Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young

Jim Young

Building and maintaining intimate relationships throughout your life is the #1 strategy for leading a long, healthy, happy life. Yet most men struggle with this essential skill, largely because they were neither encouraged nor trained on how to develop it. Each week on Expansive Intimacy, Jim Young and his guests will reveal the countless ways that you can build intimacy in your life. You’ll walk away with practical strategies you can use right away to create deeper friendships, stronger leadership skills, better relationships with your kids, profound love, and more. In short, Expansive Intimacy will help you discover the key ingredient to creating success across every realm of your life. Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young releases new episodes every Thursday. read less
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Episodes

EP41: Season Finale
Feb 22 2024
EP41: Season Finale
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "If nothing else in this show, if this has helped anybody create a deeper connection with someone in their lives, whether a child, a friend, another family member, a coworker, a stranger, by letting themselves be known to each other and accepting each other for who they really are, I'd be psyched." - Jim Young   The concept of intimacy is often overlooked when people embark on self-discovery and personal/professional development. In this, the 41st (and perhaps final) episode of Expansive Intimacy, we take one more look at the profound impact that embracing intimacy can have on our lives.    In a world where societal expectations often dictate who we should be, Jim advocates for both the relief and the strength that comes with letting go of our constructed identities to be who we truly are. (In other words, stop letting the world “should all over you” and be your full self.)   As a capstone to this season-long exploration of intimacy in all sorts of spaces, Jim invites us one more time to consider how intimacy transcends personal relationships and extends into the professional realm. While intimacy in the workplace can seem off-limits and/or awkward, it can be a powerful catalyst for organizational success.    Let’s challenge the traditional (B.S.) notion that topics like intimacy have no place in professional settings and be the leaders we’re meant to be.   Quotes: x On Discovering That Self-Intimacy Does Exist:  "Intimacy is about connection with others, and that it's actually defined as something that exists between multiple people. And one of the cool things about this quest, one of the things that I have learned in the course of doing this show, because I've heard it from multiple guests, is that they help me see that intimacy is with ourselves, too. In fact, that it may start there for many or most of us."   On Purpose:  “Every little moment, every action we take, every small unit of goodwill that we put out into the world, has the possibility of snowballing into something even bigger. And that's what I truly hope for, is that we connect with intimacy.”   Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP40: Real Men, Being Real = Real Connection
Feb 8 2024
EP40: Real Men, Being Real = Real Connection
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "We talk about some really vulnerable shit. We get all the way down to the nitty gritty." - Jim Young   In a world where traditional notions of masculinity often discourage open expression and vulnerability, the latest episode of "Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young" brings a refreshing perspective on the transformative potential of men’s groups. The "Men of Teal Panel," featuring Jim Young, Reggie Marra, Mitch Anthony, and Adam Hofmann, delves into the depth of intimate group conversations and the strength found in shared vulnerability.   Frederick Laloux’s writings on the concept of "Teal" are at the root of a community dynamic that appreciates a spectrum of developmental perspectives. Our panelists explore this viewpoint by recounting their experiences being part of a men's group that fosters understanding, support, and emotional connection. The Teal framework they use encourages members to contribute authentically to their mutual growth and to acknowledge the complex layers of human experience.   Reggie Marra underscores the necessity for intimacy, empathy, and compassion, drawing connections to the wider social landscape. The panelists argue that the absence of these dimensions has historical implications contributing to societal divisions. By engaging in intimate exchanges within the microcosm of a men's group, there is potential for healing at a macro scale.   Mitch’s openness about his struggle with alcohol humanizes the often-taboo subject of addiction. Such revelations create ripples of trust, encouraging others to expose their own vulnerabilities. Adam Hofmann shares similar sentiments, illustrating his journey from initial discomfort to profound openness. This progression emphasizes the group's influence in transforming its participants' ability to connect deeply with both themselves and others. Quotes:  Mitch Anthony on the role that honesty plays in intimate relationships: "When I am honest with myself, I can be intimate with myself. When I'm honest with others, I can be intimate with them. And this is one of the things that I just cherish about our men's group, because we have built a community of trust and space where we can be open, honest, and transparent with each other."   Reggie Marra on the relationship between comfort and safety:  "I think it's really important for me to distinguish between safety and comfort because the safety of intimacy and vulnerability isn't necessarily comfortable. And I think that's an important distinction to make, especially for anyone who might hear this conversation, who conflates those two words. Just because you're safe doesn't mean you're going to be comfortable. And just because you're uncomfortable doesn't mean that you're not safe."   Adam Hoffmann on the accountability provided in a strong group setting:  "It's really forced me to confront my own shit by listening to everybody else. You hear somebody else tell a story and you're like, ‘Oh yeah, that's me. That's happening to me over here.’" About Adam Hoffmann:  Adam Hofmann, a trailblazing entrepreneur, intrepid adventurer, and keen observer of human behavior, made a mark in 2020 when he launched 'The Mandate'. His project went deep into the realm of men's mental health. His prowess in the field of AI led most recently to the acquisition of his generative AI company in 2023. Now, as the mastermind behind AI Product & Strategy at Elixirr Consulting, he continues to push the boundaries of innovation. But his journey doesn't stop there. Adam is at the helm of a new venture, one that addresses the complex transitions and transformations men undergo as they age.  Connect with Adam on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adhofmann/ About Reggie Marra: Reggie Marra is an educator, writer, and coach who guides himself and (willing) others into increasingly broader and deeper perspectives, and who explores the U.S. (and the world) through a multidisciplinary lens. His most recent book (2022) is Healing America's Narratives: The Feminine, the Masculine, & Our Collective National Shadow.  Find out more at  www.ReggieMarra.com, https://www.linkedin.com/in/reggiemarra/, and https://reggiemarra.substack.com/. About Mitch Anthony: Mitch Anthony is a synthesizer. He helps find coherence in disparate ideas. He helps integrate this understanding into shared vision. And he helps translate this vision into doable strategy. He is an accomplished brand strategist who has facilitated hundreds of integrated identity and communications programs for companies and organizations worldwide. He publishes a weekly newsletter - Love & Work - that he calls a journal of radical hope.  You can learn more about Mitch at mitchanthony.net.   Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).  I'm on a quest to help men like you and me discover how to apply intimacy to unlock expansive success in your work, relationships, and life via the intimacy toolkit.
EP39: On Being A Cycle Breaker with Christine Anastasia
Jan 25 2024
EP39: On Being A Cycle Breaker with Christine Anastasia
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Amazon Music   "I had to be the one to stand the ground in being that cycle breaker, not only for myself, but for the foundation of my marriage and my family and for the betterment of our relationships going forward." - Christine Anastasia   On this week’s episode, I’m excited to share my conversation with Christine Anastasia. Christine is a Master Certified Life Coach with a long background in higher education. She’s also a young working parent.    And a cycle breaker.   A what?? Yeah, a cycle breaker. After years of living within relationship patterns that were taking a toll on her mental health, as well as that of the people she loves, Christine realized that she could break the cycle. Which is exactly what she’s done.    In this episode we explore the intricate dance between work, personal time, and relationships, and the courage it takes to dismantle social and relational norms that have been around for generations.   Other topics we touch on include:  the emotional labor involved in reshaping family dynamicshow intimacy can serve as a gateway to acknowledging parts of ourselves we tend to hidewhat it takes to partner up as parents in the fast-paced modern worldhow healing oneself can create a positive ripple effect across generations and within our own livesand plenty more Quotes:  On Personal Growth and Healing:  "Learning about yourself and how to heal yourself, it takes time. And I think it's a unique experience for each person. My roadmap is not going to work for you or for another person. But it's about being open to look at how you want to take care of yourself in a way that supports your well being. And when you find that momentum, things start to heal. I know that when I began to heal myself, I began to heal my family."   The Delayed Effects of Unprocessed Feelings:  "For so many of us, men and women, we don't see and understand the nuances of how our mental health functions within our day to day lives. Some of what happened in our childhood went unprocessed and it shows up now in our adult lives."   On Cycle Breaking in Family Dynamics:  "I learned that it requires boundaries and communication and taking care of myself and being a real huge advocate for mental health and the mental health of others." Connect with GUEST:  links About Christine:  Christine is a mom of three, Emma (7), Zoe (4), and Alexander (1). Her coaching services and workshops help new and seasoned parents who are juggling work and raising a family. At their core, all parents want to be the best versions of themselves. She helps them prioritize their wellbeing in microsteps, not overhaul their life.   With over 10+ years working in higher education and love for helping others, she has bridged her love to educate and teach by supporting working parents that are experiencing burnout and overwhelm. By starting small and implementing wellbeing practices that fit your life is transformational and practical. After experiencing her own burnout as a working parent and being on the other side, she offers a safe and non judgemental space so you can build confidence and support in this chapter of your life. With this foundational support, you can tackle each step of your journey with a bit more grace, self compassion, and an open heart. When mom is doing well, all that she touches thrives!   Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP38 - Understanding Men's Emotional Coping Mechanisms with Dating Expert Kimberly Hill
Jan 18 2024
EP38 - Understanding Men's Emotional Coping Mechanisms with Dating Expert Kimberly Hill
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "If we are not actually sure how we operate when we are triggered or we are stressed, then we're going to struggle to really intimately connect with someone because we're going to be clearly seeing that other person and how they're behaving, but we're not seeing our dimension." - Kimberly Hill   Today we are diving deep into the heart of modern relationships with our guest, Kimberly Hill, an expert on dating and relationship dynamics who coaches men who are frustrated with dating apps and tired of attracting the wrong types of women.   In today's world, there's a growing concern among men who find themselves overly dependent on romantic partners for emotional fulfillment. This dangerous trend highlights not just a lack of social networks, but also an adherence to outdated masculine attitudes that prevent men from seeking support from friends or groups. It turns out neediness isn't just a turn-off, it's often the result of deeply ingrained coping mechanisms and emotional habits that date back to childhood.   Today, we'll unpack the complex emotional landscape that men navigate as they seek intimacy and connections in a society that often stigmatizes vulnerability. Kimberly will share insights into the emotional challenges men face, especially after experiences like divorce, and she'll offer strategies for self-healing and personal growth outside of the relationship paradigm.   Kimberly’s open heart and keen intellect help her clients recognize their true emotions, using tools like the emotion wheel. She also encourages them to express and work through these feelings. We'll talk about the importance of genuine vulnerability and the common pitfalls that accompany misconceptions about intimacy.   Kimberly also sheds light on her multifaceted definition of intimacy and provides a glimpse into her work, including her podcast, "The Self Confidence Project," as well as her relationship coaching services. Listen in to challenge your perspectives and encourage growth in your intimate connections.   Quotes:  On Fatherless Homes Impacting Masculinity:  "So many men are being raised by their moms, and their moms are doing the best jobs they can, some of them, anyways. And that means they're raising men with feminine values as well, which is like, don't be confrontational, be quiet, be kind and compassionate, be nurturing. So all those are beautiful qualities, and men should have those too. But if that becomes the leading focus and values and qualities for men, then it's no wonder then when they get into relationships with women that they're bringing in that feminine energy or those feminine qualities, and they're conflict avoidant, or they're more like kind and compassionate and all those things are good things, but they also need to have the other dynamics without the sort of, and courageous and leadership and belief in themselves."   On Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: “A woman is not going to lose respect for you because you're standing up for yourself, because you're establishing your boundaries. And if a woman is not respecting a man's boundaries, then, man, what are you doing with that woman?”   On Emotional Gold-Digging:  “If men, or women, are not developing their intimacy and friendships or social support networks and they're not healthy, then we end up expecting more from our romantic relationships, and we then put too much pressure on them, or we have expectations that can't be met, and then that causes problems in our relationship, right?” Connect with Kimberly:  Email: info@selfconfidenceproject.com Website: www.kimberlyninahill.com  IG: @kimberlyninahill Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-confidence-project/id1508166181   Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP37: Conquering Yourself: Alec Wons’ Path to Personal Growth
Jan 11 2024
EP37: Conquering Yourself: Alec Wons’ Path to Personal Growth
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "It's a privilege to be in a relationship. It should be two independent individuals who choose each other, who compliment each other and support and uplift each other." - Alec Wons   In the latest episode of Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young, guest Alec Wons shows an old dog (Jim, the GenX-er) that younger dogs (GenZ-ers) can learn tricks a lot faster. Across topics such as admitting to people-pleasing behavior in romantic relationships, and investing the time to examine how to grow into a healthier version of himself through therapy, Alec reveals that some old stigmas that hold men back from enjoying intimacy are falling away.    The Art of Advocacy in Relationships Listen in for Alec’s revelation about advocating for his needs by erecting healthy boundaries. The shift in his relationships were dramatic when he embraced disagreements as opportunities for growth rather than conflict.    The Power of Therapy and Embracing Help Throughout the conversation, Alec highlights the stigma that surrounds men seeking therapy—a stigma he's determined to shatter. By sharing their own experiences with therapy, both Alec and Jim highlighted the strength and confidence they gained by allowing themselves to be vulnerable and ask for help.    The Importance of Connecting Alec delves into the dual edged nature of today’s technology–how it creates immense possibilities for connection, while simultaneously dampening the feeling of true connection. He also shares some lessons he’s learned about how to use tech tools, like social media, to practice the skills needed for IRL interactions.    Finding Solitude and Building Emotional Intelligence "Conquer Yourself," Alec’s book, came from a period of post-college self-reflection and isolation. He celebrates the merits of therapy and solitude for achieving inner calm, offering a glimpse into his practices, including early morning workouts and reading.    Facing the End of a Career–at 20 Years Old! Alec recounts his moment of dread when facing the end of his college soccer career due to arthritis. Check out how he turned his fear of that vulnerable moment into a reservoir of support and respect from others, illustrating the transformative power of sharing one's challenges. Quotes:  On the value of vulnerability:  “One of the scariest moments in my life was when I developed arthritis at the age of 20 in college and I had to stop playing soccer. I literally went from being a member of the team to possibly not being included at all. I eventually ended up becoming the manager of the team to stay close to some friends, which is obviously a drop in status. I wondered, ‘Are they going to treat me the same? Are they going to view me the same?’ And I was very scared to open up about that. But as soon as I did, I was surrounded with love, I was surrounded with support.”   On the courage it takes to go first with the men in your life:  “It's a little more rare for guys to actually open up to each other when a lot of the guys are thinking and feeling the exact same thing. And you have no idea if your buddy's going through something. So it's almost like, we just try and normalize that [silence] in a way. If you want to see a change, be the one to start making that change yourself.” Connect with Alec:  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alecwons/     Personal Website w/ Links to Books: https://conqueryourself.co/     Email: alec@habithackermethod.com More About Alec: Alec Wons is a 2x Author, Entrepreneur, Coach and Sales Professional. Alec preaches that the key to improving the relationship with yourself and with others is to consistently practice solitude, gratitude, and empathy. Spending time with yourself, appreciating what you have in your life and being able to connect with others on a deeper level will bring you endless happiness and success. Will everything always go as planned? Mostly not, however, developing a healthy and caring relationship with yourself allows you to swiftly navigate life's curve balls. Alec is an avid reader, cook, and fitness junkie who loves spending time out in nature. He enjoys connecting with others and meeting new people, so feel free to reach out! Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP36 - Nervous System Mastery for Better Relationships with Matt Bush and Elisabeth Kristof
Jan 4 2024
EP36 - Nervous System Mastery for Better Relationships with Matt Bush and Elisabeth Kristof
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "Just like you brush your teeth probably twice a day, maybe more. You shower, you take care of your clothes, you take care of your hair. You need to take care of your nervous system in the same way with daily hygiene and daily maintenance of your neural systems so that they're able to receive and integrate all of these different sensory inputs that we're talking about." - Matt Bush   A few months ago, I had Elisabeth Kristof and Matt Bush on the show in consecutive episodes to talk about how we can use the body and brain in tandem for deep healing. Their episodes were packed with insights and were incredibly popular with listeners. So I decided to bring them back on for another dive into how we can tame our nervous systems.     In this first-ever panel episode of Expansive Intimacy, we delve into the intricate relationship between our physiological state and our subconscious mind, the nuanced ways our bodies communicate stress, and how becoming aware of these signals can drastically improve our emotional regulation, presence, and ultimately, our connections with others.   Among the topics we touch on are:  Unspoken Stress Signals - The role of nonverbal cues in indicating stress. Decoding Posture and Presence - How body posture can indicate someone's mental state.Rewiring for Emotional Regulation - Both Elisabeth and Matt give examples of daily practices they use & teach for staying present and regulated. Neurosomatic Training as an Intimacy Tool - Learn to rewire your nervous system for improved emotional awareness and more dynamic, compassionate, and authentic relationships.Using Intimacy to Boost Your Leadership - See how leaders can apply intimate relationship skills to build a more positive, creative environment at work.    And these are merely the tip of the transformative iceberg when it comes to neurosomatic techniques for healing our bodies, minds, and our trained emotional responses.    Elisabeth and Matt offer myriad first-hand accounts and expert insights on the effects of neurosomatic tools to provide a blueprint for anyone looking to enhance their intimacy across all spheres of life. Enjoy!  Quotes:  Matt, on Mindfulness Techniques:  “Just take a second and recognize five to ten sensory inputs from your current environment. Like right in the moment … go! What's the temperature? Is the wind blowing? What's the lighting? What's the sound? What do I feel from tactile sensation? What do I feel inside my body? That could take less than 10 seconds, right? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It really brings you back into the present moment, creating a little space from wherever your brain had wandered off from.”   Elisabeth, on Understanding Nonverbal Communication:  "Well, I think one of the best things is to just begin to understand that so much of our communication with one another is nonverbal. And once you become aware of that and how the nervous system is always communicating with you, the nervous system of another person is always communicating with you."   Elisabeth, on The Complexities of Emotional Repression:  "Just like Matt was saying, it's not conscious at all, right? But there is such a high threat level associated in our subconscious with the experience of certain emotions, big emotions that can be very dysregulating, and that we may be experienced at a much earlier age when that experience was so dysregulating to the nervous system that it was quite literally life threatening. It kicked into a survival threat. And so we learn to repress those emotions because there is no real separation between emotional regulation and nervous system dysregulation. It's all part of a physiological process." Connect with Elisabeth Kristof: Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Coaching Certification: https://neurosomaticintelligence.com/ Brain-Based Wellness Membership: https://brainbased-wellness.com/membership/   Connect with Matt Bush: Next Level Neuro Website: nextlevelneuro.com Instagram: @nextlevelneuro Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP35: Everyday Intimacy: Mark Staelgraeve’s Simple Solutions for Closer Connections at Work and Home
