Your Confident Self

Allegra M. Sinclair

Allegra Sinclair is a life and confidence coach. The Your Confident Self Podcast focuses on increasing self-confidence and self-esteem and helping you reclaim your life. Each episode provides tips and motivation for helping women be their most powerful selves and do work they love. Show notes can be found at https://allegrasinclair.com/podcast (https://allegrasinclair.com/podcast)

How To Harness the Power of Saying No
Oct 1 2019
How To Harness the Power of Saying No
If you harness the power of saying no you can avoid the problem of over-committing. That's when you make a commitment. Then you make another. Before you know it, you're making yet another commitment. It’s a never-ending cycle. You overcommit to your job, your friends, colleagues, social causes, family, etc. These commitments add hundreds of hours and stress to your already over-scheduled life. One of the most important things to remember is that time is finite. No matter how hard you try, you'll never have enough time to do everything. However, once you truly accept that you can't do it all, you can begin to prioritize your time. Doing this gives more opportunities to do the things that you really want to do, rather than the things that you feel you should do. Spending quality time with family and friends, achieving goals to improve your future, and just having time to yourself are prime examples. In this episode I look at: The benefits of saying no How saying no helps you be more successful Why women don't say no How saying no is easier when you're confident How to determine when you should say no How to say at work Ways to say no everywhere Saying no won't be easy at first. For some people, it may never be simple, but you have your own health and well-being to consider. The people who care about you will more than likely understand. When dealing with acquaintances, if they don't understand, it's probably better to limit your time with them, if possible. Remember, saying no does not make you a bad or selfish person. On the contrary, it generally makes you healthier and happier. More importantly, saying no doesn't mean you can't help those who you really want to help. After all, everyone needs help at one time or another. In the words of Tim Ferriss, "What you don't do determines what you can do." It's totally up to you! Resources Mentioned in this Episode: (Podcast on setting healthy boundaries) (Punch Fear in the Throat Mug) Show notes are available at (
10 Ways to Stop Your Critics From Stealing Your Dream Life
Sep 10 2019
10 Ways to Stop Your Critics From Stealing Your Dream Life
Today we will look at 10 ways to stop your critics from stealing your dream. I never wanted to be a cop but I do love those shows. I’m fascinated by the techniques they use to prevent crimes. So I’m going to apply some of that investigative wisdom to protecting your dream. Have you ever gotten excited about doing something, only to be shot down by the people that you thought would support you? It happens all the time. Maybe you decided you wanted to train for a marathon, only for some super helpful person to reminded you that you’re not athletic and quit the last few things you tried. Or, maybe you wanted to start a business, only to be told that most businesses fail. Then you’re told that you shouldn’t bother, because you don’t have any business experience anyway. These (old stories do not serve you). Life is full of critics. The more you try to accomplish, the more people you’ll have trying to stop you in one way or another. Try these ideas to Stop Your critics and live your best life:Understand the real reason for their criticism. When you try to be more than you are, it makes the people in your life uncomfortable. They’re used to you being a certain way. It also bothers them that you might become successful while they’re too afraid to change. No one wants to justify their own mediocrity. Avoid reacting. People are only rewarded for trying to hold you back if you quit or if you get upset. Stick to your plan and avoid responding in an emotional way. Just ignore them and keep on going. Consider keeping your big plans to yourself. While many success gurus recommend announcing your grand plans to the world as a means of holding yourself accountable, studies show that this hurts more people than it helps. When you let the world know what you want to accomplish, the critics crawl out of the woodwork. Avoid dwelling on the criticism. There’s no reason to sit around and stew over it. Let it go and put your attention on something that is either useful or enjoyable. Consider the source of criticism. If Stephen King has something to say about your horror novel, you’d be wise to listen. If your Uncle Joe, the plumber, is criticizing your plans for being an architect, why would you listen? Find the right people to “criticize” you. Find the right critics. These are often referred to as “mentors.” Find an expert that’s willing to take a look at what you’re doing and provide useful advice. The right mentor can save you a lot of time and speed up your success. Become even more focused. Use criticism as motivation to focus and work even harder. Show everyone what you can do. Have the last laugh. Find people who truly support you. Most people wish they had more friends. What people really need is just a couple of friends that truly want the best for you. Bette Midler won Emmys, Grammys, Golden Globes, and many other awards. She stated that the hardest part of winning any of her awards was finding someone that was truly happy for her. Cut the critics out of your life if you can. If you have things you want to accomplish, there’s no room for those who are trying to stop you. You might be hesitant to cut your critical mom out of your life, but there’s no reason to hold onto the negative friend that you’ve rarely seen since high school. Change the subject. Get your critic talking about themselves or something going on in their own life. They may soon forget about yours altogether. If you have big plans for your life, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of criticsRemember that most people choose comfort over growth, but they’re secretly frustrated with themselves because of it. Your choice to live a bigger life is an unpleasant reminder to your critics that they settled. Avoid allowing their issues to derail your dreams. Follow those dreams and go on to live the life you desire! Show notes are available at the show at
Unlocking the Magic of Managing Your Manager
Aug 6 2019
Unlocking the Magic of Managing Your Manager
When most of you started your professional journeys you likely thought your most important responsibility was managing yourself and your work tasks. Over time, the most successful among you learned managing your manager had a much bigger impact on career success. Trying to talk to your boss can be intimidating, uncomfortable and awkward. But if you know the right way to approach your manager, you can not only survive the conversation, you can (thrive in your workplace). Effective communication with your manager is critical for a number of reasons. If you want to ask for a raise or get support for a new project or initiative, communicating effectively increases your chances of success. How to have an effective conversation with your managerBe Respectful of Your Manager's TimeIf you don't know your boss' schedule, you risk approaching her when she's not receptive. There are times when she's more stressed and times when she's more relaxed, so focus on talking with her at her convenience. Pay attention to her signals and respect her time boundaries. Haven't you had this happen? You're racing out of your office, late for a meeting and somebody stops by to 'ask a quick question'. You explain tactfully that you don't have a minute, but they don't listen to you and keep pushing forward. How does that taste? You could care less what they're saying because you don't have time to listen. If they are asking a question, they are likely to get a no. Don't be that person. Be Prepared to Keep Emotions Under ControlDon't walk into an 'asking' conversation cold. An asking conversation is when you want something specific--a new position, additional staff, time off, etc. If you are emotional about your request, rehearse the conversation. Think about how your manager might respond and think through how those responses could make you feel. The key here is not to just walk through getting exactly what you want. What if your judgment is questioned? What if the answer is no? I am not telling you to plan to fail, I am asking you to be professional and consider all the possibilities. Thinking about the results that might make you emotional gives you a chance to experience those emotions in private BEFORE you talk to your manager. You are not a robot, emotions are part of life, but you can choose where to have an emotional response to the subject. Stay Abreast of Industry TrendsOne way to get your boss' attention is to know what's going on in your industry. Staying knowledgeable can help you get ahead and make your conversation with your boss more impressive. And, your boss is more likely to remember the conversation in a positive way. Ways to stay up-to-date with industry trends include: Reading industry trade magazines Talking with others in the same profession Attending conferences and listening to speakers Keeping up with the news Develop Good Communication Before You 'Need' ItEverything about how you communicate with others illustrates who you are and your feelings about them and yourself. When it comes to managing your manager, your voice, speech, and word choice demonstrate how well you get along with others. Learn to take advantage of strong communication skills to demonstrate your competence and confidence. When communicating with your manager: Use the tone of your voice to show self-assurance. Maintaining a pleasant tone of voice, even in stressful situations, shows that you can handle pressure. A calm tone will make you appear much more confident. Choose your volume wisely. Projecting too loudly is never a good look at work. Sometimes we raise our voices if we're afraid we won't be...
10 Things Confident Women Should Refuse to Do
Jul 24 2019
10 Things Confident Women Should Refuse to Do
Confident women should refuse to do certain things. Why? Because their strengths lie in focusing on the right things and ignoring the wrong ones. Confident women do and think certain things, but they also avoid thinking and doing certain things. If you want to have more confidence, consider avoiding these things, too. It’s easier to climb a mountain without carrying a rock. Drop the habits and other behaviors that burden your ability to feel confident. Without these obstacles getting in your way, you’ll create a new ceiling for your confidence. Make it as easy as possible to have confidence in yourself. ​Refuse to do these confidence-killing ​things: ​1 ​Engage in Negative Self-Talk​You can’t feel confident and say negative things to yourself. If you want to feel positive about yourself, it helps to have a positive inner dialogue. Negative thoughts drain away positive ​energy, including the positive feelings that come with confidence. ​2 ​Complain​Complaining is insidious. It suggests that you can’t fix the challenges in your life. Instead of complaining, work on a solution. Know in your heart that you can handle any challenge in your life and then do it without taking it to death. ​3 ​Let a Lack of Information ​Be a Show Stopper​People that lack confidence need 100% certainty. Those that are confident can take action with far less than complete information. 70% is usually enough to get started. Be confident and get busy. ​4 ​Rely on Luck​Luck is for those without the confidence to take responsibility. Wish, hope, or pray all you like, but keep moving your feet. Confident people will take luck when they get it, but they don’t rely on it. They know they will succeed without it. ​5 ​Focus on Other People​Be confident that you have a good plan and are capable of executing it. Let everyone wonder what you’re doing instead of worrying about what they’re doing. If you are focusing on others who is focusing on your dreams and goals? ​6 ​Apologize for Taking up Space​Show up big, bold, colorful, confident, bad-a**, etc. Don't betray yourself by shrinking from your big moments. When you are feeling yourself, let it show. Let your walk, the way you stand, the seat you choose, etc. let the room know how you feel about yourself. Don't hunch, apologize, whisper or indicate that you don't want to make a fuss. SHOW UP. ​7 ​Be Overly Self-Critical​​We are too good at criticizing ourselves. What if you remind yourself of your successes and keep self-criticism ​to a minimum? Be your own best friend and supporter. ​8 ​Seek Undue Attention​Confident people don’t need a lot of attention from others. If you’re confident in yourself, you’ll be too busy taking care of your business to worry about whether or not others are paying attention. Only those lacking in confidence need attention and approval. ​​9 ​Invest Good Time with ​Saboteurs​There will be people who want to sabotage you. Don't give them the time ​or the place to do it. ​Unfortunately, there are a lot people in your life who don’t want to see your success rise too far above their own. If you want to maximize your self-confidence, it’s best to avoid these people as much as possible. I said they were in your life, not your circle. ​10 ​Make Excuses​​Excuses are a way for those without confidence to justify quitting. If you’re confident, you don’t look for excuses. You look for solutions and then implement them. If you catch yourself making excuses, ask yourself why you’re doing it. ​​How confident are you? What would happen if you could become the most confident ​woman you know? The difference in your life would be staggering. Confident ​women avoid certain things. If you want to be confident, it makes sense to avoid those same things. The question to ask yourself is 'How confident do you want to be?'. Show notes available at
You Gave Up on Your Dream Career, Now What?
Jul 9 2019
You Gave Up on Your Dream Career, Now What?
Let's talk about how you gave up on the dream career you want. Once you have given up, what are you supposed to do next? First, a little background. One of the most important things about hope is that it prevents you from giving up. You may be thinking, you haven’t given up on anything. Are you sure?I ended a recent podcast episode by saying one of the most important things about hope is that it prevents you from giving up. (If you need to learn the basics of the power of hope, be sure to go back and listen to (Episode 062).) I also pointed out that some people may have given up even though they aren't aware of it. In this week's episode I'll help you figure out:The different forms of giving up If you have given up What to do if you gave up but you're ready to try again Giving up can be disguised as: Making the best of the current situation instead of trying to make changes, i.e., telling yourself you really like staying where you are. Only showing up with 50% of yourself and 50%o f your potential, because that's good enough. (Protecting yourself by expecting less out of life), acting as if you will feel less disappointment if you expect less from your life. Sabotaging yourself from doing bigger things i.e., missing the deadline to apply for a job or educationa; opportunity. Wallowing in (self-doubt), playing the victim, so that giving up on your dream is not your fault. How to Move ForwardForget that you gave up on your dream career. Give yourself a little grace and forgive yourself for old decisions. When we know better, we do better. Invest 30-40 minutes in remembering what your dream was, adapting it to your current situation, and picking 2 action steps you can take to move toward the dream and giving yourself a deadline. You don't have to do this alone. If you have friends who are also living smaller than they are capable of, you could form a mastermind group or a sister circle and hold each other accountable for making changes. Today, not some day. Do I sound like this is urgent? Good, because it is. Show notes can be found at (
How to Tell If You Really Like Yourself
Jun 11 2019
How to Tell If You Really Like Yourself
How can you tell if you really like yourself? It's probably something you don't think about because you just assume that you do. But, according to an American sociologist, at any given moment, 80% of the world doesn't like themselves. I'm a little scared of the answer, but I need somebody to do research on what the number would be for women. Do you think it's higher or lower? This morning I found myself thinking, 'I really like myself'. That's not the first time I've had that thought, or even my most enthusiastic episode of self approval. It struck me today because I realized that I've spent a couple of days NOT liking myself. Spending time not liking myself sneaks up on me, just like I know it sneaks up on you. I read an article that outlined 15 ways that people show they don't like themselves but I disagreed with some of their ideas, so here is my list. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU DON’T LIKE YOURSELF? Things that used to delight you, don’t make you as happy. And you start to talk smack to yourself for ever having enjoyed them. Your self care starts to slip, specifically what you eat and how much you sleep. You respond to things differently, often in a negative way. Being reactive and defensive are not a good look. You try to ignore your self talk but in truth you are only ignoring the POSITIVE self talk because it doesn’t match the negative conversation that’s going on in your head. Get the full show notes at ( some help liking yourself? There is no need to suffer alone. Schedule a Discovery Call and learn how to reject negative thoughts about yourself and start liking yourself again. Have a friend who needs to hear this? Tell them how to listen to this podcast.