“That is probably the most intimate conversation I've ever had with a stranger and possibly ever will.”    Al Elliott, co-host of the podcast Truth, Lies and Workplace Culture, the UK’s number one podcast about workplace culture, shares an absolutely unforgettable story about his time spent as a Samaritan, wherein he spoke to people who were considering-or even in the midst of–taking their own lives. His job was not to save people or interfere unsolicitedly but to ask the right questions and hold space for the person on the other end of the line. This had a profound impact on the way he communicates with guests on his own show, including Jim, whose guest appearance led to an eye-opening dialogue on the unique way that men communicate and share intimacy.    Getting even more specific, Al, a Brit, describes the unique way that men in the UK, particularly the north, show each other love. It’s usually wrapped in humor if not a scathing insult. As it is with most men, there is a soft center underneath what he calls “the crust of masculinity.”  Al has also learned a lot about communicating from his wife, business partner and podcast co-host Leeanne, a fully-qualified business psychologist. On today’s podcast, he offers advice on working with your spouse, and the unique way that introverts process information.    Quotes: “My biggest bugbear is when someone asks a question and then says, ‘...because when I was in the army…’ and you think, ‘You've made the entire question about you.’ So now you're in competition. The person who's answering has to answer in a way to make themselves look equally or better than you in order just to answer the question fully. Stop any of that. Never say ‘because’ if you're asking a question, ever.” (11:13 | Al)"No matter how close you are to females in your life, they probably don't know the types of conversation that men have when they are really open and raw and honest. They don't tend to understand–and we aren't privy to the conversations they have with their female friends that are very raw and honest." (15:26 | Al) "I think the secret between the two of us is that Leanne's taught me the way that I react and the way that I think. And then she's explained to me the way that she acts and thinks." (18:36 | Al)"But then there's also the fact that we tend to hide intimacy around insults and you tend to find that the closer the friend is, the more horrific this is, particularly with males, the more horrific the insults will be." (28:45 | Al) “Some of the most intimate conversations that I’ve had with people have been with strangers.” (36:27 | Al) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Al Elliott: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thisisalelliott/ Company Website: https://oblonghq.com/ Podcast: https://truthliesandwork.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“We’re created for this,” says Doug Kelley, PhD and author of the book “Intimate Spaces” about our natural inclination toward intimacy. At its core, he says, intimacy is about being fully present with another person, feeling safe enough to be who you truly are, free from judgment, and sharing close feelings whether they be positive or negative. As humans, we are built to be social, close and tactile as part of our very development. Yet, still so many people suffer from “affection hunger.” Even in relationships that are close and affectionate, can present unexpected new “emotional windows” to crawl through.    Boys and girls are both naturally inclined, as well as socialized, to express intimacy in different ways. Doug talks about the way he interacted with his own sons and now his grandsons versus the way he will interact with his granddaughter. His approach is to use generalizations as a starting point while being mindful of each person’s individual traits.    Doug also discusses what it means to forge an intimate relationship and connection with God and/or the Universe. As with any form of intimacy, the key is being mindful. As Doug and Jim explain in today’s discussion, it never hurts to get a little silly.   Quotes: “There's a lot of talk about positive and negative emotions, but I like to cut through that because sometimes things we call negative emotions actually bring us closer together. So, I prefer talking about emotions that help us become close.” (6:08 | Doug)“Built into our very system is this need for touch, this need–we're social animals–this need to be with others.” (19:58 | Doug) “The key for me for each is always to figure out who you're dealing with. I like to know the norms, because it gives me a starting place. But then I can see that this norm doesn't fit this person very well and so I need to respond differently here.” (28:11 | Doug)“You have to be in a space where you feel safe, otherwise your spiritual growth is not going to go very deep. If the universe is out to get you, or if God is, it's pretty hard to talk about intimacy in that context.” (33:34 | Doug)“I really believe that when we're honestly, fully present with someone, it's transforming. It changes us.” (40:32 | Doug) “Ironically, intimacy allows you the freedom to be who you are. But you can only go into intimacy, if you're who you are. Without vulnerability, there's no deep sense of intimacy.” (36:45 | Doug)  Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Doug Kelley: Doug's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/douglas_kelley_experiencing_intimate_space_six_ways_people_experience_intimacy   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I felt like I couldn’t log off for fear of something bad happening when I did.”    Five years into his corporate career, Grant Gurewitz found himself experiencing burnout, being constantly needed by his company and sacrificing more and more of his peace and personal life to be at the company’s beck and call. The usual lifestyle hacks such as journaling, diet and exercise and other changes only added to his burden, and traditional masculine attitudes dictated he just push on through. Things finally began to change when he began to define success on his own terms outside of Western capitalist values. He has since founded The School of Logging Off where he teaches others how to redefine their relationships to work while remaining in the corporate world.    A balanced life and career success need not be mutually exclusive. In fact, many aspects of wellness and sustainability – taking time to exercise, taking breaks during work hours to be in nature – are exactly the kind of unconscious activities that help with problem-solving and creativity. Though the time spent may cut into the conventional notion of productivity, they can make for a better employee, and the value of work can begin to mean more than just the hours spent at a desk.    