Dec 28 2023
EP35: Everyday Intimacy: Mark Staelgraeve’s Simple Solutions for Closer Connections at Work and Home
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "With my definition of intimacy right at the beginning of the year in particular, I really sought deeper relationships for myself, with myself, deeper relationships at work, deeper relationships at home, while I'm playing … everything. I wanted more. I wanted more connection. We're all hardwired for connection. And if anything, the last few years have taught us that we need more connection in our lives." - Mark Staelgraeve   Ever meet one of those “everyday visionaries,” the kind of people with a gift for extracting brilliant lessons from seemingly mundane encounters? Mark Staelgraeve is one of those.    As you might imagine, this episode is full to the brim with practical, actionable, everyday lessons for how to bring intimacy into all corners of your life. Using the perspectives of a recovering perfectionist, an Agile software developer, a husband, a father, a friend, an athlete, a friend, a man on a long journey–and more–Mark weaves in and out of the moments many of us take for granted to unearth simple gems that make our lives richer.    And if you’re listening to this around the episode release date, maybe you want to take up Mark’s 2023 challenge for himself and make “Intimacy” a focus word for yourself in the coming year.    Enjoy!  Quotes:  On The Easiest Way to Get Present:  “Just disconnecting, that's one of the biggest things. And then that helps me to slow down. It helps me to let everything that's going on in the brain just kind of settle down and it quiets. And I find it quite interesting that that simple act of turning the phone off and putting it out of sight, it really helps all the other things then to be out of sight and out of mind.”   On A Key to Leaving Perfectionism Behind:  “Giving myself the permission to let it all fall to the ground. Who cares, right? I'll pick it up later because there's nothing I can do about it right now, in this moment. So it's making that intentional choice that I'm going to give myself permission, I'm going to give myself that freedom to let go of all of these worries, of all these things that are on my mind."  Connect with Mark:  Email: mark@markstaelgraeve.com About Mark:  Mark Staelgraeve is a husband, a father of two adult children, and a recovering perfectionist. He serves as a leadership and life coach, an agile coach, and management consultant with over 30 years of professional experience in technology and software development across multiple industries. His top personal values include family, fun, learning, trust, integrity, freedom, positivity, and kindness. Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP34: Breaking Free from Confined Masculinity with Guest Ed Frauenheim
Dec 21 2023
EP34: Breaking Free from Confined Masculinity with Guest Ed Frauenheim
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "What we talk about with liberating masculinity is can we come to a deeper sense of our self worth that isn't dependent on besting others, that actually sees connection and compassion as central to our identities." - Ed Frauenheim   In the latest episode of "Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young," we delve into the critical issue of societal expectations of men. Jim’s guest, Ed Frauenheim, sheds light on the burden these expectations impose on people across personal and professional spheres. Together, they unravel old and new narratives from friends and peers, focusing on the profound impact such pressures can have on men's emotional and mental well-being.    Ed vulnerably shares his personal struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, highlighting the broader conversation about men's mental health and the stigmatized perspective of having to "suffer in silence." He notes that the pandemic has paradoxically offered some relief by creating broader societal acceptance for discussing men's mental health challenges, which have historically been seen as taboo.   The discussion with Ed also provides insights into "Reinventing Masculinity," a book he co-authored with Ed Adams, which introduces the archetypes of "confined" and "liberating" masculinity. A roadmap for guiding men towards a more balanced and fulfilling life, liberating masculinity encourages men to make use of skills like emotional intelligence and collaboration as a way to create better workplace cultures and personal lives.   Quotes:  On Interdependent Success:  “Your success really depends on everybody else's success, too. So you can rise up in organizations, and in fact, increasingly the way to rise is to support others in rising.”   On Social Support & Recovery:  “What I started doing after my heart attack two and a half years ago was expanding the circle of people. I talked about anxiety with my clients, my coach, more kind of distant friends. And what I noticed when I talked to them, almost to a person, they were kind, and they said, I have had similar things, or I know someone who has deeply wrestled with this stuff, too. So, again, it was all of a sudden, I didn't feel alone, and the weight was lifted, and I felt free." Connect with Ed:  His Book: Reinventing Masculinity LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ed-frauenheim-685294/  Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP33: Exploring Emotional Landscapes: Chris Gaither on Intimacy and Environmental Action
Dec 14 2023
EP33: Exploring Emotional Landscapes: Chris Gaither on Intimacy and Environmental Action
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   “We talk about artificial intelligence all the time, right? What about natural intelligence, that intelligence that's in us when we slow ourselves down and allow ourselves to pay attention to that wisdom that we're carrying around all the time.” - Chris Gaither   One of the foundational ideas behind this podcast is that intimacy has an infinite set of facets. It can be experienced in so many ways. And each of them carries a form of native intelligence, which we often need to slow ourselves down to recognize.     My guest this week, Chris Gaither, offered one of the most expansive explorations of intimacy yet. Chris shares about his experiences through multiple filters. He’s an environmentalist, a divorcee, a father, a coach, and an organizational leader, among many other hats he wears.    One of the biggest truths that Chris speaks of is how we tend to live in a mode of extraction–trying to get what we can from the resources around us, both in nature and the relationships in our lives. This deep theme about human need and the often harmful ways we go about meeting it, sits at the heart of Chris’s explorations of how to be regenerative, rather than extractive. It’s a lesson that we can all look at, hopefully with the same grace and willingness that Chris shows.    Quotes:  On the Illusions We Hold About Separateness: "The way that I think about intimacy is that it is what happens when we start to let the illusion of separateness disappear."   On the Planetary Call for Intimacy: "So the more that we practice intimacy, the more we recognize how tied together we all are, how we're all in this together. And the more we feel that, then the more called we feel to take action and to actually help the health of the planet, because you can't separate the health of each one of us from the health of the environment that we're in."   On Divorce and Forgiveness: "If my dad was the villain in that story, which he was for a long time, does that mean that I'm the villain now? And it gave me tremendous compassion for my father over time, to start to realize that everything is more complicated than it looks like from the outside. My marriage was. Everything is more complicated from the outside. And I think that's a big part of what intimacy is. It's wading into the depths of something and recognizing how rich it is." Connect with Chris:  Regenerous (his company): https://regenerous.us/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrisgaither/    More About Chris:  Chris Gaither is an executive coach and public speaker. As co-founder of Regenerous, he helps corporate environmental sustainability leaders drive wide-scale change and replenish their energy to do the work the Earth so desperately needs. To all his work, Chris brings his fierce love for planetary healing, his storytelling expertise, and his leadership experience on Apple’s Environment, Policy and Social Initiatives team.  He is a member of the Climate Coaching Alliance, the Humanitarian Coaching Network, and the Forbes Coaches Council.He lives with his wife and teenage son in Berkeley, California, where he proudly serves on the Alameda County Community Food Bank’s board of directors. Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP32: Why Male Intimacy Is So Appealing to Women w/ Shana James
Dec 7 2023
EP32: Why Male Intimacy Is So Appealing to Women w/ Shana James
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   "I do think that men often feel loved through sex. I think a lot of us do. But there's a particular dynamic where I think men give themselves permission sometimes to feel loved in that way, that it's not out in the world, it's more private, it's more intimate." - Shana James   Shana James is a guide for men at the crossroads of self-awareness and intimacy who has helped thousands of men increase their impact, get promoted, find love, rekindle spark, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled.   In this episode, Shana joins us to unravel why so many men stumble when articulating their desires and how this can lead to a fear of their world unraveling.   Shana helps challenge the stereotype of the "new tough guy" and how we can redefine strength through vulnerability and self-trust. She also opens up her deep well of insights into the hidden struggles men face in traditional gender roles, feeling invalidated and objectified, and why entering midlife with conscious intentions is more crucial than ever.   Together, we'll dissect the layers of honesty in relationships, the seductive dance of vulnerability, and the art of navigating the chaos that can bring couples closer. Shana bravely shares a slice of her own vulnerability, illustrating that a relationship without its mess is like a sea without its depth.   Steering the conversation into the sacred, Shana and I will delve into the expansive definition of sex beyond the conventional, highlighting intimacy, pleasure, and connection as its true north. Get ready for a perspective shift as we talk about "four-dimensional sex" that incorporates the physical, emotional, soulful, and energetic tapestries that intertwine in truly connected experiences.   So lean in, open up, and join us as we explore how men can create new possibilities in their lives by clearing emotional baggage, embracing genuine intimacy, and weaving vulnerability into the fabric of strength. It's time to let go of false harmony, embrace the waves, be the rock, and rise with the tides of Expansive Intimacy. Quotes:  On The Complexity of Honesty in Relationships:   "If we really get honest about honesty, it's much more multilayered or multidimensional or complex and nuanced than many people think about it."    On Reigniting Passion in Relationships:  "For couples who've been stuck in a rut, I often have them go back and ask ‘What do I want? What do you want? What would really excite us?’ Or sometimes it's easier to back into it by saying, I know I don't want this, or I know I don't want that. And then also to bring up what's been painful about this for us, what's been unsatisfying. It takes them courage to go there, to be that intimate, to reveal those things. And often the fear is, well, I'm going to break our relationship. But they might already be living inside of a broken or dead end relationship. So if we don't risk doing something different, then it often just stays as is."   On Redefining Success:  "I named my Facebook page ‘True Success for Men’ with the idea that true success actually includes our well being and includes a feeling of fulfillment and a feeling of being inspired in the world, as opposed to just numbers and titles and making it." Connect with Shana:  Shana’s Book: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Free Guide on Keys to Men’s Influence at Work & w/Women: https://shanajamescoaching.com/3ways  The Man Alive Podcast: https://shanajamescoaching.com/man-alive-podcast/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/truesuccessformen    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shana-james-3004065/ Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP31: From Suicidal Tendencies to Intimacy w/Ross Leppala
Dec 7 2023
EP31: From Suicidal Tendencies to Intimacy w/Ross Leppala
"Everything in my life to validate myself and validate some kind of sense of self worth was external. I got all my worth through sports and accomplishing and being better than you and or being useful to you in terms of work." - Ross Leppala   Ross shares his long journey of self-discovery and all of the scars from being marginalized as a first-generation outsider, along with the mental health challenges that arose from loneliness.    Ross discovered his passion for sports as a coping mechanism but soon realized that although it helped release pent-up anger, it didn't necessarily result in intimate friendships. He candidly talks about his past suicidal tendencies and how he bravely opened up about his experiences. Ross elaborates on how this openness led to deeper, more meaningful relationships and the role this played in his healing conversation with his mother.   In a thought-provoking conversation, Ross and Jim delve into the societal tendency to suppress authentic expression and how taking responsibility for one's feelings can profoundly change the nature of relationships. Ross shares his belief that vulnerability and emotional honesty are key to expanding intimacy, evolving from a victim role to an enriched contributor role.   From his confrontation at a store to his transformative moment that led him to therapy, Ross takes us on an enlightening journey about emotionality, mental health, and the importance of seeking internal validation. He also provides an insightful look into his coaching work, his initiative Project Unchained, and his self-development course, the Belonging Blueprint.   Join us for this inspiring conversation as Ross Leppala shares his story and provides invaluable insights into building deeper relationships, cultivating personal growth, and fostering expansive intimacy. Stay tuned! Quotes:  On People Pleasing Tendencies: “If I can do something for you to make you like me? Well, then cool, then I'm worth something. And I would give myself away a lot. I didn't do things from a place of authenticity." (20:50)   On Emotional Responsibility: “You can't make somebody feel a certain way. Nobody can make you feel a certain way. Your feelings are yours and yours alone. Their feelings are theirs and theirs alone." (34:03) On Despair: “I tried to take my life. And fortunately, I was able to stop just before I did any irreversible harm and thought, well, my parents don't deserve to find me here like this.” (10:59)   On His Work: “While powerlifting focuses primarily on physical strength and capacity, there's so many cool things that we can learn along the way to support our mental strength and mental capacity.” (42:21) Connect with Ross:  Project UnchainED Podcast Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ross-leppala-171197242/ Instagram: @ross.leppala Question for Listeners: Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!     The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future. Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).
EP30: From Insults to Endearment: A British Take on Intimacy
Nov 16 2023
EP30: From Insults to Endearment: A British Take on Intimacy
“That is probably the most intimate conversation I've ever had with a stranger and possibly ever will.”    Al Elliott, co-host of the podcast Truth, Lies and Workplace Culture, the UK’s number one podcast about workplace culture, shares an absolutely unforgettable story about his time spent as a Samaritan, wherein he spoke to people who were considering-or even in the midst of–taking their own lives. His job was not to save people or interfere unsolicitedly but to ask the right questions and hold space for the person on the other end of the line. This had a profound impact on the way he communicates with guests on his own show, including Jim, whose guest appearance led to an eye-opening dialogue on the unique way that men communicate and share intimacy.    Getting even more specific, Al, a Brit, describes the unique way that men in the UK, particularly the north, show each other love. It’s usually wrapped in humor if not a scathing insult. As it is with most men, there is a soft center underneath what he calls “the crust of masculinity.”  Al has also learned a lot about communicating from his wife, business partner and podcast co-host Leeanne, a fully-qualified business psychologist. On today’s podcast, he offers advice on working with your spouse, and the unique way that introverts process information.    Quotes: “My biggest bugbear is when someone asks a question and then says, ‘...because when I was in the army…’ and you think, ‘You've made the entire question about you.’ So now you're in competition. The person who's answering has to answer in a way to make themselves look equally or better than you in order just to answer the question fully. Stop any of that. Never say ‘because’ if you're asking a question, ever.” (11:13 | Al)"No matter how close you are to females in your life, they probably don't know the types of conversation that men have when they are really open and raw and honest. They don't tend to understand–and we aren't privy to the conversations they have with their female friends that are very raw and honest." (15:26 | Al) "I think the secret between the two of us is that Leanne's taught me the way that I react and the way that I think. And then she's explained to me the way that she acts and thinks." (18:36 | Al)"But then there's also the fact that we tend to hide intimacy around insults and you tend to find that the closer the friend is, the more horrific this is, particularly with males, the more horrific the insults will be." (28:45 | Al) “Some of the most intimate conversations that I’ve had with people have been with strangers.” (36:27 | Al) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Al Elliott: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thisisalelliott/ Company Website: https://oblonghq.com/ Podcast: https://truthliesandwork.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP29: How to Build Intimacy Through Discovery and Connection
Nov 9 2023
EP29: How to Build Intimacy Through Discovery and Connection
“We’re created for this,” says Doug Kelley, PhD and author of the book “Intimate Spaces” about our natural inclination toward intimacy. At its core, he says, intimacy is about being fully present with another person, feeling safe enough to be who you truly are, free from judgment, and sharing close feelings whether they be positive or negative. As humans, we are built to be social, close and tactile as part of our very development. Yet, still so many people suffer from “affection hunger.” Even in relationships that are close and affectionate, can present unexpected new “emotional windows” to crawl through.    Boys and girls are both naturally inclined, as well as socialized, to express intimacy in different ways. Doug talks about the way he interacted with his own sons and now his grandsons versus the way he will interact with his granddaughter. His approach is to use generalizations as a starting point while being mindful of each person’s individual traits.    Doug also discusses what it means to forge an intimate relationship and connection with God and/or the Universe. As with any form of intimacy, the key is being mindful. As Doug and Jim explain in today’s discussion, it never hurts to get a little silly.   Quotes: “There's a lot of talk about positive and negative emotions, but I like to cut through that because sometimes things we call negative emotions actually bring us closer together. So, I prefer talking about emotions that help us become close.” (6:08 | Doug)“Built into our very system is this need for touch, this need–we're social animals–this need to be with others.” (19:58 | Doug) “The key for me for each is always to figure out who you're dealing with. I like to know the norms, because it gives me a starting place. But then I can see that this norm doesn't fit this person very well and so I need to respond differently here.” (28:11 | Doug)“You have to be in a space where you feel safe, otherwise your spiritual growth is not going to go very deep. If the universe is out to get you, or if God is, it's pretty hard to talk about intimacy in that context.” (33:34 | Doug)“I really believe that when we're honestly, fully present with someone, it's transforming. It changes us.” (40:32 | Doug) “Ironically, intimacy allows you the freedom to be who you are. But you can only go into intimacy, if you're who you are. Without vulnerability, there's no deep sense of intimacy.” (36:45 | Doug)  Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Doug Kelley: Doug's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/douglas_kelley_experiencing_intimate_space_six_ways_people_experience_intimacy   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP28: Sustaining Sanity and Productivity: A More Balanced Approach to Work
Nov 2 2023
EP28: Sustaining Sanity and Productivity: A More Balanced Approach to Work
“I felt like I couldn’t log off for fear of something bad happening when I did.”    Five years into his corporate career, Grant Gurewitz found himself experiencing burnout, being constantly needed by his company and sacrificing more and more of his peace and personal life to be at the company’s beck and call. The usual lifestyle hacks such as journaling, diet and exercise and other changes only added to his burden, and traditional masculine attitudes dictated he just push on through. Things finally began to change when he began to define success on his own terms outside of Western capitalist values. He has since founded The School of Logging Off where he teaches others how to redefine their relationships to work while remaining in the corporate world.    A balanced life and career success need not be mutually exclusive. In fact, many aspects of wellness and sustainability – taking time to exercise, taking breaks during work hours to be in nature – are exactly the kind of unconscious activities that help with problem-solving and creativity. Though the time spent may cut into the conventional notion of productivity, they can make for a better employee, and the value of work can begin to mean more than just the hours spent at a desk.    On today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy, Grant and Jim discuss the rejuvenating power of nature and why transactional thinking – though it seems so naturally opposed to intimacy – can actually be a good thing.    Quotes: “I felt like I couldn't log off for fear that something might happen when I did.” (6:23 | Grant)“I realized something had to change, but then that opened up the next daunting task, which was how do I even grapple with that myself? Because I don't want to start mailing it in, I don't want to be seen as this lazy employee. I don't want to turn into this clock punching mentality, essentially.” (8:04 | Grant)“The first piece that really fell into line for me was really getting crisp and clear on how I define success for myself and not how I thought society shouldn't define success for me.” (9:29 | Grant) “The way I always think and talk about positioning is, if I don't do these things, then you're going to get a lesser me and you're paying me for my creativity, my knowledge, my brain. And if my brain is working at half capacity, you just aren't getting the best out of me. So the things I need to do to recalibrate, and rejuvenate and fill my cup are going to be the things that actually make me a far better asset to the organization anyway,” (19:43 | Grant) “I think you have to give yourself the freedom to do really high impact work in a high quality way, and then be done with it.” (30:42 | Grant) “I do not have the career aspiration of becoming the Chief Marketing Officer or like a VP of Marketing, necessarily. That's not my career aspiration to continue to climb that corporate ladder, the dangerous game that you describe of continuing to chase because–here's the football goalpost analogy– it's going to continue to move on you and you're never going to get there.” (33:00 | Grant)   Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Grant Gurewitz: Website & newsletter: https://schoolofloggingoff.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/grantgurewitz/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP27:  How Men Can Find Safe Harbors In Each Other
Oct 26 2023
EP27: How Men Can Find Safe Harbors In Each Other
“These guys, we'd be there for each other at any time of the day or night.”    Carl Ficks is a founding member of the Dead End Kids, his group of friends from childhood who have maintained their friendships collectively and individually over the last 40 years. This means helping each other through major life events like death and divorce as well as making sure to check in with simple texts when thinking of each other in and among the responsibilities of everyday life. On today’s episode of “Expansive Intimacy,” he shares the history of how this group came to be and some of their most moving moments together.    A lot of these memories and moments are inextricably connected to music and to bands like Roxy Music, Dire Straits and The Rolling Stones. Carl talks about the role music plays in his own life, and how it creates what he calls a safe harbor. In his weekly column, the Friday Ficks, nearly each post incorporating a musical theme, he offers readers lessons, insights and teachable moments from his life.   As the founder of No Surrender LLC (named for a Bruce Springsteen song) he helps leaders inspire their teams to productivity and growth, in part through wellness. Carl explains the role that exercise, particularly cycling, plays in his ability to be a better friend, father and colleague.  Quotes: “When you come from that service mindset, it's more relationship than transactional.” (6:14 | Carl)“I think a lot of people are paralyzed by intimacy, and they fear it. And I think part of the, shall we say, mission would be to show them not to be afraid.” (9:26 | Carl)“One of our goals is to just show men and others that, that you don't have to fear this, that a few simple words are very powerful. ”I'm thinking of you.” That's four words, that's it. And that that could potentially change somebody's day or life because they may not feel alone.” (11:04 | Carl) “The Dead End Kids are a motley crew of now 60-year-old guys. Many of us met in grade school. There are some guys that are part of this group that met in kindergarten when they were five years old. So we all grew up together.” (13:28 | Carl)“I find safety, for lack of a better word, in music. It's almost a safe harbor.” (26:37 | Carl) “It's just something I look forward to. It doesn't happen every week, because life interferes. But it's there. It's that safe harbor that I spoke of. And we've shared a lot together over the years. Is it therapy? Perhaps not under the clinical definition but it feels therapeutic. It's very therapeutic.” (35:50 | Carl) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Carl Ficks: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlrficksjr/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carl.ficks.1 Website: https://carlficks.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP26: Why You Should Join a Men’s Group
Oct 19 2023
EP26: Why You Should Join a Men’s Group
“While the wheel may have 30 spokes, the empty hub is its usefulness.” On today’s solo episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim reads from the ancient Chinese philosophical text the Tao Te Ching, which he was introduced to by the leader of the first men’s group he ever attended. Today Jim draws from a passage in the book which explains that much like a house has four walls but its usefulness lies in the space inside it, the value of a person is measured by the soul.    Like so many of us, Jim has often attempted to quantify his value using numbers and metrics and other tangible measures of worth. When attending his first men’s group meeting, he was eager to prove his worth, to show what he could do. He soon realized it was his ability to be open to listening and learning, to stay present that mattered most, and that it is when we are empty that we have the most to offer.   Over the last fifteen years, Jim has been a part of countless men’s groups and retreats, but before that, he was reluctant to take the first step. He shares what he has learned from these experiences, how his groups have expanded and grown and how you can benefit from joining a group of your own.   Quotes: "I think one of the things that I tend to get stuck on is measuring myself by some number, by some measure of worth that I think can be quantified and recognized." (5:22 | Jim)“I wanted to show up and let people know what I was and what I could do in order to prove myself. And it ended up not mattering. What really mattered was that I was just myself, and that I was able to be open and willing to learn, willing to share, and willing to listen.” (6:09 | Jim) "It's not even a nice-to-have. I think it's crucial for men to be in conversations with other men where they get to show their cards and they get to do that in a way where they're not going to be judged, where they're going to be supported, where they're going to be seen for the struggles that they have." (13:25 | Jim) "Expansive intimacy is a tool set for men to navigate this modern world in a way that they can thrive and their relationships can thrive and all the people around them can thrive and their organizations can thrive." (13:49 | Jim)   "This is where men get resourced and supported and can come out of the counting type of self worth stories that we tell ourselves." (14:45 | Jim) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP25: Untethering Love, Sex & Intimacy
Oct 12 2023
EP25: Untethering Love, Sex & Intimacy
“I think we delude ourselves, especially as men, when we think we can heal on our own,” says Sean Harvey, Chief Compassion Officer and Master Facilitator at the Warrior Compassion Men’s Studio. ”Community is where we see each other in our full humanity.” In a world where men are bombarded with countless messages about how best to be and which path to take, Sean’s work offers not a solution to a problem, but an opportunity to heal. Most men avoid opening up to each other for fear of judgment, when in fact, it is by being vulnerable that we discover we share all the same fears. The other side of showing the ugly and shameful parts of ourselves is that we discover the strengths and positive traits that we can offer to others.    Men in general have difficulty feeling and naming emotions, which makes it all the more difficult to recognize and feel love. What’s more, most never received unconditional love, leaving expectations rather than acceptance, as well as a number of unhealthy attachment styles. Sean untangles the overlap between intimacy, love and sex and explains what men are really looking for.    The journey toward intimacy is messy, difficult and different for everyone. But the feelings of ease and liberation are immeasurable.  Quotes: “When men are in community with men, we break the cycle and the thinking around terminal uniqueness, that I'm the only one struggling or suffering in this way. And then we start to break down—‘Oh, you're experiencing this too’---especially when it comes to our relationships.” (11:52 | Sean)“We don't necessarily know how to get to the intimacy, we know how to access the sex, we know how to have it, we know how to manipulate to get it, or whatever it is, right? But it isn't until we bind to our relationship with love that then everything comes into a right sized version of itself.” (18:01 | Sean)“We don't need to define a path for other men. There are so many people that are willing and offering or demanding this is the path forward for men. Take it and you'll be a better man. No, we don't need another person telling us how we need to be as men. We need friends, peers, guides who are asking us the questions so we can discover our own truth.” (33:32 | Sean)“Part of doing our work, doing our discovery of our own truth, right, coming, becoming integrated, and coming to that place of acceptance. The more we do that, the less expectations we have above others, the less judgment we have of others, the more acceptance we have of others. And the byproduct of that is that energetically, we become psychologically safe for others.” (46:33 | Sean)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Sean Harvey: Website: www.warriorcompassion.com/ Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP24: How to Improvise Your Way to Intimacy
Oct 5 2023
EP24: How to Improvise Your Way to Intimacy
“We all walk into the room together, performers and audience alike,” says Scott Braidman, Jim’s improv coach at the Happier Valley, a nonprofit improv comedy theater and training center in Hadley, Mass. “We don't know what's going to happen next. And then we discover it together.” This type of intimacy and mutual exchange with the audience that sets improv apart from so many other types of live performance requires a steady connection with your own emotional point of view. Of course, this is easier to do on stage than it is in life where emotions are unpredictable and always changing, and it’s especially true for men who have been raised in contemporary society. Luckily, being present is like any skill: the more you practice it, the easier it becomes and the better you get at it.    For children, it comes more naturally. Scott discusses their natural ability to stay present as well as the importance of presence in parenting. He explains the way he felt obligated to only play with boys when he was young, and how by becoming involved in theater he rediscovered his natural ease with female friends. He also shares a fascinating story of his own father and how the trajectory of their relationship took a completely unexpected turn after an incident in an elevator.    With Happier Valley, Scott hopes to make changes in the world by helping people incorporate improv tools into their lives to promote wellbeing and social justice. Hear his thoughts on what it means to give and receive feedback personally versus professionally and when honesty isn’t always the best policy.  Quotes: “Maybe why kids are so joyful is because they're just present with their reality day to day, moment to moment.” (5:08 | Jim)"I don't know, the opposite of presence maybe is insurance." (6:03 | Scott)“It does go back to that idea of presence. One of the reasons improv feels so special is that the show feels like it belongs equally to the performers and to the audience, the people who are in the room… they've brought something to you to give to you.” (16:18 | Scott) “The present can be sort of uncomfortable or not even uncomfortable, but it just takes effort. So for me, it is constant work day in and day out.” (27:39 | Scott)“Being present is a really good practice, I think it improves your life and improves all of your relationships. So the more you do it–it's sort of like planking: the more you do it, the better you get at it, the longer you can stay in it with less effort.” (30:48 | Scott) “If I'm giving feedback to a performer and a team that I'm coaching, it's a little bit more, it's going to– this is going to sound negative–but it's a little more manipulative, I'm, it's not necessarily worthwhile for me to give that person the entire truth of what I'm seeing.” (41:41 | Scott)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Scott Braidman: Website: https://www.happiervalley.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP23: Consenting to Hotter Sex
Sep 28 2023
EP23: Consenting to Hotter Sex
"We have to shed this idea that we are this definitive thing of a good person or a good man. We are flawed and vulnerable and we are trying."  This is the advice Eric Fitzmedrud PhD, a therapist specializing in relationships and sexual issues, brings to today’s show.    The winding road to intimacy, especially in long term relationships, is not easy or glamorous. Even the most well-intentioned partners will hurt each other just by continuing to grow, and part of intimacy is knowing this and choosing to trust anyway. Being a better man is not about being “the good guy,” but rather evolving past who you were yesterday to meet your potential and being an example for other men rather than a source of competition. Eric shares his own story in which a period of infidelity led to recognizing his authentic self, and through hard work, cultivating a deeper intimacy with his partner.    In recent years, the topic of consent has been viewed by many men as a dangling sword of Damocles. In his new book, “The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships and Hotter Sex,” Eric explains that consent is a chance for both parties, whatever gender, to reclaim sexuality for themselves and meet each other on an equal playing field. Communicating boundaries and fantasies is not necessarily a greenlight for sex, and he discusses how to view and handle rejection, especially when as humans our focus narrows the closer we get to our desire.    Consent in the bedroom should be part of a larger cultural shift in the way we consider all of those around us from our children to our co-workers. Eric explains the important step to keep fantasies from becoming obstacles to intimacy, body language cues that many partners overlook, and the best place to talk about consent.    Quotes: “One of the myths that we encounter is you could hurt me, but if you really love me, you won't… intimacy makes hurt an inevitable part of a relationship.” (8:24 | Eric)"We need some help, even if in long term relationships…The problem is that we haven't received a lot of the foundational tools in terms of understanding how to navigate our own desire" (17:54 | Eric)  "When we receive a no, that doesn't mean a no to us, a no to everything, a no to the next time. A no means no to this in this situation, to the way you asked." (27:05 | Eric)"Have your consent conversations on a walk in public… ask for something new in that context." (33:08 | Eric) “I really think of the process of building consent as building consent culture and that it takes place everywhere.” (38:26 | Eric)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Eric FitzMedrud: Author Landing Page: https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man Amazon: https://amzn.to/43jojfY Barnes & Noble: https://bit.ly/TheBetterManBN Bookshop: https://bit.ly/TheBetterManBkshp Social (@DrEricFitz) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drericfitz Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drericfitz TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drericfitz LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drericfitz Twitter: https://twitter.com/drericfitz Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
EP22: Leading the League in ... Intimacy?
Sep 21 2023
EP22: Leading the League in ... Intimacy?
"I just cried and grieved as openly and nakedly as you possibly can. And I think that helped me in a lot of ways, actually."   Talking about sports is often a way for men, who aren’t socialized for intimacy the way women are, to avoid going emotionally deep within their relationships.   On today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim and ESPN SportsCenter anchor David Lloyd use the topic of sports to segue into a larger discussion about men and their responses to grief, trauma and other experiences with intimacy.   Jim and David, who were both high school athletes, discuss the form of intimacy that is felt by teammates, and why a college fraternity is the last place you want to be struck by grief. David also shares a touching story about being part of a poker club and showing empathy for an acquaintance.   David’s life has had its fair share of life-altering events. His dad died when he was five and his sister passed away from bone cancer when he was a teenager. Later, his daughter would endure treatment for a brain tumor when she was only four. He discusses the effects these events have had on his family and those around him. He shares the story of Scott, who showed grace and compassion beyond his years following David’s sister’s death and has remained a true and steadfast friend. He also describes visiting his father’s grave with his own son and what he taught his son about grief and vulnerability.   Of course, David says, life is made up not of the major events but of small everyday moments. Hear him describe the way he and his wife Deirdre navigated long distance and opposing time schedules during the early years of their relationship, and how this culminated into one of the best gifts he ever gave her.   Quotes: About his daughter's cancer diagnosis: “The trauma that spreads around from something like that, I tried to hide it from our children…but we were all this organism as a family, and we're all picking up what everyone else is feeling.” (David)On deep male friendship: "That's a great thing, when you have a friend that is that close and you have zero doubts about who they are as a human being." (David)To his son: "I know you were a little emotional back there, and I just want to tell you that you may know at your age, know teenage or whatever, you may think that's sort of weakness or something. I said, that's not that's strength. To be able to experience that and to have that in your heart. That is a beautiful thing." (David)On men's social lives: “You can put six strangers together in a room, and you can usually find a common thread: either you can talk about the weather, or you can talk about sports. It's not religion, it's not politics, it’s nothing dangerous. And it's sort of a social lubricant. But in the same vein, you don't ever get anywhere.” (David) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with David: Tune into ESPN SportsCenter most weekday mornings, between 7:00-9:00am Eastern time!   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm