Nov 13 2023
How to be in the skin you are in with Terri Miller
Trigger warning: In this episode, Terri and I complete our conversation from the previous episode (How to take up space) and the dance that people have to engage in: Between dressing, presenting, and acting how we want and the repercussions of it. We talk about what people might think or say...and don't directly address what people might do, but we address that living out loud or the nuance of "living in the skin you're in" is challenging. We talk about how being sensual and dressing up does not equate to sexual, and there's a right use of energy for each of us to explore in our own ethics and parameters. But: When we try to hide ourselves, we're not helping to take up space. Other comments include:
-Practice- exposure therapy- of just doing it—showing up as yourself.
- When you live out loud there’s a possibility that people will say or do something...You can't tell people that they can’t say something.
-If you are living out loud, you have to figure out how you’re going to navigate it.
- Baffling that we can’t see ourselves how others have seen us
- There's a spectrum of low self esteem to egoic—where on the spectrum am I? I acknowledge the ways in which I was pretending in past.
- Based on our experiences (pain, shame, trauma), some of us have expanded and contracted
- Most people living life in a more feminine way have had those experiences where it’s not safe to live out loud
- What I put out and how it’s received are two different things
- I don’t want to be chosen anymore—as women we dress up to get attention—we are doing it for us.
- How do I do this, lipstick, be confident, be cute, and there’s a possibility that someone is going to say something. I can’t control it.
- We chameleon to fit, mold.. belong but I don’t even know how I like my own eggs (Julia Robert’s character on Runaway Bride-- not knowing yourself)
- Being chosen v doing the choosing
- Personal transformation of a divorce- taking all the layers of taking it off, chosen different, I don’t want to be chosen anymore, when I wear the lipstick or the outfit, I’m choosing
-Practice loving yourself, choosing yourself, being your best friend. Giving yourself grace when you don’t have enough water, food, or a best friend to hype you up.
- Trying to keep up, trying to be cute. To be chosen. To keep up. It’s never enough.
- Continuously treading water. Even when nobody says you’re not enough…
-More grounded and confident and sexier and whatever today than when we’re jumping around trying to get chosen
- I’m not here for your eyes, approval, permission—being sensual isn’t being sexual. Explore your own ethics, morals, practices. It’s complicated.
- They might think that I was looking for attention. Maybe they did maybe they didn’t
- When you're on autopilot, sometimes you forget to look at yourself in the mirror and say something nice. Give it a try!
- My new wish is to help someone get there before 37. Wisdom, confidence, age.. throwing stone to someone behind us.. love yourself, be your own best friend
- Accountability partners are important-- for when you can't see you the way someone who loves you does. If you've lost touch with a friend, you can always reach back out