David Waldman and Greg Dworkin arrive at the middle of the week to deliver the KITM, but the smoke is so thick it’s hard to read the house numbers... Canadian wildfires have given 100 million Americans incentive to wear their COVID masks this morning. No Schoolhouse Rock can explain this. The MAGA wing of the House, so screwball that Marjorie Traitor Greene is not screwball enough for them anymore, scuttled their own screwball bills, from enshrining gas stoves to defending the cherished accessorizing of firearms. Foreign nationals are kidnapped, and smuggled across state borders, while the perpetrator flees to the border. Why doesn’t the news report on this? Because they are too busy calling terrorists “emboldened shoppers”. Fair and balanced paste eater Chris Licht’s work at CNN seems to have ended before he could set up another Trump town hall. Donald Trump, who did not rape a woman that one time, might still face some lingering legal hurdles. A Florida grand jury will be hearing testimony from an assortment of MAGA Mar-a-Lago henchmen, lackies and homework-eating dogs. Saudi Arabia attempts to improve their public image by trashing professional golf’s. They got it half right.

Luckily for all of us today, David Waldman and Joan McCarter do make house calls.  Temu-Palin Lauren Boebert may not be certain where babies come from, but even Maury Povich could have told her which member of WWE tag team Midnight Express was not her father. Donald Trump hopes to stop the second E. Jean Caroll defamation case.  Trump hopes to stop special counsel Jack Smith from indicting him on his Mar-a-Lago crimes. Trump hopes to stop that other Federal grand jury in Florida from indicting him on his Mar-a-Lago crimes. If Trump had a dog, his diet would be 100% evidence by now. Who has it worse, Musk or Trump lawyers? At least for now Musk lawyers are being paid to admit the truth.  Eric Jensen found that he could receive attention and validation for being a lunatic, simply by choosing to act out at school board meetings. Marjorie Traitor Greene gets all that and even paid to act bananas in the House. Unfortunately for Marge, she is no longer cuckoo enough for MAGA, especially once they saw her holding Kevin McCarthy’s ChapStick. The Freedom Caucus just wishes they got used lip-gloss out of their budget deal. Better luck next time!

It’s quiet… too quiet. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to fill the gap between not enough and too much news. CEOs must be smarter than their idiot employees, because if not, how could they explain their position? Those at the head of media companies must be the most brilliant, but also the most impartial and nonpartisan to succeed. CNN CEO Chris Licht believes he is just that person, although word around his shop indicates that Chris Licht eats paste. President Joe Biden knows the art of the deal, by separating those who wanted to deal from the MAGA. There’s now time to figure out the 14th Amendment and get back to work on all the other upcoming disasters in the 24 workdays between now and Labor Day. Donald Trump’s lawyers are over at the DOJ this morning fueling rumors Donald might… flip on himself? Maybe they’re just returning those Iran attack plans they found blowing down the fairway at Bedminster. A return to taking espionage seriously just might make America great again.

I missed you guys! I was only gone three days, but I’m not sure how anybody could take that. David Waldman is still here, right where I left him, thankfully.  On Monday it looked as if we might default this week. Now it looks like we will instead default in two years, that is if the Freedom Caucus is still around then. The US adds a big 339,000 jobs in May, exceeding estimates month after month just like President Joe Biden. Donald Trump, the Mona Lisa of persecuted White Christianity, is hoping to avoid those annoying prerequisites of achieving sainthood/dictatorship. Moral exemplar Roger Stone wants to lead the Christian Trumpists onward to… wherever they want to go to take whatever they want, a pretty traditional objective really. But first they’ll need to take on the forces of evil woke mermaids. It’s not sex nor money. The best way to get an idiot to spill information is to challenge their intelligence.  Donald Trump proved his intellect and judgment to a pair of randos with just some classified documents on Iran. Periodically, the smartest remaining Trump lawyer resigns, thus moving the peak of the bell curve over a few notches. It turns out that arranging to quickly kill the highest number of people wasn’t the best COVID health plan. James Comer might be on shaky legal ground on his investigation on Joe Biden, but all that legal stuff would just get in his and Chuck Grassley’s way.

Join us as Greg Dworkin assesses the guesses on how The Deal would go down in the House. (Spoiler: mostly correct!) And, of course, how the media did in covering it. (Spoiler: mostly incorrect!) But that’s more or less how the game is played. So, was there a deal between the party leaders to get this through? Depends who you ask! In fact, if you ask just the right questions, you’ll start to wonder whether the Gop even had a deal with itself. And since we’re not quite done with the debt ceiling just yet, here’s yet another good point about doing away with it. Meawhile, there’s some unrest afoot in Florida. Even in “conservative” areas. To no one’s surprise, DeSantis’ fascism just isn’t sitting well with everyone. And it seems the formula doesn’t always translate well when exported. There’s other news breaking in Florida, too. We’ll have to wait and see what else breaks along with it. In the surprise of the century, George Santos’ office is involved in some unethical, and possibly illegal, weirdness. Does today end in a Y? Yes? Well, in that case, here’s TFG confessing once again, on tape.

Today’s the day we all thought we’d be waiting for! The day Greg Dworkin had his first crack at the news of the week! Only it turns out we didn’t have to wait at all. And that the news was pretty much as Greg and Joan had predicted. In the end, it was mostly standard Gop budget fare. Nancy Mace got the attention she was craving, but only by feeding the narrative that Republicans are losers. That in turn fed counter-narratives that Biden had rolled ‘em. And, of course, that the whole thing was a terrible idea from the start. Then, the news turned weird. Tara Reade defected to Russia, which I didn’t know was still a thing. This fertility doc’s scheme was bound to fall apart. And so was his hand-made airplane, it turns out. No one would believe it, but that Florida mom trying to ban Amanda Gorman’s poem is mixed up in both anti-Semitism and with the Proud Boys! Things James Comer is losing: 1) witnesses; 2) marbles. In MAGA’s “good old days,” people knew to fight fascism, even when it was disguised as MAGA.

Longtime listeners know that it’s the daily rhythms of KITM World Headquarters that dominate the first few minutes of most shows. And today, it’s the end of an era, as we call a wrap on secondary education for the auxiliary production staff! But some cycles of life (and death) continue unabated. For instance, the ever-present Cloud of a Mass Shooting.™ And, of course, developments in Ukraine. Or more specifically, in Russia, as the battlefield is expanded, if not the battle itself. And we lean heavily on the APR today, even though Greg wasn’t here, and Greg didn’t even write Tuesday’s APR — so thanks to Chitown Kev for his unwitting contribution to the show! Naturally, the debt ceiling deal, including Manchin’s pipeline gambit and its attendant issues, followed by procedural developments in the Paxton impeachment. And, something we didn’t cover in yesterday’s abbreviated show: stuff from overseas lands where names are hard to pronounce. For today, that was Türkiye. The only possibly enjoyable angle on Ron DeSantis’ presidential bid: he’ll eventually have to attack Trump. Though it’s still possible that he’ll also fall down the stairs like Gerald Ford, too. For something completely different, and yet hearkening back to vague themes from episodes past, noted fist-pump-and-run enthusiast Josh Hawley is the latest to try to address the “crisis” of “masculinity” not with solutions, but with an eye toward exploitation. Joan McCarter once again defies the early West coast timeline and the crush of East coast job demands to join us for an update on the putative debt ceiling deal and to set up the mystery/cliff-hanger/dud of today’s House Rules committee meeting.

We at KITM Worldwide hope that you are at the beginning of a happy Memorial Day weekend and are experiencing a meaningful Memorial Day... But, don’t run away yet! We know that you love the process discussions on KITM, and that’s why you tune in. However, no one loves process discussions like Greg Dworkin loves process discussions. Greg used his considerable sway with top KITM brass to preempt this morning’s memorial observations and grill prep in order to help deliver today’s KITM Memorial Day Post Debt Ceiling One Hour Special with David Waldman.  So, what’s in this debt ceiling deal, and more importantly, who won? At the moment, it seems that the correct people are angry. Kevin McCarthy has too many loose cannons rolling around to call this a done deal. The House Rules Committee meeting on Tuesday will give a better idea of what a lousy vote counter McCarthy is. It will also give us better idea on what Hakeem Jeffries is made of. Accountability has not finally come to Texas. For all the wrong reasons, Ken Paxton was impeached, simply a pawn in a petty Republican feud. Ok by me.

On today’s Special Friday KITM, David Waldman reports on the local and national news, the murderers, pedophiles, arsonists and catfishers, the cops and the criminals. We are also reaching the denouement of our present debt ceiling crisis. It’s either that, or a smash cut to black next week. The Democrats brought the house down in the final act, although it could have used a little more “Trump”. It always helps to have a great opening act though. If you thought the Democrats were on fire, you should have seen the dumpster Texas Republicans threw AG Ken Paxton into. If anyone can place the bar low, it would be the Texas Gop. Nonetheless, Ken Paxton managed to go even lower, for years, until he finally got under it. Speaking of being finally held responsible, Oath Keepers Founder Stewart Rhodes has been sentenced to 18 years in prison. That shouldn’t be a problem for a tough guy like Stewie, at least until he runs into the other tough guys he in put in jail.  Lifelong warrior against the forces of responsibility and accountability, Donald Trump is caught in a pinscher movement of his own making,  from defrauding the US government to serving corruption around the world, to withholding classified documents, to hiding classified documents, to rehearsing the hiding and withholding classified documents. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that not only are Michiganders holding nine Trump lawyers accountable for their misconduct in the state, but they themselves have been demonstrating responsibility at the polls. Faculty members at the New College of Florida are voting to censure Ron DeSantis’ puppet Trustees for showing disinterest in performing their actual jobs. The Florida mom who sought to ban Amanda Gorman’s poem, yet approved the publication of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, asks how can a mom find the time to actually read all those things she promotes or obstructs? Georgia Gop Chair Kandiss Taylor has taken the time to read every one of the articles that unequivocally reflect her opinions, especially her opinion of a flat earth, and yet every day someone will try to shove their globes down her throat.

One lone Karen was behind the ban on Amanda Gorman’s poem. Though Karen was pretty sure it was Oprah Winfrey’s. Greg Dworkin rounds up the reviews panning DeSantis’ attempted Twitter-based campaign launch. Rough seas ahead for Medicaid enrollees, if the Gop gets its way. Republican voters do like their big dummies though. The Oregonian Gop is in fact proudly illiterate. The judge in the other E. Jean Carroll lawsuit against TFG suggests the DoJ might want to take a moment to reconsider how wise it is to continue to pretend Trump was acting in his capacity as “president,” when he opened his fetid gob. The dog has caught the car, and the car turned out to be a leopard. Dobbs unites Ds, splits Rs. Hey, remember the debt ceiling? While we wait for possible armageddon, here are yet more hot takes on our various options. By the way, did you remember that the debt ceiling and the filibuster are cousins? I don’t know if Mike Lee knew that when he threatened to filibuster any deal he doesn’t like, but it’s true. Apparently, people at Fox News actually do know that “no means no,” when it comes to turning the screws on Tucker Carlson, anyway. Which is fine! Noted for the record, but deferred for further consideration: Ken Paxton is too scummy for the Texas Gop!

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! KITM Wednesday! Everyone expected Ron DeSantis to run for president. Except for maybe Ron DeSantis, who is probably pretty shocked that he did decide to go for it. Of course, if Ron did not run, $200 million would just be sitting in the bank, not going into anyone’s pockets, and what good is that? The actual surprise is that DeSantis will launch his presidential bid with Elon Musk, on Twitter. Here’s looking forward to the first DeSantis town hall on Tumblr. If CNN want to represent true journalism, they’d… but they don’t. There’s also Tim Scott announcing his candidacy. Yes, Republicans do enjoy their people of color (and women) as long as they’re smiling. Not enough to actually elect them, though. But who do the voters really want? Ok, but who else is there? Donald Trump will only be allowed to run for 20 minutes each morning during exercise time. Republican voters do like their big dummies though. The Oregonian Gop is in fact proudly illiterate. No one will be voting for anyone unless we rescue the economy soon. Which is a good a reason as any for Republicans to oppose saving it. They’d rather shoot their hostage than negotiate with President Joe Biden anyhow. Indeed, why not take this negotiation time to dispatch with a few more hostages? What if the press covered the Supreme Court as if they were real people? Non-woke investments aren’t as attractive once they are sued.

David Waldman presents the Tuesday KITM.  All of the argle you expect with none of that annoying bargle.  Joan McCarter won’t be summering in Krasnodar this year, as Vladimir Putin is expanding his enemies list to include anyone unfavorable to MAGA. Marjorie Taylor Greene spent $100,000 for a ChapStick used by Kevin McCarthy. Kind of expensive for her to pay that for cherry, as it would cut into the Kevin flavor... Other than Marj and Kev, people are still being advised to wear masks in public. Donald Trump was the one responsible for Dominion picking up an extra $787 million this year, but somehow received nothing in commission. He’s going to need some cash to cover his serial defamation lawsuits with E. Jean Carroll. As luck would have it, the only texts Ron DeSantis did not ban are the ones that look to get him in the most legal trouble. DeSantis is in a race with Trump to get his hands on a Supreme Court to keep himself out of jail. In the meantime, the LOLYOLOMAGASCOTUS shadow docket might lift gun bans nationwide. McCarthy’s parched lips are apparently still talking to President Joe Biden about a debt ceiling deal, but that doesn’t seem to really be what Kevin’s talking out of. The courts will decide on the 14th amendment sooner or later, so Joe might as well take the lead.

On today’s KITM, David Waldman reveals that he’s almost finished pushing his babies out of the nest and will soon be able to devote all of his time and energy into getting his own breakfast together. Greg Dworkin is here to recoup the deficit in the media’s coverage of the debt ceiling fiasco. Kevin McCarthy has been betting with a very weak hand, but that hasn’t stopped him on continuing to raise the stakes. The outcome will be disastrous, if we even approach default. President Joe Biden is still trying “good cop, bad cop” when he probably needs to just go “bad cop” and let the courts sort it out. You’d think that Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani selling pardons would have been a big deal, but it was so unsurprising and expected that the media passed right over it. Alvin Bragg’s case against Trump points to plenty of statutes violated, but if tfg campaigned from prison would much change? Now, if he were to be re-elected, that would leave a mark. Trump’s simple 2024 proposition is to break any law he wants, and to declare anybody he chooses to be a lawbreaker. Savvy critics such as Axios say that the Donald Trump plan to rebalance power to the executive branch just doesn’t seem to have the funding in place to be successful.

On KITM, David Waldman cleans out the news and opinion fridge each week, then on Fridays scoops the rest off of the floor, metaphorically, I believe. “You go woke, you go broke”, some say. That’s Ron DeSantis’ working theory anyhow, although that theory might need a bit more work before it reaches any general acceptance. Of course, anti-woke’s biggest fans hope that everyone stays asleep while they burgle their valuables. Robocallers out of Wisconsin picked up $89 million from the dopes who still answer their phones, who also thought they were helping firefighters and veterans. If you had $89 million, you’d donate it to Atoosa Reaser and Juli Briskman. The FBI raided a Trump Tower owned by a couple of Russians, in yet another example of the weaponization of government against “organized crime”, and quite often Trump organized crime. Gym Jordan won’t share “whistleblower” testimony with Democrats, because if he did Dems would just make fun of him some more. Russia doesn’t need Trump when they have Boeing and Airbus. Senator Dianne Feinstein has shingles, encephalitis, Ramsay Hunt syndrome, and probably a lot more. But she’s apparently here, ostensibly voting, and work is getting done, let’s not wear her out with a lot of stress.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin marshal their wits one last time this week for the Thursday KITM: Tuesday’s elections showed Democrats (by the way of young voters) advancing everywhere across the board, not just overperforming Republicans, but reopening the front to win back rural voters, kind of like how George Washington won the Battle of Fort Necessity in 1754… Okay, nothing like that really, because little can compare to Donald Trump and his MAGA forces. Certainly not Ron DeSantis. Ron is making trans lives illegal in Florida and will be outlawing “pronouns”, earning him the endearment of no one, because who would expect such haters to actually like anyone? Well, they used to like Tucker Carlson. Tuck’s viewers found a short blip of hate at CNN’s town hall, but it just didn’t last. CNN’s chief international anchor, Christiane Amanpour, is one of the first to criticize her company and her boss on their lamebrain idea. Town halls, audiences and Donald Trump should be abolished from TV before 2024. Now Vice President Kamala Harris... Who wouldn’t want to have a beer with her, or a town hall? President Joe Biden not only has to fight ageism, but there are plenty of closet sexists he has to also worry about. A new federal lawsuit says Florida book bans are unconstitutional, which is not only a problem for Florida zealots, but any others using those “book banning in a box” kits nationwide. North Carolina Republican Jeffrey McNeely reached into the totally wrong box in his school choice debate. Twitter, a forum for diverse ideas, opinions, child porn and animal torture, has become exactly the rectum Elon Musk has always dreamt of spending his every waking moment and dollar inside. President Guillermo Lasso of Ecuador, no relation to Ted, will not only take his ball and go home, but plans to just dissolve the league before he exits the field.

David Waldman wishes you all a festive, yet introspective, National Day of Norway. Greg Dworkin rounds up the election news, which looks pretty good for Democrats, especially in how it looks bad for Republicans. The Trump culture of winning, that is losing, is alive in Kentucky and elsewhere. In a major upset, Florida Democrat Donna Deegan becomes Jacksonville’s first female mayor. A non-Republican also flipped the most Republican city in Colorado. As all politics is local, voters like their most local politicians to be Democratic. Nebraska forced two bad bills into one, and now plans to force it through the legislature, which might break rules and not follow procedure, but they really don’t know what they’re doing, so how would they know? Once there is a Republican majority, that is all they have to know, and after that the rest is optional. Republicans do understand force, and their plan is to teach us all the meaning of “might makes right”. Meanwhile, Ukraine and Germany show us how it’s done. Don’t knock John Durham. The job was to make a lot out of nothing, and John did make a lot of money, visited a lot of beautiful tourist spots around the world, and generally expense accounted for a lot longer than most people could ever dream to pull off. In between swipes of his American Express card, Durham artfully repackaged old investigations into new BS, then regifted it back to MAGA propagandists.  Over at The Messenger… well not there, as the link 404s out, but according to some people, The Messenger rates the report at less than half of a nothing burger. Don’t knock The Messenger. Its job also is to make a lot out of nothing.

Like a bad—nay, loathsome—penny, Rudy Colludy returns. This time, it’s noun, verb, sexual assault. Calling all Privateers of the Caribbean!™ Clarence Thomas’ billionaire pal Harlan Crow has bought himself an offshore dual citizenship. The House of Representatives has been… less than representative for quite some time, now. From time to time, there have been proposals to expand it, and thereby hopefully bring the Representatives a bit closer to their constituencies. But… where would they put them all? Well, they could make a little more room by getting rid of Paul Gosar, seeing as he’s been employing Nazis and all. Joan McCarter came by to count down the seconds left until we hit the debt ceiling. Remember when certain bloggers urged Congressional Dems to take the debt ceiling hostage off the table while they still could? But then they didn’t? Yeah, me too. Well, now there are only a few options left, besides, well, just giving in. Meanwhile, other looming disasters include a backhanded, shadow docket SCOTUS ban on gun bans, and Rep. Comer’s continuing insistence that the dog ate his homework, but would probably barf it up soon, soon, very soon. Perhaps two weeks, or some other very short period of time.

Following a long weekend David Waldman was back at KITM World Headquarters humming Pomp and Circumstance and expecting a light news day. Greg Dworkin changed all that with his Heapin’ Raft O’ Stories™. You may recall that sexual assault and defamation verdict against the former guy last week. Donald re-defamed E Jean Carroll a few hours later, so perhaps Carroll could rinse and repeat until Trump gets it, if we should live so long. Mirror universe Michael Dukakis, Ron DeSantis isn’t just awkward. Ron hates people right down to his core. At least Trump enjoys using people. Some people like to be used. DeSantis and his followers are just into the beat down, which only succeeds for so long. The prospect of Trump’s nomination is shrinking the Senate’s prospects in 2024. Virginia is the eighth red state to quit caring about voter fraud. James Comer was so close to sending every Democrat since the Carter administration to Gitmo, but then his dog ate all the witnesses. That’s ok, they can always make some new ones. President Joe Biden’s first veto takes on the Republicans’ war on “woke capitalism”. If they love Russia so much, why don’t they move there? Religious Gimme-terians tend to be Political Gimme-tarians when it suits them, of course. They just need to follow their faith to the correct precinct.

David Waldman is attending his #1 son’s graduation! It seems like only yesterday we were listening to the little guy running the microwave and clinking silverware on plates… Sniff!  So, David is traveling today and out tomorrow. Today, however, we have a fresh pre-recorded Mini-KITM episode, at least mini for us at one hour: Last night CNN had TFG on for the longest hour in TV history. Now even they are asking “Whose fault was that?” The answer is, every single one of us. We need to straighten up soon before it’s too late. South Carolina State Senators have formed a group opposed to the abortion ban in their state. The group is comprised of all of the state’s women Senators, Republican, Democratic, and Independent. It is South Carolina we’re talking about, so there’s only five of them. Oklahoma is banning more than a dozen banks for “being too woke”.  You know that since it is Oklahoma, their definition of “woke” isn’t centered around CRT or LGBTQ, but OIL. Saudi Arabia is pumping water out of the Arizona desert to grow alfalfa to feed to their dairy cattle in their desert.

On the road for college kid’s graduation, so it’s into the Hot Tub Podcast Time Machine! We go so far back, May 12 was a Thursday! That’s a full year back! If you don’t remember it exactly as it happened, here’s a reminder: Not to underestimate you, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin probably deliver as much KITM as you can handle today. Russia continues to not win in Ukraine.  Some would say they are losing. Some, like the Institute for the Study of War. Some, like Ukrainian soldier on the ground in charge of blowing up stuff, Максим. Sanctions are turning Russia into a place Borat would be ashamed to work for. Russia is pulling electronics out of their washing machines in order to keep their military running. Russian soldiers will wish they had pulled the SIM cards from their phones when the Switchblades lock on them. Remember when Republicans openly loved Russia? If only public opinion mattered to abortion rights. Mitch McConnell is unlikely to dump the filibuster to ban abortion until the very second he can. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but that doesn’t mean he always votes on a party line… unless it’s against abortion rights. Well, that Supreme Court leak investigation deescalated quickly. Susan Collins and Stephen King live in the same neighborhood, of course. One of their neighbors used chalk on the sidewalk, not for hopscotch or Valentine’s hearts, but in order to deeply concern Susan Collins. Elon Musk is bored with Tesla. Soon, he will be bored with Twitter. A popular GQP wacko might out-Trump all Republicans in Pennsylvania. She might even win her Senate nomination before conceding her 2020 House loss. That is Trumpy. The important elections however are for secretaries of state, as they are the ones who will install future Trumps. The math wasn’t going Donald Trump’s way in 2020, so John Eastman had a plan to install his own math. Baked Alaska came up with the novel idea of pleading guilty with a side-plea of innocence for his involvement on the insurrection January 6. Too novel for the judge, apparently. The January 6 Committee subpoenaed Kevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs and Scott Perry, which is a good start.