"I may have been called intense a time or two..."

May 17 2022 • 57 mins

Have you ever had the experience of struggling with a label that someone has put on you? Here’s a few for you: co-dependent; too much; too sensitive; intimidating; bitchy; too needy… or maybe, sometimes you’ve found labels to be helpful… here are a few: survivor; creative, empathetic. How do labels and gaslighting connect? How do I know if I’m carrying around labels that are a result of gaslighting? This is what Sarah and her guest talk about in today’s episode.

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Our guest today is Gaelyn Rae Emerson: a certified professional life, relationship, and divorce recovery coach, credentialed by ICF and APSATS, with advanced training by The Gottman Institute, ISH, and SASH. Gaelyn coaches men, women and couples around the world, via her private practice, Women Ever After. She is also on-staff at CORE Relationship Recovery. Gaelyn is known for (and lives by) her collection of meaningful, expressive, and well-timed quotations.

Word of the day: Label. Merriam Webster: a descriptive or identifying word or phrase; or to put a word or words on (something) to identify or describe it. There’s another definition - Oxford languages: a classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing, especially one that is inaccurate or restrictive. This is where the gaslighting aspect comes in to play. We are hit with labels from SO many different places – FOO, our culture, our society, religion, teachers, coaches, books, commercials, entertainment, and relationships (etc.!). Many of the labels we’ve taken on, we don’t even realize we’ve taken on – which leads us to the discussion today of how to navigate when labels are “positive”, and when they are negative.

Story Time: Sarah and Gaelyn share personal stories that demonstrate how labels can be restrictive, helpful, and sometimes both!

Deconstruction Zone:

When it comes to labels and gaslighting, the main techniques are manipulation, coercion, brainwashing, and indoctrination.
People unknowingly take on labels for numerous reasons. Main categories would be: 1) because of the role of the other person; 2) desire for love/acceptance; 3) haven’t had the time to develop a connection to their knowing, or their connection to their knowing has been squelched.

Set Your Alarm: When it comes to labels, we REALLY have to stay connected to ourselves so that we don’t take on labels that aren’t in alignment with either our experience or who we are. So, how do we do that?

Get curious: what labels do you currently carry? Where (who/what and when) did they come from? Why does this person get to define/label anything for you or about you? What role have they played?
Check in with yourself: How do you feel when you hold each label? Does it track?
Turn the words should/shouldn’t into red flags… these carry a HIGH probability of self-gaslighting.