Kill Every Monster

Dylan Malenfant & Aram Vartian

Kill Every Monster is an award-winning Dungeons and Dragons podcast about every monster in the manual. Co-hosts Dylan and Aram are joined by a guest for a DM-deep-dive into a classic D&D monster. The first part is a discussion, and the second is a one-shot actual play where our guest takes on the role of the monster. Dungeons & Dragons is many things to many people, but at its heart lies a system that rewards players for killing monsters. In each episode we ask three central questions: What is this creature? Are they really a monster? How would you change them in Dungeons and Dragons? Each episode of Kill Every Monster is a contained story, so you never have to worry about being caught up or listening out of order. Pick any monster you like and dive right in! The show is free and available anywhere you get your podcasts. We are supported by listeners like you via Patreon where you can get ad-free versions of each episode a week early, and Patreon-exclusive bonus episodes like our DM Notes and and Cutting Room Floor series. read less
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Episodes

Dragon Turtle
May 13 2024
Dragon Turtle
The Monster Manual states that Dragon Turtles are “among the most fearsome creatures of the oceans. As large and voracious as the oldest of its land-based dragon kin, a dragon turtle strikes with its deadly jaws, steaming breath, and crushing tail.” We are joined by Glaiza. Glaiza—whose pronouns are they/he—is a person with many hats. They are a podcast host, a writer and an award-winning TTRPG player. They hail from the Philippines, Brunei, Korea, Cambodia, San Diego California and now currently live somewhere in Portland Oregon. They’re currently the guide to the longest running Monster Care Squad Actual Play: From the Library. And not to brag - but the creator of said game called it “The best monster care squad stream”. Dragon Turtle art by Ben Sigas. CAST Dylan Malenfant: Co-producer, Gamemaster Aram Vartian: Co-producer, Editor MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by NC Music "Oceanic Adventure" by Bonnie Grace "From the Dust" by Jon Björk "Pacific Journey" by Edward Karl Hanson "Commence Orbit" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "A World Beyond" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "Harbel" by Rayo Z "Night of the Yakuza" by Sight of Wonders "Not Today" by Hampus Naeselius "To Pirate Cove" by Adriel Fair "They Sold Their Souls" by Bonnie Grace "Final Target in Sight" by Trailer Worx "Cataclysm" by Dream Cave "This Is Our Land" by Bonnie Grace "Rise" by Hampus Naeselius "Alpha Squad" by Hampus Naeselius COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Djinni
Apr 29 2024
Djinni
The Monster Manual describes jinni as “rare elemental creatures out of stories and legend. Only a few can be found on the Material Plane. The rest reside on the Elemental Planes, where they rule from lavish palaces.” We are joined by Noordin Ali Kadir. "Noordin, whose pronouns are he/him, is based out of Toronto and is a prolific tabletop game writer, performer and consultant. You may of read his words in Jiangshi, Blood on the Banquet Hall, Mnemonic: A Weaver's Almanac, and the upcoming Into the Mother Lands. You may have seen him in Actual Play productions like GUDIYA, The Atomless, My First Dungeon's Wildsea and many, many more. Find him online @WerewolfFeels because yes, he is an actual werewolf." CAST Dylan Malenfant: Co-producer, Gamemaster Aram Vartian: Co-producer, Editor MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by NC Music "Dancing Fingers" by Palace on Wheels "Paris in Spring" by Trabant 33 "The Sands of Time" by Rymdklang Soundtracks "Fadfada" by Ali Sabah "Taoudenni" by Rymdklang Soundtracks "Hanin" by Ali Sabah "Ghawazee" by Yinon Muallem "This Was Fun" by Gavin Luke "Egyptology" by Sight of Wonders "Urban Chant" by Joseph Beg "Desert Winds" by Jon Sumner "Devil's Disgrace" by Deskant "El Khalil" by Rymdklang Soundtracks "Face the Current" by Shekufeh Pariab "Boyant" by Shekufeh Pariab COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Send us your questions for a future mailbag episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Displacer Beast
Apr 15 2024
Displacer Beast
The Monster Manual describes Displacer Beasts as a “monstrous predator that takes its name from its ability to displace light so that it appears to be several feet away from its actual location. A displacer beast resembles a sleek great cat covered in blue-black fur. The beast’s eyes glow with an awful malevolence that persists even in death.” We are joined by Neal Powell. Neal—whose pronouns are he/him—is a content creator and podcaster that has rambled on about TTRPGs for years on both the Dungeon Master’s Block and DM-Nastics. He is one mind behind Quantum Ogre Publishing that brought to life the Ultimate Guide to Hair, which you can find on DriveThruRPG. He can sometimes be found on Twitter @joatmoniac. Displacer Beast art by Ben Sigas. MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by  "The Deepest Cave" by Farrell Wooten "Defenders Unite" by Niklas Johansson "Hecatomb" by Jo Wandrini "Hieroglyphs" by Dream Cave "The Hydrograph" by Power Druid "Beneath the Church" by Jo Wandrini "Chain of Events" by Michael Rothery "Austere" by Enigmanic "Splitting" by Farrell Wooten "Saving the Day" by Erik Fernholm "Shaman of Europe" by Joseph Beg "Binaural Overlay" by Joseph Beg "Shapeshifter" by Martin Klem "Lady in Black" by Farrell Wooten "You Are Not Alone" by Luella Gren "Hot Air Balloons" by Erik Fernholm "First Second" by Jay Varton "Skylike" by Christophe Gorman COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Send us your questions for a future mailbag episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Kuo-toa
Apr 1 2024
Kuo-toa
The Monster Manual describes Kuo-toa as “fishlike humanoids that once inhabited the shores and islands of the surface world. Long ago humans and their ilk drove the kuo-toa underground, where they dwell in everlasting night. Kuo-toa can no longer abide daylight." We are joined by Jeremy Cobb. Jeremy is an actor, writer, and podcast host whom you may know as the cohost and Resident GM of the show 3 Black Halflings! In addition to 3BH, Jeremy has appeared on Not Another D&D Podcast, Dicebreaker, Transplanar, and many more. He recently started a streaming channel, twitch.tv/casualquestlive, in which he plays classic games for the first time, guided by his best friend Tay! You can find him on Twitter and Blue Sky @jeremycobb1 and on Instagram @thecobbmeister. MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by  "The Deepest Cave" by Farrell Wooten "Defenders Unite" by Niklas Johansson "Hecatomb" by Jo Wandrini "Hieroglyphs" by Dream Cave "The Hydrograph" by Power Druid "Beneath the Church" by Jo Wandrini "Chain of Events" by Michael Rothery "Austere" by Enigmanic "Splitting" by Farrell Wooten "Saving the Day" by Erik Fernholm "Shaman of Europe" by Joseph Beg "Binaural Overlay" by Joseph Beg "Shapeshifter" by Martin Klem "Lady in Black" by Farrell Wooten "You Are Not Alone" by Luella Gren "Hot Air Balloons" by Erik Fernholm "First Second" by Jay Varton "Skylike" by Christophe Gorman COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Send us your questions for a future mailbag episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Beholder
Mar 18 2024
Beholder
Beholders are described in the Monster Manual as “one glance is enough to assess its foul and otherworldly nature. Aggressive, hateful, and greedy, these aberrations dismiss all other creatures as lesser beings, toying with them or destroying them as they choose." We are joined by Zac Naoum. If you've ever found a surprise $5 in your pocket, Zac Speaks Giant put it there (you're welcome). On his YouTube channel, you can find D&D But Real, a one shot replacing every roll with a physical or mental challenge - like D&D meets Taskmaster meets Saw? Kill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode, we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster? Send us your questions for a future mailbag episode! CAST Dylan Malenfant: Co-producer, Gamemaster Aram Vartian: Co-producer, Editor MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by NC Music "Primitive Traces" by