
34 mins
97. When Religion and Sex Meet with Julia Postema
The topic this week, is definitely out of my wheelhouse, so I’ve brought on expert, Julia Postema to talk about sex and religion. Julia grew up in a super insular community, she spent all summers at christian camps, and went to a tiny christian school. So she had very little exposure to the outside world. Now she's a sex therapist working with clients on the broad spectrum from abusive religious communities to super healthy religious communities.Who can experience things like shame or guilt around sexuality?She has clients who will experience these things even if they didn’t grow up in a religious household, sometimes because they grew up in a time when purity culture was at its height.  What is Purity Culture?Purity culture tends to focus on rigid expectations around gender, abstinence only education, and very little support and understanding the basics of biology and physiology. How does she help clients overcome the feelings of shame or guilt around religion and sexThere isn’t really an easy answer for this. A big part of the initial work is just unpacking how people first learned about sexuality. The first part is naming what we first learned about ourselves and what we learned about our body, and then hopefully learning what else might be true, and what other narratives exist around sexulity.Can sex and religion coexist in a healthy way?They definitely can,  and she honors however her clients decide to integrate or not integrate faith into their lives as they pursue a more holistic sexual identity. Whether they decide to try to make their religious traditions and sexuality coexist or decide to leave their religious all together, they're doing really brave work.What would you say as they’re going through the journey of reclaiming their sexuality, what challenges are they faced with?Even if a person doesn’t experience a specific acute sexual trauma, growing up or being exposed to negative messages around sexuality, can take the form of cumulative trauma. If a person continues to hear the message that female sexuality is dangerous, that their bodies are dirty, that sex is something to avoid, and all the other negative messages that people hear, it can have the same impact as acute trauma. So it can take a similar kind of work to heal and reclaim sexuality.What would you say are some of the biggest changes you can see in your clients?Sometimes clients will have really big exciting therapeutic revelations or experiences, but often the change is tiny baby steps in the right direction. Progress takes time, clients have to be patient. Quite a bit of the work is just giving ourselves the permission to be sexual people.In all of this work with clients who are working through their own baggage around religiosity or clients who are simply trying to do good work around sexual development, at its core sexuality is about our ability to access our own humanity, so reclaiming sexuality is a way that we are literally saving ourselves in order to live the life that we are worthy of living. Sexuality is a birthright. ResourcesShameless - Nadia Bolz-Weber Pure - Linda Kay KleinConnect with Julia!Podcast, IG, & Facebook: Sexvangelicals Email: Julia.e.odonnell@gmail.comConnect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Dec 27 2021
29 mins
96. Designing the Relationship You Desire
My number one goal in the work I do is to help you feel more confident in your sexual life and in your relationships. This conversation I’m having with you today will be revolving around my Relationship Regroup.When my coach, Alexa, introduced the Relationship Board Meeting to me, it was something that I thought was really cool, and something Danny and I could sit down and do in our relationship and map out what was important to us. When I sat back and looked at her Relationship Board Meeting , there were some really powerful pieces to it, and some things I wanted to include on it. So I was able to adapt her Relationship Board Meeting  into what I call my Relationship Regroup. What is the Relationship Regroup?It’s a free resource for you to use. I have seen it make such a difference in our marriage, and the way that we’re communicating with each other, and showing up for each other, and the way that we’re connecting.   What is the purpose of the Relationship Regroup?This is going to provide you with an open space to talk about the things you prioritize in your relationship and you're going to do that on a regular basis.It's going to allow you to create healthy routine for reflection and connection and also the opportunity to strengthen your relationship.The ultimate goal is to consistently check in with your partner in a way that is going to serve both of you.What basically does the Regroup look like?Checking in and setting intentions You’re going to create a space where you have no distractions, you’re going to leave everything at the door and allow yourself to really drop into this moment and be present with each other. The first thing you’re going to start off asking is “How are you feeling right now?”If you’re someone that struggles to answer that question, maybe try using one of these:Green - Energized, present, creativeYellow - Tired, neutral, cautiousRed - Exhausted, overwhelmed, frustratedThe next question you’re going to ask is “What is your intention for today’s regroup?”Then you're going to move into the recap section. You're going to take a moment to review the last week. Some questions you can ask for this part are: How did you feel loved by me last week?What did we succeed at last week?What can we focus to do better this week? Then you will move into the gratitude piece. Gratitude is one of the most effective tools for creating more love and intention in your life. Take the time to show gratitude now. Face each other, look each other in the eyes and share these four things:Show love for: YourselfYour partner Your current relationshipYour future relationshipYour Weekly OverviewYou're going to go through:Commitments Her (or your) cycle Your relationship thingsWeatherYour foundation or the four pillars of your relationship:Intimacy -Scheduling these things give you something to look forward to during your weekFinances -  If needed, schedule a money night for this week to discuss these. Social -  What friends do we want to connect with? Which family members need our attention? What kids activities are there this week? Home -  How can we improve our morning/night routine? When can we meditate? Which household things need to get done?I can't wait to hear everyone's feedback on this amazing tool!Tell me what your favorite parts are, or what parts you think need tooling around a bit. Get the Relationship Regroup by clicking here! Connect with Rachel!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: Rachel MaineEmail: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Dec 20 2021
35 mins