On today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy, Grant and Jim discuss the rejuvenating power of nature and why transactional thinking – though it seems so naturally opposed to intimacy – can actually be a good thing.    Quotes: “I felt like I couldn't log off for fear that something might happen when I did.” (6:23 | Grant)“I realized something had to change, but then that opened up the next daunting task, which was how do I even grapple with that myself? Because I don't want to start mailing it in, I don't want to be seen as this lazy employee. I don't want to turn into this clock punching mentality, essentially.” (8:04 | Grant)“The first piece that really fell into line for me was really getting crisp and clear on how I define success for myself and not how I thought society shouldn't define success for me.” (9:29 | Grant) “The way I always think and talk about positioning is, if I don't do these things, then you're going to get a lesser me and you're paying me for my creativity, my knowledge, my brain. And if my brain is working at half capacity, you just aren't getting the best out of me. So the things I need to do to recalibrate, and rejuvenate and fill my cup are going to be the things that actually make me a far better asset to the organization anyway,” (19:43 | Grant) “I think you have to give yourself the freedom to do really high impact work in a high quality way, and then be done with it.” (30:42 | Grant) “I do not have the career aspiration of becoming the Chief Marketing Officer or like a VP of Marketing, necessarily. That's not my career aspiration to continue to climb that corporate ladder, the dangerous game that you describe of continuing to chase because–here's the football goalpost analogy– it's going to continue to move on you and you're never going to get there.” (33:00 | Grant)   Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Grant Gurewitz: Website & newsletter: https://schoolofloggingoff.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/grantgurewitz/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“These guys, we'd be there for each other at any time of the day or night.”    Carl Ficks is a founding member of the Dead End Kids, his group of friends from childhood who have maintained their friendships collectively and individually over the last 40 years. This means helping each other through major life events like death and divorce as well as making sure to check in with simple texts when thinking of each other in and among the responsibilities of everyday life. On today’s episode of “Expansive Intimacy,” he shares the history of how this group came to be and some of their most moving moments together.    A lot of these memories and moments are inextricably connected to music and to bands like Roxy Music, Dire Straits and The Rolling Stones. Carl talks about the role music plays in his own life, and how it creates what he calls a safe harbor. In his weekly column, the Friday Ficks, nearly each post incorporating a musical theme, he offers readers lessons, insights and teachable moments from his life.   As the founder of No Surrender LLC (named for a Bruce Springsteen song) he helps leaders inspire their teams to productivity and growth, in part through wellness. Carl explains the role that exercise, particularly cycling, plays in his ability to be a better friend, father and colleague.  Quotes: “When you come from that service mindset, it's more relationship than transactional.” (6:14 | Carl)“I think a lot of people are paralyzed by intimacy, and they fear it. And I think part of the, shall we say, mission would be to show them not to be afraid.” (9:26 | Carl)“One of our goals is to just show men and others that, that you don't have to fear this, that a few simple words are very powerful. ”I'm thinking of you.” That's four words, that's it. And that that could potentially change somebody's day or life because they may not feel alone.” (11:04 | Carl) “The Dead End Kids are a motley crew of now 60-year-old guys. Many of us met in grade school. There are some guys that are part of this group that met in kindergarten when they were five years old. So we all grew up together.” (13:28 | Carl)“I find safety, for lack of a better word, in music. It's almost a safe harbor.” (26:37 | Carl) “It's just something I look forward to. It doesn't happen every week, because life interferes. But it's there. It's that safe harbor that I spoke of. And we've shared a lot together over the years. Is it therapy? Perhaps not under the clinical definition but it feels therapeutic. It's very therapeutic.” (35:50 | Carl) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Carl Ficks: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlrficksjr/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carl.ficks.1 Website: https://carlficks.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“While the wheel may have 30 spokes, the empty hub is its usefulness.” On today’s solo episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim reads from the ancient Chinese philosophical text the Tao Te Ching, which he was introduced to by the leader of the first men’s group he ever attended. Today Jim draws from a passage in the book which explains that much like a house has four walls but its usefulness lies in the space inside it, the value of a person is measured by the soul.    Like so many of us, Jim has often attempted to quantify his value using numbers and metrics and other tangible measures of worth. When attending his first men’s group meeting, he was eager to prove his worth, to show what he could do. He soon realized it was his ability to be open to listening and learning, to stay present that mattered most, and that it is when we are empty that we have the most to offer.   Over the last fifteen years, Jim has been a part of countless men’s groups and retreats, but before that, he was reluctant to take the first step. He shares what he has learned from these experiences, how his groups have expanded and grown and how you can benefit from joining a group of your own.   Quotes: "I think one of the things that I tend to get stuck on is measuring myself by some number, by some measure of worth that I think can be quantified and recognized." (5:22 | Jim)“I wanted to show up and let people know what I was and what I could do in order to prove myself. And it ended up not mattering. What really mattered was that I was just myself, and that I was able to be open and willing to learn, willing to share, and willing to listen.” (6:09 | Jim) "It's not even a nice-to-have. I think it's crucial for men to be in conversations with other men where they get to show their cards and they get to do that in a way where they're not going to be judged, where they're going to be supported, where they're going to be seen for the struggles that they have." (13:25 | Jim) "Expansive intimacy is a tool set for men to navigate this modern world in a way that they can thrive and their relationships can thrive and all the people around them can thrive and their organizations can thrive." (13:49 | Jim)   "This is where men get resourced and supported and can come out of the counting type of self worth stories that we tell ourselves." (14:45 | Jim) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I think we delude ourselves, especially as men, when we think we can heal on our own,” says Sean Harvey, Chief Compassion Officer and Master Facilitator at the Warrior Compassion Men’s Studio. ”Community is where we see each other in our full humanity.” In a world where men are bombarded with countless messages about how best to be and which path to take, Sean’s work offers not a solution to a problem, but an opportunity to heal. Most men avoid opening up to each other for fear of judgment, when in fact, it is by being vulnerable that we discover we share all the same fears. The other side of showing the ugly and shameful parts of ourselves is that we discover the strengths and positive traits that we can offer to others.    Men in general have difficulty feeling and naming emotions, which makes it all the more difficult to recognize and feel love. What’s more, most never received unconditional love, leaving expectations rather than acceptance, as well as a number of unhealthy attachment styles. Sean untangles the overlap between intimacy, love and sex and explains what men are really looking for.    The journey toward intimacy is messy, difficult and different for everyone. But the feelings of ease and liberation are immeasurable.  Quotes: “When men are in community with men, we break the cycle and the thinking around terminal uniqueness, that I'm the only one struggling or suffering in this way. And then we start to break down—‘Oh, you're experiencing this too’---especially when it comes to our relationships.” (11:52 | Sean)“We don't necessarily know how to get to the intimacy, we know how to access the sex, we know how to have it, we know how to manipulate to get it, or whatever it is, right? But it isn't until we bind to our relationship with love that then everything comes into a right sized version of itself.” (18:01 | Sean)“We don't need to define a path for other men. There are so many people that are willing and offering or demanding this is the path forward for men. Take it and you'll be a better man. No, we don't need another person telling us how we need to be as men. We need friends, peers, guides who are asking us the questions so we can discover our own truth.” (33:32 | Sean)“Part of doing our work, doing our discovery of our own truth, right, coming, becoming integrated, and coming to that place of acceptance. The more we do that, the less expectations we have above others, the less judgment we have of others, the more acceptance we have of others. And the byproduct of that is that energetically, we become psychologically safe for others.” (46:33 | Sean)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Sean Harvey: Website: www.warriorcompassion.com/ Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“We all walk into the room together, performers and audience alike,” says Scott Braidman, Jim’s improv coach at the Happier Valley, a nonprofit improv comedy theater and training center in Hadley, Mass. “We don't know what's going to happen next. And then we discover it together.” This type of intimacy and mutual exchange with the audience that sets improv apart from so many other types of live performance requires a steady connection with your own emotional point of view. Of course, this is easier to do on stage than it is in life where emotions are unpredictable and always changing, and it’s especially true for men who have been raised in contemporary society. Luckily, being present is like any skill: the more you practice it, the easier it becomes and the better you get at it.    For children, it comes more naturally. Scott discusses their natural ability to stay present as well as the importance of presence in parenting. He explains the way he felt obligated to only play with boys when he was young, and how by becoming involved in theater he rediscovered his natural ease with female friends. He also shares a fascinating story of his own father and how the trajectory of their relationship took a completely unexpected turn after an incident in an elevator.    With Happier Valley, Scott hopes to make changes in the world by helping people incorporate improv tools into their lives to promote wellbeing and social justice. Hear his thoughts on what it means to give and receive feedback personally versus professionally and when honesty isn’t always the best policy.  Quotes: “Maybe why kids are so joyful is because they're just present with their reality day to day, moment to moment.” (5:08 | Jim)"I don't know, the opposite of presence maybe is insurance." (6:03 | Scott)“It does go back to that idea of presence. One of the reasons improv feels so special is that the show feels like it belongs equally to the performers and to the audience, the people who are in the room… they've brought something to you to give to you.” (16:18 | Scott) “The present can be sort of uncomfortable or not even uncomfortable, but it just takes effort. So for me, it is constant work day in and day out.” (27:39 | Scott)“Being present is a really good practice, I think it improves your life and improves all of your relationships. So the more you do it–it's sort of like planking: the more you do it, the better you get at it, the longer you can stay in it with less effort.” (30:48 | Scott) “If I'm giving feedback to a performer and a team that I'm coaching, it's a little bit more, it's going to– this is going to sound negative–but it's a little more manipulative, I'm, it's not necessarily worthwhile for me to give that person the entire truth of what I'm seeing.” (41:41 | Scott)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Scott Braidman: Website: https://www.happiervalley.com/   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

"We have to shed this idea that we are this definitive thing of a good person or a good man. We are flawed and vulnerable and we are trying."  This is the advice Eric Fitzmedrud PhD, a therapist specializing in relationships and sexual issues, brings to today’s show.    The winding road to intimacy, especially in long term relationships, is not easy or glamorous. Even the most well-intentioned partners will hurt each other just by continuing to grow, and part of intimacy is knowing this and choosing to trust anyway. Being a better man is not about being “the good guy,” but rather evolving past who you were yesterday to meet your potential and being an example for other men rather than a source of competition. Eric shares his own story in which a period of infidelity led to recognizing his authentic self, and through hard work, cultivating a deeper intimacy with his partner.    In recent years, the topic of consent has been viewed by many men as a dangling sword of Damocles. In his new book, “The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships and Hotter Sex,” Eric explains that consent is a chance for both parties, whatever gender, to reclaim sexuality for themselves and meet each other on an equal playing field. Communicating boundaries and fantasies is not necessarily a greenlight for sex, and he discusses how to view and handle rejection, especially when as humans our focus narrows the closer we get to our desire.    Consent in the bedroom should be part of a larger cultural shift in the way we consider all of those around us from our children to our co-workers. Eric explains the important step to keep fantasies from becoming obstacles to intimacy, body language cues that many partners overlook, and the best place to talk about consent.    Quotes: “One of the myths that we encounter is you could hurt me, but if you really love me, you won't… intimacy makes hurt an inevitable part of a relationship.” (8:24 | Eric)"We need some help, even if in long term relationships…The problem is that we haven't received a lot of the foundational tools in terms of understanding how to navigate our own desire" (17:54 | Eric)  "When we receive a no, that doesn't mean a no to us, a no to everything, a no to the next time. A no means no to this in this situation, to the way you asked." (27:05 | Eric)"Have your consent conversations on a walk in public… ask for something new in that context." (33:08 | Eric) “I really think of the process of building consent as building consent culture and that it takes place everywhere.” (38:26 | Eric)   Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Eric FitzMedrud: Author Landing Page: https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man Amazon: https://amzn.to/43jojfY Barnes & Noble: https://bit.ly/TheBetterManBN Bookshop: https://bit.ly/TheBetterManBkshp Social (@DrEricFitz) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drericfitz Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drericfitz TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drericfitz LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drericfitz Twitter: https://twitter.com/drericfitz Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

"I just cried and grieved as openly and nakedly as you possibly can. And I think that helped me in a lot of ways, actually."   Talking about sports is often a way for men, who aren’t socialized for intimacy the way women are, to avoid going emotionally deep within their relationships.   On today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim and ESPN SportsCenter anchor David Lloyd use the topic of sports to segue into a larger discussion about men and their responses to grief, trauma and other experiences with intimacy.   Jim and David, who were both high school athletes, discuss the form of intimacy that is felt by teammates, and why a college fraternity is the last place you want to be struck by grief. David also shares a touching story about being part of a poker club and showing empathy for an acquaintance.   David’s life has had its fair share of life-altering events. His dad died when he was five and his sister passed away from bone cancer when he was a teenager. Later, his daughter would endure treatment for a brain tumor when she was only four. He discusses the effects these events have had on his family and those around him. He shares the story of Scott, who showed grace and compassion beyond his years following David’s sister’s death and has remained a true and steadfast friend. He also describes visiting his father’s grave with his own son and what he taught his son about grief and vulnerability.   Of course, David says, life is made up not of the major events but of small everyday moments. Hear him describe the way he and his wife Deirdre navigated long distance and opposing time schedules during the early years of their relationship, and how this culminated into one of the best gifts he ever gave her.   Quotes: About his daughter's cancer diagnosis: “The trauma that spreads around from something like that, I tried to hide it from our children…but we were all this organism as a family, and we're all picking up what everyone else is feeling.” (David)On deep male friendship: "That's a great thing, when you have a friend that is that close and you have zero doubts about who they are as a human being." (David)To his son: "I know you were a little emotional back there, and I just want to tell you that you may know at your age, know teenage or whatever, you may think that's sort of weakness or something. I said, that's not that's strength. To be able to experience that and to have that in your heart. That is a beautiful thing." (David)On men's social lives: “You can put six strangers together in a room, and you can usually find a common thread: either you can talk about the weather, or you can talk about sports. It's not religion, it's not politics, it’s nothing dangerous. And it's sort of a social lubricant. But in the same vein, you don't ever get anywhere.” (David) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with David: Tune into ESPN SportsCenter most weekday mornings, between 7:00-9:00am Eastern time!   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it? I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“How do our gifts match up with the needs of the world?” On this solo episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim is celebrating his birthday with gifts – not the kind that you unwrap but the natural abilities, skills, passions that we all possess inside of us, but are not always given the opportunity to fully express or utilize. When we are given that chance, everyone wins. We light up inside while meeting a unique need in the world and creating real change. Jim surmises that organizational leaders, with the impact they have on the world, are in the unique position to foster their employees’ gifts. In so doing, they make work easy and joyful for workers, increase company value (including but not limited to the bottom line), and keep customers coming back.    Company leaders can also offer their employees the gift of intimacy. Jim recalls a story shared by recent guest Liz Solomon about an employee who discovered a newfound and fierce loyalty to her longtime CEO after he opened up a vulnerable part of himself to her during a group exercise. Jim discusses the need for reciprocity in intimacy, as well as the type of physical intimacy that is perfectly appropriate at the workplace.    This episode provides a number of valuable questions which organizational leaders can ask to discover their employees greatest strengths and passions. After all, a company whose workers are performing their best work is a gift to the world.  Quotes: “Organizational leadership is one of the fundamental places where the world changes these days…leaders have a huge, I would argue maybe even an outsize role.” (2:58 | Jim)“Keeping your people happy, healthy, and engaged in their gifts, is the path to bottom line success, as well as lots of other types of success.” (5:17 | Jim) “If you're a leader, and you've got a creative person on your team, are you utilizing their gifts? Are they pigeon-holed into the creative things that they're allowed to do?...what about the other ways that that person's gifts could help your organization?” (8:20 | Jim)“Our gifts are often hiding in plain sight. And when we unlock them with intimacy - with that skeleton key of expansive intimacy, we create possibilities that we didn't know were there.” (13:17 | Jim) “Intimacy is not one dimensional. I don't even know how many dimensions there are. And I've been studying it for years.” (13:54 | Jim) Show Links Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Your body is polite, so it starts with a whisper. Then if you’re not listening, it gets a little louder.” For, Dr. Neha Sangwan, author of “Powered by Me: From Burnout to Fully Charged at Work and Life,” when her body began whispering that it was overloaded with stress, she was encouraged by her colleagues in the medical community to override those signals in order to address the needs of patients. In fact, it was considered a badge of honor. She coped with unhealthy eating habits while that stress led to such severe throat constriction that she was convinced she had cancer. Finally, June 17, 2004–yes, she remembers the date—she experienced an episode of burnout that led her to begin questioning the connection between emotional stress and physical symptoms. Soon, she began treating her patients holistically, helping get to the root of the stress that was manifesting physically.    Our body’s stress signals are as unique to us as our fingerprints. In an increasingly fast-paced world, we, too, are encouraged to ignore those signals as we move from our comfort zone to what Neha calls the learning zone, where we have a chance to figure out what’s setting them off before we move into the panic zone. She walks Jim through an exercise during which he recognizes his body’s reaction to both stressful and soothing thoughts, and where he identifies the deeper fears that underlie that stress. So often we rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms such as turning to unhealthy food or alcohol, temporary fixes which eventually only add to our stress.   These strategies do have their place, Neha says and she shares the best way to approach them. She also explains the importance of trust to intimacy, why we should shift from furious to curious mindset, and what a “we” world looks like vs. a “me” world.  Quotes: “Vulnerability without trust actually becomes trauma.” (4:54 | Neha)“A lot of us are more tuned in to what other people need more than we know what we need.” (10:44 | Neha)“Awareness is the first step because if you're unaware of something, you're going to react rather than respond…Most people focus externally and have no idea what's going on internally…what did I just do?” (16:20 | Neha)“There are different ways that people override those signals. They've been taught to, because we have a society that's moving at a faster and faster pace every day.” (25:23 | Neha)“Something really big I want people to know is that your inability to communicate with yourself and each other makes you physically ill.” (42:54 | Neha) “How you burn out is as unique to you as each person's fingerprint.” (46:14 | Neha) Show Links   Connect with Neha Sangwan: Website: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/ Book: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/powered-by-me/ Tour: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/events/ Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music     Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“We can be close without being intimate,” says Elizabeth Solomon, certified emotional intelligence coach, and nowhere is this more evident than in the workplace where colleagues can share physical space for years and not ever know each other. Elizabeth shares a moving story from a team building session she led recently, whereby one woman developed a newfound and fierce loyalty to her CEO of over a decade after he showed vulnerability. She explains how to “set the container” for these types of sessions, and the mathematical equation for intimacy building that she borrows from professor David Bradford, author of the book “Connect.”    Just as important is being mindful of others’ boundaries and to show them grace, which is half of Jim’s formula for intimacy. People come from many different personal and cultural starting points and we must be conscious of that. Equally important is our need for self-awareness–which Elizabeth explains is the basis of emotional intelligence–from how our triggers make us feel physically, to the stories we attach to them versus objective truth.    Elizabeth and Jim discuss how shame colors our interpersonal relationships, interactions and experiences. In addition, Elizabeth explores how we can hold fast to our boundaries while still having empathy for the people who violate them.  Quotes: David Bradford, who's at Stanford, wrote a book called ‘Connect.’ And he talks about intimacy building in this rule of 15% where he talks about how we build intimacy with another person, which is one person takes a step that's 15% outside of their comfort zone. Then the next person matches that 15% and takes it 15% further, and that's kind of the premise of relationship building.” (14:50 | Elizabeth) “There's this other meta skill that's going on as the facilitator. I think it's a huge skill in terms of how we build intimacy that just came together as you were talking. It's intuition plus risk plus grace…I totally can make room for that and let us come back to it later on, if that's the right thing to do.” (17:20 | Jim)“Thomas Heupel, who does a lot of work in intergenerational trauma amongst many other things… says, ‘Connection is, I feel you feeling me. I feel you feeling me.’ And I love that.” (18:31 | Elizabeth) “The foundation of emotional intelligence rests with self awareness.” (21:14 | Elizabeth)“How do we have boundaries and have empathy? When someone commits an perpetrated act, how do we not write that person off?” (31:55 | Elizabeth) Show Links Connect with Elizabeth Solomon: Website: www.newrealmcoaching.com Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-solomon-48793726/ Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Being able to go deeper as a man and a husband, connected on that level is such great richness for those of us that get there and commit.” Brian Anderson is the co-founder and board president of Fathering Together and he's got a passion for helping dads translate their professional skills into home life strategies, so they can connect with their kids, spouses and more.   As Jim and Brian dive into their shared experiences as men and dads, Brian shares a touching story in which his father comforted him after he had been bullied. They also go head on into one of the biggest taboos that men face--homophobic attitudes that remain a barrier to men’s ability to be intimate.    Male friendship is in crisis and the first thing to be sacrificed as men forge careers and families. Yet fathers can learn a lot about intimacy from raising those families and from the natural openness of children. Brian encourages his children’s emotions and co-creates their upbringing with them. And he and his wife sync their schedules based on each other’s needs rather than rigid traditional roles.   Eventually, Brian and Jim discover a ladder of sorts, one that men are still learning how to navigate to find their way from basic emotional literacy through to the "emotional courage" that help them shed the need for the old false bravado men often use.   Quotes: “I always wanted to be a dad, to be married. More men do as well, we just don't talk about it.” (5:56 | Brian)“Homophobia is a major blocker to intimacy for men, still to this day,” (11:55 | Jim)“It's not a weakness to show intimacy or to say that you're afraid or to be anxious. It’s showing that you are strong and standing up to the idea of weakness by naming what you're afraid of.” (19:34 | Brian) “If I'm working, I don't have time for friendship…this unnatural tension that we've developed there that we need to stop.” (27:46 | Brian)“The best manual you will ever have for your child is the one that you co-create with them.” (32:34 | Brian)“For dads, how do we learn to step away from the front of the line…and cook up a good meal for our kids when they're tired and exhausted.” (46:26 | Brian) Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music     Connect with Brian Anderson: Fathers' Friday Resources: https://fathersfriday.org/ Learn more about Brian: www.theconnecteddad.life   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Success Brotherhood: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Stresses and  tension that have accumulated over the years live in our bodies,” explains Jim on this solo episode of Expansive Intimacy. As a teenager, Jim’s method of dealing with stress was to overeat, resulting in a body that he wasn’t proud of. He recalls a story in which he was made to feel embarrassed in front of his teammates during a baseball practice in high school. That shame would linger, affecting his self-image and social life.    Stress lingers on the physical level as well. He describes chronic pain he still suffers as a result, he believes, of past trauma. We all suffer stressors large and small throughout our lives which, left unprocessed, keep us from fully engaging in life and from being fully intimate and resilient.   Jim has recently taken up courses on neurosomatic intelligence, such as those introduced by past Expansive Intimacy guests Joli Hamilton, Matt Bush and Elisabeth Kristof. Listen as he shares some of the somatic meditation techniques used to help rewire the nervous system and change the way in which it regulates itself.   Quotes:   “Among some of the maladaptive norms in my household was over eating and eating a lot of junk. So I grew up eating my stress.” (3:02 | Jim)“I'm thinking, I don’t want to take my shirt off.’...I was so embarrassed; I felt so much shame.” (6:14 | Jim)“Women deal with that body shame a lot more than men. But I also want to note that it's not just a female issue. Men deal with body shame, too.” (7:11 | Jim)“That shame, because I didn't process it, because it stayed not only in my body, in the love handles that sat around my waist, but…went from ring dings and ice cream sundaes and Doritos, to alcohol and a whole lot of cannabis.” (8:12 | Jim)“I'm starting to learn that it's normal for us to accumulate these stresses and this tension over the years, and that it lives in our bodies… if we don't do anything to process it.” (12:43 | Jim)“There are infinite stressors that we encounter over the course of our lives. And if we don't have ways to recognize the impact, we're going to experience physical limitations and we're also going to be constrained emotionally.” (14:10 | Jim) Show Links   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Websites referenced in this show include: www.dandoty.com www.jolihamilton.com www.sabercoaching.com www.somaticintelligence.com     Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Put your hands around grief almost as if it’s your best friend, because at times it will be,” says Ken Mossman, host of the “Mojo for the Modern Man” podcast who also runs several intensive “I AM” (Integrated Adult Male) groups throughout the year. Grieving, he says, is different for every person and the experience is different for every person we grieve, but it is part of the experience of love. Like all emotions–despite the many myths that circulate about them–grief is a function, and provides us with important information.   As a group leader, he recognizes that whatever he expects his clients’ to do, he needs to first do himself. He discusses the importance of slowing down, of being mindful and present, particularly of your physical sensations and our breathing, which so many of us neglect to do. Awareness of self, situation, etc. must be built and practiced over and over again.    As a musician himself, Ken recognizes the role that music plays in accessing all of those emotions. He and Jim trade stories about their most memorable concert experiences, where bands like the Talking Heads and Widespread Panic made them feel everything from awe and wonder to joy and presence–often all at once.    Quotes:   “It's one thing to crack the door, but…As opposed to cracking the door and saying, ‘You go in first and report back.’ As a leader, go first.” (10:03 | Ken)“There's nothing in the human operating system that's ‘set it and forget it.’ And if we're expecting our peers, our direct reports, anyone in a given organization to behave a certain way to show up a certain way…Are we a walking, talking example of what we want to see?” (11:59 | Ken)“It's oftentimes the quieter, slightly slower parts of ourselves that represent the best of ourselves… So slow down.” (14:13 | Ken)“Emotions are information; emotions are appropriate responses.” (20:43 | Ken)“For me, music…is absolutely a portal into so many different kinds of experiences.” (29:02 | Ken)“Intimacy has extraordinary healing powers. And that includes explicitly the deep self.” (38:22 | Ken) Show Links Connect with Ken Mossman: Website: www.kenmossman.com   Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“I’m a work in progress,” says Mike Sweeney, Chief Strategy Officer at RallyBright, where he helps clients build inclusive, resilient and high performing teams. A dad to three teenage girls, Mike’s interpretation of intimacy has evolved to include what he calls “noticing and nudging” someone when they say they’re fine. He shares the many types of support his brother showed him throughout his divorce–including asking a very important question. He also describes a moment of grace from an unexpected source that literally brought him to his knees.    Mike’s definition of success has broadened beyond–while not excluding– the right job title and zip code, to what Jim calls “expansive success.” He discusses ways to introduce vulnerability to the workplace, how a leader should set the tone for the team and the importance of modeling. He describes an incident which took place at a high school reunion which is as funny as it is cringey.    There is no right way to do intimacy but he shares some of the ways he’s done it wrong, and explains why gentle men demonstrate the best leadership. Quotes:   “If you said to me, what is intimacy, the first thought would be the bedroom…the emotional, reciprocal sharing ones are probably the most powerful.” (6:45 | Mike)“I came in, my daughter’s sitting on the couch, my ex wife is there, and my whole body is shaking. I said, ‘She didn't feel comfortable, she wanted to come back’ and I couldn't use the word ‘home.’...The empathy that I was shown made me collapse.” (13:49 | Mike) “I grew up with “Failure’s not an option.’”...So it's probably new, this evolution to processing failure.” (22:32 | Mike)“My improviser wants to “Yes, and” that. You can create meaning and…have all of those ‘eulogy values’ fulfilled… messaging makes it seem like it's an either/or proposition… I just don't buy that. It's bullshit.” (25:25 | Jim)“Some of the best leadership experiences I've had, the leader that has inspired me the most was the quietest person in the room… to be surrounded by gentle men, it’s inspiring.” (31:08 | Mike) “I've been thinking about the difference between fitting in and belonging…I don't really fit in a lot of places, but I love to belong…but I'm not going to pull in the edges of the square to fit in the circle.” (41:14 | Mike) Show Links Connect with Mike Sweeney: 1:1 coaching: www.sabercoaching.com resilient team development: www.rallybright.com Pan Mass Challenge donations:  https://profile.pmc.org/MS0633 Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Those types of protective responses destroy our connection and the ability to have intimacy, ” says Matt Bush, owner of Next Level Neuro, a neuroscience based health and performance coaching company. Matt picks up where Elisabeth Kristof left off to discuss the way our nervous system forms patterns in response to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). ACE are anything that disrupt a child’s environment and threaten their sense of safety and stability. From this trauma, our nervous systems form patterns which can severely hinder our ability to be vulnerable, intimate and to connect authentically as adults.    These behavioral adaptations can be explained by a law of physiology called the SAID principle, (Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demand) meaning the body gets better at what it does, like a practiced protective response to trauma. Luckily, the nervous system loves novelty and Matt explains how to create a flow switch, or pattern interrupt, to change our way of thinking and build better connections going forward. This can require talking to ourselves more than we listen.   He also explains daily actions we can take to implement NeuroSomatic Intelligence principles and practices and calm our amygdala. He also answers the question of how to practice the vulnerability required to create intimacy when vulnerability itself is a trigger.  Quotes:   “So much of what we learn…how our neural pathways develop…are social inputs. We don't grow up or develop in a vacuum.” (4:34 | Matt) “A good way to think of those adverse childhood experiences is that they severely disrupt the environment that the child is being raised in, so it primes and teaches the nervous system that life is not safe…the adults there actually may be unsafe or threatening to the child.” (10:50 | Matt)“The nervous system works on prediction…It's not looking at two seconds in the past…the threat has already occurred, it's too late to protect yourself. The damage is already done.” (12:49 | Matt) “In those moments, if we can become aware…we actually have an opportunity to talk to our own brain.” (27:35 | Matt)“Sometimes people don't even realize why they're fighting…it's this fight, this tug of war between, ‘I want to engage, and then I disengage. Or I want to let down my guard, but then I blow it up so that I'm safe.’ (36:20 | Matt) Show Links   Connect with Matt Bush: NLN Website: nextlevelneuro.com Instagram: @nextlevelneuro NSI Website: http://neurosomaticintelligence.com/ Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Trauma is not the past event, it lives in the present,” says Elisabeth Kristof, certified applied neurology and somatics practitioner and founder of Brain Based Wellness, an online platform designed to help people’s nervous systems and bodies resolve old patterns and improve their performance, using the concept of neurosomatic intelligence. Trauma, usually that experienced in early childhood, affects our ability to attach which is a primal survival need. All body systems constantly interpret data to determine if we are safe, and–beyond that, loved. Trauma, which remains in a present state within the body, tells us we are not. This leads to self-protective responses which manifest in everything from behavior to body posture.   These responses fall under the ‘Four Fs,’ which Elisabeth explains here, and can show up in stressful situations arising everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom. If emotions remain unexpressed they lead however unconsciously to destructive behaviors like drug addiction or overtraining. Understanding that so many of people’s behaviors are responses and adaptations to trauma allows us to better understand and forgive others as well as ourselves.    The modern world makes it difficult to regulate our nervous systems, but Elizabeth shares some simple tools we can start to incorporate daily. She also discusses the surprisingly positive way shame can affect intimacy. Quotes:   “It's very important to understand that…trauma lives in the present…Our posture, our movement, our interaction with other people is all driven and shaped by that.” (8:13 | Elisabeth)“It really helps to have an understanding of the nervous system…my body, my nervous system and my brain have been using them for a long time. And it has worked until this point to keep me safe and alive.” (18:17 | Elisabeth) “We live in a society that does not encourage healthy emotional expression. Many of us, for various reasons, learn to either suppress or repress our emotions from an early age.” (26:59 | Elisabeth) “Here's the thing: we’re neuroplastic. Our system is always responding and adapting to the stimulus …So when we understand…the nervous system, we can…start to move it forward in a positive direction.” (39:32 | Elisabeth) Show Links   Connect with Elisabeth Kristof: Neuro-Somatic Coaching Certification: https://neurosomaticintelligence.com/ Brain-Based Wellness Membership: https://brainbased-wellness.com/membership/ Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“A guy who’s maybe lost a little hair on top, driving around in a little red sports car,” this is the classic image most of us conjure when we hear of a man having a midlife crisis.   Yet, on this solo “Jimtimacy” episode of the Expansive Intimacy podcast, your host Jim Young tells the story that he and so many men, have and continue to suffer from the type of midlife crisis that looks nothing like the stereotype. Instead, it looks a lot like burnout and shares many of the contributing factors.    While suffering in silence, as so many men do, Jim felt pressure to continue to achieve and perform according to societal expectations, without letting any of his emotions for fear of looking “unmanly.” The chronic stress of this was taking a physical toll on him and he admits he was on his way to becoming another grim middle-aged male statistic. Luckily—he notes with only a hint of irony—his whole life unraveled. His wife asked for divorce, he lost many of his friends, and he quit his job.    Now, Jim is living an authentic, intimate life on the other side of his midlife crisis, and he explains what it takes to come through it better than you were before. By continuing to share his story, he hopes other men will recognize their own stories and feel seen and supported. Otherwise, what’s the point?    Quotes:   “I've got a really full head of hair…and I don't drive a little red sports car. But I did have a midlife crisis.” (2:32-2:46 | Jim)“What's behind that, what comes before that are these difficulties that our culture has put in front of men that men feel around how to deal with things like their emotions, or their desire for intimacy.” (4:22-4:37 | Jim)“I had to start to risk opening myself up, being honest, and allowing myself to be seen for who I actually was, instead of who I was trying to be based on what the expectations were for a guy like me in this culture.” (7:50-8:06 | Jim)“We have this fear that if we reveal who we really are we will become untouchable, be deemed weak, soft, we’ll  be ridiculed. And you know what may be right?...The people that I was afraid of saying things about me, that would insult my manhood. Well, that was stupid.” (8:43-9:14 | Jim) Show Links   Expansive Success Brotherhood: www.thecenteredcoach.com/esb Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“As an engineer, I saw emotions as data which is the wrong thing to say when someone is crying,” jokes Drew Tarvin, CEO of Humor That Works, author of “The Skill of Humor Playbook” and master of puns. Initially better with computers than people, Drew learned to be funny–and more emotionally intelligent–by studying improv. Now, he introduces the practice of humor into such major–and seemingly serious–workplaces such as NASA and the FBI. He discusses the benefits of humor in the workplace to boost morale, engagement and problem-solving. On a personal level, it has social as well as health benefits and builds traits like resiliency. More people would engage in humor at work if they thought their bosses would approve.    Humor is a skill that can be learned, and there is more than one way to be funny. Drew walks us through several humor archetypes, including the Entertainer, Skeptic and Enthusiast– sometimes you’re all at once. He shares his own experiences with having relied on comedy to defuse workplace tension and bring up elephants in the room.    In terms of intimacy, humor reveals to others your humanity and vulnerability, that you’re a person first and an employee second, and it invites reciprocity. Join Drew and Jim on today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy and stay for the knock-knock jokes.  Quotes: “[Improv] was my initial foray into emotional intelligence. It was less because I thought it would make me a good person and more that it would get made me a good improviser.” (6:12-6:21 | Drew)“Humor happens to be really effective in terms of communicating an idea, because once people are laughing, they're listening.” (11:44-11:49 | Drew) “Humor is a skill, which means that it can be learned. And so if it's a skill that can be learned, then the question isn't, are you funny? The question is, what kind of funny are you?” (12:42-12:52 | Drew) “A colleague and I were starting to butt heads and my manager walked in…He just wanted to give us a little bit of perspective. And the humor provided a pattern interrupt.” (29:40-30:15 | Drew)“The humor that we use in the workplace doesn't have to be your audition to get on Saturday Night Live…The bar is so low..you're trying…to create that level of connection.” (35:47-36:17 | Drew)  Show Links   Connect with Drew Tarvin: Website: https://www.humorthatworks.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drewtarvin/ Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music   Connect with Jim Young: Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/   If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?   I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!   The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.   Intro Music:  Catch It by Coma- Media Outro Music:  Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds   Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm