Lovin' Myself More

Denise Spearman

This podcast is designed to help you on your journey of Lovin’ yourself more in your life and business. We are built to love and to be loved but sometimes along the way we forget to love ourselves. If you are looking for authentic conversations and desire to learn how to put your self-love and self-care into practice, then you’ll want to listen to these episodes. Indulge in the stories of those who have brought themselves to a wonderful place of loving themselves, no shame here. read less

Dream Killers ...And What To Do About Them
May 4 2022
Dream Killers ...And What To Do About Them
1. Dreams Are Made In Secret Dreams are meant to be a place of joy, fun, and excitement! But be wary there are dream killers at hand. Dream killers, dream stealers, dream kidnappers, or whatever you want to call them, they exist and it is a big thing. There are individuals that try to take what's in you and destroy it, whether this be knowing or unknowing, it doesn't matter. You still have that dream and dreaming is just the beginning. The vision is what you envision. It's in you wanting to come out and live and breathe It's what you imagined could be possible. Then you branch off into the visionary stage where you actually might journal it, or ask yourself how could it work. You might even put it on sticky notes and then comes the implementation. And then it manifested. If you say stuck in just dreaming and imagination, you will get absolutely nowhere. This is why I am convinced that babies are made in secret because a baby has to be protected in that fragile state. You don't even get to know everything that's happing. Especially in the early months, you have no idea unless a woman tells you she is having a baby. It's all working itself together, knitting itself together. It's doing something all the time. And then at the end, you are holding that precious life. And that's what our dreams and our imaginations are. They are precious. Our dreams have to grow from dream to imagination from visualization to manifestation. That's how this works and then guess what? After it's manifested, you get to take care of it. It doesn't just end by just getting to the manifestation. But if you cannot get past the dream stage, you won't get to the other stages. 2. Be Careful About Who You Tell Your Dreams To So I was talking to a friend the other day and she has, we'll say shared her dream. My friend in sharing her dream in this conversation with someone else felt more like she was being interrogated rather than celebrated. These questions were a sure sign that they didn't really get the vision. When you're telling someone your dream and you're excited it's okay for people to ask questions, but when it becomes an interrogation that is when you need to change the subject. The lack of their faith, their confidence, their worth and value, or if they're jealous or whatever is not your problem. So be careful and mindful when it's time to share your dream and who you share it with. You don't know really how far they believe in you or their thought process. Just because you've been hanging around this person for two months doesn't mean you should lay out your whole life dream of changing the world or becoming a clothing designer or creating something out of nothing. They are not ready for it. 3. Protect Your Dreams, Don't Defend Them Protect the dream. Don't defend it. What's the difference? You might say isn't protecting and defending the same? You don't have to be defensive or defend it by thinking you have to prove to someone else that this dream or vision is valid. Your responsibility is to protect what you have. Please keep it safe while it's growing, while you are nurturing it. Nobody has to give you a list of things that make you feel good about your dream. It's your dream. You protect the dream. 4. Look For The Healthy Supporters Healthy supporters are excited. They are happy. They will promote you without you asking. Their excitement for you will even wake up their dreams. They will push you and become inspired. You're dealing with a healthy person, but if you are dealing with a hurting person the results will not be the same. They will feel like who are you to do this or why can't they do it and not you. that. These people need healing. So listen that's why I'm talking to you about your dreams because I don't want you to turn into those people. 5. Do Not Doubt Yourself Or Your Dreams Woulda, coulda people. I want you to be whole, complete, and happy. I want you to be at peace. Okay. We're going on to number three. Do not doubt yourself. And you're saying, well, Denise, how in the world? Can I not doubt myself? Well, I don't have the education or, you know, I'm not smart enough in that area, or nobody's really going to believe that I'm doing this, or they're going to say, who am I to think of this? You're going to have thoughts of doubt because that's just what happens with our brain. It's always trying to keep us from moving too far, too fast to something that it thinks is dangerous. Just tell your little stuff. All is fine. All is well, I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to take the risk to believe in myself, to believe in my dreams, to believe in my abilities, even if I'm not sure what those abilities are, even if I don't have clarity. I'm willing to move forward. You need your strength and you need your joy. No second-guessing yourself. And the only way to find out if it's going to work is to get out there and do it. Do it the best way that you can because success, as we know is not a straight line, it is not the perfect Instagram feed. It is not all the best, this and the best that. It is you trying and eventually bringing the dream through the stages to get the end result of holding the manifestation in your hand. 6. Starting Something New When we step out to do something new. When we step out to move toward the dream and someone, as we mentioned earlier, interrogates us or attacks the dream. Which may cause us to doubt ourselves. You can't go into a hole and pull away because your feelings were hurt. Let me tell you something, you start out on something new, you have those wonderful supportive people, maybe family, maybe not, maybe friends, maybe not, but wherever you're getting that support from you are ready to go and you're pumped and trust. And do, believe me, somebody is going to come with their little silly pen and pop your balloon because of whatever they're going through. That can cause you to pull back and say, well, you know what? I'm not dealing with people anymore. I think I will forget the dream. I'm just going to close the journal. It's okay. It's not really that important. I can keep going the way I'm going, but you can't. That's why the dream keeps coming up. That's why the desire keeps coming up. 7. Don't Go Into The Hole Don't go to a place where you don't talk to people. You can pull away from situations and go into a hole, but what good does that do you? You could meet the next connection that will move the dream forward. So disappointments will come. Obstacles will come and you will feel you should be moving faster than you are. And you're like, oh my God, everybody is ahead. You just keep moving. This is your dream. This is your life. Nobody else gets to live this life for you. You are living your own life. I'm pretty passionate about this because I see us as walking around here doing everything for everybody else, and we do not fulfill the things that we need to fulfill in our lives. So I just want to leave this with you. Watch out for the dream killers. I want to see you dream. I want to see you imagine, I want to see you materialize the things that are within you, your purpose. Resources That May Help Sometimes you need a little support to help you stay on track with the things you truly desire for yourself. If you put these few steps into practice you will begin to see a change in how you set priorities and boundaries in your life. Here's a little extra help to get you started. Grab the Lovin' Myself More Masterclass, then come over and join the free Lovin' Myself More FaceBook Group.
'No' Is A Beautiful Word: Setting Boundaries
Apr 17 2022
'No' Is A Beautiful Word: Setting Boundaries
Yes, I said it... Yes, I said it! No is a beautiful thing. It stands the test of time. It's the best word ever in some seasons of our life. I say this because when you are out of balance, saying yes to everything and not stopping to think about what you're agreeing to. That is not healthy. We need to set boundaries. I'm sharing a few tips on how to set boundaries that align with your ideal and authentic life.  In order to know when to say yes, and when to say, no, you got to set some boundaries here. I want to mention a few of those topics. I have found that setting boundaries in areas of my life, creates more time, and more energy for me. It's freeing and as you learn to set boundaries, not just with others, but within yourself as well, you learn yourself better. You start treating yourself better when you are not a 'yes' person. No more people-pleasing for you. So here we go. I've got a few, just a few things that I think will help you learn to create those boundaries. Let's get started. 1. Set Priorities First, you must set priorities. What is number one for you? What are the top three things that you need? You must set priorities in your life so that, you know, really what comes first and what's important. If you don't, then everybody else's stuff is now more important. Set your mind to what those things are. Is sleep important to you? Is eating healthy important to you? Would reading a book be important to you? Is riding your bike important to you? Is having family time important to you? What about quiet time, is important to you? Take some time and think about what you need. Now set those priorities and work your boundaries around them. 2. Communicate Your Boundaries Second, you need to communicate. Communication is key. We have heard this many times and it is true. You must communicate what you will and will not tolerate. Let them know girl, 'This is what we not finna do!'. If you don't express your feelings and thoughts, they won't know and be clear on your position. Most of the time we don't like to deal with confrontation. And I get it. But can we really expect people to read our minds? Did you tell the person that it makes you feel some type of way, or you didn't like it? Do they even have a clue how you feel? And most of the time they don't. I truly understand that know body really likes confrontation but it is a necessary part of life. And just because we think they should know doesn't mean they actually know. If you don't communicate what you will and what you will not tolerate, then they think, oh, you're good with it all. And that's not the truth. Grab Your FREE Lovin' Myself Masterclass 3. Listen To Your Gut Third, you've got to listen to your gut. Lovie, it's like intuition, whatever you want to call it, you must listen. Nobody had to tell you that when Sally Sue opened her mouth she was not telling you the truth. You just knew it. There is a scripture that I love from the Bible and it is 'Be quick to hear and slow to speak'. This is truly a lifesaver. If we listen close enough we will get all the information we need. We will be able to know the next step. We can take the time to make the right decision for ourselves rather than giving an answer we will later regret. 4. Think About The Impact Of Your Actions Fourth, think about the impact of your actions. What will it cost you? This is so serious because a cost is not a temporary thing. A cost could be consequences for days, hours, months, or years to come. So let's just say that healthy eating is your priority and you're wanting to set boundaries around it. You are not being unsociable, unfriendly, or judgemental to other people. They are free to eat whatever they want to eat. You have just set a priority in your life regarding your health. But you know, that if you get that Whopper and you got it fully loaded, yes that does exist. That's not healthy and that is not the direction that you are going in. Certain decisions impact us in different ways. So now Sally Sue convinced you to move your boundaries and disregard your priority and she hasn't missed a beat but you, on the other hand, are tired, sleepy drained all because you didn't do what was best for you and say 'no thanks'. You didn't stick to what you knew, worked for you and you have set your priority in this instance is eating healthy. 5. Do Things That Make You Feel Good Fifth, do things that make you feel good. If I could stand on the top of the mountain and scream this, I would, because it's so much happening that we have to process. If we don't do some things that make us feel good we can fall down this little rabbit hole of depression, anxiety, confusion, and unhappiness, there are so many holes you could fall down and they all lead to one place. But if you start to do things that make you happy, things will change. You must be intentional about it so I suggest you schedule some time. It's like date night, my husband and I, have date night. Do you know why? Because we need to connect. We need to move away from the regular life that's happening and set aside time for ourselves. That feels good to us. But also I need time apart that feels good to me. A pedicure and shopping feel good to me too. So guess what I need that date night. And I need that me time as well, but I like to schedule these things. Or I can do them spontaneously, but I need to make sure that I'm doing things that make me feel good. This means if somebody is asking you to do something that, you know, you don't like, and you don't care to do, don't do it. You can say, no. Do you know? You don't have to explain every little detail of why you're saying no. You really don't. Say it kindly, you can say it with empathy, compassion, or sympathy, but the bottom line is no. The last point regarding this is when you discover the things that make you happy, and you've scheduled them. Don't cancel on yourself. Don't make this beautiful list of what you love and put it off or disregard you. Because that is what you are doing. 6. Offer An Alternative To Keep Your Priorities In Tact Number six, offer an alternative or a suggestion or a recommendation. If someone is asking you to do something and you're not feeling it and you know, and you don't want to let them down. Give them a suggestion that may help them. Maybe you're not the person that can say just straight out 'no'. And drop it. You need to get there, but while you're getting there, sometimes you can just say, "Well, I'm not going to be able to do that but Sally Sue may be able to help you. She's great and gifted in this". If you can't come up with an actual person, maybe suggest tools or systems that will help that person get whatever it is they need. If they are asking you to plan a party for them and you know you do not have time. Make suggestions for party planners, tell them to go on Google and find a party planner near them, and then you're pointing them in the right direction. You have helped them but your boundary is still in place. 7. Be Direct And Firm Number seven, the last one. Be direct and firm with your answer. Being direct and firm is not rude. It's not being unkind, but there needs to be some authority and seriousness about your answer. If people hear that little hesitancy they will jump on it and think you may they can change your answer easily. They will continue to try and wear you down. So be firm in saying no. Or you will be down again in a situation you didn't want to be in. So no means no. And no means no and no is a beautiful word. So. In being direct. Don't go all around. Here we go with these explanations all around. Remember, no explanations are needed. Such as "Why you can't do it?" Or saying "Oh, I wish I could." No, you don't. You don't want to do it. Don't tell people that lie. You don't want to, so don't say that. Say what you mean and mean what you say. That is clear communication. Now, if that person gets offended or upset with you, that's on them. That's not on you. You told them the truth. You were firm, you were direct, you were kind, and you've made suggestions. You've done all the things. Grab Your FREE Lovin' Myself More Masterclass You Are The Most Important Piece Finally, you have set your priorities. You have to make a decision that you're setting boundaries for yourself and for others. What's the reason for setting boundaries for yourself? When you don't, you'll cross your own boundaries. You'll just say, oh, well, that doesn't really matter. And then the door becomes open for others to do the same. Do you know the most important person in this equation? Its YOU. Do you know the person that can make the boundaries can break the boundaries? That would be YOU. If you so set the boundaries for yourself first, then you will be able to set boundaries with other people and give yourself permission to say no. Give yourself some grace. This will take practice. Here's A Free Resource Sometimes you need a little support to help you stay on track with the things you truly desire for yourself. If you put these few steps into practice you will begin to see a change in how you set priorities and boundaries in your life. Here's a little extra help to get you started. Grab the Lovin' Myself More Masterclass, then come over and join the free Lovin' Myself More FaceBook Group.