In previous episodes, we discussed the importance of coming out, which is a deeply personal and pivotal moment for LGBTQ+ individuals. And while living openly can empower us to be our authentic selves, a number of complex factors can keep us in the closet.In this episode, author, public speaker, and former teacher Kevin O’Connor joins us to discuss his personal journey out of marriage to embrace his sexuality at 55 and live authentically as a gay man.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 77. Coming OutAdditional Resources:Learn More About KevinFollow Kevin on InstagramFollow Kevin on FacebookRead Two Floors Above GriefSupport the showGet Your Merch

Today, authentic LGBTQ+ representation in TV is more important than ever since it reflects the community's diverse experiences, fosters a sense of inclusivity, challenges stereotypes, and provides meaningful representation that resonates with audiences to promote understanding and acceptance. However, in recent years, we’ve seen a trend where LGBTQ+ shows have been increasingly canceled, some after just one season, with Netflix being the biggest culprit.In this episode, we’re examining Netflix’s recent cancellations of LGBTQ+ shows, comparing their approach to queer content with other media companies, and exploring the streaming giant's controversies surrounding decisions in the realm of LGBTQ+ storytelling.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 07. The History of Gay Representation in TV & FilmListen to Episode 09. Corporate Greed & Rainbow CapitalismListen to Episode 55. Gay for Pay: Should Straight Actors Play Queer Characters? Additional Resources:Every LGBTQ+ Show Cancelled Over the Past Year30 LGBTQ+ Shows That Got Canceled in 2023Netflix Employees Walk Out Over Dave Chappelle SpecialNetflix Reportedly Gave Exec Second Chance After Investigating His Use Of Anti-LGBTQ LanguageNetflix Cut from LGBTQ Corporate Equality Report over Dave Chappelle’s ‘The Closer’Ricky Gervais Netflix Special Condemned by LGBTQ Groups for ‘Anti-Trans Rants Masquerading as Jokes’Ricky Gervais Condemned for Crude, Tired and Lazy AIDS Jokes in Controversial Netflix SpecialNetflix CEO Faces Backlash for Wild Comments on Cancelled Shows: ‘They are NOT Allies’Shane Gillis was Fired from SNL for Anti-Gay Slurs. He Now Has a New Special on NetflixDave Chappelle Goes After Disabled Community in 'The Dreamer'Why Are So Many TV Shows About Queer Women Getting the Axe?GLAAD's 2022-2023 Where We Are on TV ReportSupport the showGet Your Merch

In previous episodes, we discussed the history of gay representation in TV and film and roadblocks LGBTQ+ actors encounter in Hollywood, with gay characters continuing to be portrayed by straight actors. While representation is important, authentic LGBTQ+ portrayals in the media fosters inclusivity and visibility, helping to break down stereotypes and promote understanding among audiences.In this episode, actor, writer, and screenwriter Jose Nateras joins us to discuss his new LGBTQ+ horror movie, Departing Seniors, and how he leveraged his own personal experiences and identity to create an authentic film.Relevant Episodes:Listen to Episode 07. The History of Gay Representation in TV & FilmListen to Episode 28. Gay HorrorAdditional Resources:Watch Departing SeniorsLearn More About Jose NaterasFollow Jose Nateras on InstagramFollow Jose Nateras on TwitterBuy Testament by Jose NaterasGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

From early chatrooms of the 90s to geolocation apps in the 2010s, gay men have been considered to be early adopters of online dating. While today's gay dating apps offer unprecedented convenience for gay men to connect within their community, their widespread use has brought about some negative impacts, including issues related to sexual racism, body image, and the changing dynamics of social spaces for gay men.In this episode, we’re exploring the historical trajectory from gay dating sites to the emergence of today's gay dating apps, the potentially harmful effects they can have on mental health, and how we can adopt healthier habits to navigate gay dating in the digital age.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?Listen to Episode 53. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other GaysListen to Bonus 07. Ranking Gay Dating AppsAdditional Resources:Online Dating in the U.S.The History of Online DatingThe History of Online Dating: A Timeline From Paper Ads to WebsitesGay History Month: The Evolution of LGBTQ+ Online DatingWhat is Gaydar?How Grindr Took Over the Gay Scene and Changed Dating for EveryoneGrindr - Statistics & FactsThe Founders of This Gay Dating App Won't Stop You Searching by RaceWhat is Jack’d?What is Hornet?GROWLr Sold for $11.8 Million to Straight Social App CompanyWhy Dating Apps Are Racist AF — With or Without Ethnicity FiltersThe Influence of Grindr: An Exploratory StudyOrthorexia Nervosa in Gay MenGrindr Was the First Big Dating App for Gay Men. Now It’s Falling Out of Favor.Grindr Security Flaw Exposes Users' Location DataSupport the showGet Your Merch

Inclusive representation in literature offers LGBTQ+ people a sense of visibility, validation, and connection as they see their experiences authentically mirrored, which fosters a more inclusive narrative for readers. While it was historically challenging to engage with LGBTQ+ literature, today’s social media communities actively promote and amplify inclusive representation, providing a space for queer voices to be celebrated, shared, and discovered, creating a sense of community and expanding the visibility of these narratives in the literary landscape.In this episode, Rod Lujano (@rodlujano), a gay bookstagrammer, joins us to discuss social media’s impact in amplifying queer voices, fostering inclusive LGBTQ+ representation in literature, and navigating the challenges posed by recent attempts at book bans.Additional Resources:Follow Rod on InstagramConnect with Rod on GoodreadsFollow Rod on ThreadsConnect with Rod on FacebookCheck Out Rod’s Book WishlistGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

The fine line between genuine kindness and people-pleasing can pose a challenge, as the latter may lead to sacrificing one's own needs, compromising authenticity, and fostering unhealthy dependencies in relationships. But gay men, in particular, tend to be influenced by societal expectations and the desire to counter stereotypes, resulting in a higher likelihood to engage in excessive people-pleasing behaviors as they navigate social dynamics and seek acceptance.In this episode, we’re diving into the nuanced correlation between the childhood fear of rejection from growing up gay and the emergence of people-pleasing behaviors in adulthood among gay men while discussing strategies to cultivate self-compassion, set clear boundaries, and prioritize individual needs for a more authentic and personal empowered life as gay men.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your PerfectionismListen to Episode 34. GBF: Gay Best FriendListen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set ThemAdditional Resources:People Pleaser (Merriam-Webster)What Is People-Pleasing?People-PleasingPeople Pleaser: What It Means and How to StopHow to Stop People-PleasingWhat is a People Pleaser?How to Stop People-Pleasing (and Still Be Nice)How Does Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Show Up for Gay Men?Gay People Have Been Taught to Be People-Pleasing Push-OversGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

In today's complex and rapidly changing landscape of economic uncertainty and unexpected global events, comprehensive financial planning is more crucial yet intricate than ever. But for gay men, navigating resilient financial strategies has been historically challenging due to the economic burden of increased healthcare costs during the AIDS pandemic, prevalent job discrimination, and the LGBTQ+ wage gap.In this episode, John and David of the Queer Money podcast join us to discuss the current financial landscape of the LGBTQ+ community, financial strategies tailored to empower and support the fiscal wellbeing of the LGBTQ+ community, and the transformative impact of open financial discussions in our relationships…which can even improve your sex life!Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 49. Let's Shatter the LGBTQ+ Wage GapAdditional Resources:Join the Queer Money CommunityListen to Queer Money on Apple PodcastsListen to Queer Money on SpotifySubscribe to Queer Money on YouTubeFollow Queer Money on InstagramFollow Queer Money on TikTokFollow Queer Money on FacebookThe Wage Gap Among LGBTQ+ Workers in the United StatesThe State of LGBTQ Finance: A Survey of 2,000 AmericansGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

The term "metrosexual" emerged in the mid-1990s, coined to describe a new wave of urban, fashion-forward men who embraced grooming, fashion, and a heightened sense of personal style, challenging traditional masculinity. However, critics argue the trend appropriates “the gay aesthetic,” reinforcing stereotypes and implying that an interest in fashion and grooming is inherently linked to one's sexual orientation.In this episode, we’re exploring the origins of “metrosexuality,” and the complex intersection between fashion, grooming, and associated stereotypes, while examining how this trend has negatively influenced the perception and societal expectations surrounding gay men and masculinity.Related Episodes:Listen to Bonus 06. Loveless in ParisListen to Episode 81. Are Mustaches Gay?Listen to Episode 89. Beyond the Brawn: Redefining Queer Masculinity (with Erick DuPree)Additional Resources:Metrosexual (Merriam-Webster)Metrosexual (Urban Dictionary)Metrosexuals (Encyclopedia.com)Mark Simpson (Wikipedia)Here Come the Mirror Men: Why the Future is Metrosexual‘Metrosexuals’ Were Just Straight Men Who Loved Self-Care. Right?Meet the MetrosexualWhat Makes Someone a Metrosexual?10 Benefits of Being in a Relationship With a Metrosexual ManMetrosexuals Come OutMetrosexuality: Effeminacy, Aesthetics and Toxic MasculinityWhat Does the LGBTQIA+ Community Think of the Term "Metrosexual"?Tommy PengellyGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

For years, society’s sense of body image has been negatively affected by standards that often perpetuate unrealistic ideals and contribute to the prevalence of negative body image perceptions. Some gay men grapple with an additional layer of body image issues, navigating societal expectations and stereotypes that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness about their physical appearance.In this episode, Matthew Simko, a style & lifestyle expert, joins us to dish on the importance of positivity within gay culture, plus-sized fashion tips, and how we can all learn to love our bodies at any size.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 32. Gay Men and Body Image ObsessionListen to Episode 82. Gay Gym CultureAdditional Resources:Visit Matthew's WebsiteFollow Matthew on InstagramGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

On Sunday, June 24, 1973, a gay bar in New Orleans was intentionally set ablaze, killing 32 people and injuring another 15. Fifty years later, despite ample evidence, no arrests have ever been made.In this episode, we’re taking a look at the tragic events of the UpStairs Lounge arson attack, the pervasive discrimination and homophobia evident in the aftermath, and renewed efforts to locate four of the unclaimed bodies of victims recklessly buried in an unmarked grave.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 17. Mobsters & Mos: How the Mafia Owned Gay NightlifeListen to Episode 61. The Pulse Nightclub ShootingListen to Episode 63. The Stonewall RiotsAdditional Resources:The UpStairs Lounge Arson Attack, New Orleans: 50 Years LaterUpstairs Lounge: Gay Culture & the Metropolitan Community Church50 Years After Deadly Up Stairs Lounge Fire: New Orleans LGBTQ+ Community Still Seeks AnswersUpstairs Lounge FireArson Attack on the UpStairs LoungeUpStairs Lounge Arson AttackMetropolitan Community Church of New OrleansThe Upstairs Lounge FireThe Upstairs Lounge Fire - Luther BoggsUpstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: 32 DeathsUpstairs Lounge Arson, 1973: AftermathThis Day in History: UpStairs Lounge Arson AttackAbout the UpStairs Lounge FireThe Up Stairs Lounge Arson: Thirty-Two Deaths in a New Orleans Gay Bar, June 24, 1973 by Clayton Delery-EdwardsUpstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: In MemoriamUpstairs Lounge Fire, 1973: News CoverageThe UpStairs Lounge Fire 50th AnniversaryA ‘Forgotten Tragedy’ At a New Orleans Gay Bar and a New Effort to Honor Victims’ RemainsUnknown VictimSupport the showGet Your Merch

Societal perceptions of masculinity are often rooted in traditional and restrictive norms, which can pressure gay men to conform to stereotypical ideals, leading to internalized homophobia, feelings of inadequacy, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Even within the queer community, ideals of masculinity and femininity can be at odds, creating a complex dynamic for gay men who are navigating their identity.In this episode, Erick DuPree, a literary anthropologist specializing in the intersection of literature and culture, joins us to explore societal concepts of masculinity, how it impacts gay men's sense of self, the importance of mindfulness in navigating our identity, and their anthology, Men & The Goddess, which explores male relationships with the divine feminine.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 04. Pop Icons and Their Gay Emotional AppealListen to Episode 11. Overcoming Internalized HomophobiaListen to Episode 82. Gay Gym CultureAdditional Resources:Learn More About Erick DuPreeFollow Erick DuPree on InstagramRead Men And The Goddess: An Anthology RevisitedRead Awaken To Mindfulness: Cultivating Daily Practice & WellbeingGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Daddy issues is a colloquial term often used to stigmatize psychological or emotional challenges that may arise in an individual's life due to a perceived absence, neglect, or strained relationship with their father. Some gay men may experience their fathers subtly distancing themselves as a form of rejection of their sexuality, which has the potential to negatively influence the way they learn to navigate and sustain lasting relationships between men.In this episode, we’re discussing the nuances of daddy issues, exploring their definition and manifestations, the distinct effects on gay men, featuring insightful perspectives from The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan Downes, and exploring pathways to healing and navigating the complex terrain of daddy issues in the LGBTQ+ community.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your PerfectionismListen to Episode 15. Understanding Attachment StylesListen to Episode 47. Say Goodbye to Abandonment IssuesListen to Episode 70. Good Grief: How to Cope with LossListen to Episode 71. Queer GriefListen to Episode 74. Unmask Your Trust IssuesAdditional Resources:Daddy Issues Definition (Dictionary.com)‘Daddy Issues’ and Their Impact on Adult RelationshipsWhat Are “Daddy Issues”?“Do I Have Daddy Issues?” Ask a TherapistRead The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan DownsWhy is it so Difficult for Some Gay Men to Find a Partner?What Are 'Daddy Issues'?Yes, ‘Daddy Issues’ Are a Real Thing — Here’s How to DealDaddy Issues: The Age-Old Stigma Around Intergenerational RelationshipsGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Within the many letters of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, non-binary individuals embrace identities outside the traditional binary of male or female, challenging societal norms and fostering a more diverse understanding of gender. Often overlooked, non-binary visibility is crucial in dismantling stereotypes and building a more inclusive world where individuals of all gender identities can authentically express themselves while being recognized for their unique contributions.In this episode, Travis McMaster, public speaker and host of Caffeinated N’ Queer, joins us to share their gender identity awakening, the importance of non-binary visibility, and resources for those who are exploring their gender.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 08. Finding Your CommunityListen to Episode 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)Additional Resources:Follow Travis McMaster on InstagramFollow Travis McMaster on TwitterWatch Caffeinated N’ Queer on InstagramWatch Caffeinated N’ Queer on TikTokWatch Caffeinated N’ Queer on ThreadsWatch Caffeinated N’ Queer on FacebookLearn More About Alder Health ServicesFollow Alder Health Services on InstagramFollow Alder Health Services on FacebookGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Gay men sometimes shift between different modes of expression, including language, behavior, or mannerisms, to navigate between their authentic identity and societal expectations or contexts related to their sexual orientation. Known as code-switching, this practice can reinforce societal norms that marginalize certain linguistic or cultural expressions, leading us to suppress our authentic identities and perpetuating a sense of disconnection or internal conflict.In this episode, we’re taking a look into the intricate history of code-switching, how it manifests within the LGBTQ+ community, and ways we can cultivate an inclusive environment, where authenticity thrives and the necessity to code-switch diminishes.Related Episodes:Listen to Episode 10. Out in the WorkplaceListen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set ThemAdditional Resources:Code-Switching Definition (Merriam-Webster)Code-Switching (Britannica)Sociolinguistics (Britannica)BetterUpWhat is Code Switching and How Does It Impact Teams?Code-Switching: What Does It Mean and Why Do People Do It?Code Switching: Exploring the Types & ImpactRedditors Sound Off On ‘Gay Voice’ and Whether They Code-SwitchThe Exhausting Work of LGBTQ Code-SwitchingGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Boundaries are essential guidelines, defining the limits of acceptable behavior and establishing a framework of respect and mutual understanding. But due to societal pressures, stereotypes, and the historical stigmatization of non-heteronormative relationships, some gay men may exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, which makes it challenging to implement boundaries and contributes to feelings of isolation and a reluctance to assert personal limits.In this episode, we’re navigating the complex world of boundaries, addressing the unique challenges gay men may face in setting and maintaining them, and offering insights on identifying and establishing personal boundaries for more authentic and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.Additional Resources:Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Set ThemA Quick Guide for Gay Men Who Want to Set Better BoundariesGot Boundaries? Here's the Top 4 Boundary Struggles Only LGBTQ+ Folks Will UnderstandHow to Figure Out Your BoundariesGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Happy Holidays, my LGBTQuties! As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as sobriety, conversion therapy, media representation, and more!Additional Resources:59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)62. Let Go of Your Religious Trauma (with Eric Feltes)64. 40 Single Gay (with Jonathan Lee)66. Shoot Your Shot on Archer (with Michael Kaye)72. Recovering from Recovery (with Adam Fitzgerald)75. Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (with Tate Barkley)76. Finally Free (with Seth Showalter)80. Queer Haunts: Happy Halloween (with Ralph Anthony)Get Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as allyship, relationships, finding our community, and more!Additional Resources:16. Being an Ally (with Cheyenne Filipczyk)39. We Are Family: Part 1 (with Michelle Loveless)40. We Are Family: Part 2 (with Amy Loveless)43. Surviving a Breakup (with Sara Sabatino)45. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? (with Jordan Nofziger)50. Self-Love Tough Love (with Tillie Lee)52. Gayming: Level Up Your Sense of Community (with Jonathan Steele)54. Love in the Third Degree (with Eric Praniewicz)Get Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Gay men tend to grapple with complex feelings about body image, influenced by societal ideals that often emphasize a lean and muscular physique. As a result, gay gym culture is often marked by a complex interplay of such body standards, which can both motivate and challenge individuals within the community to base their self-perception on chasing an idealized appearance.In this episode, we're exploring the intersection of gay culture and gym culture, along with how societal conceptions of masculinity on gay men's self-image and relationships can lead to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and the pursuit of often unrealistic physical ideals.Additional Resources:32. Gay Men and Body ObsessionFitness CultureThe History of How the Modern Day Gym Came to BeWrestling and Weightlifting: The WWF and Fitness in the 1980sThe Evolution of San Francisco’s Gay Gym CultureYMCAWorking, Out19. The Queer History of Disco24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay MenEating Disorder StatisticsGay Men and Body Image: What You Need to KnowIt’s Complicated: Exploring Why Gay Men Have Such a Unique Relationship with the GymThe Sweaty Homophobia of the GymGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

The mustache has traversed centuries, evolving from a symbol of prestige in ancient civilizations to a statement of rebellion in modern counterculture movements. In the 1960s and 1970s, it became an iconic symbol within the gay community, representing a form of self-expression, solidarity, and defiance against societal norms surrounding masculinity and sexuality.In this episode, we’re taking a look at the multifaceted history of the mustache, exploring its evolution as a symbol of masculinity, its significant sociosexual ties to the gay community in the 1960s and 1970s, and how it has created important conversations about men's health today.Additional Resources:Mustache vs. Moustache: Which is Correct?Mustache DefinitionMustachio DefinitionThe Statues of Rahotep and NofretThe Moustache: A Hairy HistoryWhy Peter the Great Established a Beard TaxAbout MovemberThe Mustache is Thriving. But What Does It Mean?A Sexual, Social and Political History of the MustacheCruisin’ With the Mustache Crew: Meet the Facial-Hair Style Taking Over Every Gay Bar in the CityOne Hairy Lip, a Mix of MessagesCastro CloneGay/Bi Men and Mustaches, a History in PhotosThe Rules of MovemberMovember DonationsGet Involved with MovemberGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch

Happy Halloween, my LGBTQuties! Previously, we discussed how queer themes have been depicted in horror for more than 250 years and that the genre has always been queer.In this episode, Ralph Anthony, host of the Scream Queer Podcast, joins us to dish on all things horror, determine which monsters are queer, and share a very spooky true-life horror story submitted by one of his listeners.Additional Resources:Listen to Scream Queer PodcastFollow Ralph Anthony on InstagramFollow Scream Queer Podcast on Instagram28. Gay HorrorGet Your MerchSupport the showGet Your Merch