JH Coleman "Forever Beyond" by Luella Gren "Correlation Coefficient" by Guy Copeland "Tow Pt. 2" by Harbours & Oceans "Wrench" by Ethan Sloan "Not My Will" by Ambre Jaune "Eris" by Lennon Hutton "Midnight Tivoli" by Luella Gren "Hecatomb" by Jo Wandrini "Otarefsun" by pär "Correlation Coefficient" by Guy Copeland "The Opening" by Lennon Hutton "I Love You to Death" by Ruiqi Zhao "False Immunity" by DEX 1200 "A Tale of Fortitude" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "I Believe What I Saw" by Christian Andersen "The Deal" by Ruiqi Zhao "Thrust Bearing" by Hawea "The Cost of Fear" by Jon Björk "Type Fast" by Farrell Wooten "Into the Beyond" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "Mellifera" by They Dream By Day "The Hero's Theme" by Hampus Naeselius "Last Level Pt. 2" by Heyson "Olympus Mons" by Def Lev "The Thin Line" by Hampus Naeselius "Capital City" by Stephane Lorello COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Owlbear
Mar 4 2024
Owlbear
Owlbears are described in the Monster Manual as “a monstrous cross between giant owl and bear, an owlbear’s reputation for ferocity and aggression makes it one of the most feared predators of the wild.” We are joined by Izzy. Izzy has been in the TTRPG world for a little over three years and still feels like a TTRPG fledgling. She loves collaborative storytelling and cheering on the many friends she's made in this awesome community. In 2024, their goal is to GM a streamed Thirsty Sword Lesbians game - until then, check them out in their weekly Pathfinder 1e podcast, Pod Against the Machine, or the HBCU 5e AP, Strix U. Kill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode, we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster? Send us your questions for a future mailbag episode! CAST Dylan Malenfant: Co-producer, Gamemaster Aram Vartian: Co-producer, Editor MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by NC Music "Oddball" by Jon Björk "Taking the Leap" by Zauana "Mysterious Figures" by J.F. Gloss "Stealing Mushrooms" by The Fly Guy Five "The Prophecy" by Howard Harper-Barnes "The Protagonist" by Howard Harper-Barnes "What Happens in the Park" by Claude Signet "The Answer Lies" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "Bug-A-Boo" by Moss Harman "In Night's Embrace" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen "In the Gloom" by Michael Rothery "Analyte" by Michael Rothery "Twist of Faith" by Bill Ferngren "Traces of Absence" by DEX 1200 "Commence Orbit" by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Dinosaurs
Nov 21 2023
Dinosaurs
The Monster Manual describes Dinosaurs as “behemoths that are among the oldest reptiles in the world. Predatory dinosaurs are savage, territorial hunters. Herbivorous dinosaurs are less aggressive, but they might attack to defend their young, or if startled or harassed. Dinosaurs come in many sizes and shapes. Larger varieties often have drab coloration, while smaller dinosaurs have colorful markings akin to birds. Dinosaurs roam rugged and isolated areas that humanoids seldom visit, including remote mountain valleys, inaccessible plateaus, tropical islands, and deep fens.” We are joined by Trevor Valle. Trevor is a part-time field paleontologist who specializes in the recovery and preparation of fossils, and making sure construction crews don't accidentally dig up mammoths. You might have seen him on the History Channel, or maybe on NatGeo digging up mammoths in Siberia, or a bunch of other shows talking about dead stuff and different catastrophic ways the world can end. He is a cast member of Negative2Charisma's “A Sinner's Dream”, the paleontology consultant and dinosaur creator for the new primeval D&D 5E campaign setting Planegea from Atlas Games, and the Creative Director of the upcoming Official D&D Hockey Jersey line from GeekyJerseys. He can be found on Twitter @tattoosandbones. CAST Dylan Malenfant: Co-producer, Gamemaster Aram Vartian: Co-producer, Editor MUSIC "A Truly Powerful Force" by NC Music "Capital City" by Stephane Lorello COMMUNITY Discord TikTok Twitter Reddit Instagram Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices